How COVID Changed my Marriage

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How COVID Changed my Marriage

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I got married in May of 2019. When I got married, I had no idea something like COVID would happen and change the dynamics I had with my husband. COVID happened the first few months into our marriage. With it, my husband had to start working from home.

I won't lie and say it wasn't an issue with my husband having to not be in the office anymore. I felt like I couldn't do as many things, as my husband had to talk to clients and go to meetings, where I couldn't be too loud. Another thing I wasn't used to at the beginning of all of this was seeing my husband far more often than just before or after work. With that, I had to learn to communicate better with any issues I had instead of bottling it up as much. As we were together more, I had to learn to accommodate for that. From reading news stories early in 2020, not everyone was able to make their marriages work, and ended up getting divorced after some spouses were made to work from home. I think that is one thing people aren't always aware of being an issue in a marriage. Sometimes too much time together can have the opposite effect, especially if communication was already shaky even before the pandemic.

There were a few times I did get angry with my husband for not feeling like I was being understood. With him being at the apartment more, there were more opportunities for me to get annoyed with him. At some points though, the anger wasn't even really his fault, but my own for not dealing with the lockdowns well mentally in addition to forgetting to take medicine or do other tasks. I had to learn to speak more openly about these issues rather than letting them linger. Funnily enough, it wasn't until February of this year that we both really learned to talk to each other more productively.

The big fight we had was partly from me feeling jealous of how my husband would talk to his friends more often than he would me, as for a while by that point, we had gotten into a routine during COVID of both of us being on our phones way more than we should be. We later had to come to the agreement to set aside specific time for each other without using our phones. It has already been over a month since that change, and the relationship has improved drastically. Some of my habits that I made to help cope with COVID and general anxiety issues kept me from having as solid a relationship with my husband.

Intimacy was another issue that came up due to my husband working from home. Even though we physically saw each other more often, we didn't kiss nearly as much as we used to. I think that sometimes kissing goes to the wayside if people become too busy. This was something we ended up having multiple discussions on, as we wanted to show more affection with each other, but did not think to do it.

Overall, the biggest changes that happened in my relationship with my husband because of COVID was the way we communicated. Being together in person more often meant we had to work through multiple issues we had prior to COVID or because of COVID. Being alone together more often may seem like an ideal situation to some people looking from the outside, but with it can bring a host of new issues. Some people during the pandemic learned this the hard way and ended up getting divorced. The problems me and my husband have had were not unsolvable, but they take some maturity to work through without it causing resentment. I think sometimes of what it would have been like if COVID never happened early on into our marriage, and now I am glad some of it did, because I have become a better wife and am able to meet my husband's needs better than before. Life really did hand me one very tart lemon by having to deal with a pandemic the first few years in marriage, which many say are some of the most vulnerable years for a couple. That tart lemon has since been made sweet, but only because both of us were able to recognize problems and figure out ways to help each other.

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This item was submitted on March 25, 2022 by [anonymous user] using the form “Share Your Story” on the site “A Journal of the Plague Year”:

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