Items

• 
  2023-08-30

  COVID paranoia alive and well in 2023

  At a stop light this morning, my attention was grabbed by a car with lots of writing on it. I wish I could have gotten a picture, but the light turned green before I could. The car message was about Marxism and how fear controls its movement. The message expressed that recent events have all been staged in order to control society and went on to predict that mask mandates would be back on September 15. The message ended by encouraging people to resist the future mandate in order to retain control of our society. I was very intrigued to see that there are some people who are still very vocal about topics such as this and very loudly are telling people not to live in fear when they are the only ones who seem to be living in fear these days. I read a hashtag on their car and looked it up when I got home. This page belongs to a person (or movement) that is very anti-mask, anti-covid vaccine, and anti-mandates. They are part of the extreme right politically and very religious. I’m curious to see if anything were to happen on the 15th and if not, how this page will respond to the “normality” of September 15. I guess we’ll see in two weeks.
• 
  2023-03-21

  Escaping from Fear at the Shoreline

  Submission for #LockdownStatenIsland exploring Fear and the complexity of emotions during COVID Lockdown while at the beach - a place I visited often for a little peace and tranquility during that scary time.
• 
  2020-08-18

  HIST30060: Negative Test Result

  This is a screenshot of a negative PCR test result from August 2020. At this time, test results would typically take 24 hours to process, with the government requiring that the patient isolate until they received the result of their test. I, like most residents in Melbourne, suffered a profound emotional impact from the bombardment of public messaging about the pandemic. The advertising campaigns by the state government as well as opinions expressed on social media suggested that a failure to follow health protocols would result in tremendous negative effects. For example, failing to get tested could be the reason that someone's grandmother died from exposure to the pandemic. With such high stakes attached to my everyday behaviour and compliance to health orders, whenever I felt even slightly unwell, it would trigger a barrage of intense anxiety. The health order to self-isolate for a week after a positive test result, as well as the Andrews governments' policy of reopening contingent on the number of positive test results in the community, further increased anxiety around any form of cold symptoms. To the day, this image evokes feelings of fear and relief. Something so mundane as a text message represented either a ticket to freedom or a binding health order. In this case, the text message represented a reassurance that my sickness was the regular, boring sort, and that I was not an accidental killer of grandmothers. It represents the use of everyday technology, both sophisticated and mundane, in the pandemic response.
• 
  2022-07-24

  Fear for My Mother's Saefty

  I've written a short story centered around my experience with fear of this virus, particularly focusing on how my fear is heighten with an immuno-compromised mother. I wrote about how the media the people around me consumed affected their behavior and played a role within my fear and the impact it had on my mother. This story says two things about this pandemic I think: it shows the impact that information had/has on how people approach the virus and the emotional toll the pandemic had on people living their daily lives. What I've submitted is important because it validates what Americans have experienced. Many Americans
• 
  2022

  Teachers are Tired

  Now that we are ending the 2022 school year, many people have "returned to normal". Most students no longer wear masks in schools. However, we are still working through the pandemic. Teachers are still at risk for contracting COVID and are navigating the severe behavioral problems of students. With summer approaching, everyone is looking forward to a break from an extremely stressful year.
• 
  2022-05-04

  Erika Groudle Oral History, 2022/05/04

  Erika Groudle is a resident of Monroe, Washington. She lives in a tiny house with her partner on her mother’s property. In this oral history interview Erika discusses working with kids during the pandemic and her opinion on how they handle mask wearing. Additionally, Erika discusses her “pandemic garden,” caring for her grandfather, staying connected to friends and family during the pandemic, how she first realized the pandemic was close to home, and the realities of living in a state that not only had the first case and death of COVID-19 in the United States of America, but also highly publicized protests in Seattle. Interviewer: Jason Inskeep Interviewee: Erika Groudle
• 
  2022-05-10

  Pandemic Skeptics

  The attached screenshot is from the pandemic skeptic website https://evidencenotfear.com/. In this image, the site states a fact that adults are more likely to be killed in a car accident than from contracting the SARS-CoV-2 virus. This fact is true, unless you are an adult over the age of 49. Sites like this twist and spin facts to produce a narrative that sounds convincing enough to make you not have to look the information up. Oh and if you click the hyperlink "car accident" in that fact, it just takes you to more articles on their site that talk about automotive accidents on their site. This site is trying to use "science" and "medical" facts to push the narrative that COVID fears are unreasonable and scare tactics. My reaction when I see any article full of hyperlinks is to check them out as well as to fact check the main ideas separately. Sites like this assume that people will not take the time to look information up and take it at face value.
• 
  2022-05-10

  Evidence Not Fear Key Facts Chart

  The item is a chart from evidencenotfear.org. It can be found on the homepage. This chart can be found under the “key facts” section and explains the information that is claimed to be from experts in epidemiology, microbiology, and virology. The key facts section contains information that is immediately concerning to me. Some of the statements that are the most concerning to me are that children cannot transmit the virus, face masks can create negative health effects for the person wearing them, and more people have died from the panic of COVID-19 than the virus itself. The chart contains links, which I assumed would provide evidence and research to back up the claims. However, each link leads to an archive of news articles that are related to that topic. The message of this item is that the fear of COVID-19 has been worse than what the virus can actually do. This is seen through the explanations of face masks causing complications, lockdowns preventing herd immunity, and children cannot being affected by it. It tries to persuade the reader by providing links to several different news articles supporting the claim. However, the news article that they are using as support does not provide sources either.
• 
  2020-02-01

