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2022-03-25
How COVID Changed my Marriage
I got married in May of 2019. When I got married, I had no idea something like COVID would happen and change the dynamics I had with my husband. COVID happened the first few months into our marriage. With it, my husband had to start working from home. I won't lie and say it wasn't an issue with my husband having to not be in the office anymore. I felt like I couldn't do as many things, as my husband had to talk to clients and go to meetings, where I couldn't be too loud. Another thing I wasn't used to at the beginning of all of this was seeing my husband far more often than just before or after work. With that, I had to learn to communicate better with any issues I had instead of bottling it up as much. As we were together more, I had to learn to accommodate for that. From reading news stories early in 2020, not everyone was able to make their marriages work, and ended up getting divorced after some spouses were made to work from home. I think that is one thing people aren't always aware of being an issue in a marriage. Sometimes too much time together can have the opposite effect, especially if communication was already shaky even before the pandemic. There were a few times I did get angry with my husband for not feeling like I was being understood. With him being at the apartment more, there were more opportunities for me to get annoyed with him. At some points though, the anger wasn't even really his fault, but my own for not dealing with the lockdowns well mentally in addition to forgetting to take medicine or do other tasks. I had to learn to speak more openly about these issues rather than letting them linger. Funnily enough, it wasn't until February of this year that we both really learned to talk to each other more productively. The big fight we had was partly from me feeling jealous of how my husband would talk to his friends more often than he would me, as for a while by that point, we had gotten into a routine during COVID of both of us being on our phones way more than we should be. We later had to come to the agreement to set aside specific time for each other without using our phones. It has already been over a month since that change, and the relationship has improved drastically. Some of my habits that I made to help cope with COVID and general anxiety issues kept me from having as solid a relationship with my husband. Intimacy was another issue that came up due to my husband working from home. Even though we physically saw each other more often, we didn't kiss nearly as much as we used to. I think that sometimes kissing goes to the wayside if people become too busy. This was something we ended up having multiple discussions on, as we wanted to show more affection with each other, but did not think to do it. Overall, the biggest changes that happened in my relationship with my husband because of COVID was the way we communicated. Being together in person more often meant we had to work through multiple issues we had prior to COVID or because of COVID. Being alone together more often may seem like an ideal situation to some people looking from the outside, but with it can bring a host of new issues. Some people during the pandemic learned this the hard way and ended up getting divorced. The problems me and my husband have had were not unsolvable, but they take some maturity to work through without it causing resentment. I think sometimes of what it would have been like if COVID never happened early on into our marriage, and now I am glad some of it did, because I have become a better wife and am able to meet my husband's needs better than before. Life really did hand me one very tart lemon by having to deal with a pandemic the first few years in marriage, which many say are some of the most vulnerable years for a couple. That tart lemon has since been made sweet, but only because both of us were able to recognize problems and figure out ways to help each other. -
2022-03-24
High Functioning Autism during a Pandemic
For those that are somewhat familiar with autism, one might believe the pandemic was perfect for someone like me. People were encouraged not to speak to each other in person, everyone had to keep a distance, and masks were everywhere to conceal the face. These things, for me, were what I dreaded. I had a pretty good routine going before the pandemic. I had just graduated college with my bachelor degree and was getting used to being married. I was also caring for my grandma as one of my first jobs. I got to get up every morning, earn money, and make sure my husband was well cared for. My husband and I would go places for date nights and we would sometimes do spontaneous things like midnight grocery shopping for ice cream. Things were just carefree. Then a few months into our marriage, things changed a lot (more for me than for my husband). I enjoyed going to church in person for both my spiritual needs and for the social aspects it gave me. Once March 2020 happened, I couldn't go to church in person. Church was online and it became harder for me to get into it and actually concentrate. I then just stopped going altogether for a while because I wanted to have that human connection I was missing. Eventually, I was able to go to church again, but I had to wear a mask. I dealt with it even though I didn't like it. It was sad to see so many people's faces covered by cloth. It made it feel like I couldn't connect to people as well. My social skills aren't