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2020-09-07

Today's Daily Thought... Semester Journal

This journal entry was written as a part of the American Studies class at California High School in San Ramon, California. I cannot believe it is already almost fall. I was thinking about it yesterday and it makes me really sad. Quarantine took so much of our normal life away, and it all just went by too fast. When I really think about it, so much has happened and changed for me over these months and some of which I wish never ended or changed. All the good times I had feel like a blur and all the rough times went by so slow. I wish I remembered more. In a usual year, I would look forward to Labor Day so much. This year I didn’t get to do what I normally do. Labor day usually comes by so slow because I just cannot wait for it to happen but this year it passed me up. Lately that has been all I could think about.
2020-09-22

2020-09-22 covid summer

This journal entry was written as a part of the American Studies class at California High School in San Ramon, California. Over the summer i guess i did change quite a bit. The main thing that changed was really my hobbies or rather, my newfound disinterest in my old set of hobbies. I always took my hobby far too seriously and it turns out that when i didn’t have any pressure to keep pursuing it, i kind of dislike it a bit. I had a bit of an existential crisis over it but it’s been nice to take a break.. I’ve also gotten used to school a lot better. I’m a lot more responsible nowadays and i have no missing work so that’s nice. It’s partly because of all the time i don’t use up on my hobby but it’s mostly that i just find find it fun to organize my computer. Now that i think about it i really don’t want school to start. I won’t have the choice to stay home because then i’d lose touch with my friends but I’ll really miss not being mentally drained from talking to strangers. There’s also the fact that i don’t want my room to be filled up with papers that i’ll just stare at become overwhelmed by. There’s just so many reasons that i don't want to go back to in-person.
2020-09-23

life during Covid-19

This journal entry was written as a part of the American Studies class at California High School in San Ramon, California Throughout Covid-19, I’ve learned that I don’t really have any hobbies or anything that interests me because I realized all I did was playing video games after school. So I changed myself to be more active by doing some workouts and reading every day. Even though the first try didn’t work very well to keep my routine organize, I felt it was getting better each day since there’s much time I can spend my time on myself. I hope this would make my life a little better.
2020-12-17

COVID-19 Affected My Summer

With COVID-19 spreading around the world this summer, a lot of my plans I was looking forward to doing were all cancelled. My brother was going to visit Ireland for his abroad last summer, but of course COVID exists. My mom and I were going to meet with him in Ireland and stay for about 4 weeks. I was really excited to go also because we were going to travel to London, Manchester, and Wales. Also not to mention the Irish pubs seem really cool and vintage.
2020-09-14

Our COVID Summer

I spent my entire summer walking around San Ramon with one of my best friends. I had plans to go to Hawaii and to go see my Dad in Utah a lot but those plans changed because of COVID19. My mom didn’t really think it was a good idea to allow me on a plane to run around another state in the middle of a pandemic. So my days were spent walking the Iron Horse trail to marketplace, central park, Target, Cal High, or pretty much any park that exists around here. Finding things to do was definitely a struggle but we mainly just wanted some company and someone to talk to so we didn’t have to sit in our houses alone all day. Everyday was definitely an adventure and we made a lot of memories throughout the summer that we will remember forever. It was the summer where you couldn’t do anything or go anywhere because everything was closed but we tried to make the most out of it and ended up a lot closer and happier than we were before the pandemic.
2020-09-22

Business Startup During COVID-19

COVID-19 literally shook my life straight. Before, my life was full of procrastination, laziness, and just simply unmotivated. I didn’t know my purpose in life but now I came to the realization that I am a certified bad bytch! I was finally able to Launch my second company Peasant Cosmetics and relaunch my slime company Peasant Slimes. I did months and months of research on the hair industry so I can came in prepared to dominate and take over. All companies I have started have my 100% pride behind them, meaning no matter how large it grow to, none of it will be sold. I will always own 100% of the company since I didn’t get into business for the money and I would never really do anything in my life except for 9-5 to get money. I also used several extremely fragranced lotions from Bath and Body works which gives me a few scents to smell for nostalgia into the future.
2020-09-29

The Struggles of Living During a Pandemic

This journal entry was written as a part of the American Studies class at California High School in San Ramon, California. During the COVID-19 pandemic, I have faced a series of challenges. The biggest challenge I have faced is my emotions and accepting myself. Being stuck at home has raised my anxiety levels, and question my self-worth. I feel like when I was outside, around my friends, I was much more confident and free- but being isolated really damages you mentally and emotionally. A challenge that my family has faced is that they usually love going outside doing exercise, and they always take us out for runs. However, now that my sisters and I are extremely occupied with school, we can only manage to go together around once or twice a week. A major challenge for society is adapting to remote learning. It has been a very difficult process for myself and other students as well. Staring at a big computer screen for 7 hours is extremely draining, and I find myself falling asleep during the middle of the day, and I even fell asleep during my AP Biology lecture, and I am not the one to fall asleep during school. I also crashed to sleep yesterday immediately after school ended because I was so worn out and exhausted from school. It’s a lot, and I really hope a vaccine for the virus comes our way soon, because I don’t know how I’m going to be able to handle online school for the rest of the school year.
2020-09-11