  Ioana Juravlea's Experience

  I remember when I had just finished school on an early February day and I went to Whole Foods before going to work to buy some lunch. I was watching Tik TOks on how bad the disease was spreading in China and how they were building makeshift hospitals to handle it. As I waited to checkout I thought to myself and was hit with a rush of fear. I called my then boyfriend and asked him if we were being ignorant by trying to ignore what was happening. Shortly after that I watched another video with a deeper explanation and the person states, " These are the good times, everything is about to change for the worst." Although I was scared, I could not ever imagine how bad it would actually get.
• 
  2020-03

  empty shelves

  My plaque story begins in March 2020, right in the middle of my senior year of my senior year of high school. that day we were let out of school for, what we were told, 2 weeks. One of my friends was away at a baseball camp that night and he had left his car in our school parking lot so me and my friends decided to go to the grocery store, buy a bunch of Saran Wrap, and Saran Wrap his car. At this point the amount that the pandemic would affect our lives hadn't sank in yet but when we got to the grocery store to buy the wrap we saw a very surreal sight. Hundreds of people were there wearing masks and gloves, and even goggles. People were buying canned food and toilet paper in mass quantities and there were numerous empty shelves. It looked like something out of a movie and that's when it began to sink in how crazy the situation was. that same week I remember going hiking with a couple of my friends and talking about the pandemic. I remember us wondering if anyone that we knew would end up getting the virus or if it would fizzle out before it hit Pennsylvania and if or when we would go back to school to finish our senior year. It turned out that we would never go back and "two weeks to slow the spread" turned into months and then years. It is now February 2022 and our lives are still being turned upside down by this pandemic. All we can do now is hope that things eventually return to normal and that we as humans can learn from the mistakes made during this pandemic.
• 
  2021-09-21

  HIST30060 Footage of smoke on the Westgate Bridge during anti-lockdown protests in Melbourne

  This video was taken on 21 September 2021, capturing the view of the Westgate Bridge from Williamstown, Melbourne, as anti-lockdown protestors fill several lanes and disrupt traffic. The footage shows smoke coming from the bridge and all traffic brought to a standstill. There were also helicopters hovering and police car lights joining the scene later on. I was on a walk with a friend along the Esplanade at the time this footage was taken. It felt quite scary to be seeing aggressive, violent attitudes manifest so close to home. We knew what was going because of news updates coming through our phones. After the initial shock and fear at witnessing this happening on a few kilometres away, my friend and I walked the rest of the way in silence, too appalled by the behaviour to do more than shake our heads in dismay.
• 
  2021-10-12

  Mekenna Miller Oral History, 2021/10/12

  This is a personal reflection about how fear is an unavoidable consequence of pandemics.
• 
  2021-09-07

  Thoughts on Covid-19 Vaccine and Blood Clots: Social Media Screenshots

  As someone who has studied the history of disease and epidemics, I know that disease causes widespread fear and panic. The uncertainties and unknowns of disease cause people to question themselves, others, and even medical professionals. Sometimes, questioning and being skeptical is what saves lives. For example, questioning Dr. Rush's treatment methods in the yellow fever epidemic of Philadelphia or questioning miasma theory during the outbreaks of cholera in London. Recently, there have been cases of blood clots as a result of the Covid-19 vaccine. This is a screenshot of what WHO has to say about the blood clots and a comment from myself. While I would love to get the vaccine, and I was originally hopeful about getting it, I'm too scared and unsure what to do. Although WHO says cases of blood clots are rare, there are still many people like myself who are skeptical and only want to make the right decision for their own health and life. With talk of possible mandated vaccines, I am uncertain about what the future will look like for me and others like me.
• 
  2021-09-07

  Thoughts on Covid-19 Vaccine and Blood Clots: Social Media Screenshot

  As someone who has studied the history of disease and epidemics, I know that disease causes widespread fear and panic. The uncertainties and unknowns of disease cause people to question themselves, others, and even medical professionals. Sometimes, questioning and being skeptical is what saved lives. For example, questioning Dr. Rush's treatment methods in the yellow fever epidemic of Philadelphia or questioning miasma theory during the outbreaks of cholera in London. Recently, there have been cases of blood clots as a result of the Covid-19 vaccine. This is a screenshot of what WHO has to say about the blood clots and a comment from myself. While I would love to get the vaccine, and I was originally hopeful about getting it, I'm not too scared and unsure what to do. Although WHO says cases of blood clots are rare, there are still many people like myself who are skeptical and only want to make the right decision for their own health and life. With talk of possible mandated vaccines, I am uncertain about what the future will look like for me and others like me.
• 2020-03

  Recollections from an Oncology Nurse

  My mom is an oncology nurse and has worked in the field of nursing for the past 30 years. I recently asked her to talk to me about her experience this past year as a healthcare worker. She recalled the first week in March when things were becoming intense. People were asked to wear face shields and gowns as they were working in an immune-compromised area where the patients had cancer. At the time there was no vaccine. “It was incredibly intense and scary” my mother said. “People were worried about getting Covid from other staff at the hospital and also worried about contracting Covid from the patients.” “I walked into the hospital and there was an incredible underlying anxiety, the feeling of unease was palpable. People did not talk to each other like they normally did - everyone was consumed with the thought of not using each other’s pens, putting gloves on when receiving things from the pharmacy. Things we would never have even thought of before.” 
 She continued, “It was a feeling of both being unsettled and a blind trust you put in your coworkers to be as clean, as responsible and in isolation outside of work as you. The intensity of that feeling was there the moment you walked in. The environment had changed. People were not as happy, communicative, relaxed.” 
 She explained how working in Covid - there was an incredible newness to it - a fear and apprehension.
• 
  2020-03-01

  COVID through the eyes of others

  Going through the pandemic myself has had a lot of highs and lows. Despite having to be relatively locked down and isolated from most people until vaccinated, I was able to pick up a lot of hobbies and overall just learn a lot more about myself. As I look back, I can't help but think about how this experience has been different for others, with one of these groups being the elderly especially. There's one couple that is friends with my family who are both just over sixty years old and starting from March 2020 has been on complete lockdown. They order their groceries, don't see anyone outside their immediate family, and rarely leave the house. While COVID for me has its positives and negatives, I can't imagine how different the experience has been for them, both out of isolation and fear of getting sick. Thankfully, they have been vaccinated and have extended the bubble of people they see slightly. I just can't get over how while some who are skeptics of the pandemic run around carefree, others are locked away in their homes fearing for their health.
• 
  2021-05-22

