Items

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  2020-08-24

  First Day of School Picture

  The picture I chose to add to the archive is my first day of school on August 24, 2020. In this picture, I was laying in bed with my laptop because everything was online. If you were lucky, you got a professor that taught class on Zoom. That is the closest to being in a regular classroom as it got. You were able to see your classmates (if they turned their camera on), you could have discussions with everyone, ask the professor questions and get immediate answers. On the other hand, you could get stuck with a professor who chose to use youtube videos and websites instead of teaching. These were the worst, poor to almost no teacher-student interaction, just discussion boards and Google. It was impossible for me to learn like this, I felt like I was not being taught! It was always stressful when trying to do assignments for classes like this because I did not understand the curriculum. If I needed to contact my professor, I just had to send an email and hope they would email me back soon with answers. Sometimes, I would not get a response until days later, a few times I never got a response. After a while of this, I started to feel miserable, stressed, and depressed. My grades started getting lower and lower and knowing how much school costs, knowing that I was going to lose my grants and scholarships because I was failing, I started having anxiety attacks. In my head, I kept saying, “I cannot learn like this, I know I am going to fail, so why keep trying?” Things got to a point where I would open my laptop, look at my assignments, cry, and then just close my laptop back up. I lost all my motivation and I lost sight of my dreams to be an optometrist. I remember the day that I dropped out, the defeat that I felt, feeling like a complete failure.
• 
  2022-05-08

  Depression and Nature

  The Covid-19 pandemic has been a low point in my life. The incredible isolation felt by so many has certainly not been lost on me. Indeed, I like so many had to place my life and plans on pause. From a lost Study Abroad trip to Ireland to putting off graduate school, covid-19 has fundamentally reshaped my life in a very negative way. Like so many people, I became deeply depressed and anxious about this new world when the old world had begun to look up for me, personally. One of the ways I learned to cope was nature. Living in Arkansas, or the "Natural State" I am surrounded by immense beauty. Fresh air, rolling hills, an abundance of green and vibrantly colored flowers allowed me to find and reflect on the natural world around me. In a way, nature has a way of providing consistency and stability in an every changing world. Spring is a time of tremendous rebirth, and I have included a picture of some flowers that have just bloomed. Indeed, this representation of rebirth demonstrates an optimism that the world will move beyond Covid-19 in a hopefully positive direction.
• 2022-04-29

  Depression during a Pandemic

  The COVID-19 pandemic has been one the hardest things for me to deal with. I suffer from depression and often combat this by spending time with friends and family. Before the pandemic I would often spend my weekends with friends and visit my family after work on half of the weekdays. Throughout the pandemic, until recently it has been rather unacceptable to spend time in close contact with others. In the being of the pandemic during the first shutdowns and mandates I struggled deeply with having to stay home all the time. I became quite depressed and would often just sleep through my days off. I tried to do virtual hangouts with my friends and family, but it just wasn’t the same. I ended up planning socially distanced hangouts with my friends, often picnics/lunch in the park 6 feet apart. This really helped me because I was able to socialize with them in person. As the pandemic progressed, and I wasn’t able to see friends nearly as often as before I became more comfortable with being alone. I started to find the things I enjoyed doing on my own. I took time to really work on some of the issues I had been avoiding. I used the time I was forced to be alone in a productive way. Although the pandemic challenged my way of living, I still found a way to grow. Now that we are starting to get a better handle on the virus, life is slowly starting to return to what it was before. With the release of vaccines I have been able to start seeing my friends and family again. With the lower rate of cases a lot of the business I used to visit are reopening. As we start to return to “normal” I’ve found my new normal and I quite enjoy my alone time, just as much as the time I spend with others.
• 
  2020-03-15

  COVID-19 Impact

  COVID-19 took so much from me. It took people, friendships, experiences, and so much more. I have pictured a high school diploma. This represents the years I lost in high school but still pushed through and finished. I’ve lacked education from being online. I lost opportunities and experiences. I lost friends. And had scares of losing my father. Covid took so much from me and many others.
• 
  2021-01-05

