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2021-04
Regret for a Trip Not Taken
This story is about travel that did not happen, but should have during the Covid-19 Pandemic. In mid-2020, my little sister Sarah was diagnosed with kidney cancer. She was married and had 3 children up in Seattle. When my family heard the news, travel was severely restricted and many people were still dying daily from the virus. I have my own wife and kids, so we all agreed that it wasn’t a good risk to go and visit. Besides, we reasoned, she hadn’t started treatment yet and she had good chances of beating cancer. So we waited it out. My sister and I talked frequently, and she told me that she was optimistic about her cancer diagnosis. Unfortunately, our Dad died in January of 2021 due to complications related to Covid (he had Parkinson’s also), and neither of us could travel to do any funeral service. In April of 2021, the pandemic had cleared up enough that most travel restrictions had ended, everyone was vaccinated, and the risk was lower. My older brother Sean had planned a trip to go to Seattle and stay there for a month to visit, help take care of kids and just be there. He urged me to go, at least for a week or so because he told me that he thought it wasn’t going as well with her treatments as Sarah had led me to believe. Because of Covid patients overwhelming hospitals, I don’t think she was getting as much good-quality medical care as she needed, though that’s my opinion. Anyway, I didn’t want to go on this trip. I don’t particularly handle death and dying well, and I didn’t want to go there and be basically sad and crying the whole time, and I was in denial about her health, so I didn’t go. A few months later, in June 2021, Sarah succumbed to cancer and died. If I could go back in time to do it over again, I definitely would have gone. I would have liked to walk around Seattle with her and take pictures to put on Facebook, our primary means of sharing memories, or take her kids out for a few hours to sight see and get to know them better. I regret, and always will, that I did not go and see her and her family there at the end. -
2020-07-13
The Last Man on Earth
I run almost every day. During the summer of 2020, I was undergoing prostate salvage radiation therapy. Radiation therapy is sometimes proscribed after one has their prostate removed. I ran no less during the prostate radiation therapy. I've always eaten healthy food. Still, I drank water more regularly during radiation therapy. Driving from my home to the Anderson Cancer Center was an enjoyable experience, mostly because the freeway was so deserted–there were almost no cars on the road. I live in uptown San Diego, so my long runs take me through downtown San Diego. Before each run, I spend a few minutes practicing martial arts. I imagine the neighbors watching me thought I was having some kind of fit. After warming up with martial arts, I start my run. The first place my run takes me is through the Hillcrest community, usually a place with the lively hustle and bustle of people moving about, but on this day, Hillcrest was deserted. Most restaurants were closed, and a few people were milling about–Hillcrest was a ghost town. It reminded me of the town portrayed in the 1973 film High Plains Drifter. Folks were hiding, hiding from COVID by hiding from each other. From Hillcrest, my run took me through downtown San Diego where the streets were equally deserted. The deserted streets reminded me of running through another movie, the 1964 film, The Last Man on Earth. I imagined inhuman monsters were preparing to spread COVID that would spring into action without warning. Of course, all this fantasizing made my daily run even more fun and pleasurable. I could let my imagination wander momentarily, then return to the peaceful meditation of running through deserted streets. The COVID protocols made possible the escape from the COVID reality itself. I'm convinced the long runs played a vital role in mitigating the effects of radiation therapy. -
2022-12-17
Been through it all
I got married on April 4, 2020. We had planned 125 guests. I was so excited to celebrate with everyone. I remember hearing about covid in China in February and thinking that it was so far away I shouldn't worry. While my daughter was on Spring break everything started shutting down. At first it seemed temporary. Like it would just be a week or two. Just until things died down. Then local governments started getting strict as it became apparent how dangerous covid was. As the rules changed, I had to send apologetic emails disinviting guests due to limits on gatherings. We went from 125 to 100. Then it went to 75, 50, and 25. Each time it was agonizing figuring out who would be cut from our wedding. Finally it came down to just our parents, the pastor and his family, and the photographer. I got my wedding dress back from alterations the day the shop closed down to the public. We had the wedding in my parents' backyard. The pastor's children played guitar and sang. Our honeymoon was canceled a few days before the wedding because the small county in the mountains wasn't letting anyone in who wasn't local. We had a staycation for a honeymoon and played video games together. We are a blended family. I often tell people we got married at the beginning of the pandemic. It was like "Congratulations on your new sister! You'll be with her 24/7 and never get away from her!" They quickly became sisters. They were each other's only playmate. At the same time they irritated each other just like normal siblings. It bonded them as sisters. It was hard for us when my step-daughter started kindergarten in the fall and my daughter started 2nd grade. We had alarms going off all day to try to manage their classroom google calls while my husband and I attempted to work from home. It was very stressful. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in December 2020. At times they refused to allow my dad to accompany her to appointments. She was found crying in a hallway unable to get to the correct room. It was awful. I had to be so careful as my kids started hybrid school to not get her sick. It was hard to balance my kids' need for some stability and trying to be with my mom as much as possible. We made the decision to try for another child so my mom had the best chance at meeting her grandchild. I got to share my positive pregnancy test while visiting. It was such a happy moment in the midst of so much sadness. Adding to that stress was a difficult custody battle over my daughter. We couldn't have extra people at court to support me. My husband had to leave early to get the kids from school. Being left at the courthouse after testifying about how my ex abused me was one of the loneliest moments of my life. I had to take a Lyft ride back home and try not to break down in a stanger's car. My mother's condition got worse quickly. We were able to have a family reunion in June. I was nervous about so many people traveling in, but we needed to have mom see family again before something happened. My mom was admitted to the hospital at the beginning of July. I couldn't visit her because of being pregnant and the risk was too high to go to a hospital. My mom and dad supported this and wanted me to keep the baby safe. I had to record a goodbye message to play for her when she was awake. My mom passed on July 5th, 2021. Even at the funeral, I stayed in a separate room and had a friend read the eulogy remarks I prepared. I had my youngest daughter in February 2022. We were limited on visitors, so only my husband and dad came to the hospital. So many day cares closed in the pandemic, we had a very difficult time finding child care. Despite getting on the list in early pregnancy, we couldn't start at day care until September. We had to use social media to find part time nannies and alter our work hours to cover child care until she could start day care. She actually just tested positive for covid yesterday after another child at daycare was positive earlier in the week. Thankfully she's vaccinated. I've been through so much since the pandemic. I'm thankful for what I have, I crave rest. I'm worn out. I lost so much. No bridal shower. No honeymoon. No baby shower. No support for happy and sad moments. It's been really hard. -
2021-10-26
Do We Even Matter?
This poem talks about the failure of our medical field when it came to covid. They focused more on those with Covid than those who were struggling with cancer. My grandfather became one of those victims. -
2020-07
Diminished Quality of Veterinary Care During the Pandemic
Our pets are a part of our family. So when their health is in jeopardy, it affects us all greatly. Early on in the pandemic, we had an emergency with our lovebird, Kermit. Our larger bird, an African Grey named Greycee, landed on top of Kermit's cage. Kermie proceeded to bite her toe through the cage bars, and Greycee bit back. Luckily we heard the scuffle and intervened immediately, but Greycee had created quite the puncture wound on Kermit's upper beak/nares. Normally these two are best buddies, so this was a suprising freak incident. I cleaned off Kermit's beak, but it looked bad and her breathing was shallow and rapid. Birds in respiratory distress can die rapidly. I rushed her to the emergency vet who told me that there was a 4 hour wait to be seen. I told them that Kermit wouldn't last 4 hours, so they agreed to see her immediately (for an additional fee of course) but I had to wait in the car. My already stressed and injured baby had to go into a strange place with strange people without her mom because of Covid. They stabalized her and sent her home for the night. I feared she wouldn't make it until the morning. Luckily, she pulled through the night. I called our vet immediately the next morning. It took several tries. Since you also had to wait in the car while there, and all conversations with the vet were over the phone, their phone lines were constantly busy. I finally got through, but they told me that despite the gravity of her condition there was no way they could get her in that day. Under normal circumstances they could, but with the new covid protocols every minute of every day was totally overbooked. I tried the emergency vet again and they had a 6 hour wait. You had to wait on site in your car too, which I couldn't do with my 4 year old daughter. Since Kermit is a bird, she cannot just go to any vet. There are only 2 avian vets in my area. I took a chance and called the other one and explained the situation. They were able to squeeze us in. Again I had to wait in the car and hand my baby off. She ended up staying the night. The blood from her wound had entered her lungs causing her breathing issues. She had recovered quite a bit by the next day, and the vet even allowed me in with social distancing and masks in order to show me how I needed to hand feed her for the next two weeks until her beak healed. At least because of the pandemic I was working from home at the time, so I could care for and monitor Kermit all day. Within a week she was back to her normal self. In the fall, our Dog Evie went to the vet because a suspicious lump had grown on her toe. Evie is absolutely terrified of the vet. She is also deaf and has limited vision, so it is harder to comfort her. She needs our touch and our smell for reassurance. Of course, jsut as with Kermit, we could not go in with her. The vet techs had to carry her in because she was shaking so badly in fear. She needed to be sedated to do the biopsy of the lump. The report came back positive for cancer. She had to go back in again to have the whole toe removed as the biopsy had not gotten it all. This time she had to stay nearly all day and be pumped with anxiety meds to keep her asleep until the procedure. It was thankfully successful, but she also needed a follow up visit, so more meds. The whole experience was traumatizing for both our animals and us. What's even worse is people were treated the same way. -
2021-07-07
Hosts break down after quarantined man’s mother passes away | Today Show Australia
This is a heartbreaking story from Australia about a man who flew around the world to try to get to his dying mother, only to have the Queensland government block his way. So many people across the globe had to die alone without their loved ones because of this pandemic. Hospitals and governments need to come up with a safe system to allow for visitation of dying relatives during pandemics because, sadly, this will likely happen again in the future. -
2021-04-11
Cancer diagnosis rates go down!