  Meet Grover, a golden retriever bringing calm to Alaskans anxious about their COVID-19 vaccination

  Grover and his owner, Karen Loeffler, are with the group NATIONAL Crisis Response Canines, which has teams that respond to crises and anywhere that people have stress and anxiety. Loeffler, the former United States attorney for the District of Alaska, regularly brings Grover to court to calm people when they are testifying in a trial or grand jury. The Anchorage OEM connected Alicia with Loeffler’s group, and Lillian sat with Grover on the floor of the Alaska Airlines Center for an hour, petting him, brushing his fur and giving him treats until she was calm enough to get the shot. A majority of children exhibit needle fear, along with up to 20-30% of young adults, according to a pre-pandemic meta-analysis. The 2018 study noted that 1 in 6 health care workers avoided the influenza vaccine because of a fear of needles, and the authors encouraged further study of approaches that could alleviate fear during injections.
• 
  2021-07-23

  First Race in a Pandemic World

  Terrified, I put on my shoes and walked over to the canyon. I’m always nervous before a race - where will I place? What if I can’t finish? It’s adrenaline talking. This time, it was different. For the first time since early 2020, I was competing in a race, outside, with other people. When I signed up, the case count was the lowest it had been since the original shut down. I was nervous, but excited. Then Delta exploded. As the numbers climbed, I tried running with a mask that week. Two days before the race, I made it 3 miles and had to take it off. This was the Hot and Hilly 10K I was prepping for. It’s over 90 degrees and the course is all hills. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do the mask the whole time. I also knew the course had narrow parts, wide enough for only one runner. What happened if I got in a group? Was being outside enough to dissipate the virus, like current advice suggests? Or is Delta more potent? And is there a difference between standing outside unmasked and running full speed unmasked in a group of other people roughly and heavily drawing air in and out? As I waited for the gun, I wore my mask. I was the only one and that didn’t bother me. In fact, I was a little self conscious that I would be judged but I think everyone was just focused on the trail. When the race began, there was a natural small bottleneck. I left my mask on. About a mile in, I had to take it off. Luckily, the crowd had thinned. Since I am not an elite runner, I wasn’t doing the 7 minute miles of the head of the pack. On the flip, I also am not slow. I was able to find a sweet spot where I could see the front of the pack in the distance, but was far enough ahead of the average runners that I was not in a crowd. Overall, it was amazing to be racing again. I love competition. For over a year, I ran only on the treadmill. There was part of me that wondered if my ability have disappeared during the quarantine. I came in 4th place in my division and am beyond excited with that placement. I also was relieved knowing I was done with the crowds for the day. I spent two weeks secretly nervous I contracted COVID and am happy to report that the vaccine seems to have worked for me. I have another race scheduled for October and am already feeling nervous. Our hospitalization rate has shot to nearly 500 and the ICU is two away from 100. Will my next race being outdoors be enough to protect my family, especially my two unvaccinated kids at home? Will my vaccine even still be effective by October? My second shot will have been administered seven months prior at that point.
• 2021-08-06

  Cabin Fever

  It all started with the news of the outbreak. It was the day before spring break and the news had spread that the virus was infecting the surrounding states. Teachers were giving open ended warnings about the following days. There was a buzz in the air,and it felt like dread and excitement. I wasn't scared but I was worried. No one knew it would end up like this. The following week was Spring break and then it became extended even further. A month into this "temporary" spring break and I was sick and tired of seeing just my room. The laws had cracked down and the fear in my stomach felt like millions of butterflies wanting to get out. The smell of the required mask smelt sanitized and sickly at the same time. It was dreadful going out side and being so distant from everything. It was like the entire world was on pause. It felt like nothing grew, I felt trapped. After the months of being stuck in my house not being able to see my girlfriend starved me of affection. Being around my family should've been enough to fill that starvation,but we were never close to begin with. I hated the virus and the news surrounding it,especially the political side of the virus. It didn't make sense to give a disease a political stand point. The ambiance of my house was creaking wood and heavy sighs,we were all tired. Cabin fever had set in,and it was bad.
• 
  2020-04-28

  The effect of suppressing funeral rituals during the COVID-19 pandemic on bereaved families*

  This documental study was intended to understand the meanings individuals who have lost loved ones in this context assign to the phenomenon of suppressed funeral rituals.
• 
  2021-07-03

  A Dog's Tale

  This is Hannah aka Hannah Banana. My husband and I adopted her May 4, 2013 from a rescue in St. Catherine's, ON. We live just over the border in Buffalo, NY. Hannah is a purebred Sheltie (Shetland Sheepdog), but purebred gone wrong. She is what is called a double merle. That means an irresponsible breeder bred two merle coated dogs together, which results in 25% of the litter being born deaf, primarily white in color, and with eye problems or missing eyes altogether. Hannah was approximately 4 years old at the time. The previous owners who surrendered her had had her for 2 years. They had adopted her from a shelter that had picked her up as a stray. Hannah was our 2nd double merle (we also have an Aussie with the same problem), so we were used to the unique problems associated with deaf and vision impaired dogs, but Hannah came with many more from a history of abuse and neglect. One of her biggest issues was that she was absolutely terrified of people, particularly men, and she hated small children. We worked with a trainer, we did agility twice a week, and did barn hunt once a week. She broke out of her shell a lot, but did not lose her fear of people. In 2016 my husband and I had our first and only child, Charlotte. Hannah was very aggressive towards her. She would bark and snap at her. We had to keep her separated a lot, and we worried about what the future would bring. She got a bit better when Charlotte could walk, but not to a comfort level. Once Charlotte was about 3, Hannah accepted that she was a human in the house but wanted nothing to do with her. She didn't really want to have much to do with any of us or our other dog except for at agility class. She wouldn't play with us and only tolerated petting for a short while. Fast forward to 2020. While COVID-19 was cause fear, anxiety, and depression in people, for Hannah it was just what she needed. After a few months, she became a whole new dog. Having all three of her humans home 24/7 seemed to alleviate a lot of her fears and anxieties. She completely bonded with Charlotte. She actually plays with her and snuggles with her and sleeps in her bed. Who knew this 12-year-old dog just needed constant companionship to heal her old wounds. Luckily, my career path changed during the pandemic (I am going back to school to pursue a PhD) and so I will continue to be home a lot of the time. While COVID did bring devastation to people across the world, for one little dog it was just the medicine she needed.
• 
  2021-06-03