  The Covid Pandemic as a Senior in Highschool

  The website that I am linking describes what happened to students all over the world in March of 2020 when all students in schools and universities had to go on lockdown and switch abruptly to complete online learning. This is an important covid-19 related topic to me because I was a senior in high school during that time, and I really struggled with my mental health, academic achievements, responsibilities, body image, and just overall my whole life. This article isn't as personal as it could get, but it gives a good historical and general idea of what student experience during the pandemic was like.
• 
  2020-03-24

  Symptoms on the Youth

  When the pandemic first broke out out, many people didn't know what to think. In millennial and gen z fashion, many young adults turned to the internet to crack jokes and voice their opinion about the upcoming crisis. This meme pokes fun at the uncertainty of the viruses' signs and symptoms many medical and governmental officials had at the beginning of the pandemic. The mem also pokes fun at the idea of teenage angst and anxiety a rapid number of young adults are starting experience more and more during this recent decade. The pandemic may cause your nose and mouth to not feel anything but the real question is if young adults are really "feeling" the impact of what is going on? A Forbes report in April of this year has indicated that young people between the ages of 18-24 are starting suffer from more mental health problems than any age group since the pandemic started. Think what you will but this study definitely proves that more young adults will suffer long lasting effects of pandemic during and after the global crisis comes to a end. I liked this meme because it a representations of some of my numbs feelings I have had during this pandemic.
• 
  2021-10-03

  Homage to My Best Friend

  This is an image of my dog, Dobs – I’ve shared him before on this archive, but I just needed to share this image and justify as to why this dog is so important to me. When the pandemic began, I found myself more isolated than normal, as many people had; I barely spoke to my friends online, and began withdrawing into myself more and more with each day. I would have been completely alone. I don’t have much to say, but this is my best friend; he’s been here with me through some of the worst experiences I have faced during the pandemic, I won’t go into them too deeply, but I am just happy to have this dog in my life, his friendly nature and his funny faces really have had an impact on how I’ve been able to cope with so much.
• 
  2020-03-24

  Feeling Again

  When the pandemic first broke out out, many people didn't know what to think. In millennial and gen z fashion, many young adults turned to the internet to crack jokes and voice their opinion about the upcoming crisis. This meme pokes fun at the uncertainty of the viruses' signs and symptoms many medical and governmental officials had at the beginning of the pandemic. The mem also pokes fun at the idea of teenage angst and anxiety a rapid number of young adults are starting experience more and more during this recent decade. The pandemic may cause your nose and mouth to not feel anything but the real question is if young adults are really "feeling" the impact of what is going on? A Forbes report in April of this year has indicated that young people between the ages of 18-24 are starting suffer from more mental health problems than any age group since the pandemic started. Think what you will but this study definitely proves that more young adults will suffer long lasting effects of pandemic during and after the global crisis comes to a end.
• 
  2021-03-14

