Anxiety during the Pandemic

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Anxiety during the Pandemic

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Since I can remember, I have always been a very nervous and anxious person. On my first day of second grade, I couldn’t even bring myself to leave my mom, and usually kids grow out of that stage when they go off to kindergarten. Throughout all of grade school, and my freshman and sophomore year of high school, I was always insecure, self-conscience, and very sad. It finally got better my junior year of high school and the only reason it got better is because I was on medicine. I went to a therapist and took my medicine on the regular, but I still was very anxious. I guess anxiety is just a part of who I am, and it is not something I can grow out of.
After giving explaining my background with me being a very anxious person, you can probably see where this story is going. Obviously moving away for college was a very scary and anxiety increasing time. I could not sleep, eat, or smile the two weeks leading up to leaving for college. The sad thing is is that I was finally getting better, but then college came. Believe it or not though, I moved to Pittsburgh for college, and my anxiety got better. I was not as insecure and really learned to not let things get to me that used to get to me.
It was March 14, 2020 where my life, and my anxiety started to go back to how it used to be in grade school and the beginning of high school. This pandemic has not been easy for anyone, and everyone can attest to that, but having anxiety and then having a world pandemic hit was horrible. I remember getting the email that told us we had to go home, and I had an anxiety attack. Because of my anxiety, I am a big planner and having to leave campus and not knowing when we will return put me in a state that I hope I never go back to. My mom picked me up on Sunday, March 15th, and that day I did not sleep, eat, or talk for about fourteen hours. I did not like how I did not have a scheduled day to go back to school, which made me so anxious because like I said before, I am a planner.
We never got to go back to school and let me tell you online classes made me so anxious. I felt so behind, because going from all in person classes to all online classes is not an easy transition for anyone. Being a person with anxiety, I felt as though I was put into a world, I was not meant to be in. It felt so rushed, confusing, and honestly, I was at my lowest in the middle and end of March. I remember crying to my parents about how I didn’t want to do school because it was miserable and going out in public was so scary to me. This pandemic was publicized everywhere, and I thought in my brain, if I go into the grocery store, I will get COVID, and I know that is not true, but that is how my anxiety works. I did not go anywhere for about four months, and if I did, it would be for a drive in my car. I did not see anyone for about five months because I was worried about where they have been, and if they have the virus.
This whole virus really made my anxiety worse and put me at my lowest point in my life. I felt like I did not have any friends, and I also felt very dumb because I thought I knew nothing that was going on in my classes. I started seeing a therapist again and it really helped. The fact of being scared to go into the grocery store or mall or even seeing friends seems silly. I wasn’t scared, it was just my anxiety because I wanted to make sure I did not get the virus. I hope this virus comes to an end, because I know how much it took over my mental health, and I believe I am not the only one.

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This item was submitted on February 11, 2021 by [anonymous user] using the form “Share Your Story” on the site “A Journal of the Plague Year”:

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