Escaping the California Ashes

On Friday,09-11-20, I left my home to head to my boyfriend’s house. The air quality was dangerous and I was excited to leave the unhealthy air. I had my bags packed and then his family and I went into the car. We drove 4+ hours past Tahoe to Reno Nevada. The air quality was better and the views were beautiful. The drive consisted of bright green trees, blue sky, fluffy clouds, and gorgeous rocks. The landscape was something that I hadn’t seen in a while. We eventually arrived into the hotel and had an agenda for the next two days. We went to Harbor Shore Beach in Tahoe and we were able to swim in the water. The water was cold but our bodies got used to it. It was so clear, we were able to see the floor, the fishes, and everything else in the water. The whole trip was so amazing it is something definitely worth writing about. I am so blessed to be able to escape the ashes and poor air quality. I was able to have a relaxing weekend while making memorable memories. While I was there I also watched two baseball games on a huge tv and was able to socialize with different parents and families. It was a great experience to be able to catch up with parents I hadn’t truly been able to talk to. The whole trip was super fun and I’m glad I made the memories I did this weekend. Corona has definitely held back many traveling opportunities for me and it was remarkable to be able to do something fun while social distancing. I have learned and this experience definitely emphasized that no matter what is in the way, you can always overcome it and find something fun to do. You must live with what you are given, and make the best of every situation.
2020-12-17

A Ray of COVID Happiness

Covid-19 has changed my summer in many different ways. For one, I have grown more in confidence since I’ve been inside for so many months. Being around myself and learning more about who I am allowed me to slowly accept myself. Also, I got to talk to my friends a lot throughout summer quarantine over Zoom and texts, so we were always around to uplift each other constantly. One of my favorite childhood memories is probably when my family and I traveled to Seattle for a few months and we auditioned for the Shake It Up Competition. I was obsessed with Zendaya, (and I still am) so that moment of time really showed me that it would be a dream of mine to be like her when I grow up. The day my sister and I auditioned was a great memory because we were just little kids in the moment who gave it a shot. Although we didn’t make it out of the hundreds of thousands, it’s heartwarming to me because we have been always trying to chase after our dreams in any circumstance. As for a regular update, I’ve been wanting to decorate my room so I’ve been compiling album covers I would want to see on my wall and hopefully being able to order print outs of those soon. To add on, I just applied to be an ambassador for a clothing company I saw on Tik Tok so hopefully I get chosen for that, because the fashion aesthetic the brand displays is so beautiful, Also, it's a black-owned business, so I’d love to support that. Overall, this pandemic has allowed us to recognize our gratitude and things we have a growing passion for.
2020-09-25

A Quick Journal from a Junior in Highschool

This journal entry was written as a part of the American Studies class at California High School in San Ramon, California. During quarantine, I’ve noticed that I have a lot more fun in groups than I do by myself. I like being around people if they don’t tire me out- people who are super high energy all the time make me so tired. It’s just hard to keep up, honestly, and it’s definitely not a them thing, so I’ve kind of accepted I just have a really low social battery. School is going to be so draining this year once we go back since a lot of the people I don’t like are in my classes, but I’m not too worried about it since it’s only a few people and I can just ignore them. Quarantine hasn’t really led me on much of a self-journey type of thing, though. I just feel like who I did at the beginning but more anxious; I do know, however, that I am very indecisive. I want to build a PC for gaming and those are usually super expensive, so I’ve pretty much been putting it off for the past few weeks and just building it online instead of in person. The parts come out to around a thousand dollars and I physically do not have that amount of money with me at the moment, which means waiting for deals, which means waiting until Cyber Monday two months from now, and I am very impatient. I’m hoping that my birthday will pull in enough cash to afford the grand fee, because not only do I have to build the computer but I also have to buy a microphone, earbuds, monitors, etc. It’d be pretty cool and I’d be able to cut my time down by an entire month, but because of quarantine I probably won’t have a big birthday even though I’m turning 16- which is for the better because it’s safer. It’s just kind of funny because my Mom wants a cool, socially distanced sweet 16, and that works in my favor thankfully!
2020-09-14

How Covid-19 Shaped my lifestyle

Covid-19 shaped my summer by making me feel more grateful. It made realize that a lot of people around the world are losing their life even when they were taking precaution for the virus. I am grateful that I live a healthy lifestyle and so does my family. The first part of quarantine we were not even supposed to leave our house, which at first sucked. But as time went on, I started to begin to feel really appreciative of the things that I didn’t notice could have such a huge impact. For example, before quarantine, my dad would take me to school, and bring me home from school. My mom was a teacher so she was at school the same time I was at school, so she was never available to pick me up. My dad went from working in an office 24/7, to working at home 24/7, so he was there for me at any time of the day when I possibly needed him. Even though he worked at home, he was constantly busy with phone calls and virtual conferences, just like he would be doing if he was in an office. So when quarantine started I had told him, “at least you don’t have to drive me to school anymore.” He had told me that even when I was school, how stressful it was to try and make it to school at 2:55pm, I am super excited for this weekend because I go get to hang out with my sister and her new roommates that she moving in with in October. My whole family has known them since before I was born, and my other sister and her fiance are coming so no parents, yay! I also get to hang out with my friends tomorrow which I have been doing, but it’s hard to hang out as a group because everyone has different schedules. We have construction going on in our house so it is super loud and kind of hard to do school while a nail gun and drills are going on upstairs. My dog gets super anxious while loud noises are near so we have to keep her on a leash and she won’t sit still and will bark which really makes me fussy .
2020-09-29

Family time

"This journal entry was written as a part of the American Studies class at California High School in San Ramon, California."
2020-09-29

My Personal Covid Experience

9/29: This journal entry was written as a part of the American Studies class at California High School in San Ramon, California. During the pandemic, many people have faced lots of different struggles. These struggles can range from very slight problems to large ones, and thankfully, for my family and I, we are doing pretty well. Personally, I had a few struggles when adapting to the new ways of learning and getting used to not seeing my friends as much. At first, it was fine because I thought of it as an extra-long spring break, but when I realized that we weren’t going back to school in Contra Costa County I was pretty sad. Throughout COVID, I definitely missed my friends and I felt pretty alone. Luckily, my dad was able to keep his job and work from home, so we did not have any financial problems. Covid definitely allowed me to grow closer to my dad and brother because I ended up spending a lot of time with them where I usually wouldn’t see them as much. Socially, I think our county has started to adjust to the new reality and lots of families are starting to get used to it. I think this whole situation has made people realize that they should be grateful for the valuables and people that are in their life. Lots of things (like social gatherings, school, and friends) can be taken away in a second, but family and other really important things will always stay.
2020-12-17