  My Covid Vaccine Experience

  These are the two Facebook posts I made the day I got my first shot and my second. I received the Moderna vaccine. As a teacher, I was able to get mine sooner than many others. Many people I know had (and still have) reservations about getting the vaccine. I believe in science. I believe in vaccines. It is disheartening and dangerous to see so many Americans throwing away an opportunity to protect themselves, their families, and their community because of politics. Science should not be political. The vaccine did make me feel ill, especially the second one, but it was temporary. I would do it a hundred more times if I had to. A friend of the family said they would not get the vaccine because, "What's in it for me? Even if I get Covid, I am young and healthy, unlikely to die." I found that statement alarmingly self-centered. Getting the vaccine isn't about you as individual as much as it is about you protecting your community and the world. As the saying goes nowadays, "Until all of us are safe, none of us is safe."
• 
  2021-04-23

  The First Weeks

  I remember when covid-19 was a far away danger, some natural calamity removed from my normal routine: waking up, doing yoga, meditating, working, and so on. Every day just like the others. China was in lock-down and we mindlessly scrolled past news stories from there of inventive ways people were relieving their boredom. But just like other tragedies that were affecting the unfortunate of other lands, the stories faded into the background of repetition. I remember when the first case was found in Washington, the surreal fear that hung like a thick cloud over my city, first forming as a gentle mist then accumulating into heavy dread. Once that first case was identified, things multiplied very quickly. Within a week, we were in lockdown with cases rising in an incredibly frightening exponential manner. I remember the last time I was in the room with someone without a mask on... that was.. 13 months or so ago. I was going into an interview for a funeral service assistant's position. It was raining. I was asked to accompany her to an home funeral the next morning, assist her in transporting the body of a family's child who had recently died. This frightened me, I didn't know if I could do it. And even then, the threat of a global pandemic seemed far off, even the lady blew it off, saying that the solution lie in an healthy immune system. "Healthy people don't need to worry about it." I drove home in the rain and picked up tacos for lunch. Everything was normal. But by the morning we were in a national lockdown as a result of the discovery of how widespread the virus was and just how deadly it could be. I never went to that child's funeral and I haven't talked to that lady since. Every day in those few long weeks in March of 2020 built on the growing panic and grief that was building in the depths of my heart, radiating out into my limbs, making it hard to think, or write, or sing. Every moment was spent obsessing over the potentialities of each moment. "What was going to happen? What were we going to do? How many people were going to die? How many of my friends and family members were going to do? " Going on and on and on. My mind revolved around the fear as a maypole where my body and emotions danced wildly around. Even in the bath, while taking long morning walks, while eating meals, everything centered around the pandemic. Doom-scrolling terrifying news articles telling of the devastation that would likely occur in the next months, criticizing the narcissistic, science-fearing president, who only increased the velocity of widespread horror, watching the rising death count with enrapt panicked attention. All of these things contributed to the slowing of time, which passed by moment by moment in a long exhale of a nation struggling to catch its breath after being engulfed by a wave that came on too fast and hard. Going into the grocery stores to find that most food and toilet paper were gone... that the supply chain might be limited, the reality of my city home's lack of food security becoming too real. I never thought I'd face this kind of global disaster in my lifetime. It was hard to accept. Even now, it is hard to fully accept. Approximately 3,000,000 people have died from this disease to this day, and many more will. Even though vaccinations are underway, the death rate now is at 42,847 on this day (April 4, 2021) as compared to the meager 5,989 on April 15th of last year. Then, we were horrified at that number. But now, we have grown so accustomed to daily deaths that were a numb from feeling any grief. It is hard to say what kind of effect this will have in the future years. All I know is, those first weeks have been burned into memory. I have been changed, for better or worse, by the year 2020.
• 
  2021-04-19

  She’s Back and I’m Terrified

  After 400 days to the day, my daughter walked back into her gym. A competitive gymnast who has been training with the same gym since the week before she turned 3, this has been a long year. We are privileged in the sense that the hardest decision we had to make during the pandemic was not related to jobs security, hunger, or even health (beyond keeping ourselves from COVID). Our hardest choice was not allowing our daughter to return to her gym to train when they reopened in June. My husband and I knew COVID was just beginning. We knew the spike would come and the health of our family wasn’t something we were willing to risk, especially because our jobs allowed us the luxury to work from home and distance. At first, we made case rates dropping our marker of when she’d go back. Then, with the announcement of the vaccine, we decided to wait until our household was vaccinated. By the end of March, the adults of our household were vaccinated and our local case count had dropped considerably, to an infection rate percentage of 1.4%. Still, we wondered “should we just wait until she’s vaccinated?” But she’s 10, there is no vaccine being publicized for her age. How long can we keep her from her life? It’s not just the training. It’s about mental health. We’ve kept her physically safe, but she’s 10 years old and hasn’t seen a single friend in person for almost 14 months. She hasn’t shown any signs of a mental health crisis, but even if she isn’t showing anything, this has to have taken a toll on her. It was a difficult and scary choice, but my husband and I decided her mental health and emotional health are worth the risk. She is so happy. She’s had two one on one sessions with her coach and we are all shocked (and relieved) that her daily solo workouts EVERY SINGLE DAY for 400+ days now paid off. She not only kept all her skills but learned enough her skills to advance to the next level. I know her coach is shocked. I don’t think she really believed that a kid would work hard enough on her own to keep in shape. I know my daughter is very proud and very relieved to know she can compete again. And the timing is perfect - the new season starts in May, so she’ll begin in a new level with other girls she knows who also leveled up. She never acted unhappy during quarantine, but since going back, she’s seemed lighter and happier. Still, the two times she went were one on one. The beginning of May will see her going back full time, three practices a week for ten hours a week of practice. I’m happy they’re letting her keep her mask on and that the coaches are wearing masks but I’m still nervous. It’s so hard to send your kid into a situation that may lead them to contract a deadly illness. But it’s also so hard to keep your kid in a bubble. I never in a million years imagined I’d have kept my child home for 400 days. I’m a public school teacher, I’m the first person to tell you the importance of socialization. But in a pandemic, I guess my mothering deep instinct to my child overpowered anything else. I hope and pray with everything in me that we don’t regret allowing her to go back. I hope we are turning a corner in CA and that a vaccine for kids arrives soon so I can feel slightly more relaxed.
• 
  2021-04-14

