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divorce
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2022-07-20
Graduating in A Pandemic
Disclaimer: I understand that my story is not as unique or impactful as others. Many people's lives were ruined beyond repair. My derailment is quite insignificant when compared to the devastation of others. It is however, my story, and I have decided to share it anyway. Perhaps it will add to the narrative of why recent graduates are struggling the way they are. In May of 2021, I graduated from one of the top public universities in the United States with honors, distinction, a 4.0 GPA, and the outstanding senior award for my department. Despite the pandemic, there was still an expectation to do great things. All of my professors, friends, and family constantly told me what an exciting future I had ahead of me. The pandemic had other plans. All of the graduate programs I had decided to apply to were not accepting applicants due to the pandemic. They did not have the funding or ability to allow new graduate students to conduct research. Instead I tried to apply to jobs within my field, but because their buildings were closed to the public, they were letting people go, not hiring on. Without scholarship money or a well paying job, I could no longer afford my apartment. Many of my friends had moved back into their parents house and I thought to do the same. Unfortunately, like many other couples during the pandemic, the forced proximity had made my parents' house volatile. I could not move home, because my parents decided to move across the country and get a divorce. I tried to move in with my paternal grandparents, but my grandma was to ill. She ended up dying that summer. After a summer of floating around, living out of my car and random family members houses, I moved in with my maternal grandparents. At this point I felt miserable. It seemed like my entire life had fallen apart in the span of two months. I went from the top of my class, a bright future ahead of me to working minimum wage. Just as I was beginning to feel like I was back on solid ground after moving in with my maternal grandparents, my grandfather died too. I felt cursed. A year later, I am working an amazing job within my field, living in a condo with friends, and on track to receive a master's degree this winter. Things are finally looking up, but I don't know if I will ever fully emotionally recover from living through this pandemic. -
2021-04-23
Difficulty set to hard
This is based on my personal experiences. I started off 2020 by having just separated from my wife, such that we were both looking for divorce. This can lead to many difficulties even in a normal setting, but it took the normal difficulty of the things I was going through and turned it up a few notches. I started the year off without a job, car, or place to live. I was able to move in with my mom and take care of the housing situation temporarily by living in her front room. I then had to start looking for jobs. I found a job through a temp agency to get me back on my feet. Eventually, it became time for my to find a more permanent job better suited to the path forward I wanted in life. My last day of work at the temp job was right before spring break. I had planned on taking care of life things during spring break, before looking for another job shortly thereafter. There were no jobs. So many businesses closed during and after spring break, that the number of people desperate to get money for rent and necessities, took all available jobs almost instantly. I spent nearly 2 months looking for another job. Eventually I was forced to cave, simply because what should have been adequate amounts of money while looking for a job, was used up in the wait. I not only had to take another temp job, but the only ones available were jobs with a high rate of people leaving them. So I worked at one of the worst jobs I have had the displeasure of working. In that process, there was an instance of covid starting to spread through the factory. So this factory with over 1000 workers, made a mandatory covid test for it's workers, and sent us all home for a week. Anyone who's test came back positive, had their id rejected at the turnstyle when we resumed work. Unfortunately my body couldn't take the hours required for this job. And so I was forced to leave it also. And in doing so, I was no longer able to stay with my mother. So for the second time in a year, I was jobless and homeless. And this time, the root cause was covid. I went to stay with my aunt. But my grandmother and grandfather are particularly elderly and vulnerable, so everyone there was on high alert and wary about covid. So I was quarantined for an entire week to one room so that I would be able to be monitored for any symptoms. Shortly thereafter I was back on the hunt for a job that would help me progress forward in life. But yet again, even in a completely different area of Oklahoma, there weren't any jobs to be had. I was only able to push myself like that for a month before I looked for another solution. I had a friend, who would lend me his couch even on a permanent basis if needed. So I took him up on that offer. And I moved from Oklahoma to California. That drive was more or less the most impactful part of covid to me. I had seen the roads get empty on my way to/from work as people had stopped non-essential travel. But Oklahoma didn't have an enforced mask mandate. We could still go to the store, or pay for gas for our car, without being required to wear a mask. Many businesses still had indoor dining even. But in that trip, the realization of the impact of covid, hit me. It was at the only gas station for 20 miles in either direction in the mojave. I walked up to the door to go in and pay for gas. And for the first time that year, I saw a sign saying masks were required to enter. After that, every other location I stopped at was the same. There were no more places I could go without a mask. Covid, was having a real and significant impact on other things in the world than just jobs, and