My Experience With Lockdown

The biggest challenge I faced with corona was not being able to see people or do anything. I wanted to be with friends so badly and being stuck inside my house made me crazy some days. Covid 19 was stressful for my dad because during the begging of quarantine he couldn't have his clinic or perform surgeries. This made my parents stressed about money because just bought another house and have a lot of expenses. However, there were some positives of quarantine. I got so bored I worked out and got in shape a little. I also feel like I got a lot closer with my family, even though I definitely did get tired of them. Quarantine also made me anxious and stressed. I am more of an extrovert and being with people energizes me and makes me happy, so not being able to see people definitely affected me. Quarantine also allowed me to learn new things in the kitchen and I realized that I don’t hate hikes as much as I thought I did. I also found new TV shows that I loved and we also got a cat to entertain us.
2020-12-17

How COVID-19 Affected My Daily High School Life

This is a journal entry I created when school started online learning. At the time, I was frustrated and upset at the online learning, but now I have been able to adapt and overcome the adversity our society faces. Covid-19 has greatly impacted my family. I have been continuously doing online school at California high school and at DVC. I personally strongly dislike it. We are staring at a computer all day for classes and to do homework. The online classes make me tired and lazy. With sports pretty much stopped, it is hard to go outside and practice all by yourself. For my dad, his work has been greatly affected. His workload has dropped and he has constant precautions for his employees. He almost even had to shut down. For my sister, she was finally able to college three months late. They might also cancel her soccer season at UCSB. For my mom, she is very cautious about being around other people because of her parents and their health. This pandemic has influenced the world away from socializing. I can rarely hang out with people and being on zoom is annoying. We are doing the same thing over and over again when it seems like there is no purpose. Our entire world as we know it flipped over and is completely different now. I need school to go to hybrid and sports to start back up soon.
2020-09-14

Pre-Transformation Entry: COVID-19 Response

This journal entry was written as a part of the American Studies class at California High School in San Ramon, California. This will mostly be about the shut-in. To be honest, it feels as though not much has changed. At the same time, I feel disoriented. The major difference in my daily activity is the stationary school setting, along with dance practice which I attend from right at home. As I’ve settled into the new life, I feel more aware of how poorly i’ve been treating my own room, and the mess gets to my head. I suppose the quarantine has made me cleaner. Additionally, I’ve more time to spend with my family. It makes me happy to see their faces every day. In darker news, my mom’s condition got much worse, but we’re all here to support her now, and that makes me proud. Being walled up at home certainly did change things.
2020-09-29

Our New Normal

I think the biggest challenge I have faced because of Covid-19 is coping with the fact that this is how life is going to be for a long time.. Personally I don’t like the unknowns. We don't necessarily know when we'll go back to school or when well be able to play sports games. My family has always been very active and loved to go out and do things, so it has been different to just stay home all of the time. Luckily we have gone on some short day trips to the beach or to different restaurants but to be honest things are just not the same. Sometimes I find myself thinking what I’d be doing at that exact moment if Covid-19 wasn't a thing. Last Friday I was driving to my moms house around 6pm and I realized that if Covid wasn't a thing that I would be in the Cal parking lot tailgating for a football game. These are the type of things that unfortunately us as Juniors haven't really experienced yet and I don’t think we will be able to this year. Hopefully things will start to return to normal soon so we can finish our High School experiences the right way.
2020-09-22

My COVID Experience

This journal entry was written as a part of the American Studies class at California High School in San Ramon, California. It tells a short story of how life was like for me before we had to go into quarantine due to covid-19.
2020-12-17

Quarantine Glow-Ups

During Covid-19 I realized that most of the time I do things for other people and not myself. I think it’s because since we stayed at home all the time and I had to stop doing things for other people anyway. During the school year when we actually went to school, I was always really passive and would let people walk over me with things like projects and I would have to do all the work. But then during those couple of weeks when quarantine started and we didn’t have school for a month, I took a lot of time actually taking care of myself since I never had time for self-care during the school year. I think I gained some confidence. I feel like now I don’t really let people make me do all the work anymore and it feels good. Sometimes it is hard though because in one of my classes I’m one of the only juniors and the seniors are scary. Other than having a glow-up during quarantine, my friends and I discovered ways to hang out with each other since we can't go outside. We played a lot of games, like Among Us and Genshin Impact, and they are really fun when you’re playing with friends. I always used to think that I was an introvert (still true) and I didn't need friends, but during quarantine, I learned that I just needed a couple of great friends.
2020-09-29

Covid-19 journal entry

When quarantine first started I was happy we didn't have to go to school and i thought we would only be gone for a couple weeks. Now that it’s been more than 28 weeks I obviously am not happy about it anymore. I can’t hang out with my friends anymore and going to work is kind of scary. I hate that we have to wear a mask because when I smile at people they can’t see that I’m smiling at them and I just creepy. My mom is a hair stylist so she was out of work for quite a while, fortunately now she open back up again. My brother also lost his job because the business he worked for had to shut down. My other brother Chase was a senior when it first happened and he just went off to college a couple weeks ago. Chase actually got COVID-19 and that was pretty scary but he didn’t show any symptoms or get sick at all. This journal entry was written as a part of the American Studies class at California High School in San Ramon, California.
2020-12-17