  Can You Ever Tell If A Decision Is Right?

  My daughter has left our neighborhood less than five times in the past 13 months. I am not exaggerating. Now that the positivity rate in our area is 1.5%, we cautiously allowed my daughter to accompany me on a one mile run. You would have thought I’d taken her to Disney World. She was happier and more relaxed than she’s been in months. But she’s not a runner. She’s a competitive gymnast who hasn’t set foot in a gym in 13 months. She’s trained virtually with a gym in Northern CA and has worked out every single day. But we know it’s not the same. We also know that it’s time to create the team for the next season. It was time to contact her gym. We can keep promising she’s coming back but at what point is it just empty words? After a lot of prayer and internal debate, we texted her coach and said it’s time for her to come back. As you can see, she was initially scared at the idea, but that was quickly replaced by excitement when she found out she is really going back. But I have a pit in my stomach. Is it safe? Her coach isn’t vaccinated. Will my daughter be one of the children who contract it and have dire consequences? Or will her brother if she brings it home? How long can you keep a kid in a bubble? She already missed an entire season. Her mental health is so important, we know going back is going to be so amazing for that. But I am still so worried about the physical. One thing that this year has shown me is that I am an adult. I mean, obviously, I’ve been an adult for 22 years. But this year - protecting not only the safety of my children but my over 65 mom and in-laws. Advocating for the health of my students over politics. It’s like the pandemic has forced me to see that I can’t look to anyone to make adult decisions, it’s me. I’m the decision maker and these decisions can be life and death. I’m the adult. COVID has stripped that security we all had (probably foolishly). I don’t think I’ll ever feel safe again the way I did before this all began. So fingers crossed that my daughter’s journey back into competitive gymnastics is one that we can make safely.
• 
  2021-03-29

  Nancy Martinez Oral History, 2021/03/29

  This oral history is with 35 year old Nancy Martinez, who identifies as female and Mexican. She tested positive for COVID-19 in January 2021 and shared the physical and emotional impact of having COVID-19.
• 
  2021-04-02

  Why is this so hard?

  Every week, write an entry in JOTPY. Seems like the easiest assignment ever. I thought so, too. But, I have really struggled. I have found myself behind in entries and I probably need to write 2-3 times a week for the rest of the semester to stay on track. I've always had trouble journaling and writing in diaries ever since I was a kid. I've always viewed those things as really personal thoughts and I like to keep mine in my head. I viewed writing my innermost thoughts and viewpoints would give others an advantage over me, a way to see my weaknesses. A super intimate view of myself through my own lens. I've read thousands of pages, researched for hours, written a dozen response papers, drafted a 25-page paper, and still, this write in JOTPY every week has been the hardest assignment all semester. Maybe it's because it forces me to think about COVID and how it has affected me, my family, and the rest of society. COVID has taken over my life for the past year and this assignment forces me to confront that fact and my feelings about it head-on. It forces me to publicly share these thoughts. At first, I wondered if it was even beneficial to assign students to write for a project like this. It's supposed to be shared experiences but how authentic are the entries really going to be when people are not writing on their own, but writing because their grade is dependent upon it? I cannot speak for other students, but I feel that this entry I am writing now is very authentic. Although I am scrambling and having to submit a few times a week, I am grateful for this assignment. It really helped me grow as a student and a person. I still have a ways to go, but I am becoming more comfortable with sharing my personal thoughts and opinions in writing.
• 
  2021-03-24

  Dreaming About This Day... But Now What?

  Shot 2! After so many sleepless nights and moments of paralyzing fear, my husband, my 65 year old mom, and I are all officially double dosed! The day I have been praying for for months is here and I am in disbelief. But I’m also sitting here like “now what?” Are we really safe? Can I REALLY go safely and run in my canyon aside the maskless? I do trust the vaccine, but it is a huge psychological jump to suddenly trust. There’s also the issue of the two things I love most in this world - my kids. They’re not eligible for vaccines yet and I fear for them. I know, the likelihood of them having a serious complication is low, but as a person who had both the measles and scarlet fever as a kid (no, I’m not kidding), I am a walking example of the “one in a million” chance. What if they’re like me instead of their dad? I feel like I’m in a strange limbo. Definitely more hopeful than I was even a couple of months ago, but also sort of paralyzed in a sense of “what do we do now?”
• 
  2021-03-19

  Asian American Experiences With Hate

  There were 3,795 firsthand complaints of racism and discrimination against Asian Americans from March 19, 2020, through the end of February 2021, according to the coalition Stop AAPI Hate. Last week, eight people -- six of whom were Asian women -- were killed in the Atlanta shootings at three spas. The incident shook up many in the Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) community. While the past year has magnified the hate, it's also inspiring some Asian Americans to stop being silent and speak out about their experiences. CNN asked Asian Americans to share their stories. CNN received more than 300 responses, and this article shares some of these stories. They recount fear, violent attacks, racial slurs, losing businesses, being told to "go back to your country," and the scapegoating that has happened to the AAPI community. There is also a desire with the AAPI to speak out and encourage others to, too.
• 
  2021-03-21