terrible if everyone wears a mask, but I'm more likely to miss certain cues or tell when someone is joking. I focus on the mouth a lot when people talk, so not getting to see mouths was bothersome. Other elements of my life changed, and autism made it worse for me in some ways. Due to my older habits of wanting to go places more often, the stay-at-home orders that occurred at the very beginning made me feel like a prisoner and that I couldn't choose things for myself as often. This increased my anxiety a lot, to a point of a mental breakdown. My husband was luckily very understanding of my issues, so I was eventually able to recover once I gave myself more work to occupy my time with. Of all the COVID rules I had to follow, social distancing was one of the easiest things for me, but only in a few ways. I was fine with talking in person from a distance, as I already do that naturally, but I was not okay with having to talk to people more often through online video like Zoom. Zoom feels so unnatural because seeing people through video is not the same as seeing them in person. I didn't have to do it very often, but I was greatly unhappy at the annual family Christmas celebration in 2020 was all on Zoom. It didn't feel as festive as I would have wished. Autism in general has made COVID much harder to deal with, and sometimes I think that if I didn't have it that I could have adjusted better to the abrupt changes COVID brought into my life. I did learn some things though. I learned that I need a set routine to get things done, and that if I have a problem, I shouldn't feel afraid to be more honest about it. With my husband having had to work from home due to COVID, both of us have had to work on better communication skills. I don't think everything I've learned from this experience has been bad, but it's also not something I want to go through again. -
2020-09-19
PHOTOS: How The World Is Reinventing Rituals
This article captures images of the continuations of and changes in rituals around the globe during the pandemic. -
2021-03-09
Covid Saved My Marriage
Before covid hit my marriage was in big trouble, after years of sitting on "little" problems and ignoring relatively big issues I got tired of living complacently. My husband and I were essentially living a lie, we lived and acted like we were the picture-perfect couple living a perfectly happy life. In the summer of 2019, a tiny issue finally broke the camel's back and we separated. A few months into our separation divorce papers were drawn out and signed by me, he was in Arizona and I had moved in with my parents and children in California. By January 2020 we had already begun hearing about covid but we still didn't think much of it since it was an issue halfway across the globe. All signed and ready to file for divorce we got hit with a quarantine order in California. My husband asked me to move back home so he can be with our kids since we didn't know how long quarantine would last. I agreed and he drove to pick us up. Living together was odd, especially because we had both gotten used to being without one another. After thirteen years of being together, the separation made us realize we hardly knew each other. We had to try extra hard to get along in front of the kids and at least be cordial with one another. Our state of amicability turned into an odd level of friendship. Six months later he asked if I would consider therapy. I agreed and we started therapy virtually. Things got worse in therapy before they got better (as expected) but the divorce papers were eventually torn up. A year later, I can't say were picture-perfect but I can say that we're happy in this phase were in. Since there was a palpable sense of fear last March, we were forced to think about the reality of life without one another, how would we cope with life/death issues alone, and whether we truly wanted that? Quarantine forced us to face years of issues that had seeped into the foundation of our relationship. Divorce would have been much easier, but this outcome we are living in today is so worth it. In short, I'd say covid saved my marriage. -
2020-12-09T17:33
First Year of Marriage and the Pandemic
I got married on May 11, 2019. There were no masks and no need to distance from each other. In July 2019, I got my first job working for my grandma as her caretaker. Since I had graduated ASU, I didn't have much going on, and I needed some way to occupy myself, as well as make money. I did things such as picking the oranges that would fall from the trees in her backyard and trash them so the area would look nicer. I cooked, I cleaned, and I assisted her in computer tasks that she didn't understand how to do. In December of 2019, my grandma had a few unfortunate things happen to her. First, she got pneumonia and had to be taken to the emergency room. She survived, but was weak. Later on, she ended up falling, and was then taken to a care center so that she could regain her strength and do physical therapy. When my grandma came back from the care center in January, I had a new job. Learning from what the physical therapist taught me, I used the exercise recommendations for her and helped her walk better again. It was no easy task, as my grandma can be quite stubborn, but luckily, she was willing to take direction from me in order to move around easier. We have been doing the physical therapy as part of her daily routine ever since. Due to my grandma's worsening condition, my mom and dad decided to move to my grandma's house in January, leaving the