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Tag is exactly
disappointment
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2021-02-24
Pinch Me and Tell Me I’m Not Dreaming, Because Your Girl Got Shot #1!
It is, pardon the inaccurate historical depiction, like the Wild West trying to get a vaccine in Southern CA. Los Angeles has been plagued by affluent insiders getting special access codes meant for marginalized populations, keeping vulnerable groups from vaccination. This week, Orange County opened up vaccines to educators, agricultural workers, and emergency services. Before our special educator link was even emailed out to us, it was compromised by an insider sharing it and spots were taken. I obsessively checked my Othena app (Orange County’s official app) but no luck. Yesterday, my husband, also in education so eligible, woke up to a text from his boss that said “Walgreens opened for educators.” I was already teaching over Zoom, so while I continued, my husband sat on the floor two feet away and logged into Walgreens. Thankfully, I had some video clips that I was about to show after our discussion. As soon as I put the video clips on for my students, I muted myself on Zoom and told my husband to log me in on the other computer. It was like getting concert tickets. Click - “this time is no longer available.” After clicking and clicking for a minute, an appointment confirmation came through... for the NEXT DAY. I was in shock and my husband said “don’t get your hopes up” because so many appointments have been cancelled or supplies have run out. And it seemed so unbelievable. I screenshot the confirmation and hoped for the best. In the words of the musical Hamilton, I was not throwing away my shot. I didn’t actually get a confirmation email until 10:45 pm - 13 hours later, but was still skeptical. In a bit of poetic irony, the Walgreens I selected (at random) is 45 minutes away in a city called Corona. So you could say I was headed to Corona to beat Corona. The whole way there, I braced for being turned away. When I checked in, I was shocked it was actually happening. Then they took my temperature. I get cold really easily, so the whole ride to Corona we left the air off (my husband drove me in case I had after effects... and because I haven’t driven since March 16, 2020) even though it was about 80. I also have bangs on my forehead and when I’m nervous my heart races like I’m running a marathon. Bad combo. My temperature was too high for a vaccine. My heart broke inside and the lady looked at me and said “just fill this out, relax, and I’ll take it again.” She did a few minutes later and I honestly don’t know if she flubbed it for me or not, but five minutes later, I had Pfizer shot dose one. And, finding out I was a teacher, the woman administering the shot told me to get my phone out to take a picture! She said “don’t you want a picture?” She was as happy as I was. No joke, as I started getting my vaccine, the very cheesy Natasha Bedingfield song “Unwritten” played on the Walgreens speaker, and after getting my post shot instructions, I walked out of the store (to wander around for the required 15 minutes outside) with Natasha singing “Today is where your book begins The rest is still unwritten.” It was so ridiculous that I really considered maybe I’m in a Truman Show situation. I also teared up because the eleven months of not driving my car, seeing my students, seeing my friends, seeing my family sort of hit me... it’s a lot of emotion to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I did also consider the sobering reality that you have to be tipped off to be able to snag a vaccine appointment. By the time I told people that Walgreens was legitimately open for us, the appointments were booked. While I am overjoyed for myself, I can’t help but be saddened at how this whole process has unfolded. I really hope they can fix the system so unrepresented populations who might not have a boss that can text them as soon as appointments open can equitably access protection. It’s only been four hours, so no side effects yet. I do feel like my entire body has been clenched for eleven months and it has finally relaxed... I may actually get a worry free night of sleep for the first time in a long time. In short, the gratitude I have is immeasurable. -
2020-10-26
Who are you?