people's financial struggles. After having made it to California, in a particularly populated area with plenty of jobs, I was still unable to find a job for two months, simply because of how the rest of the year had gone for me. Simply by requiring a stable work history, I was no longer able to apply for most jobs. Finally I did get a job. I got one in the food industry. And the impact of covid hit hard there too. After having finished my training, and worked for about a week, the state mandate came that closed both our indoor dining. A month later, outdoor dining followed suit. We weren't allowed to take drinks back to add things we may have forgotten, and instead had to remake them entirely, because of covid safety precautions. I've had my temperature taken every single work day since I started, which was unheard of in times before covid. Twice, we've shut down the store because a partner tested positive for covid, and everyone that worked with them was placed in a mandatory two week quarantine. The impact is so strong, that the company is even providing 2 hours paid time for both doses of the vaccine, as incentive to get vaccinated. It's clear to see, covid has had an incredibly strong impact on life, and turned the difficulty level of many peoples lives up beyond manageable levels. -
2021-03-09
Covid Saved My Marriage
Before covid hit my marriage was in big trouble, after years of sitting on "little" problems and ignoring relatively big issues I got tired of living complacently. My husband and I were essentially living a lie, we lived and acted like we were the picture-perfect couple living a perfectly happy life. In the summer of 2019, a tiny issue finally broke the camel's back and we separated. A few months into our separation divorce papers were drawn out and signed by me, he was in Arizona and I had moved in with my parents and children in California. By January 2020 we had already begun hearing about covid but we still didn't think much of it since it was an issue halfway across the globe. All signed and ready to file for divorce we got hit with a quarantine order in California. My husband asked me to move back home so he can be with our kids since we didn't know how long quarantine would last. I agreed and he drove to pick us up. Living together was odd, especially because we had both gotten used to being without one another. After thirteen years of being together, the separation made us realize we hardly knew each other. We had to try extra hard to get along in front of the kids and at least be cordial with one another. Our state of amicability turned into an odd level of friendship. Six months later he asked if I would consider therapy. I agreed and we started therapy virtually. Things got worse in therapy before they got better (as expected) but the divorce papers were eventually torn up. A year later, I can't say were picture-perfect but I can say that we're happy in this phase were in. Since there was a palpable sense of fear last March, we were forced to think about the reality of life without one another, how would we cope with life/death issues alone, and whether we truly wanted that? Quarantine forced us to face years of issues that had seeped into the foundation of our relationship. Divorce would have been much easier, but this outcome we are living in today is so worth it. In short, I'd say covid saved my marriage. -
2020-10-26
2020, the year EVERYTHING changed
2020 has been the craziest yet most boring year i’ve experienced. I remember on New Year's Eve when the clock hit 12, me and all my friends screamed with enjoy for what was to come in the new year. Before covid, I lived in San Ramon, went to school at Cal High, and worked at Primos in Danville. Now I live in Alamo, do online school, and don't have a job. Before, my Dad would come home from work at about 6 and my mom would come home from work after 8. Now, I'm stuck home with my mom all day everyday. My experience during quarantine, I feel has been different then many others. I lived in the same house my whole life. My parents got divorced, leading us to sell the house. My 1,400 square foot, 3 bedroom, 2 bath, house sold for almost 1 million dollars. My entire life has changed during the covid pandemic. I barely see my friends anymore, and see my family all day everyday. My brother chase was graduating from cal when the pandemic hit. A couple weeks into summer he started saying he was tired. We got an email from one of his friends parents saying that chases friend tested positive for covid-19. I knew right them that chase had gotten it. We all went and got tested and just as i suspected, he also tested positive. Thankfully chase was the only person in my family who got it. The only symptoms chase had was fatigue. That was the only direct contact I came into with covid-19, that I know of. At first I didn’t think quarantine would last long. Here it is 227 days later and the numbers are still rising. Nothing will be the same as it was before covid. -
2020-04-15
All is Lost
I was an associate editor for our student magazine "The Lakelander" at Lakeland Community College. I became infected by Covid-19 on March 23, 2020, two months before I was to graduate with honors from the school. Our student staff gathered on-line to talk about our final magazine for the school year and we asked everyone to write about their experience with the pandemic. This was my submission. The Lakelander is print only, so it is unclear when or if these stories will be published. -
2020-04-01
I hear lots from the news about quarantine causing divorce rate increase.
Living in such close quarters is bound to cause arguments among couples. This causes an uptick in divorces at the end of COVID-19. The more anxious we feel may cause us to take that out on the person that’s nearest to us because there is probably no one else we can take it out on. My neighbor has this problem. Sometime I will hear them arguing about their children's problems. For me, I don't think it is a big deal, but they will argue it a lot. -
2020-04-17
Divorce in Quarantine
A personal account of the pandemic.