I know I have presented a pretty eye catching and exciting title, but the fact of the matter is, they aren't going down. The amount of people who have cancer has not plummeted, as the title suggests. Rather, the statistics have gone down. As the article states, "new findings offer grim evidence of the consequences of delayed care: A rise in undetected cancers that, when eventually diagnosed, may be more advanced and difficult to treat." I think this is a great reminder that statistics are not the people they represent, and many things effect the numbers. This is relevant to my research on the unintended consequences of the COVID-19 pandemic. -
2020-09-22
Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg Passed Away
Last Friday, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the second woman ever to serve on the Supreme Court, passed away. During her tenure on the bench, she overcame multiple bouts with cancer and other health emergencies. Through it all, she never wavered in her commitment to the court as a vehicle for a more just and more equal America. -
2021-03-06
This is not how this is supposed to go.
Friday, March 13, 2020, was my last full day in the office before the shutdown. We came home that night not knowing what was next. Then my sister called. Things hadn't been right for a couple of weeks, she said, and when she had been to the doctor that morning he ordered her directly to the MRI lab. And there it was. Cancer. The exact same kind that had taken our mother a few years ago. And our grandmother several decades ago. Dammit. So what do you do? You get on a plane, you go there tomorrow, and you face this thing together, as family, right? Except no. It's COVID time, and only one person was even allowed to accompany her to the hospital for surgery three days later. We all decided that my other sister should be there, since she has medical expertise and also a more flexible schedule. But yeah. Here I am, on the other side of the country, not knowing whether my sister would live through the day and not able to go be with her. It's a year later, and I'm very relieved to say that she's still with us, lasting far longer with this diagnosis than either our mother or grandmother did. Still very much in the fight. But thanks to this damned disease, and to everyone whose stupidity has caused it to last longer and be worse than it had any need to be, I have seen her exactly once in the last year. For about ten minutes. Right before her second surgery. Will I get to see her again? Who knows? We have a trip planned in a few months, if things get better with this pandemic. And if she lasts that long. It's sad and exhausting and infuriating and unchangeable. -
2020-01
Doggy Love for Patient!
The photo shows me and my dog while I was in the hospital doing chemotherapy for Testicular Cancer. By that point, I had been in the hospital for three weeks and we had got a prescription for me to be able to bring my dogs in order to cheer me up. My husband brought me our dogs Little Man (Miniature Dauschuand) and Lady (Whippet Terrier Mix). I was so happy to see them that I cried. The fur babies were so happy to see me that they just jumped on me and began licking me. This shows how lonely the covid-19 had made me and how the doctors were able to allow my furbabies to come to visit me which cheered me up. -
2020-10-15
COVID-19 Re-infection
Dutch women first to die after catching Covid-19 for the second time. -
2020-02-06
Hospital Sensory Experience
This experience of the Covid-19 pandemic is probably very different than most people. My picture submitted of myself shows a selfie that I took while in the hospital dealing with a non-Covid-19 hospitalization. As you will see through reading this I was on sensory overload. My experience with taste when it comes to my hospitalization was not one of joy, but one of provisional change due to introduction of various new medical regiments which made things tasting like metal along with various other side effects. The over powering aroma of alcohol wipes and various chemicals burned my nostrils causing my eyes to water with irritation and redness. Desiring the touch of a loved ones other then the nurses pin pricks and the doctors jabs however, due to Covid restrictions my only comfort was my husband. With the on going treatments of chemotherapy I had caused numbness in my toes and fingers which felt like knives. I am a 35 year old man who is diagnosed with stage Three-B Testicular Cancer who was healthy one minute and who's world was turned upside down the next moment. So, my Covid-19 experience has been that of Chemotherapy, isolationism, crying, hospital smells, changing of all of my sensory parts of my body, and more. This is important to me because it has changed my life, Covid-19 experience, work-life, and many other areas. -
2020-10-12
Covid-19 Collateral Death