Summer During a Pandemic

This journal entry was written as a part of the American Studies class at California High School in San Ramon, California. Covid-19 had a pretty major impact on my Summer. My family was planning to go on vacation somewhere, but we obviously weren’t able to do that due to Covid. I was also looking forward to spending a lot of time with my friends and I was also unable to do that. So instead I ended up spending a lot of time at home playing video games. But there were some positives that came out of it. I start playing the guitar again after I haven’t played for a number of years (even though I kinda stopped after school started). I also started working out and taking care of my body more which I typically do during Summer anyway, but this time I could focus more on it because I didn’t have much else to do (again, I kinda stopped after school started). So that is pretty much how my summer went, it wasn’t really eventful, but it wasn’t a complete waste and I tried to make the best of it.
2020-09-22

COVID-19 benefits

This journal entry was written as a part of the American Studies class at California High School in San Ramon, California. Before this pandemic, I feel that I was constantly on the go and blind to many things. It was always go to school , do this, do that, and so on. Since quarantine, I have had lots of down time and have gotten the time to reflect on me as a person. It's been very refreshing slowing down my once hectic everyday life. Due to us being on lock down, I was able to open my eyes to a lot of things. I realized I was putting my energy places where it was unnecessary and trying with people where there was no try back. I had to figure out what relashinships really mattered to me and stop trying with those who show me no attention. Yes this pandemic is crazy but it has been very beneficial to me. I have grown as a person and bettered my mental state.
2020-09-22

Journey of Quarantine

This journal entry was written as a part of the American Studies class at California High School in San Ramon, California. Throughout my journey of quarantine and covid-19, I have realized that I have changed a lot since before quarantine. I have also realized that I figured out new things about myself, and I also figured out how to never be bored. I have picked up many new hobbies such as fishing and doing DIY projects. Also, I have gotten much more into lifting and working out, because that was the main part of my life during the quarantine. Over quarantine, my friends and I cleaned my garage out, and made it a chill spot with a couch and also a lifting cage for working out. This did cost a lot of money, so we all pitched in to the cause because we were all going to use the cage on a daily basis. After a month or two, we had completely finished it and it was amazing. I used this place every day for the rest of the summer. Another hobby I picked up was owning a fish tank. I have realized that I am fascinated by fish. I have one freshwater tank right now, but I am looking into getting a saltwater fish tank. This does cost a lot more money, but in my opinion, the saltwater fish are much cooler.
2020-09-14

Virtual School During COVID

This journal entry was written as a part of the American Studies class at California High School in San Ramon, California. I think virtual school has some pros and cons. I definitely prefer it over in-class learning right now just because I still don’t think we are where we want to be in terms of the number of coronavirus cases. I definitely think that learning online is a lot harder. I like the “atmosphere” better because I’m more comfortable learning in my own house. But it’s hard to remember things that I’ve learned through a screen. Some of my teachers act like we should know everything like we are still in school. I appreciate them wanting to treat it as much like a classroom as possible, but it’s honestly hard to learn normally through a screen. It’s also harder to ask questions when the whole class is watching you. I don’t think that teachers should put a lot of pressure on us to know as much as we should as if we were in school. It’s pretty stressful. Also, all of our homework is on the computer and I don’t know about anyone else but doing homework online takes forever. I basically only do homework when I’m not in class; before school, afters school, I’m always doing homework. I don’t really have time to do anything else. I wish the teachers would give a little less homework because it just takes so long to upload everything and input answers from my papers. I get about 4-5 or even 6 hours of homework every night which is kind of overwhelming. Even though I know junior year is supposed to be hard, I didn’t think that it would mean more hours of me doing homework than me sleeping. I think the online aspect of it makes it take longer, and I’d really like for teachers to maybe loosen up on the homework load.
2020-12-17

Covid and Lacrosse

Ay wat up Journal? This weekend I went to Utah for a college lacrosse recruiting tournament and showcase. During the showcase last Friday night, my team went 3-0 and I had Dallas and Tulsa looking at me. Saturday, while playing with Booth we won our three games that day. I had a bunch of turnovers, GBs, and clears. Later that day i went to walk around the Temple grounds since our hotel was only a block away from the temple. Sunday, we won our semi-final game by one in overtime! We won the championship game by one also in the last 30 seconds of the game! Both games we had to come back after a three point deficit. The games were extremely intense and all of us had to ball out in order to secure those dubs. Matt and I taped five jars of pickles to John’s and Henry’s hotel door using lacrosse tape. We also filled up a wastebasket with water and pickles and leaned it up against their door. I'm extremely grateful that this tournament wasn't canceled. All of my other tournaments for lacrosse have been canceled. We were supposed to go to Las Vegas and Tuscon. I just hope that I have enough film to make a highlight reel.
2020-12-17

Online School During COVID-19

Thursday 9/17- Overall I have mixed feelings about online learning. It’s nice to say at home, instead of going to school at 7 or 8 am. However I feel like online school is messing with my productivity. It's not fun staring at a screen for 6 hours straight sitting in the same position. Also, it feel like I;m not learning anything, school used to be about learning but now its just trying to pass the classes and turn work in on time. Additionally, some teachers (not you, or all teachers) are giving us a lot of work. Since this whole online learning is new, it's still hard to adjust to it. When we don't finish classwork during class, we have to finish it for homework, which also adds on to our work load. It's difficult to soak in the information during online lectures or lessons because it's sometimes hard to focus at home. I tend to view my home as a place to relax and outside of my house is where i get work done, but constantly being stuck in one room doing 6 hours of classes and at least 4 hours to do homework is not good for my mental or physical health. On the other hand, i'm not really the type of person who likes to be in social setting, so online learning is somewhat nice. My procrastination has gotten much worse because I get too overwhelmed to start homework i just push it off and i have no motivation left to do any homework or assignments anymore. There also is a lot of stress when it comes to technical difficulties. Sometimes the wifi goes down, or the computer jams which causes u to be late or marked tardy. It's also really confusing for homework due dates and grades.
2020-11-09

Getting scammed over $5000 overseas.