It has been weird. A time where the words “pandemic” and “quarantine” are not just being used in a book or video game. Isolation is a weird thing too. It is good in moderation, but what now draws the line between too much and too little? An hour can seem like days and a day can seem to be the same over and over again. I have been delving further into art and music as the days pass. It seems strange that sometimes exploring art and music has the same effect as isolation such that time does not seem to exist in the expected way. I sometimes forget that we are in a pandemic when drawing or alone as if it were already in the past. Art and music have always been in my life, so I expanded on them by trying new genres and mediums. It is not always easy to try new things or to be forced into new things. Often times, I did not appreciate or even like what I attempted in art. It would be quite hard to count the number of drawings I have thrown away or canvases I’ve painted over. Somehow, over the course of quarantine, I have found myself to be more critical of the things that I create. Perhaps it is from being isolated which gives me more opportunities to overthink. Perhaps it is the constant comparison to other people on social media. Perhaps my disgust is not a new development at all, but it seems more pertinent since it is difficult to focus on other things. Of course, this disappointment is crawling into other aspects of my life. The drawing is one that I used to think was decent, but I find myself only critiquing it. It depicts a human floating and wrapped partially in fabric. In October of 2020, I erased most of it and tried it again, but the results stayed the same. Art is interpreted on an individual basis, but I personally found it to be about identity. Everyone wearing a mask made me think about who we really are. I have certainly run into people where I did not recognize them at all with a mask. Part of the identification process is how people look and how they act. If we don’t know who they are, do they act differently? Does this make an individual, a different person? -
2021-02-10
Ubiquity
This is a personal piece, more like a little rant, about essential workers and the ubiquity of the virus. -
2021-02-07
Brussel Sprout Failure
I have been growing Brussel Sprouts for a few years now. I love growing, eating, and cooking with them! I was looking forward to my harvest of Brussel Sprouts during the 2020 season, especially with the Covid lockdowns and all of the stress involved. It was terrible to see that pests ruined all of my Brussel Sprouts plants so I had none. It was the biggest failure of my garden this year and was made all the more disappointing with the Covid situation going on. Here's to the 2021 season and hoping that I can harvest delicious sprouts! -
2020-03
A Year Without Rowing
The end of my freshman (2019-2020) spring semester of college was cut short due to the COVID-19 pandemic gradually growing more and more. Not being able to have a normal freshman year and sophomore year (2020-2021) was not what I was expecting going into college. I have always expected my college years to be full of fun times and rowing but instead they have been full of the COVID-19 pandemic and online school at home. Traveling has been cancelled due to the pandemic which is what stopped studying abroad chances in different countries around the world. Not only was my college years cut short but also my college rowing career as well. Freshman year the spring season was cancelled due to COVID-19 as well as my sophomore fall season and maybe spring. The spring break has been cancelled for the school due to the pandemic which meant the teams spring break training has been taken away which is where we get into racing sprint pieces on the water. Being able to race and perform in regattas at a collegiate level is something I have always looked forward to throughout my high school years. Not being able to have the chance to compete against other colleges especially in the main season of rowing which is spring is something that is upsetting to myself, the rest of the team, and the rowing community. Having limited rowing opportunities for practice such as small boat rowing, small group pods, and the location. Strict policies from the athletics department have been guiding what we can and cannot do for rowing. There are plans for my sophomore spring season of competing against other college rowing teams if the COVID-19 pandemic begins to decline. If the pandemic begins to decline it will lead to less policies enabling the team to practice as a whole team and in bigger boats like 8s and 4s. This will allow the teams to practice at a higher degree on and off the water to become ready to compete in the regattas. The picture that I have attached is from my fall season of freshman year when there was no pandemic going on. I picked this picture because it is special to me because my collegiate rowing season has only been a semester long. Wishing that my next two years of rowing will be COVID-19 free and full of races and regattas. Hopefully the vaccine will help fix the pandemic and move towards the future into a COVID-19 free life. -
2021-01-26
Covid has ruined many trips for many different people
Covid is a terrible way to not go on a trip that you have been waiting to go on. if you wanted to go. what if you were going to visit family and than your flight is canceled due to COVID 19. -
