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  2020-05

  Sick, Broke and Stuck at Home

  This Is a story about my being at home during covid-19 endemic May 2020. By this point, we were 2 months into lice living with a pandemic in America. Things were not progressing as people thought it should have been. And on top of going through the pandemic, there was a racial war going on. So, Not only was I dealing with being a human being and trying not to get sick Or get my mom, my little brother who is only 5 years old sick, but I was also struggling with being a black woman in America. A black woman with black parents, two black fathers, and a black mother and brother. I was scared to death every day. I hope they're dying because of the pandemic or dying because of my skin. It's still a story is still a feeling that I go through every day. It is December now, but I have a little more hope because of higher beings that I'm hoping and putting a little faith in doing what we need them to do to better our country. Now the name of my story is sick broken at home because, during May 2020, I was all of those things. I was not because of the pandemic, but because I had crazy allergy attacks, I was allergic to something I didn't know I was allergic to, and I think I was just mentally sick. My anxiety was at an all-time high. I was depressed, and on top of the fact I was home with a younger brother who is also autistic, and although he is high-functioning, there are times where he just doesn't understand like most kids don't know what they're going through and why the world is now changing so fast. And having to deal with adult anxiety while also dealing with child anxiety and having to pinch pennies because the government hadn't given me the money I had applied for and been approved for. It was all depressing, and while I am blessed to say that none of my family members who got covid died, it was so scary to know how drastic you could be. Now I know I don't know for a fact if I had to live in there was a point in February where I had gotten very sick and my stepdad had gotten very ill as well to the where we self-quarantine to not get my mother and my brother sick. I had never felt so bad in my life, and I've been very ill for four to the point where I couldn't get out of bed, and whatever flu I had was worse than that. And not three, four weeks later that our country goes through basically a state of emergency with everyone shutting down on March 13th. It was my last day of work, it was my last paycheck, it was my last everything until late May, and I still have the bills to pay. I got claimed as a dependent the year before, so I was one of the millions of college students who didn't get the stimulus check and whose parents didn't get anything for them because they were between 17 and 25. Everything in the country was being held handled during that time did nothing for me; it did nothing to help my family or me. Every day was a struggle, and every day I felt stranded like I was just a number, and nobody recognized the pain everyone was coming through on more than one level. And then you also have people who we're refusing to do what is so simple to do and call minor things like wearing a mask, slavery. How damaging that was to a fair few amount of people, and I'm talking millions of people. This pandemic is not something I'm going to look on with anger or pain because, for one, I met good people after the fact. I had many things that happened to me for the better, but the month of March through May had to be the worst months I'd had in a very long time. And as someone who's been through a lot, that's not something I say lightly. My only hope is that a lot more good will come out of this unfortunate and heartbreaking situation than bad.