It was late at night, around 2-3 AM. I was staying up because I didn’t have school due to the pandemic. I was browsing on a trading website called Alibaba. It is where manufactures around the world sell their products to other traders to resell. I was just browsing anything that came to my mind and i thought of searching a car i have wanted for a long time. I searched up a Mercedes G63. Apparently these people had their car inventory in Greece but they first ship the vehicle to somewhere else before shipping it to me. I was so manipulated to think I was getting something too good to be true. I bank transferred $2000 then $3000 overseas. This was the biggest mistake of my life but one to learn from.
2020-11-03

Spyglass Golf

In may of 2020 I qualified for a major golf tournament at one of the most famous courses in Norcal, Spyglass hill. It was an amazing experience. The only downside was that there had to be modifications to the tournament due to COVID-19. These modifications were nothing major. The most impactful one was the fact that we could not take the pin out of the hole before we putt. It is a strange thing to look at when you are so used to an open hole to roll your ball into. However, my favorite part about any tournament gotta stay the same. The sound of solid contact with a golf ball. I was just thankful to be out on the course and not stuck inside, getting to feel and hear what a pure swing feels like once you make contact directly in the middle of the club face.
2020-10-27

The Last Day Of School

It was march, at school people were talking alot about the coronavirus but nobody really saw how big the issue was. I remember in previous weeks my hirstoy teacher asking our class, “Do you guys think this virus will eventually affect us? What do you think? Will we be affected?” I remember the whole class pretty much saying “Nah we will be fine,” there were maybe a select few who saw this coming, but for the most part nobody had a clue it would bring us here. Even my teacher. Towards the end of that school day, everyone didn’t understand what was going on, but all we knew was that we didn’t have to come to school the following Monday. It was a Friday. I went to my friend’s house after school with my frined group at the time and we all talked about the possibilities, and how we might get a two week extention on spring break, not knowing this would be the last time we hang out for a pretty long time before all of our friendships changed. We never knew that over half a year of growing and learning in highschool, and that one of our very few summers as a teen would be stripped away from us.
2020-10-27

Lonely life at home

Due to pandemic restrictions, I had to stay at home for very long without meeting anyone outside. So there was a lot of time being alone myself in my room doing school work through online and playing some games. After a few days passed, the life was getting bored and I wanted to meet my friends. I felt no longer joy I used to have with my friends. So I started getting used to a voice chat to have some talk with my friends who are very closed with, which I felt little better. I also spend my time talking with my family. And I’m grateful that I could feel my life was getting better.
2020-09-21

Loss in a COVID World

I believe this is a point of interest to talk about, since it’s likely that many will wonder, out of innocent curiosity, what it’s like to lose someone in a time of crisis. I should describe it as transcendental. May your soul be touched. My beloved mother didn’t die from COVID-19. She had been unknowingly battling cancer for several years, and had it diagnosed at its most lethal stage. I still shake my hands at the doctors who had ignored her concerns for all this time, because maybe she would still have been here if it weren’t for them. But how would that affect me? Would things remain the same at home? I have to say, I shudder at this thought, too. Colon cancer, which metastasized in the liver. She passed from liver failure in the later part of this year, 2020. I, the foolish child, was so preoccupied that I couldn’t understand why my uncle woke me at 4 am in the morning that day. With a classic sleepy rub of the eye, I told him, “I have a math test today.” And if it hadn’t been for the pain in his eyes, I wouldn’t have gotten up at all. There she was, lying eerily still in her bed, but she was also gone. As the people around me sobbed and turned away, all I could do was stand and stare. It felt like something was out of place. I felt out of place. If you could try to imagine it, remain perfectly still as you are and think of yourself exiting your body. Look around you without looking. That’s how it felt, everything slightly blurry by the darkness, lightness in my feet as if I were floating, a static, metal taste in my mouth, the sounds of sobbing flooding my ears, I couldn't handle it. I started to cry, and buried myself in the crook of my brother’s chest for support. To be in the unknown, and lose what you have, is the most frightening experience I wish for nobody else to have gone through. The pain is truly insufferable… but the healing process counts for so much of who I define myself as now, that I couldn’t imagine the year going any other way. The funeral was held the following sunday. It too was such a different experience. We took many long, empty roads to reach the cemetery. Seeing few cars on the road is commonplace for such a road, but to see none at all was creepy. I relinquished my thoughts to sleep. Upon our arrival, I put my mask on and stood before 50 some odd people who had come to see my mother off. That’s right, I thought comfortably, Mom was very well loved. The notion was reassuring. We exchanged hugs and hellos and sorrys, all the usual pleasantries you would expect at an event not so pleasant, and made our way to the casket for the gathering to take place. I’ll leave the eulogy I wrote here, in case you were curious and thought, I wonder what this stranger said at their mother’s funeral, because this is expected when you are here to read about losing a loved one. Finally, when all was said and done, condolences were given again. This time, though, I hardly recognized anyone. It must’ve been the masks that obstructed our faces, because I saw the attendees, and they saw me, but it was still so unfamiliar. The later part of that day I spent confused. I suppose that’s how we start when we learn to adjust, which I did. Presently I am still healing, but it’s not so bittersweet when I think of her, moreso sweet than bitter. The metal taste in my mouth begins to wear off, and I am feeling free. I hope she also feels free. And I hope this provided the insight you were looking for when you came across this page. We all love and lose in the end. Focus your energy towards healing, and you will learn to grow with the changes.
2020-04-08