  Alex Smith Oral History, 2021/03/14

  Self-description: “I’m an artist, writer, musician, and an off-and-on again activist, lecturer, worshopshop leader. I’m coming out of Philadelphia. My work revolves around concepts relating to Afrofuturism; for lack of a better term: superheroes and the conceptual nature of superheroes and the idea of the vigilante and the people’s champions and heroes can walk among us. I use [aesthetics and the immersive ideas of] from science fiction, cyberpunk, solarpunk, biopunk, and Afrofurturism to empower people of color, queer people and to project us into the future and our ideas and culture into the future as well. I use different mediums to do that, my bands Solarized (a sort of noisy punk rock band) and Rainbow Crimes (indie rock, but a little crazier and noisier than many excursions into that). I have written a short story collection called ARKDUST. And I do collage work and soundscapes and curate events like Laser Life, which was a queer sci-fi reading that me and my friends in a collective that I’m in called Metropolarity put together. That’s my praxis right now: a little bit of everything. I view my work as if I’m creating for 18 or 19 or 20 year old Alex, who probably needed some queer Black sci-fi in his life. So, I’m projecting these aspects of myself back to the past to not just nourish my community, but to nourish myself.” Personal website: alexoteric.com Other biographical details: Vegetarian, experiences depression, Pew Center for the Arts Fellow, during COVID is the first time in his life he’s had Health Insurance. Some of our discussion touched on: Using art to project hope and remaining hopeful during the pandemic. Afrofuturism as a part of the fabric of activism, how it is imbedded in culture and impacts queer and POC culture. How Afrofuturism exceeds an “aesthetic revival” of representation of Black people in the future and the kind of work that needs to be done to ensure those futures. Deciding to cancel a show he was organizing in the early days of the pandemic to protect the presenters and audience members. The everydayness of people dying because they don’t have healthcare access or can’t afford medicine* outside of the times of COVID-19; racism, sexism, and transphobia in the healthcare system.Corporate interests and their influence on policy. The unreasonable imperative that artists take the pandemic as an opportunity for productivity when many are out of work. It is hard to make art without fuel and without food. Witnesses barriers in the healthcare while caring for his partner after a stroke 5 years ago, the importance of medical bureaucratic literacy in a “Kafka-esque system”. Excitement about getting the vaccine. The pandemic in geopolitical context. Isolation in practice: Safety precautions and research prior to traveling for a funeral. Hope for “science married with activism”. Scholars in the humanities and social sciences need to be more visible, speak in lay person’s terms, do advocacy, and get in the streets. “Nothing is safe unless it empowers.” Other cultural references: Netflix, Zombie Movies, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Oprah’s interview with Meghan Markle and Prince Harry, Black Panther, Teenage Bounty Hunter, Elon Musk, GoFundMe. A specific reference is made to the need for his sister’s sickle cell anemia medicine in this interview. She dies a few months later. The GoFundMe to cover funeral expenses can be found here: https://www.gofundme.com/f/memorial-fund-for-elizabeth-graham?utm_campaign=p_cp_url&utm_medium=os&utm_source=customer
• 
  2021-09-17

  MA, AP and JK Oral History, 2021/09/17

  This is a casual interview about the effects of COVID on mental health, academics, family life, etc. We discuss the biggest impact COVID had on us, our experience with the pandemic, what we did over quarantine, and much more, from the perspective of college freshmen.
• 2021-08-28

  A year and a half (and counting) in my room

  Before hell happened I had never exactly been much for being outside, I live in Texas what do you expect? I spent most of my days inside and only ever went out for 1.5 social events a week and weekly classes. Then things started to go bad. Suddenly I had no reason to ever go outside, suddenly I was alone in my room, surrounded by mess and with only the light from my lamp and monitors. I actually started to take more walks because of the pandemic, I just had to get outside, I had to move at all, I had to do something. The human brain is not well equipped for quite this level of repetition, day in day our in the same environment doing the same thing, checking the same few websites to see how bad things have gotten for those still brave enough stupid enough or desperate enough to be out in the world, to see the hell that the world became when everything changed. It is an experience that does not do well for motivation or mental health. I stopped really caring about school, I spent most of my days thoughtlessly doing the same thing and thinking, always fucking thinking about the state of the world and my own life and my own meaningless existence and I just couldn't... I couldn't stop thinking, thinking that my life had no meaning and I was worthless to all those around me and I was alone. Apparently, the human brain is not equipped for quite this level of repetition. It's quite a wonder I'm even stable now, considering the things I went through over this hellish year and a half, but here I am an, my life means nothing and I'm fine with that because life is beautiful, even if people are irresponsible and hateful it isn't their fault, it's the fault of the very people who let this get out of hand in the first place. I was able to finally see that, and I kept realizing it over and over and over and over again, and I'm still realizing it today. The real point is that we are not separated by race or religion or sexuality or gender identity or anything like that, we are all just people, and we need to help each other. The human brain is not well equipped for quite this level of repetition but that's only if we're alone.
• 
  2021-05-18

  A COVID 19 Reflection

  Observations and lessons learned and learning during this Pandemic.
• 
  2021-05-18

  On Illness From a Virus and Surgery During the COVID-19 Pandemic

  In this essay, I reflect on my personal experiences with illness and recovering from surgery during the COVID-19 pandemic.
• 
  2021-01-27