  Don’t Give Me COVID

  For the past year, my husband has been the only one to do errands to keep the risk low. Anytime he went out, he showered and put his clothes in the laundry. No one has stepped foot inside our house in over a year. It may see extreme, but more than once during COVID, Southern CA was the country’s hotspot. We have been extremely cautious, and with both the death rates and people within our own circle who weren’t cautious getting infected during the winter spike, I do not regret our decision. Now numbers are thankfully declining and, even more significant, my mom (who lives with us) has received both doses of the vaccine and my husband and I should receive our second doses next week. Slowly, our lives will hopefully be able to open up a bit. But the moment captured here reminds me that the shift may not be as easy for our kids. My son, who hasn’t had a play date or left this street in months, flattened himself against the wall and refused to move when my mom came back from a Target curbside pick up. She didn’t even get out of the car but my son was terrified that she’d give him COVID. It’s going to be a long process to make them feel safe again.
• 
  2021-03-20

  Michele Gable Oral History, 2021/03/21

  Michele Gable is a wife and mother living in a small suburb of Phoenix, Arizona. In her oral history, Michele reflects upon life before COVID-19 and shares how the pandemic has affected both her home and work life. She highlights her experience contracting a severe case of COVID-19 and how she navigated being around her family throughout her sickness. As an insurance underwriter, Michele describes the advantages of working from home while being ill and how her company handled her sick leave after the virus evolved into COVID-19 pneumonia. She shares the ongoing medical issues she still suffers from months after initially recovering as well as her thoughts on the COVID-19 vaccine as well as wearing masks.
• 
  2020-07-20

  Pop shares his heartfelt thoughts on issues concerning social justice, NBA athletes' use of their platforms and the coronavirus pandemic.

  Pop shares his heartfelt thoughts on issues concerning social justice, NBA athletes' use of their platforms and the coronavirus pandemic.
• 
  2021-03-18

  Illistration by Pauline C. Cuevas

  During the pandemic, hate crimes against the AAPI community have significantly increased. Our people had been unjustly blamed by previous leadership for the virus, and little hateful comments here and there have now grown into full blown terrorist actions. THIS is why words matter. THIS is why leadership matters. I urge you to speak up, stand up and be an ally to the Asian community-- especially for our elders. We are hurting, angry and scared, but the future can be a brighter one if we stick together. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to make this piece for @calendow. I've noticed my own fear and uncertainty during these times. I worry for my kids and my family, but being able to use my art to shine a light during these dark times gives me courage. We can do this together. #ProtectOurElders #StopAAPIHate #AAPI #AsianAmerican #PeoplePower #Solidarity #RiseUp #womenshistorymonth #filipinaartist #sandiegoartist
• 
  2020-07-16

  I Came to the Protest to Defend Human Rights

  "I came to the protest to defend human rights. This movement isn’t about race versus race, it’s about dissolving the negativity that our world is creating. The Black community is struggling, literally fighting for their lives, and everyone needs to stand with them to help bring a better world so Black people don’t walk the streets in fear of being a victim of the system." - Oz at the Roll4Justice rally on July 4, 2020
• 
  2021-03-17

  Opening Early Meme

  As more and more vaccines are being given, it seems that soon we may be able to slowly begin returning back to normal. However, with mask mandates and restrictions falling off early across the United States, I remain fearful that we may experience another wave/peak. This meme demonstrates that anxiety.
• 
  2020-03-11

  Meet Generation C, the Covid generation

  "Natalie Sanchez heard it in her children's voice when their birthday parties were canceled and saw it on their faces when they couldn't play with friends. It was more than just simple disappointment. It was fear that the world they once knew might have changed forever. "I think that it's something that's going to kind of scar them. I don't think that they'll forget," says the mom of three. Now, a year into a worldwide disaster it's no longer a question of if this pandemic will shape an entire generation, But how."
• 
  2021-03-08

  Article: Late Stage Pandemic is Messing with Your Brain

  I read this, & it struck a chord with me. Several elements in it range true. I thought it was important to save.
• 2021-03-09

  Covid Saved My Marriage

  Before covid hit my marriage was in big trouble, after years of sitting on "little" problems and ignoring relatively big issues I got tired of living complacently. My husband and I were essentially living a lie, we lived and acted like we were the picture-perfect couple living a perfectly happy life. In the summer of 2019, a tiny issue finally broke the camel's back and we separated. A few months into our separation divorce papers were drawn out and signed by me, he was in Arizona and I had moved in with my parents and children in California. By January 2020 we had already begun hearing about covid but we still didn't think much of it since it was an issue halfway across the globe. All signed and ready to file for divorce we got hit with a quarantine order in California. My husband asked me to move back home so he can be with our kids since we didn't know how long quarantine would last. I agreed and he drove to pick us up. Living together was odd, especially because we had both gotten used to being without one another. After thirteen years of being together, the separation made us realize we hardly knew each other. We had to try extra hard to get along in front of the kids and at least be cordial with one another. Our state of amicability turned into an odd level of friendship. Six months later he asked if I would consider therapy. I agreed and we started therapy virtually. Things got worse in therapy before they got better (as expected) but the divorce papers were eventually torn up. A year later, I can't say were picture-perfect but I can say that we're happy in this phase were in. Since there was a palpable sense of fear last March, we were forced to think about the reality of life without one another, how would we cope with life/death issues alone, and whether we truly wanted that? Quarantine forced us to face years of issues that had seeped into the foundation of our relationship. Divorce would have been much easier, but this outcome we are living in today is so worth it. In short, I'd say covid saved my marriage.
• 
  2021-02-05

  Getting Sick during a Pandemic

  I recently have struggled with a medical issue related to my back, quite possibly brought about by the stress of the pandemic. Getting sick during a pandemic is not only more common, due to stress, but also unnerving as you must go out to medical appointments, be around sick people, and worry about your sickness interfering with your body's work in fighting off the COVID-19 virus.
• 2021-01-31