2021-01-24
My Student Staff Lost Their Graduations
I manage a staff of Math and Science student tutors for one of the Arizona State University campuses. In early 2020, five of my staff were seniors who started to get excited about their upcoming May graduations. As COVID-19 started spreading, they began to worry that their commencements would not take place. Sadly, they were correct. It was heartbreaking watching them try to accept that their last four to five years of study would not culminate into the graduations they were so looking forward to experiencing. I tried to comfort them by reminding them that all of their hard work these last several years was about to pay off in a future that would provide them many opportunities to succeed. It did not comfort them. Next, I tried to put into words that although their disappointment was valid, their ultimate goal was not walking across a stage but instead to realize their dreams of becoming scientists, mathematicians, medical doctors, etc. It did not help. In the end, it was what it was. There was nothing I could say to make them feel better. In retrospect, what could possibly have been said to comfort these students who may very well have been the first group since the Spanish Flu pandemic that would not experience a traditional university graduation? This was not a time for words. It was just a time to be there if they needed someone to listen and vent to without judgement. True to form, these five did apply to medical and graduate schools, and forensic science positions. I know great things are in store for them. Hopefully, if this pandemic has taught them anything, it is perseverance in the face of adversity. To not give up and keep moving forward. -
2021-01-24
Anxiety, confusion remain over COVID-19 vaccine rollout at mass vaccination site at CCSF
This article discusses the confusion over how vaccines are being rolled out to eligible individuals in San Francisco. A vaccination site is allowing individuals to get vaccinated without an appointment if there are extra doses at the end of the day. However, while texts are being sent out to let people know they are eligible, without an appointment there is no guarantee they will receive a vaccine if they go to the site; this is leading to people arriving, hoping to receive one of the leftover doses, only to be turned away. This is just one example of how confusion and misinformation about the vaccine is leading to anxiety and disappointment, and a desperate sense of hope that the kinks will be worked out soon so that the vaccination process will improve. -
2021-01-24
My First Day at the Vaccine Shot Clinic
I belong to a nonprofit organization called “Team Rubicon.” We normally devote resources and time to helping communities across the world recover from natural disasters while giving military veterans and Kick-Ass Civilians (my title within the org) a chance to serve in ways not otherwise possible. I’ve worked several community projects over the years, and I recently spent a day assisting one of my county’s COVID-19 vaccine clinics. I anticipated intrinsic benefit from the time spent, but I didn’t understand the extent of the highs and lows I felt that day. At one site in one day, our collective efforts administered vaccine to more than 1200 of our neighbors. Most everyone I encountered was happy, excited even, to be there, despite what has largely become our collective increased levels of anxiety. I have new empathy for healthcare workers who don masks for 12 hours. I interacted with several folks, though, who exhibited truly crippling fear and anxiety. One would not even roll down their vehicle window to speak with us despite the prevalence of PPE on everyone in sight and within a hundred yards. Another patient wore a high-end, professional respirator and swim goggles; they refused to touch any paperwork or documents passed through the sliver-thick they created in their window only for that momentary purpose. I lost my grandfather late last year, and speaking with several folks in his age bracket compelled me to tear-up a few times throughout the day. I’m grateful those grandparents, and likely great-grandparents, will very soon be much more likely to be around for future holidays. A deep breath or two, a forced smile, and on to the next patient. We don’t have the right to project our struggles onto those we’re trying to help. For most of the folks I met, the relief emanated from them like sunlight. Many intended to travel soon, some just wanted their basic freedoms back. Almost all expressed imminent plans to see absent family members and finally hold those most important in their lives. Without fail, everyone laughed when I asked, "Do you have an appointment to get shot today?" For me, the hardest part came at the very end of the day. The last group in line, in fact. A caretaker came in with two elderly patients with significant COVID risk factors. They weren’t on the confirmed appointment list despite having a digital confirmation in their email. For reasons unknown, it appeared to them they had appointments that day, but no such corresponding record existed to support that, which meant there was no vaccine for them. None. Doses could not be brought over or manifested regardless of what everyone wished could be done. As I understand it, the vials are stored in deadly-cold temps and cannot be retrieved for immediate delivery. All the fear, anxiety, and outrage those “confirmed” appointments might have lessened or dispelled for them came rushing back, and their anger had only one target: the guy saying, “No.” I intend to continue this volunteer mission, and I look forward to working ourselves out of a job. Someday, perhaps, this entire episode of our lives can become a bad collective memory we all agree never to discuss again. -
