Item
Playing with a Bad Hand
Title (Dublin Core)
Playing with a Bad Hand
Description (Dublin Core)
Alexander Krusec
May 2020
Pittsburgh, PA.
I’ve always liked using gambling terms to describe my life. Things like “I got dealt a bad hand” or “quite while you’re ahead” always rolled off the tongue well, and more than that they were effective at describing the situation. Unfortunately, there wasn’t exactly a good poker term for a global pandemic.
The pandemic was bad timing on my part. I won’t get into the details, but my life in high school wasn’t the best, especially during my junior and senior years. To say I was severely depressed during those years would be an understatement, and I spent a good chunk of my free time crawling out of a hole of self-hate. And just as I was starting to not only feel better, but be better, my school let the student body know that we were going home for two weeks. Then a month. Then the rest of the year.
I’ve always considered myself to have extremely bad luck. Given my track record, I always guessed something bad was going to happen, and often it did. That was my life, and I had always just accepted things for how they were. For the pandemic, that was the plan. I was just going to accept the hand I was dealt and try my best to play it. Luckily for me, things changed.
I don’t know what it was, but one day in May I jwoke up one day and I had stopped worrying about things, stopped obsessing about my own bad luck. I went to my grocery store job that day and for whatever reason I just did better. I did a good job that day despite the fact that the store’s shipment came in about two hours late. It was as I was driving home when I realized that my life did not have to be define by what happened to me, but rather what I did in response.
I could name off a dozen different books and movies that have the exact same message of “persevering through adversity no matter what”, but the movies don’t hit as hard as a real-life epiphany. Of course, I wasn’t expecting my life to change in a used Honda Civic, but the fact of the matter was that the message finally hit me. Despite all that had happened to me, from my own depression to a pandemic, the thing that mattered was that I was still standing.
There’s a great quote from the video game Destiny 2 that describes the type of resolve and will I now strive to have. It’s message is simple: don’t let the darkness in our lives break us, and as the pandemic still rages on a year later, it's a message everyone can use in these times.
“I am a wall. And walls don’t move. Because walls don’t care.”
May 2020
Pittsburgh, PA.
I’ve always liked using gambling terms to describe my life. Things like “I got dealt a bad hand” or “quite while you’re ahead” always rolled off the tongue well, and more than that they were effective at describing the situation. Unfortunately, there wasn’t exactly a good poker term for a global pandemic.
The pandemic was bad timing on my part. I won’t get into the details, but my life in high school wasn’t the best, especially during my junior and senior years. To say I was severely depressed during those years would be an understatement, and I spent a good chunk of my free time crawling out of a hole of self-hate. And just as I was starting to not only feel better, but be better, my school let the student body know that we were going home for two weeks. Then a month. Then the rest of the year.
I’ve always considered myself to have extremely bad luck. Given my track record, I always guessed something bad was going to happen, and often it did. That was my life, and I had always just accepted things for how they were. For the pandemic, that was the plan. I was just going to accept the hand I was dealt and try my best to play it. Luckily for me, things changed.
I don’t know what it was, but one day in May I jwoke up one day and I had stopped worrying about things, stopped obsessing about my own bad luck. I went to my grocery store job that day and for whatever reason I just did better. I did a good job that day despite the fact that the store’s shipment came in about two hours late. It was as I was driving home when I realized that my life did not have to be define by what happened to me, but rather what I did in response.
I could name off a dozen different books and movies that have the exact same message of “persevering through adversity no matter what”, but the movies don’t hit as hard as a real-life epiphany. Of course, I wasn’t expecting my life to change in a used Honda Civic, but the fact of the matter was that the message finally hit me. Despite all that had happened to me, from my own depression to a pandemic, the thing that mattered was that I was still standing.
There’s a great quote from the video game Destiny 2 that describes the type of resolve and will I now strive to have. It’s message is simple: don’t let the darkness in our lives break us, and as the pandemic still rages on a year later, it's a message everyone can use in these times.
“I am a wall. And walls don’t move. Because walls don’t care.”
Date (Dublin Core)
Creator (Dublin Core)
Contributor (Dublin Core)
Partner (Dublin Core)
Type (Dublin Core)
text story
Controlled Vocabulary (Dublin Core)
Curator's Tags (Omeka Classic)
Contributor's Tags (a true folksonomy) (Friend of a Friend)
Collection (Dublin Core)
Date Submitted (Dublin Core)
09/18/2021
Date Modified (Dublin Core)
09/28/2021
10/06/2021
Item sets
This item was submitted on September 18, 2021 by Alexander Krusec using the form “Share Your Story” on the site “A Journal of the Plague Year”: https://covid-19archive.org/s/archive
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