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exhaustion
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2022-06-26
Flying with Disease
Flying home from a tournament, where my team suffered defeat after defeat, I was not aware of much outside of my muscle aches, my mental and emotional exhaustion, and the bitter taste of failure in my mouth. The first twenty minutes of the flight was uneventful, just the occasional cry of a child, the subtle rock of the plane in turbulence, the dim light by which I read my book. Soon, as the turbulence died down, and the child fell asleep in the arms of its mother, every single person on the plane became distinctly aware of the continuous coughing of a lady wearing her mask. I had forgotten to grab one for the flight home, despite every intention of wearing one, and nobody else on the flight had one. Conversations noticeably died down as the coughing continued, and even seemed to get more frequent and intense. I put down my book, donned my headphones, and tried to watch a movie to drown out the noise. People shot furtive glances at the lady in question, all of us wondering from the sound of her cough, if she had Covid. The more I heard it, the angrier I felt, and the more afraid I got. I am an athlete and young, so would likely be fine if I caught Covid. However, my girlfriend and little sister are both high risk, and I did not want to risk exposing them. I managed to calm myself as to not make a scene, worthless at this point tens of thousands of feet in the air. I could not know the situation of the lady, whether she had a choice to be on this flight, or had to return home, attend a funeral, or whatever other reasons she may have had to go on a flight, sick, while there was a global pandemic. All I can tell you is that from the sounds of uncomfortable shifting in seats, the murmurs pointed at the lady, and the otherwise silence of the formerly talkative plane, nobody felt entirely safe or comfortable. I ended up catching Covid-19, and unknowingly giving it to my girlfriend who I live with. Despite having to take her to the hospital briefly, we both ended up fine. Whether our cases of Covid were from the lady on the plane or somebody else, I will never know. But the sound of incessant coughing during this pandemic still has the same effect wherever I go, creating a perceptible unease. -
2020-09
Feeling Exhausted from COVID
When COVID-19 first came to America I was employed as an assistant manager at a warehouse in northeast Wisconsin. Generally speaking, the city I live in is somewhat conservative and reserved. On a day-to-day basis, it is typically tolerable (despite my liberal and progressive philosophies) and the people are, on average, kind and helpful. However, as COVID infections increased and much of the proposed solutions to help curtail the spread were politicized, it became increasingly exhausting to exist around others with less-than-helpful and uncooperative attitudes. This was mentally draining, to say the least. On top of that, I was starting to work more and more as members of the staff were on a quarantine carousel. In a short amount of time, I began to routinely work 16 hours (or more) a day. Not only was I spent on an emotional and mental level, the nature of the work I was expected to do was leaving me physically beaten. As hard as I tried not to be too upset with those that had to stay home, I couldn't help but feel anger at those that weren't taking the pandemic seriously. I felt I was doing double-duty: I was not only working in place of multiple employees but I was doing my part to help stop the spread of a virus that was causing serious harm. To top it all off, I was feeling guilty for having those feelings while still being employed, having a healthy family (and not suffering any losses), and being able to continue my way of life pretty much unaffected in a major way. This was certainly a time of mixed feelings and emotions. Although this may not be exactly what is meant by 'sensory history', it is hard to pick other sensations of a greater degree I had felt. -
12/11/2020
Wyatt Weisensel Oral History, 2022/11/10
Wyatt J. Weisensel was born and raised in Sun Prairie Wisconsin and now works as a software developer for the Orbis Corporation. In the interview, Wyatt discusses how COVID-19 has affected his life, especially his work. At the time the pandemic started in March, he was teaching English in Japan. He shares his views on how, after getting back to the U.S., he needed to find a job, which turned out to be quite a difficult process. He also touches on how politics has affected the U.S. response to the virus. -
2021-10-06
The Desperate Cling
When the pandemic hit the small town I resided in March of 2019, the aftershock evoked a hopelessness that was unexpected. Growing up learning “stop, drop, and roll,” I presumed catching on fire was going to be much more problematic than pathetic trauma that has consumed my generation. In seventh grade, my school spent the day watching planes hit the towers on 9/11. Then that night watching the strength of my single mother dwindle while recording the news on VHS tapes. I believed my resilience created from the past had prepared me to get through this pandemic. I was much less resilient than I had anticipated. I worked as a barista in a grocery store and had seen the hatefulness and treatment this once friendly town provided. Before moving to this small town I would visit in the summer and found it difficult to understand how perfect strangers could treat each other like lifelong neighbors. The cloud that had fallen upon this town was shocking. 6am when the grocery doors opened I would watch what seemed to be half the town race with carts, baskets and bags to the designated “hot spots.” (Toilet paper, rice, beans, and bread) I watched as my co-workers were interrogated by their neighbors over product. My coffee kiosk was quiet compared to what it had been and that gave me time to observe the change in demeanor from my co-workers as well. The emotional exhaustion of their own fears along with half of the town coming in to dump their fears and baggage onto them as well; The physical exhaustion of working 60-70 days, pushing product and covering shifts. It was a mad house. It was hard to see the toll on such a warm and friendly town. Customers, co-workers, strangers would indulge dark, inappropriate and ugly opinions I had never expected, especially not in this sleepy town. I could feel the darkness and fear of other steeping into myself. It became difficult to be patient and interact with others. By the end of the day I would be so emotionally spent from pushing myself to be a courteous light for a beacon of all that sadness. I was bitter for this, finding it difficult to cling to my hope in humanity. I wasn’t anticipating this type of reaction from society when faced with such a colossal disaster like the world had reacted after 9/11. So in a way, I think I was resilient to the events but I was unprepared for the worlds reaction. -