  The Unspoken Pandemic - Mental Anguish

  This article tells about youth depression and suicide rates in the United States and how they have been affected by the COVID-19 pandemic. Children and teenagers, who are normally bright-eyed, idealistic, and sometimes too socially adept for their own good, are developing mental afflictions like depression and suicidal ideation, using drugs and alcohol as coping mechanisms, and generally suffering from all sorts of silent illnesses because of lockdown policies that have deprived them of the activities that keep them busy. When a kid has a busy life, friends at school, activities they enjoy, and various tasks to perform in order to keep their minds occupied, they turn out to be a well-balanced, healthy adult later in life. However, when every single one of these things is abruptly stripped from and the only type of structured activity they have is getting on the computer every day for “Zoom school” (which, by what I have been told by teenagers currently experiencing it, is a poorly-planned waste of time put on for show), the affect on that child’s mental health can be catastrophic. The overdramatic teenage mind will tend to think that this period is going to last “forever,” leading to a downward spiral of emotional despair and existential nihilism. Furthermore, the financial strain that the pandemic has put on these kids’ parents surely plays into this as well, making the child feel like a burden since they have to sit at home all day and watch their parents worry about the family’s financial situation. While high-income individuals with significant savings got to have lots of fun on their cute little house-camping quarantine adventure, low-income and middle-class households, the ones with the most children, had to suffer and pay a serious price for something the government decided they would do. This general phenomenon of depression, financial worries, nihilism, drug abuse, and suicide is a direct result of government lockdowns, and brings to light a shining concept that rings true for all things legislative and bureaucratic; there will always be an unintended consequence of any blanket action like these lockdowns. Perhaps they should be considered before our so-called “representatives” just do stuff without considering the wants, needs, and condition of the people that they supposedly serve.
• 
  2021-04-05

  Online Article: Law enforcement officers need to be proactive in self-care to ensure they are resilient in the midst of loss and trauma

  This article discusses guidance for law enforcement professionals to adopt better self-care practices through this pandemic and the increased volume of vicarious trauma, depression, anxiety, and suffering prevalent in our societies. The author specifically addresses the problem of police suicide, which is often committed at similar rates to military combat veterans. While the article's content helps officers potentially deal with the difficulties of their calling, it might also help the public better recognize the darker and unwelcome realities of police work.
• 
  2021-03-28

  Vaccinated

  I know the LGBTQ+ Community has a higher chance to have depression, anxiety, and other health ailments like many other minority communities. This Friday I got my second dose of the vaccine. I have been encouraging others in my LGBTQ+ Community to get the vaccine so this is one less health ailment they have to worry about.
• 
  2021-03-18

  Moving During a Plague Year

  2020 began as an optimistic year. In January, I decided to apply to the Public History MA program at the University of Colorado, Denver. We were living in Amarillo, Texas, and dreaming of a home that allowed us to thrive in our chosen fields, something that was unlikely in our hometown. So in early March of 2020, we decided to make the out-of-state move to Denver, Colorado. I had not yet been accepted to a grad program, and my husband did not have a job in our new city. "We'll figure it out." That's typically how it goes for two easy-going free spirits: set the destination and let the journey figure itself out. We looked forward to our April 4th move date as the reality of the Pandemic slowly set in. I was thankful for my workplace shutting down because it gave me plenty of time to pack up the house with a blissful ignorance for the year to come. I packed, taped, and organized dozens of cardboard boxes while dreaming about my sunny balcony in Denver. I planned going away parties and meticulously arranged coffee meet-ups with my closest friends. Against my best efforts, the in-person experiences faded away as the isolation began to set in. "No worries," I thought, "this will only last a couple of weeks." Oh, how wrong I was. I'm typing this story on March 18, 2021, for an assignment that was given online after a lecture that was presented online. A year later and my life continues virtually. We moved with hope for our future. We weren't hoping that the future involved facing our deepest emotional issues or learning how to love each other in complete isolation. It certainly did not contain a life of unemployment and disappointment. Slowly, begrudgingly, we got to know ourselves and began to heal from years of emotional suppression. I was diagnosed with ADHD for the first time in my life. It changed everything, and I owe my current success to the therapist that offered a discounted rate in my time of need. My husband learned just how deep his depression went. But most importantly, we learned that we could do it, that we can hold on long enough to see the light at the end. My husband just accepted an incredible job, and my academic life is flourishing. Even as I grew increasingly annoyed at the idea of a "bright side," the bright side came and lit up just how far we've come as people and as a couple.
• 
  2021-02-27