2021-01-22
How I (Barely) Get/Got Through Quarantine
I was expecting junior year to be absolutely terrible since I was in eighth grade. I did nit think it would be spent in quarantine; making it almost twenty times worse. In my opinion, emailing questions and online tutoring cannot compete against in-person education. However, I do not want to risk others lives for selfish reasons. It is quite frustrating, seeing that our 45th president was incompetent. People seem to be more and more selfish everyday; valuing their comfort and fun over others’ lives. I hope we can go back to school before senior year starts. It is would be quite depressing to have freshman year be your only full year of high school. It is also quite depressing to have (almost since not quite) spent two birthdays in quarantine. In a little over a year, I will be a legal adult and will have spent my last teen years in quarantine. I am bitter. However, there were some happy times spent in quarantine. I was able to form a (better) relationship with my family. I was able to bake and exercise more and my mental health became *slightly* more stable. BTS are my favorite artists. I could write whole essays on why. However, if this ever gets onto an AP test in the future, I don’t want to be that person that makes you want to cry. I would know. Simply put, BTS has touched and saved millions of lives all over the world. They have broken millions of language barriers and stereotypes. They challenged the concept of masculinity and have stayed humble throughout. Coming from lowly beginnings, they have evolved and become brilliant people, artists, and role models. They are special to many. They also receive a lot of hate; this is not new. All of it stems from jealousy, racism, and xenophobia. How have BTS affected me? They helped me choose to live. They helped me realize that I was the one that had to save myself. You will hear many stories about them. They helped me love myself. In an era of unrealistic beauty standards pushed upon us through social media, it is almost impossible and kills. They released a single “Dynamite” and an album “BE” with an title track “Life Goes On” in quarantine. In “Dynamite”, their first all English song, they cheered us up and made us smile. They also proved that they were capable of getting Western radio plays and big awards (Grammy nominated); the Western media and industry was just too xenophobic to acknowledge their towering success over a good number of Western artists. In BE, the composed and wrote songs relating to us about how it felt like being in quarantine and encouraging us to keep going. Their title track speaks of the world seeming like it was passing us by as our life feels like it came to a standstill. You should give it a listen. To wrap it all up, I got through quarantine thanks to BTS. It’s like a butterfly reaction. Loving myself leads to confidence which leads to better mental health which leads to more happiness. Of course we still have sad and bad days but much less. -
2021-01-07
Christmas in a Pandemic
My Christmas this year was different than the years before. What is usually a day full of family, was a day of no people, distancing, and zoom calls. My family usually has a giant Christmas eve party, but this year some of my family wasn’t even able to gather together. We were still able to have my cousins over, but it wasn’t the big party experience I was hoping for. My cousins also usually spend the night and open presents with us, but this year they had to go home. We ended up having a nice dinner and we even held a zoom meeting to try to connect with other family members who weren’t there...but it just wasn’t the same. It was the first year where it truly didn’t feel like Christmas. -
2020-11-11
And She Never Got to Finish Writing......
Because of Covid-19, I didn't get the normal senior year of high school experience. I never got to wear my prom dress, appreciate my last day of school, or even had a chance to say goodbye to the teachers who shaped me into the person I am today. I never got to participate in a senior prank, or use the money we've been raising since freshman year to use towards our senior BBQ and senior trip. I never got to say farewell to the people I've grown up with since middle school. Whether I was close with them or not, I would've liked to say goodbye considering I may not ever see them again. This pandemic never allowed me to close the book on my high school experience. No matter how old I get, I will always look back and feel like high school was something that was robbed from me. -
2020-08-08
The Virtual Zaragoza Experience [DUPLICATE]