  Volunteering Breaks Hearts

  I volunteered at one of the County’s vaccination clinics last week. The health department ramped up their vaccination schedule, and we saw nearly 50% more traffic than the week prior, which was already 30% above its projections. Many of the folks over 65 (group 1C) here in Tucson are going up to Phoenix to be vaccinated as local health officials are still working their way through the 75+ crowd (Group 1B1). It has been both heartbreaking and frustrating that about a third of the vehicle occupants beg and plead for some special exemption for a family member who’s with them. Despite not yet being entitled to be vaccinated themselves, they hope someone lets them cut in line. Everyone has a special need and a special, unique circumstance that should enable them to jump ahead of their neighbors, and the selfishness of it agitates one of my few prejudices, especially when they don't take the initial 'no' for an answer. The public is so terrified, and many seem to fear they won’t manage to avoid illness in the coming weeks despite having done so for ten months now. It hurts my heart to see their suffering, to hear their fear and anxiety, to have to turn them away, and to know they’re asking for special treatment that might deny the delivery of vaccines to the most vulnerable populations. The hardest part has been, though, the number of elderly folks entitled to be vaccinated who can't navigate the online portal to get an appointment. The current vaccines are stored so cold that we can't deviate from the allotted appointments, but every day brings in elderly people who can't function in a digital world. The county can't spare personnel to offer immediate and realistic registration help to them, and many have complained of waiting on the phone for hours, only to have the county phone line hang up on them. The situation makes me want to find their grandchildren and ask why they don't give a damn about helping their grandparents. I also found out last night our organization's portion of the operation is winding down, and I do not expect to again be able to help facilitate vaccinations in my community. With time and eventual immunization, I hope to find other ways to serve my neighbors.
• 
  2021-01-31

  Venturing Outside My Comfort Zone

  I moved to Ohio shortly before the pandemic hit, and quickly felt both trapped and lost when stay-at-home orders went into effect. I did not have enough time in the state to learn my way around, and actually grew somewhat agoraphobic, convinced something bad was going to happen if I left my neighborhood, which was the only place I felt familiar with. Throughout the entire summer, I rarely left the ten-mile radius around my house. As the summer ended and I recognized how fearful my life had become, I reached out to a therapist and began meeting with her virtually every couple of weeks. She encouraged me to venture out in the safest way I could, exploring the nature around me and getting more comfortable in Ohio. Autumn came and I chose one park a week, going on short walks and hikes, and I fell in love with the colors Ohio offers in the fall. Pictured here is one of my favorite adventures I’ve been on, Cuyahoga Valley National Park outside of Cleveland, where I got to see the most gorgeous fall colors. While the world is still frightening at the moment and we still have to be safe in public spaces, I was able to feel more at home here by connecting to nature.
• 
  2021-01-29

  A different kind of anti-mask rally

  This post is pretty important to me, in a lot of ways, mainly because of the fear it’s evoked in me, or anger, both probably. This is an advertisement for the ‘Walk for Freedom’ event, to take place outside the legislature building of Edmonton, in Alberta. This is supposedly an anti-mask, anti-lockdown movement however it would be incorrect to assume that this movement only had once face. In reality, the Albertan anti-mask movement has large components of white-supremacists, fascists, Nazis who have been seen at several previous anti-mask rallies throughout the province. During these events, local businesses which enforce social distancing, those with masks and reportedly visible minorities are subjected to verbal and physical abuse. Organizations such as the Proud Boys, The Sons of Odin are all present at these events and eagerly recruit pandemic skeptics into their groups by binding the cause of ‘freedom’ to that of bigotry and hatred. I know my description of this event seems bad enough, and may have your head scratching with how I’m essentially saying this rally is going to be full of neo-Nazi’s and white supremacists, but I just want to point out the most glaring issue present within this advertisement. Those people marching, that photo is from the ‘Unite the Right’ march in Charlottesville in 2017, they actively chose that image – and the historic fascist imagery of a torch march to be the face of their movement. Essentially, this isn’t very tongue and cheek anymore; there is going to be a fascist march on my province’s capitol. Already, counter-protestors are organizing to show up and face these people in the streets. It’s even more concerning when police and governmental figures are not saying a word about this march, we have no idea if they’re prepared for what’s supposed to come. I could go on for pages, but, I’m just scared. Alberta desperately wants to be like its southern neighbor, we elected a man who markets himself as a fiscal conservative in the shadow of Donald Trump, who has a history of advocating for restrictive policies directed towards the LGTBQ+ community and we had people take to the streets as the American capitol was stormed. They were waving American flags and thin blue line American flags, it’s just insanity, I don’t understand these people. I’m adding this to the archive because I just want to try and illustrate the tone of politics in Alberta, in regards to our pandemic skeptics. From my perspective, the anti-mask movements down in the states appear to be relatively simple, entitled and ignorant people marching for their ‘rights,’ mistaking inconvenience for oppression, I’m aware there is also a stark politicization of masks down in the States. However, here there’s a more sinister tone to it – it’s become embroiled in conspiracies of a ‘great reset’, anti-Semitism and infiltrated by organized Fascist movements to gain larger bases. I feel as if I’m rambling, but there’s just so much to say – I hope it doesn’t turn into anything as similar as America’s January 6th or Charlottesville, I hope people don’t show up.
• 
  2021-01-25