  Anonymous Oral History, 2021/02/27

  An anonymous Bronx mother tells the story of her two daughters’ mental health challenges during the pandemic. First, her 21 year old daughter had a Covid-related panic attack in May 2020 that required 4 weeks of hospitalization. This daughter was on the road to recovery when her 24 year old daughter fell into a severe depression in August. The mother describes how this situation affected her entire family and how both daughters returned to mental health even though the pandemic hasn’t ended yet.
• 2020-01-01

  Surviving 2020 & COVID-19 Pandemic: Life As A College Student

  As the ball dropped on New Year’s Day I embraced and kissed my boyfriend in excitement of what would await us in 2020, if only I knew. As we said our goodbyes to our friends we drove home on a side road to avoid the frantic traffic of drunk drivers and people rushing to get home. All I remember is driving in front of my boyfriend’s car and then waking up to him sobbing over me. My car lights were on, sunroof open, glass shattered everywhere, my blood stained on my wheel and purple bruises on ribs. Long story short I was smashed into by a drunk driver, my car flipped, rolled, and was finally crushed into a tree with me inside while my significant other watched it unravel before his eyes. This was my beginning to 2020 and I wished and hoped that it would only be better from there on but I was horribly wrong. On March 11th of 2020 I received an email from my university stating that it would be closed and urged all students to return home for the remainder of the semester. As many college students saw this as an extended spring break at the time we were all happy since it basically meant more partying. After week one passed of receiving the email I quickly realized that being isolated would be my downfall and it sure was. By the end of the Spring semester I had failed a couple classes and was desperately trying to crawl out of a depressive episode. Since I am, or rather struggling to be a nursing student still, failing my Anatomy and Physiology I class sent me into a spiral of what ifs and how my GPA would recover from these failed courses. The realization of retaking these courses in order to save my future and using my only two chances of “erasing” my unsatisfactory grades crushed me. I was shattered by this reality but continued to push myself through Summer term to ace these courses, I studied day and night sacrificing friendships and days out for an A. As Summer came to an end Fall came and I barely passed the classes online because I struggled to adapt and truly retain the material meanwhile peers in my class were either completely giving up or cheating their way through the online, remote exams. To add the cherry on top, I was battling my university’s Housing Board in order to cancel my dorm agreement because many COVID cases had been recorded in my building and my roommates still went out to clubs while not wearing masks. As the months passed and semesters came and went, I felt my sanity slipping and today I still sit in fear of my future. I struggle leaving my apartment due to the fear of exposure to COVID and accidentally passing it onto my only parent who suffers from lupus. This pandemic has truly crushed me and unfortunately it seems that I will be spending the remainder of my college life and 20s in this chaotic, barren, and lonely society where we only see each other screen to screen.
• 
  2020-08-22