2021-07-13
Indonesia’s Daily Cases Surpass India, Marking New Epicenter
Indonesia surpassed India’s daily Covid-19 case numbers, marking a new Asian virus epicenter as the spread of the highly-contagious delta variant drives up infections in Southeast Asia’s largest economy. The country has seen its daily case count cross 40,000 for three straight days -- including a record high of 54,517 on Wednesday -- up from less than 10,000 a month ago. Officials are concerned that the more transmissible new variant is now spreading outside of the country’s main island, Java, and could exhaust hospital workers and supplies of oxygen and medication. Indonesia’s current numbers are still far from India’s peak of 400,000 daily cases in May, and its total outbreak of 2.7 million is barely a tenth of the Asian giant’s 30.9 million. India, with a population roughly five times the size of Indonesia’s 270 million people, saw daily infections drop below 39,000 on Wednesday as its devastating outbreak wanes. The Southeast Asian country reported about 900 deaths daily on average in the past seven days -- compared to just 181 a month ago -- while India reported an average of 1,027 daily fatalities. -
2020-07-07
2020 can feel like a nonstop spectacle of grief and exhaustion led by a menacing villain.
2020 can feel like a nonstop spectacle of grief and exhaustion led by a menacing villain (think of the bad guy from @disneyaladdin) . One thing that helps me break free from this is taking a moment, putting on my favorite song, and dancing like no is watching. (think of the bad guy from @disneyaladdin) . One thing that helps me break free from this is taking a moment, putting on my favorite song, and dancing like no is watching. -
2021-02-24
Zero Options
Through my journey of motherhood, I have often felt like my "superpower" derived from simply having no other option. As a military spouse, a grad student, and a mother of two I often go the "I could never do it" talk from kidless friends and family. I wouldn't say that Covid has created more of these conversations, but I do feel like mothers have been more vocal about this aspect of motherhood. I feel so connected to my role as a mother through this global pandemic. Mothers are coming together and sharing the ups AND downs. It's hard, it's exhausting and draining, mothering during a pandemic seems impossible, but mothers get it done, just as we did a year ago before Covid. This Instagram post says mothers have not been given a superpower to get through this pandemic, I think Covid has shown me my superpower though. My tribe of mom friends encourages me, uplifts me, and grounds me at the same time. We laugh together, we cry together, and on tough days, we drink together. -
2021-01-22
Anxiety of the Bed
I guess anyone in pre- or post-Covid-19 pandemic would find me crazy when I say I would like to try and sleep in the street given the chance. One thing I take out from this pandemic is that even though I can’t leave it, I absolutely despise my bed. Oh yes, I am talking about my bed, the object that shoulders my tiredness; and the sheets that keep me warm and cozy at night. But also because of that warmth and coziness, that I had been late to my 0 period class three times in just one semester. For the record, in my entire life in America, I had never once skipped or arrived late to any class, even when I had to wake up an extra hour and bike along the freezing cold mornings to get to school. Now I understand what my family means about the danger that lurks behind idleness. It is not common for me to be at ease in the mind, especially when time is not on my side. But when my mind tells the alarm clock to snooze for another 15 minutes or so because I can quickly get up five minutes before class instead of 2 hours back in the old regular pre-pandemic school day, now that is trouble. Flashback to being in my Medical Core class and studying the histories of pandemic at the time, I somewhat already know we were going into quarantine very well soon because well, let just say, humanity never learns from history mistakes and also because the United States’s healthcare is already a dead end. I’m not going to further criticize the horrible leadership of our soon-to-be-impeached-twice president. But remembering back to the life before the pandemic, I proudly shake hands with my past-self for knowing how to enjoy every moment in life. That day when our school principal sent an urgent quarantine message, I was on my way home carrying a bag of snacks that probably lasted me for a week after hanging out with my friends on our usual Friday afternoon, before being cooped up in the room for more than a year, possibly more. It’s laughable now that I remember the exciting and joyful reactions of spam messages from my friends in all different group chats and compare them to how desperate we all want to escape to hellish quarantine and return to school. My friend was joking around on how I was different and I was because I was never fond of the idea of being stuck at home and knowing that a fluid borne, respiratory disease was sticking around for some time caused me to have anxiety. I hate being at home, not because I’m an extrovert but because that place frightens me, but I am not going any further into that. I am so used to my bed and huge four walls surrounding my rooms, along with family members that I’m so sick of everything. Being on my bed in exchange for those motivational times that I spend walking or biking home or playing sports in my school means that I gain weight despite skipping meals, being non proactive, being tired out by every small thing and being distracted from school. Being on my bed also means that all my free time is spent contemplating life, which is good but mostly bad. In a way, in these uneasy times, it always brings out the worst in people’s mentality, unfortunately, not excluding me. I guess all those