  Vaccine Localism Defines Who Belongs

  This article says the NH state government has changed its policy to define NH residents for vaccine purposes as NOT including second home owners, non-resident landlords, and other non-full-time residents. This matches policy in Vermont and Maine, both of which have cited vaccine scarcity as a reason to prioritize their own full-time residents (and presumably voters). Who "belongs" has been a hot question in New Hampshire since long before the Coronavirus emerged, but Covid-19 has emphasized existing fault lines. Lots of people with second homes moved more full-time to New Hampshire starting in March 2020, escaping areas with higher infection rates but being perceived as virus vectors by locals, particularly in areas that usually only see tourists in the summer. Vaccine scarcity has created an us against them mentality. NH is prioritizing those most at risk of death - which means those in nursing homes and congregate care facilities (did anyone know that word prior to coronavirus?) and first responders, but in the state with the 4th largest elderly population, that leaves a lot of people over 65 and living at home as second in line. The Governor had already put ski patrol in the list of first responders (so ski areas could open), so letting second home owners get vaccinated seemed to again prioritize those with more money over those more at risk. Little of any of this affects me directly - I'm already in a lower vaccine category due to being younger and healthier than the state average. But in a state where 21 years residence still marks you as an outsider since your family is not from NH, the increased "localism" feels potentially dangerous. While prioritizing full-time residents make sense to me, what will be the next line drawn and will I be okay with that one? How do existing biases in NH affect our vision of "who belongs"?
• 
  2021-01-24

  Surge of Student Suicides Pushes Las Vegas Schools to Reopen

  This is my worst fear for my students. All of us are on high alert for our students right now. The feeling of hopelessness is overwhelming our children. The next town over a child ended their life a few months ago. At the school board meetings, the children are saying that they feel desperate. I had a student who would put on a 72 hour hold for attempting to take her life before Christmas. I worry about my own pre-teen who is the most adaptive child I know, but he is missing his friends and his whole world has changed. I know my district is worried for the wellbeing of our kids. They want to open now, even if the numbers are high and even if we are not vaccinated yet. Anything to get these kids back into the classroom. The thing is suicide and depression are nothing new with kids. We know this. But now, I do not greet them at the door every morning, I do not see if they fall asleep in class every day, I can't stop them on their way out and ask if they are ok because I noticed a change in their body language. That ability saved kids before and now teachers cannot use that superpower to catch the kids when they fall. I worry that I will receive an e-mail telling me that one of our students did not make it through. That is my biggest fear right now.
• 
  2020-12-10

  Baby born to Sacramento mother in ICU, on ventilator with COVID-19

  A pregnant mother, and nurse, living in Sacramento, California contracts COVID-19 in her seventh month of pregnancy and delivers her third child. This news article captures some of the emotional struggles she went through from being diagnosed while pregnant and delivering her child. Through this woman’s story, we gain some insight into a mother’s experience of both being sick with COVID-19 and delivering a child during the pandemic.
• 
  2021-01-24

  Grabbing for Groceries

  Grocery shopping is part of nearly everyone’s life. We’re used to going into a store at most hours of the day and night and finding what we need. Many of us eat out quite often so don’t stockpile food supplies at home and don’t cook at home very often. So grocery shopping pre-pandemic was a relatively easy and boring task. With the pandemic came restaurant closures and restrictions and people started eating at home more often. People started buying greater quantities of food and other grocery items (particularly toilet paper!), which led to shortages and quotas on the purchase of particular items. The grocery store became somewhat of a combat zone, with people battling each other for items and viewing others as the enemies who either were going to steal their food or give them the virus. The entire grocery shopping experience changed precipitously for most individuals and reflected a major shift in how society acquires and shares its food.
• 
  2020-03-20

  Year of the Switch

  Almost as if Nintendo had made a contingency plan for the pandemic, Animal Crossing: New Horizons came out on the Switch around the same time "quarantine" had started. For a lot of people (including myself) it was their only way of having some semblance of normalcy, of a normal life. I personally began to understand the true value of being able to go fishing with my dad without fear of getting sick, and the value of being able to talk to other people and hang out on a sunny patch of grass without the stifling masks and social distancing. For a while, the game gave us what we needed, and it's honestly been impressive to see how far people have come with it. I know that it was an invaluable tool for me to hang out with loved ones, including my fiancee, in every way except physical. Maybe the same goes for others. This specific game system has been the respite of many people, not necessarily with Animal Crossing, but with other titles as well. I don't think i've ever seen that many games come out for a system within less than a year, and i've been gaming since I was six. I'm asthmatic, so i'm pretty limited in what I can do, so having this teeny little game system has been almost a saving grace for my mental health. Almost. Lol. There's probably something ironic about the fact that you start the game on a desolate island and you make the most of it while still being totally isolated from other islands, and being an figurative island yourself, far away from the reach of others. But you make the most of it.
• 
  2020-06

  June of 2020: a quarantine journal

  This past June, for the first time in my life, I began keeping a daily journal—composed in formally identical declarative sentences—as a record, not only the events of the world that were on and affecting my mind, but also my domestic observations of home, of family, the creatures in my yard, the blooms erupting throughout the garden. In a season of isolation and upheaval, it in many ways helped to keep my brain from total dissolution into quaking depression. Once this month-long record was complete, I launched a Kickstarter campaign in support of the limited publication of *June of 2020: a quarantine journal*, with all profits being donated to Black Girl in Maine, a social-justice blog founded by writer, educator, and activist Shay Stewart-Bouley. While my skill has always been the construction of narratives that allow the reader to feel what it’s like to experience the characters’ experiences, Shay’s talent lies in taking the complex abstractions of social justice and explaining them in a way that is not only immediate and concrete, but also grounded in the experiences of both herself and her audience (in other words, she takes the cultural phenomenon at large and makes it directly relevant to you and your life). She has an ability that I lack. So I’m using my abilities to help support her and her work.
• 2020-02-28

  Covid on the Media

  I was scrolling through Tiktok just like a normal day. Everyone was talking about this virus from China, so I felt the need to do some research. This is where I found out what it was, and how to protect myself.
• 2020-02-28

  Covid on the Media

  It was a typical day for me. I had finished my homework and went to check my phone. I went scrolling through Tiktok but noticed something was off. There was a new virus in China all over Tiktok, so I felt the need to look it up. I did some research and realized how quickly it was spreading and to how to stay safe.