Birthdays During Covid19

When the stay at home order was first put in place back in March many events, gatherings, and plans had to be cancelled. One special day that many people didn’t want to go unnoticed were birthdays. My friends and I saw multiple stories and videos of people doing drive by birthdays in order to celebrate the special day of their friends and family. One of my best friend's birthday was in April. Before we went on lockdown we were planning on doing a surprise birthday party at his house. Unfortunately this was cancelled because of the lockdown. I’m sure you can imagine the disappointment that we all felt because we couldn’t celebrate with our friends. We decided to do a birthday drive by. All of our friends gathered at the park around the corner from his house in our cars in order to drive by. I looked around as I sat there. This was our new normal that we were going to have to accept. I saw a row of cars behind mine waiting to wish our friend happy birthday through our car windows. I heard all my friends yelling from car to car in order to talk to each other. We drove by his house multiple times and eventually stopped in front to talk to him individually and do the best we could to give him a good day. Instead of swimming in his backyard and eating pizza together, we sat out front yelling and honking. We realized things had changed but thankfully we were able to make the best of the situation were in.
2020-09-09

Skating Under A Sunless Sunset

September 9th, 2020. The first day in years where I wake up and I am terrified by what I see: the world outside my window is drenched in orange light. I blink multiple times and bolt up, making sure I am not dreaming and that I am in complete control of my faculties. I sit in my room, stunned, for a few moments, then go about my day as usual. I peek my head outside for a moment, and smell nothing in the air. None of the smoke that had been plaguing our noses for the past few days was permitted among the copper splendor. My whole morning, I am terrified of what this could potentially mean: that the fire was close. That we could be in danger. This leaves a bad taste in my mouth for the morning. After class, I go about my normal after-school activities, gaming on my computer and playing on the guitar. At about 6 in the evening, I decide to myself “screw it.” I pick up my board, put my earbuds in, and get out of the house. The orange is dimmer, but still terrifyingly beautiful to look at. I skate around, listening to my favorite music as I observe the neighborhood around me, the same shapes with different meanings now. I dare not to pull out my phone to ruin this moment, knowing a photograph or video from it will ruin the moment for me. I stop along Mangos Drive and just sit on the curb, board behind my feet, and I stare up, hearing only my music and the occasional car passing by. A true calm, I was in, one I hadn’t been in in a long time. And so I sat there, knowing where the sun sets, but seeing no sun. I knew when it did set, but not through sight. Through feeling. The lukewarm day turned colder, the orange dimmed to a vibrant brown, and I felt phenomenal. I skated back home, not caring to check how long I’d been gone, knowing it was well worth it however much time I spent out there. I snapped out of it, and continued with the things I had been doing before, playing games and the guitar. Not once, that whole day, did I smell or taste smoke. And I am grateful for it.
2020-09-20

online learning is hard

Someday in September, I was curious about how to learn everything online just being five hundred feet far away from students and the teachers. I’m starting to get bored to just stay there forever, this makes me want to go back to school again. If you want to meet your friend you need to meet online. The only fun thing left for me to do is to play videogames on my computer making me felt time go pass faster. However, online learning just comes in and cleans up my schedule of playing video games. So now I need to wake up at midnight just for “learning” online for six hours straight and start getting tired because of the different time zone I’m in also homework. In conclusion, I just want to be lazy again not having any homework or classes online.
2020-10-27

Times of a Bitter Sweet Pandemic

During this pandemic, I have been feeling a wave of emotions. Loneliness, solidarity, confusion, boredom. These past few months have not been easy for anyone, to say the absolute least. Being isolated has taught me a lot about myself; a lot of things that have been hard to cope with. However, there was one thing that brought me joy during these times: baking. Baking ties in with so many things I like. Art, food, TV, and designing. On July 1st, it was my little sister Melia’s 9th birthday. For this important day, I decided to do something extravagant and make Oreo cupcakes. I’ve never made Oreo cupcakes because my family isn’t much of a sweet tooth, (and are kind of obsessed with richer tastes like strawberry) but my little sister LOVES Oreos. Because of that, I spent an entire night baking her cupcakes- making sure they were up to perfection. Knowing that she wasn’t able to get a proper celebration or party made me sad, but also motivated me to make the best out of that day just for her. The fumes of the sweet vanilla filled my kitchen as I spent the next few hours baking batches and batches of cupcakes. I would take occasional tastes of the batter just to make sure it was mixed evenly, of course. The cupcakes were left to bake for an hour, and that was the time I spent to make sure the decorations would be perfect. The next day, I surprised her with the cupcakes and she was ecstatic. I was worried that it the cupcakes weren’t enough for a 9 year old because the pandemic limited me from getting her a physical present, like a toy. Nobody’s ever went out of their way to make such cool cupcakes, she said. I even went with to one of Melia’s friends houses with her so we could share our sweet surprise with them. Not only did I make my sister’s day, but I even made some other little kids’ day too! Although this story may seem like any regular birthday surprise, it showed me how much the littlest things could bring someone so much joy, and there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel, even if it may be a dim one.
2020-03

Going to The Market During COVID-19

During the COVID-19 pandemic the only time most people left there houses was to go to a market to get food once and awhile. In my house one person would go once a week and everyone always wanted to be the person to go. We would have a shopping list that everyone would write what they wanted and the person selected would have to get everything on the list. During to the market it felt like no one was on earth anymore. The roads were empty with no one insite. The markets were the busiest place so they had to restrict the number of people inside at once. While inside the market everything felt so dirty because you would constantly think about “was this touched by someone who had COVID.” This is important to remember because this is the only place people went during the pandemic and it made them happy just to get out of the house.
2020-10-27

Driving during COVID

The first time I went driving after March 13th was to drop off groceries to my aunt. The freeway was empty with very few cars on the road. It was very peaceful being alone on the road. I heard the music from my car but not alot of other car engines.
2020-10-27T12:06

An Unexpected Return

After being out sick for a week filled with chills, doctors appointments, the smell of soup, and the feeling of my warm blanket, I finally returned to school on Friday. I could see the empty classrooms, hear the quiet rooms, smell the hand sanitizer, touch the desks and door handles with precaution, and taste the uneasiness in the room. I heard whispers of people talking about “the coronavirus”. I saw people wiping down their desks and chairs. I smelt of constant cleaning supplies. I felt my heart beating faster than normal. This were all new senses that were coming to me in one day. I was confused and scared of the uncertainty of it all. I was barely comprehending and my mind was filled with thoughts and heat full of emotion. Little did I know, that was my last day of school.
2020-10-24