  The Difficulties of a College Student During a Pandemic

  During the start of the school semester of spring 2020, talks of a very contagious illness stated to spread. Most students on campus believed COVID-19 to be a threat nut one month later, all colleges across the world shut down. While moving out, my friend's dad said we would be back that same semester. I believed him until infection rates increased across the United States. States started to shut down including the one I lived in. Restrictions, isolation, and guidelines were enforced to ensure public safety. Instead, thousands of people went into depression including me. Not being able to leave my house during the pandemic was difficult. Not only was I hundreds of miles away from my friends at school, but I couldn't see my friends at home too. My experience with online class didn't make interacting with people any easier. Most of my classes didn't require the camera to be on, while the other class didn't even meet online. This was very difficult for me because I was used to being around friends everyday. I started to become depressed as I spent 2 months without interacting with anyone but my family and my teacher. Fortunately, restrictions eased up as the spring semester came to a close. I was able to get a job at a donation center for the summer. I still wasn't allowed to see my friends which made for a disappointing summer but working helped the time go by. When it was time to go back to college, I was relieved. My college was fortunate enough to have students on campus for the fall 2020 semester. I was overly excited to see any friends after months. I counted down the days until we moved in. But I knew the semester would be different. When arriving on campus, I learned that several rules and regulations were implemented to "keep the community safe." Some of these included no visiting anyones dorm room, scheduling when to eat, certain doors were entrances while others were exits, no guests from off campus, must wear a green bracelet at all times, must get randomly tested, etc. I made sure to read the rules and regulations but unfortunately, my roommates didn't. The very first night on campus, my roommates decided to have friends over. I told my roommates that it wasn't allowed but it did not matter. The guests stayed until there was banging at the door. The Resident Assistant working that night wrote us up, and we had to meet with the Dean. While meeting with the Dean, I explained how it was not my fault and I was against having guests over, but I was charged with a $200 fine. Completely upset, I change all my classes to online classes and moved back home. I did not trust my roommates enough to stay. The last thing I wanted was several fines that weren't my fault. When I got home, I was really depressed. I was the only one home out of all my friends and I was back to remote learning. I couldn't see anyone while home and I felt betrayed by my roommates. I felt like my life was crumbling as another semester of my college experience was being wasted. This caused me to have a mental breakdown, and lose all motivation to do work. Four months passed by slowly and I escaped the semester with mediocre grades and a crippling mind. Fortunately, my parents noticed I was not in the best shape of mind. They had me see a therapist and find new activities to do during the pandemic. This got me back on my feet and my friends from home started returning from school. The gap between semesters when well and I was joyful again. However, it was time to decide if I wanted to return to campus for the 2021 Spring Semester. I was torn because some of my friends were staying home that semester and I still did not trust my roommates. I thought rationally and contacted them to see our their semester went. To my surprise, they received 4 fines and one of them had to quarantine. This gave me reassurance that I made the right choice on leaving campus during the fall semester. Currently I am taking the 2021 Spring Semester all remotely and I am happy. I am seeing friends and have synchronous classes. I am confident that I will keep seeing my friends at home and keep a good mindset throughout the semester. I wish for everyone to stay strong during the pandemic and seek help if you're depressed.
• 
  2020-12-10

  Numbskull

  “Coronavirus has taken an extreme toll on my mental health and many others. This image symbolizes the emptiness in my skull. Feeling as though there is no brain at all. Mushrooms growing on the empty decomposed bits of what’s left of the brain. The majority of others, especially students right now, have little to no energy left in them. Unable to keep up with assignments and the feeling of overall helplessness. This does seem dark and scary but that is the whole point. No one is okay right now.” -Julianna Sheridan when being asked to explain why her drawing represents her mental state during the pandemic.
• 
  2020-11-04

  A Little Tired

  This meme is everything that COVID/riots/election America is right now. Nobody’s talking about it, but suicides are way up. Divorce is way up. Casual alcoholism is widespread. People are doing so many drugs it’s insane. People are visibly deteriorating, not taking care of themselves and it’s showing. Men I know who used to be clean-cut and disciplined aren’t getting haircuts, aren’t shaving, and barely exercise anymore. Depression is the real “new normal.” Everyone is affected. Oppressive government regulations, blatant abuse and murder of American citizens by the police, arbitrary emergency orders, and openly fraudulent election processes have broken the spirits of almost everyone. No one even thinks change is possible anymore. People want this nation to collapse and are now openly saying it. All hope has been lost in the hearts of the average American. It’s funny because it’s TOO relatable for EVERYONE.
• 
  2020-11-02

  Election Day Feelings 2020

  As many Americans hit the polls on Election Day 2020, many are left with uneasy feelings of anxiety and depression. There is so much at stake with this presidential election, including decisions about healthcare, women’s rights, the rights of the LGBTQ+ community, and the COVID-19 pandemic. Although election day is on November 3rd, it could be days before a president is chosen due to the amount of mail in ballots casted by voters. Therefore, this election day fear and anxiety could hover over many nervous Americans for days to come. With all the looming negativity, it is best to remember to keep calm and reach out to those closest for support during this very difficult time.
• 
  2020-10-28

  ‘I’m here for you’