apartment mostly to me and my husband. This change was greatly welcomed, and it felt like we could experience married life without my family intervening nearly as much. Overall, January was a pretty good month for me and my husband. One of the biggest events that happened to me before the virus was the death of one of my cousins. On February 11, 2020, he commit suicide. It was a jarring experience. He had lived nearby with his wife and kid and helped install new electrical outlets in the apartment me and my husband were sharing with my parents until a new apartment opened in that same complex. Despite this, we were able to have a normal funeral, which was nice since it gave me some closure. I mostly felt bad for his wife and kid he left behind, since they would now have to figure out how to continue without him. By the time February hit, I was well aware of the virus by this time, but I was sure that majority of the problem was in China. Earlier that month, I had gone to the Dominican Republic to do some volunteer work, as I knew how to speak Spanish. I noticed travel restrictions to and from China at that time, and thought that the travel restrictions could help. This is why I mostly thought the pandemic was mostly China's problem. This idea was quickly changed when March hit. When March 2020 hit and there was a declaration of national emergency, I was very stressed by it. I kept on having images flash in my head of empty grocery aisles that I've seen from social media. Due to the panic that had occurred over the national emergency declaration, the grocery store in my area was completely out of eggs, toilet paper, and hand sanitizer, and the meat aisle was nearly emptied. There were rations on the amount of canned goods you could get. Me and my husband were able to grab a few, some of which my husband said were the "good ones that no one wanted". After that, my anxiety lessened and I felt like I could handle it. I was wrong, as I was not expecting full lockdowns later that month. By the time April came along, the lockdowns felt so severe to me that I couldn't escape anywhere. Bedsides my husband having to comfort me, one of the only things keeping me sane was the job of working for my grandma. I became even more thankful for that job since had I gotten a job in the service industry, or even a basic office job, I would have likely been let go due to being too new. Additionally, I was working full-time for a while, so money wasn't as much of an issue for me as it was before I had gotten the job. April was also when I had one of my worst anxiety attacks, and so to help me, my husband took me out to get some fast food and eat in a parking lot in order to not feel so enclosed. March felt similar to April. The big difference here though was that my brother had to come back from his LDS Church mission six months earlier due to the pandemic, so we ended up having someone new to live with when he got back. One of the nice things my family did, since church services were changed due to the virus, was having by brother bless the sacrament, as he had the authority to do so. By dressing for church and having it at my grandma's home, I was able to feel a bit more normal again, which helped me reduce my anxiety. When May hit, it was me and my husband's one year anniversary. For this special occasion, I booked an Italian restaurant and were able to dine-in for the first time in months. As more places started to open up, I felt my anxiety decrease, as I knew I could enjoy more things again. I am now writing this all in December 2020. The endless monotony of living without as many places to go has made this year feel like both the longest and shortest year that I have experienced. I know that things will change and things will go back to normal, and that is one of the things that is keeping me happy. My anxiety is the worst it has ever been this year due to the restrictions on everyday life, but I've learned that I can live through it, with the help of my husband. This was a trying year for many people's marriages, and to have this experience within the first year of marriage has made me realize how much I depend on my husband, but also that we can get through many tough things together. -
2020
Dig Deeper to Find Husband in Garden
During quarantine, families were forced to be together 24/7. That situation, along with the usual stresses of marriage led to jokes old and new. This meme shows that the wife buried her husband in the garden--we assume because she just. Could. Not. Take. It. Anymore. -
2020-03-26
Humorous Meme about Sex and Marriage while in Quarantine
This is a meme that offers commentary on both marriage and quarantine. There were questions about the safety of having sex during the Coronavirus period, and one New York Times article even went so far as to say to avoid it except “with yourself.” This meme was a humorous commentary on the state of marriage—couples don’t have sex anyway, so they can just continue on as they always have. -
2020-03-26
Quarantine Marital Problems
When COVID-19 hit and we were all quarantined with our families, the cracks in our relationships began to fracture in some cases. There were a lot of jokes about marriage and this meme shows that this particular couple had fissures so big and the wife was so desperate, she was digging a grave. Her husband was clueless about her plans, but who knows? Maybe he had similar plans of his own. This is funny because of course no one will actually kill his/her spouse no matter how badly they might want to! Right?