April 10, 2020 started as another routine day, but by 7:30pm, my life would be irrevocably changed. My husband of 25 years, Larry, had been diagnosed with advanced stage laryngeal cancer on March 25th requiring surgery; needless to say, we were both quite concerned, scared and anxious. The procedure involved removal of all lymph nodes in his neck as well as his voice box - open airway surgery. We were told by the team at Mayo that once the surgery was completed, it would be a complete recovery...he'd be fine; great news! We hugged each other, and assured ourselves that he will get through this. We hoped that the hospital would be able to move quickly to get it scheduled. Our hopes were fulfilled; surgery was scheduled for April 1st. As we were proceeding with pre-surgery registration, the conversation was interrupted; we were then told that due to Covid-19, all open airway surgical procedures were cancelled. Our elation that Mayo had expedited his surgery was annihilated. A Zoom consultation with his Oncologist on April 3rd let us know that the team was discussing the best course of action; he would follow up shortly with the decision. On April 7th, another Zoom consultation occurred in which his Oncologist described an aggressive treatment plan starting with chemotherapy starting April 16th with radiation treatment to commence once the 3 courses of chemo was completed. He reassured us that as soon as the Covid-19 restrictions were lifted, the surgical procedure would proceed. Larry felt positive about the treatment plan; he had been at my side throughout my successful cancer treatment six years previously. The news was jarring, but we both felt confident. As I opened, Friday April 10th started as a routine day. Larry spending the day in his office at an accounting practice that he had nurtured and grown for 20 years. I dedicated Friday's to standard household chores: laundry, grocery shopping, etc. The evening was quiet, dinner was finished and I was watching the evening news program. Larry walked by me to go outside, sit, smoke and think through an issue he mentioned with a client. Several minutes later, he opened the door and his shirt was covered in blood. He looked dazed, walked to the sofa and sat down. Panicking, I called 9-1-1 then sat next to him to help; he leaned against me. Medics arrived at the house in three minutes, performed CPR five times...he had passed within the minutes between when I called and they arrived. News coverage of Covid-19 deaths focus on those unfortunate who die due to this virus; what the news does not record, nor will it be part of the statistics of this pandemic, are those deaths such as Larry's which could have been prevented. The life we had shared for 25 years and were planning going forward no longer exists. I have wonderful memories of a wonderful man, my best friend; what I don't have is that physical person. -
06/01/2020
COVID-19 Has No Boundaries for Those That Mourn
February 2020, Covid-19 was a drop in the bucket, it’s coming to the U.S. from China. What is it? Where did it come from? How will it reach us? Do we close our boarders? Stop international travel? Who is to blame? The first of the infected to arrive, from China, landed at Kelly Field San Antonio TX, and were set into quarantine. Fast forward about a month (end of March), and I am picking my dad up from BAMC (Brook Army Medical Center), he had been dropped off by his wife, and she was not allowed to stay at the hospital. He was seen at the ER because of stomach pain and continuous vomiting. What was different and a little strange to me was the fact that the hospital would not allow his wife to enter the building, even if she was the only means of his being. Because of strict city, state, and national orders to covid-19, no one other that the patient was allowed to enter the hospital. After two months of going in and out of the hospital, military doctors had discovered a cancerous tumor growing in his liver, it was putting pressure against his bile duct not allowing his liver to function properly. An emergency procedure was scheduled, but without notice, it was cancelled before he was operated on. A second procedure (Y90) was scheduled, but part 1 of a two-part procedure failed and three days later we said goodbye to Art Reyes Sr. Planning for his services were difficult. We could only invite 10 people to the church and 20 people to the funeral home, but after gathering information about my dad’s services, my heart went out to those that had lost family and friends due to the Covid virus. Their services were completely canceled. If a person had died in a hospital of Covid-19, they were to be transported from the hospital, cremated, and buried without any type of service Had it not been for Covid-19, I think that Art Reyes would have had the rapid medical attention that he deserved. Doctors would have been “on the spot” in treating him for his condition, and not meeting just once a month to discuss someone’s condition with cancer. Many times, I felt that he was dismissed because of the covid-rules in place, but there also did not have to be poor/no communication between family and doctors. Funeral services would have been normal for more than 20 people to celebrate his death, and many family members that could not travel from out of town, could have celebrates with us also. The bottom line was his cancer inevitably was the cause for his death, but it wasn’t immediate. His death was due to his failing organs that were secondary to the tumor growth, and medical doctors on a “Corona19 Vacation.”