  2020 is a difficult year, especially for someone like me staying alone in foreign lands. What frustrated me was not only the difficulties in life, but also loneliness and lost. I have no roommate in Melbourne. Therefore, after the 5km travel ban was issued, I rarely contact with the outside world. Not only that, many of my friends choose to defer their studies and stayed in their mother country due to the plague so I gradually lost contact with them. In this case, speak to my classmates on the tutorial became almost the only way for me to communicate with the outside world. I am not ready to face this situation, and these sudden changes made me so depressed. Social distancing between men made me feel ignored and isolated, and I even considered about postponing my studies. Until a few days ago, I found some cards (as in the photo) from my apartment’s common zone. On the front page of the card there is ‘I’m here for you’, and residents could leave their contact information on the card to people who want to make new friends. I take one of the cards and left my message. Although I have not contacted that person so far, I can feel the kindness from strangers, and the support there makes me believe that everything will be fine. #HIST30060
• 
  2020-10-23

  COVID funeral

  Although the death had nothing to do with COVID I wanted to showcase how many people are being forced to say good bye to loved ones during the pandemic. I attended a funeral this morning through zoom, my friend was killed a few weeks ago in the east coast and today his family laid him to rest. On the plus side I saved on airfare and travel and was able to watch in the comfort of my own home. Most people were live and had their cameras on while others chose to turn them off. Since I was one of those with the camera off, I can say I felt the liberty to mourn as I wished in the privacy of my own space. A few minutes after the service started, I almost forgot I was on a zoom meeting until the sound gave out for a few minutes. The service was like any other I had been to, with eulogies, songs and a picture slide show BUT it was unlike any I had ever been too because it was remote. There were over a hundred people in the meeting from all over the country. Those who were physically in the church wore masks until it was their turn to speak, and the over all theme of social distance and COVID was not lost even among the tears. I snapped a photo to show how I was watching.
• 2020-03-22

  Quarantine Day 7 - 22 March 2020

  It was only the seventh day of quarantine. While my two younger children, (then aged 6 and 3) were still enjoying the "newness" of learning from home, my oldest child (pictured here at age 10) was done learning from a distance. In these three photos, I captured my son physically crawling across the floor to the dog's bed in order to cry. He would eventually cry himself to sleep simply over having to learn virtually. He had had essentially no warning that his life would forever be changed when he left school on March 13, 2020. He went from school five days a week, hockey practice five days a week, and a constant stream of friends to play with to being shut in his house with his parents and two sisters. From Day 7 (documented in the picture), he did not cope well with the change. This is the first documentation I have of what would be later diagnosed as his depression.
• 
  2020-10-20

  Suicide watch

  This post is not my own but it did make me reflect. Social distancing and quarantine are affecting people in a variety of ways. Mostly increasing depression and anxiety. Last week, my cousins twelve year old daughter killed her self. On the outside her life seemed normal, some would even say she lived a privileged life. Internally though, it’s clear that she was suffering. She was silently carrying a heavy burden which because unbearable when she was no longer able to leave the four walls of her home. I can only imagine how many stories there are just like hers. COVID is killing people physically and emotionally.
• 
  2020-04-05

  Corporate Growth

  This is a photo of Elon Musk smoking marijuana on the Joe Rogan Experience podcast, captioned with the phrase “show me the money.” This is a reference to the astronomical growth of the Tesla Corporation in 2020 and the average investor’s potential to secure massive gains, as well as a joking reference to the near worship of Elon Musk that can be found in the subreddit ‘WallStreetBets.’ This subreddit often features ‘absolute madlads’ making huge gambles on stocks (usually TSLA, AAPL, or AMZN) and subsequently either securing massive returns tallying into the hundreds of thousands or losing everything. When most of my family was laid off from their jobs, my brother and I turned to day trading to keep ourselves and our family afloat. I was one of the only ones still employed at the time, and I was doing this in addition to working up to 75 hours a week to take advantage of overtime pay stacked on top of hazard pay. Although only my father and I were still working, everyone in the family still had bills to pay and the rent was still due. Tesla’s stock, specifically, has grown almost 500% this year and is set to grow even more. This meme is somewhat of an inside joke my brother and I had as we began securing leverage and buying covered calls on TSLA to increase our overall cash flow with the little savings we had to work with. We were quite literally counting on Elon Musk and his revolutionary car company that we had placed our faith in during this time to pay our rent. Luckily, it worked out for us. Ironically, the massive transfer of wealth to corporations from small businesses that went under as a result of COVID-19 was incredibly beneficial for my family and I since we invested in the right stocks at the right time.
• 
  2020