Discord Dodgers Fumble

After multiple games on CS:GO Sam, Will, Mateo, Elias, and I decided to watch the stream of the 2020 World Series game 4. Will projected the game in the call on discord. Many of us including me dislike the Dodgers and therefore rooted for the Rays. When Brett Phillips went up with runners on 1st and 2nd we were thinking it was the end because of Philip’s poor stats. I remember distinctly not being able to hear anything in my headset because we were all screaming so loud into our microphones on the call when Brett singled into center. The center fielder fumbled the ball wasting time and on the throw the catcher dropped the ball scoring 2 and giving the Rays the win. It makes me sad that we can’t meet and see each other to watch the game but, it was nice to play and listen to my friends.
2020-10-27

Senses Throughout the Covid Experience

I remember the intercom on March 13th telling the students “School will be out for two weeks due to the Coronavirus.” At first, this was awesome, we got time off school with no homework!! But then the break never stopped and school never resumed to what it used to be. Being quarantined went from days, to weeks, to months, and hasn’t stopped yet. We barely finished the school year online and thought we would go back at the start of next year. Oh were we wrong! All we see is the computer screen! We were quarantined for another 3 months and proceeded to do the first semester of the 2020-2021 school year online. Hopefully we get to go back to school next semester. We will be able to talk to one another and get out of the boring home. This virus has blocked us from our homecoming, football season, sports, hanging out with friends, celebrating holidays, socializing at school, and seeing family. Instead, we are on the computer for 5-6 hours a day either in zoom meetings or doing homework. We now can’t touch everything, talk to who we used to, and taste all of the diverse foods we would go out and have. It isn’t healthy! We need to go back to school next semester even if it is hybrid. This pandemic has taken a toll on everyone and we need to get through this together.
2020-10-27

A New Perspective on Sports

When I heard that football was going to be returning, I can’t express how shocked and excited I became. In the past few months, my family and I had been locked up in our houses, unable to do all of the fun activities that we had loved to do before the Virus. Luckily, the spread was starting to slow, and now things, like sports, were starting to come back again. My family and I are huge football fans (GO STEELERS!), and when we heard this news we were ecstatic! While watching the first game on TV, we were shocked as to how much about it had changed. To start, no one was allowed in the stands. When watching the game, you could see all the yellow and black seats along the horizon. Usually, these seats would be packed with life. The next thing I noticed was the noise. Since there were no crowds, there were no cheering or noises coming from the background. Usually, music would also be playing to entertain the fans, but a lot of these sounds were removed. The NFL tried to add in pre recorded background noises to put into the game, but it just wasn’t the same. After watching this game, I realized how much COVID-19 has changed the things that I love. I am thankful for the slow of the spread and all of the precautions being put out to keep the public safe, but this event really made me realize how my take on the little things had changed.
2020-10-27

One Thing From The Pandemic

Over quarantine I was felt extremely bored and each passing day felt the same. I kept seeing people talking about how this was an opportunity for us to learn new skills and take advantage of all the free time. I had came up with many ideas for what I could try and do like playing the guitar or boxing, but they couldn’t hold my interest for long and I eventually gave them up. One day my friend asked me to bake something for her dad’s birthday. I had dabbled with baking in the past, but I never took it too seriously. I was watching a video about a dessert that looked really good so I thought, why not. I got up, went to the store, bought all the ingredient I needed, and proceeded to make the dessert. It took me a lot longer than expected and I ran into some issues while cooking, but in the end I was really happy with what I had accomplished. The whole house was filled with the smell of sweet caramel and I have to say it looked really good. First I let my family try it and the verdict was that it tasted incredible. My friend and her family really enjoyed it was well. After hearing all the compliments that were bestowed upon me, I longed for that feeling of accomplishment. So I continued to make desserts for my family and friends and every time I improve just a little bit.
2020-10-27

Hobbies I Picked Up Due to Covid-19

In the beginning of the global pandemic I remember having the gut feeling of knowing that this will not be over soon so i’m going to have to learn how to occupy myself. During the third week of the pandemic, my brother Luke and I had an idea to pick up mountain biking. We had gathered shovels to build jumps and lots of snacks and water cause we knew it was going to be tiring. Nonstop for 4 days we worked on the track and jump and I remember my hands feeling as if they were going to fall off from holding the shovel for so long. We came back on the fifth day to find that our jumps had been destroyed which was honestly very disappointing but at least we had fun doing it. The next hobby I picked up was fishing. Now this was my best idea yet. We started off with some crappy gear but we were having so much fun. I still can feel the amount of times I hooked my finger or got a gill stuck in my hand. The best part about this hobby was that once my friends and I were allowed to hangout we would always be fishing and it brought all of us much closer. I created new friendships because of these hobbies and I am very grateful because of it.
2020-10-27

Finding Ways to Fill your Boredom

As I sit on my bed, debating whether or not to attempt one of the many online math assignments or to find another way to fill the empty time that is left in the day. My mom is downstairs trying to teach a first grade lesson on “Beginning, Middle, and End” of writer’s workshop. I can hear how overwhelmed she is to try and get her students to both pay attention and understand the lesson she is trying so hard to explain. My Dad is in his office slamming his keys on his keyboard as he is very loudly expressing the values of communication to one of his clients. “It is important for you to tell me or Peter when you and your wife decide to…” The many conversations that are happening between so many people in one household checks off the idea of watching TV or reading a magazine article. I can even see the annoyed look in my cat’s eyes as he sits next to me. I can tell that he definitely knows that this is not normal for both Mom and Dad to be on the phone and working at home in the middle of the day. So all I do, is just sit on my bed, finding not the most entertaining but productive ways I can fill this boredom.
2020-10-27