The screenshot is the 2020 St. Mary's university Zaragoza itinerary. Before coming to St. Mary's, I was told all about the Zaragoza experience, and how it is an extremely important part of the St. Mary's experience. It's a time where freshmen are finally introduced into the St. Mary's family right before school starts. Unfortunately, 2020 freshmen had a very different experience. Our entire Zaragoza was online, and I am very thankful for the Zaragoza leaders' efforts through the event; however, it really wasn't the same as a real Zaragoza. It felt like I wasn't really there, and that I wasn't really a true St. Mary's freshmen. At least, not while I was not on campus. Overall, I appreciate St. Mary's efforts since it wasn't their fault at all. This year's Zaragoza was just collateral damage as we move into this new reality of Covid and its impact on freshmen. -
2020-08-08
The Virtual Zaragoza Experience
The screenshot is the 2020 St. Mary's university Zaragoza itinerary. Before coming to St. Mary's, I was told all about the Zaragoza experience, and how it is an extremely important part of the St. Mary's experience. It's a time where freshmen are finally introduced into the St. Mary's family right before school starts. Unfortunately, 2020 freshmen had a very different experience. Our entire Zaragoza was online, and I am very thankful for the Zaragoza leaders' efforts through the event; however, it really wasn't the same as a real Zaragoza. It felt like I wasn't really there, and that I wasn't really a true St. Mary's freshmen. At least, not while I was not on campus. Overall, I appreciate St. Mary's efforts since it wasn't their fault at all. This year's Zaragoza was just collateral damage as we move into this new reality of Covid and its impact on freshmen. -
2020-04-09
Banned Birthday Celebrations
The spring in my family is full of birthdays. My birthday, my brother’s birthday and my mom are all fall in the month of March and April. Our family tradition is that each person gets to pick a restaurant for dinner and their favorite type of cake. This year, COVID ruined all of our birthday traditions. First, my birthday was the first day the county shut down and we had to eat at home. Then my mom’s 40th birthday was next and she couldn’t believe that her birthday trip was ruined. My mom usually doesn’t cry, but the tears were evident in her eyes. She was hoping for this trip with my dad, but again, COVID ruin that idea. My younger brother was looking forward to his birthday, but all his plans were canceled too. He was supposed to be screaming and enjoying Disneyland with his friend. My brother’s face lit up when we surprised him with a driveby birthday. People had balloons taped to their cars, signing blowing in the wind and candy was being thrown from windows. The constant horn honking could be heard all through the neighborhood. The best part was when my mom’s friend drove in front of the house and handed him a beautiful double-layer chocolate cake with sprinkles and candles. Although we thought birthdays were banned and ruined because of COVID, this simple cake made us all appreciate his birthday. -
2020-03-13
Plans Drastically Changed
I was on exchange in Edinburgh in the first half of 2020, and due to return to Melbourne at the end of June. As borders began to close and Australian government travel advice changed, it became apparent that I'd have to return home some months early. This text exchange with my mother is the first time I flagged my intention to leave early, and captures the rapid pace at which events and plans were changing. HIST30060 -
2020-10-14
Seemingly Innocent Small Gatherings are Increasing Infection Rates
@betsy_klein on Twitter reiterates new information from the CDC director Dr. Redfield that small household gatherings are causing another increase in COVID-19 infection rates. I was surprised and saddened to see this, because I thought small gatherings were okay/somewhat safe. I am also disappointed because this means we have to be vigilant about social distancing again. -
2020-10-02
Parallels between today and the "Spanish flu" of the 1910's
It shows that this time feels very significant in the eyes of those going through it; it made me seek out and reflect on history in an attempt to understand the current moment. -
2020-09-17
Blessing in Disguise
Everyone knows how hard it can be to look at the good things going on in life, when it feels like you are only surrounded by the bad. And during a pandemic it is even harder find those good things. Along with millions of other people, this is the first thing I have experienced in my lifetime that has actually affected every single human in the entire world. I was supposed to do my junior performance recital in April. I was supposed to go to Italy for classes in May. I was supposed to go to concerts in the summer. Obviously, those losses are not nearly as bad as families that lost their jobs or loved ones, but everyone missed out on something no matter how big. In the beginning it honestly sounded pretty nice. I remember sitting in the living room with my friends looking at how inexpensive flights were and planning out the fun things we were going to do with our free time when schools canceled classes. We definitely did not believe they would be canceled for the rest of the semester and we would be sent home and not allowed to travel. It was really hard to come home and not be around my friends or even allowed to go see people I did not live with. I really did just sit around and sulk for a while. But then I realized how grateful I was to at least have a house to sulk in and have loved ones to sulk with. Being forced to come home from school gave me so much extra time with my family that I never would have gotten if COVID didn’t happen. I got to bake and cook so much with my mom and watch movies with my dad and play games with my brothers. I got to try new things like painting, and I was able to read more, and I definitely got a lot more sleep. I mean don’t get me wrong I would have much rather been traveling or going out with friends and living the life of a college student, but this pandemic really made me realize how blessed I am. Even in the worst of times, there is always something good to focus on if you just try. -