  A cacophony of silence

  This is a personal account of my time during the height of the pandemic, how it affected my studies, and ultimately the crushing loneliness of it all. Hello, My name is Shemar Providence and this is my account of the COVID19 pandemic. I will begin at the start of the virus. During this time I was going to classes as normal. The virus had become known as it swept through Wuhan china. My mother and I were worried that it would eventually make its way over to the states. Overall I would describe the climate around the virus as a general sense of apathy. “As long as it wasn't over here everything is fine” was a common sentiment among my peers as well as governing officials. It was the beginning of March when it began to spread like wildfire in new york. The most apathetic of us were now worried or decided to stay home. Colleges began to transition to online learning to stop the spread. Within about 2 weeks, from the gossip to the first outbreak, New york was put into a standstill. I was born with asthma as well as a weakened immune system. For me, the virus was a matter of life and death. I live with my mother who quarantined me in the house until the virus would cool down. We bought masks, hand sanitizer, gloves, whatever we could get our hands on to keep each other safe. During this time the mania had begun all over the country. People were buying things in bulk fighting each other over the most basic of things. It was a mess. it was approaching the end of March. In just a few short weeks I got a glimpse at what pandemonium looked like. Remote learning was a challenge. My neighborhood had poor connectivity issues. For about half of April, I had no internet connection and could not reach 2 of my professors. I ended up not getting credit for those classes. For the other professors, I was able to reach I was able to come up with a compromise. A lot of instructors weren't really well versed in remote learning and would go missing some days. With poor connectivity zoom meetings would stutter and stop. Overall the entire learning process was halted not only for me but for others as well. Considering how many others had a poor connection and were forced to drop classes. The greatest thing to experience first hand was the politics of the virus. You would think a matter pertaining to community health would not become a divisive issue but it was. Like everything in recent years, it had to be split down the middle to appeal to the most radical on both sides. Some people were saying it was a hoax and that the government was seeing how far they could control people. These people felt as though being forced to wear a mask violated their civil liberties. These were the most apathetic of us not caring about what happens to those of us who are less healthy. They bemoaned anyone who would wear a mask as a democrat thus sparking the aforementioned democrats to return fire. And like that the division grew. I think the isolation from the quarantine probably helped to heighten tensions but looking at it live it just seems so stupid. A matter as simple as stopping the spread became a democrat and republican issue, and a rights issue. republican s even put less emphasis on the virus due to it spreading in primarily blue states. It was all truly awful. With the country seemingly falling apart in pandemonia staying at home felt more and more suffocating. The same four walls became a coffin of sorts. If the virus got in I would be done for. However, I was still dead to the world around me. Keeping touch with friends was my only salvation between schoolwork and deafening silence. It didn't help that my own mother kept live streaming the ongoing pain at its height. I couldn't escape it. The death of the depression the pain. It was all around me. People I knew and loved in my neighborhood died and I couldn't even see them go. I grew depressed and more cynical as a person. It seemed like hell. It just kept going and going. School ended leaving me more depressed over my studies than ever. But at least the rate of death had started to decrease. It is starting to get better, slowly but surely. But it still feels as though there is worse yet to come. This year has been so divisive and sad. And I feel like it will just keep getting worse.
• 
  2020-04

  Tweets from Inside a Prison 4/5-4/11/2020 by Railroaded Underground

  These images show Tweets from a prison inmate using a contraband cell phone for the week of April 5th through April 11th, 20202. He talks about waiting in a cage for covid to get him, the poor are the ones imprisoned and now they are at higher risk of getting covid, he sees depression and hope, talks about how old the facility is and the black mold he can see growing outside his cell.
• 
  2020-06-16

  Quarantine's Progression

  This tweet encapsulates the mindsets of many people from the beginning of quarantine in March to the present day. I would describe the first stage as optimism/depression as the full reality of being stuck inside set it. Then came the phase of trying to learn productive skills or keeping busy; for many that meant taking up baking or cooking. Most recently, as restrictions have been eased people have poured into the streets to protest racial injustice. This item was added TAGS v6.1.9.1. I originally searched under the hashtag #coronavirus. Within that search, I have chosen to add the following tweet because it describes the emotional states that people have progressed through as quarantine has dragged on.