The New Smell of Walmart

Walmart. Not known for being the cleanest and best smelling place on Earth. In the past, I’d walk in and there would be always be an odd stench. One that smelled of old moldy bread and burnt bacon. However, I was very used to the smell given that I’d usually stop by here once a month after lacrosse practice to pick up gatorade for the following practices. Once COVID-19 struck. Walmart’s smell has changed significantly. The employees are constantly cleaning, wiping down registers, mopping the tile, and spraying down the carts. Now a distinct smell of bleach fills the entire store. The mask that I wear in the store isn’t enough to block out the strong smell of bleach. It’s so strong that it stings my nose. I hope that the smell of bleach can die down and oddly enough return to the regular old smell.
2020-10-27

The smells, sounds, and flavors of my house.

On march 19 california issued the stay at home order. That was 222 days ago exactly and over that time me and my family have spent the majority of it in our homes. We have spent this time doing many things, I have spent quite a good amount on my guitar, which I have just recently been able to pluck out the right notes that don't sound too bad, my brother and I have filled our house with the constant aroma of tea through making it so much, and my dad has made some of the best food I've ever tasted in those last 200+ days, just recently he made a cauliflower soup that took 6 hours of work, However everyone including him agreed it was well worth the effort! Both my mom and dad have been fortunate enough to spent the quarantine working and during the days you can be sure to hear either of them on an important call.
2020-04-04

Homemade Potstickers

I woke up Saturday morning feeling drained after 12 hours of sleep. As a teenager in the middle of a pandemic, I had nothing to do except to fix a messed up sleep schedule. I got out of bed at 1 PM and decided I would not do anything that day. I was ready to be back in bed and binge Netflix. Suddenly my sister along with my mom and dad and cat burst in my room and told my tired self that we were going to make potstickers. UGH. I told them to go away and that I was busy. An hour later I could smell something coming from the kitchen, something delicious. I could hear my stomach rumbling and I was ready for some food in my belly. I went to the kitchen and saw that the first batch of potstickers were done cooking, they looked perfect! The dough after being pan-fried became crispy and golden brown, and the inside was warm and flavorful. I wanted to help make more (so I could eat more) and turns out, folding potstickers is not as easy as it looks. In comparison with the rest of my family’s, my folded potstickers looked like a total disaster. At least it still tasted good! I didn’t watch Netflix for the rest of the day and I’m glad I didn’t. The time I spent with my family that day will forever be part of me and I hope my family in the future will make even more memories together.
2020-08

Record setting heat in California

This year during the covid-19 pandemic there was a record-breaking Heat Wave across California the hottest place getting to 130 degrees Fahrenheit disaffected Millions across California and even caused disasters like wildfires that burned houses and many acres of land. I lived relatively far away from the fires so there was a slight risk but a small risk that my how would be burned by the fires this was still a cause for concern or my family and many of my relatives families who lived near the wildfires. The heat wave burn down people I knows homes a Cause millions in property damage and lots of emotional damage As people's personal belongings were burned. for me the heat wave cause discomfort nothing compared to people across California but still enough to make me lose sleep to cause me stress that my house may be burned down The fires as well as the covid-19 pandemic were not A good combination of disasters for one year have caused strive to many as there already at home 24/7 and that whole may have their homes and livelihoods torn down and burnt by wildfire.
2020-10-27

A long hike

Through the beginning of the pandemic, the smell of baked goods was wafting through the house whether it be cookies cakes pies, or something else entirely. This mixed with being inside for a long time and no longer having the physical activity and weight on my back school provide my weight was steadily rising. for much time I had ignored this minor inconvenience until I finally stepped on the scale and found that if compared to my previous weight I could now multiply it by 1.5 G’s. at this point, I decided to get back to something I hadn't done for several years to find a trail and hike it to the end. The next day I woke up earlier(and I am already a morning person) and walked by the hills until I found a trail that looked like it would have a decent length. I don't remember the exact location or name of this trail but it took me through the hills at the high points and a forest-like area on the low end. The path continued for miles and whether on an incline or decline was almost always very steep with a few more level areas to the top. After walking for hours I checked google maps to get a vague idea of how far I went and I learned I was 12 miles into the trail with no end in sight. I was also more than halfway through all the water I bought and didn't think to bring anything to snack on so at this point I decided to head back home but rested more frequently in the shade of trees I found on the path and enjoyed the breeze and view as I walked I heard birds chirping and while the heat made masks annoying it seemed to fade away. While I had not realized my goal of finishing a trail I still had done much that one day I walked more than in the past few months and it gave me the jump start to keep walking and even started running through the start of school witch I hate to say has hindered my efforts. Some teachers are blameless while others have made it so I don't have time in the day to relax even with my schedule that contains next to no sleep
2020-10-26

A change of lifestyle due to COVID-19

Back in March, when schools were initially shut down due to the virus, my friends and I thought it would be a short break and we would be back by the time spring break ended. Little did we know that the pandemic would last for many more months than that and we wouldn’t return to school that year. Normally, I would go visit my dad once a month but the pandemic made it impossible. He lives out of the state, in Utah, so for the first few months of quarantine I couldn’t get on a plane to see him. I ended up not going to see him for 5 months. Even now, In October, my mom isn’t very fond of the idea of me going to see him because of the way the virus has been handled in Utah. The infection rates are increasing rapidly in Utah at the moment so we ended up having to cancel my trip there in the beginning of November to be safe. Life has definitely shifted since the pandemic began and things have become different in some aspect for almost every single person. On the other hand, because of having so much time to myself this year, I’m more proud of the person I have become than I have ever been.

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