05/05/2020
James Ziehr Oral History, 2020/05/05
This is part of a undergrad/ grad project at UW - Eau Claire for a public history course, taught by Dr. Cheryl Frei. -
2020-05-31
Losing Months of Hard Work
Every student athlete looks foward to reaping the fruits of their labor, by competeing in their season. This year, athletes across the world were denied that due to the unfortunate circumstances. Months of hard work in order to prepare, gone down the drain. Not only will many miss their season, but with the current situation of being confined in your home, I expect for people to even experience a degredation in the proficiency of their sport. However, staying optimistic and avtice at home is a great way to get all of our minds off the many things everyone is missing due to the lockdown. -
2020-03-27
Calm in the Time of Coronavirus
Psychology Professor Susan Orsillo offers advice for practicing mindfulness amid the unprecedented challenges posed by COVID-19, and anxiety expert David Langer, also on the Psychology faculty, has tips for families as they cope with a host of fears and responsibilities during the coronavirus pandemic. "It is natural for us to feel anxious about COVID-19, given how quickly our routines have become disrupted," says Orsillo. "Many people are struggling with significant challenges: the illness of a friend or relative, financial struggles, balancing childcare with work, loneliness, and the disappointment of canceled plans. Practicing mindfulness involves acknowledging that these stressors are real and painful and being kind to ourselves." -
2020-05-05
COVID-19
The Various Emotions of a 21 Year Old in Quarantine -
2020-05-03
Study Abroad
In an alternate universe, this week would probably be a lot more different. Prior to this whole COVID-19 thing, I was planning to study abroad with my school to Italy. I planned this as far back as fall of last year, and I was getting pretty excited. I was unsure I would even be able to go at first, but my mom encouraged me to go for it. After filling out all sorts of stuff to go on the trip and to get financial aid, my worst fears came true. Not only was the virus ravaging the globe, it especially hit Italy pretty hard. I was really looking forward to be able to go over there and learn more about the country's culture and history, but it's looking more and more like that won't happen for a while. I've never really gone out of the country before, so this would've been a very new experience for me. Even so, it's not that big of a deal. I'm sure I could always go another time when things have cleared up and the world is in a better condition. What I'm more concerned about is how it will affect other people in general. I imagine that tourism is a big facet of Italy, and that people not being able to come could hit them really hard in addition to its effects on internal affairs. While I'm not sure about what the outcome of this pandemic will be for everybody, I am sure that the world will never be the same after all of this. -
2020-04-04
Orlando testing site closed fast again!
Orlando testing site closed fast again! while sitting in it. 250 tests a day with restrictions to qualify for testing in April is not acceptable from our country in my opinion. #HST643 -
2020-04-29
The Last Week
A personal account. -
2020-04-28
Celebrating
This is a meme surfing Twitter that has grossed popular attention. Although it pertains to only a very specific group of individuals, it's an insight to common conversation during the pandemic. It is one of the satires that people can only live in to understand. -
2020-04-23
“Porch”rait Photo
One of the things I love to do is travel so in 2018 I created a vacation board of the places I’d like to travel to over the next 5 years. Well, COVID-19 changed my plans for 2020. #REL101 -
2020-04-23
Intro to Public History
A college student's perception about the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic on college students. -
2020-04-22
Personal Impact of the Pandemic
A Word document file of what my experience with the pandemic has been as well as the impact it had on my family -
2020
We were rooting for you
A popular meme at this time is Tyra Banks, host of the show America's Next Top Model, yelling at a contestant named Tiffany. This meme uses this format to show how people are disappointed with how the year 2020 was turning out to be due to the pandemic -
2020-04-02
Students Affected by COVID-19 Instagram Account
An Instagram account created to support college students affected by COVID-19. Students have the option to submit posts anonymously to express how they have been affected by COVID-19. -
2020-03-14
For Many Athletes, Coronavirus Means the End of College Careers
New York Times