extracurricular activities, school works and all the sporting things I do are ways that keep me distracted from my innermost thoughts. But when I lay on my bed to think, those thoughts surface and they give me anxiety and depression in ways that others feel ridiculous but to me, they take me into deep sleep with tears. I quarreled more often with my family and with the limitations of my room and no human interaction with my friends on online conversations, it did make me feel really lonely and melancholic. I did try to find new hobbies but I’m limited to my room only. Both me and my foster family members never see each other as family so there was never any reason to join the dinner table. There was no way of getting out and being alone aside from the going to school for certain businesses. I’m honestly emotionally and physically drained, even when I’m not using much energy to move around the house. Now, how I wish for everything to return to normal. I hope that people who read this will remember to learn how to appreciate their life in every moment and way possible and that they never give up given any situation that follows their way. -
2020-09-29
The Struggles of Living During a Pandemic
This journal entry was written as a part of the American Studies class at California High School in San Ramon, California. During the COVID-19 pandemic, I have faced a series of challenges. The biggest challenge I have faced is my emotions and accepting myself. Being stuck at home has raised my anxiety levels, and question my self-worth. I feel like when I was outside, around my friends, I was much more confident and free- but being isolated really damages you mentally and emotionally. A challenge that my family has faced is that they usually love going outside doing exercise, and they always take us out for runs. However, now that my sisters and I are extremely occupied with school, we can only manage to go together around once or twice a week. A major challenge for society is adapting to remote learning. It has been a very difficult process for myself and other students as well. Staring at a big computer screen for 7 hours is extremely draining, and I find myself falling asleep during the middle of the day, and I even fell asleep during my AP Biology lecture, and I am not the one to fall asleep during school. I also crashed to sleep yesterday immediately after school ended because I was so worn out and exhausted from school. It’s a lot, and I really hope a vaccine for the virus comes our way soon, because I don’t know how I’m going to be able to handle online school for the rest of the school year. -
2020-12-01
Involuntarily Online
The easiest way to explain the feeling is exhaustion. As somebody who doesn't learn well independently nor online, this year has been hard in so many ways. Entering my third, yes THIRD (fourth if we're going to count spring 2020), fully online semester, I can only express what I feel as exhaustion. Mentally, physically, and emotionally, it feels as though there is not that light at the end of the tunnel everybody is talking about. While I know my troubles are surface level compared to the tragedy faced by many this last year, the turmoil I've experienced as a result is truly starting to hit home. I'm not the best online learner, I never have been, which is why in my time in college I have specifically designed my classes to fit into in person lectures only. My University has begun to transition into on campus classes again, although I am one of the few I know who have yet to have an in person option. While life isn't ever fair, it is difficult to continue to believe in a system that is providing resources and in person education to some, with no clear indicator of why they were chosen, and leaves others to continue to try our best. I love my school, I would not want to be anywhere else hands down, and I do believe that they are doing what is best for not only the student body, but our surround community as well. But gosh, am I exhausted. -
2020-07-23
Australian Health Worker quote on difficulties of Mask
Masks] makes it very hard to hear anything which makes it really hard to be discreet about anything on because you just raise your voice so that you could be heard Quote from Female aged 30, Aged Care Nurse. Image created by the Health Worker Voices project: https://mspgh.unimelb.edu.au/healthworkervoices -
2020-03-10
Nurse collapses at desk with mask still on
A nurse working in a hospital near Milan collapses at her desk for a 5 minute break. The photo was taken by a coworker while they had been working round the clock. This hospital was in the middle of the crisis in Italy, and the healthcare system was overwhelmed. -
2020-09-03
The Mental Load Of Motherhood Has Never Been Heavier
I know I’m not the only mom hurting right now. Many moms across the world in this period of uncertainty are hurting. We’re hammered with issues. Not being able to leave our homes the way we want to. Not being able to see our friends. The fear of sending our kids to school. Deciding if we should take a vacation to bring some normalcy back into our children’s lives. To improve our mental health. Financial stress. Stress about when this pandemic will end. Taking care of our children 24/7 without a break for the last five months. Caring for kids and working at the same time. Supervising our kids’ virtual lessons. Increasing anxiety and depression. The list goes on. This pandemic has brought so many moms to their knees. I see you hurting, exhausted, anxious moms. I see you running on empty. I see the toll that it has taken on our children and on our families. I want to offer some advice that I know I would appreciate getting. Next time you see a mother and want to offer support in a way that won’t kick her while she’s already down, rather than tell her to find a silver lining in this chaos that we are living in, simply respond with “I am here for you. We will get through this together. I know it’s hard.” -
2020-05
Zoom Fatigue
With the pandemic came online learning and being forced into a class room situation where everything was mediated through our screens. I found this learning style to be mentally draining and had felt that I was alone in my experience when all I saw online was people celebrating the wonders of connecting through zoom. Seeing this infographic which acknowledges zoom exhaustion and breaks down why it happens and ways to overcome it was really nice. It shows that my experience is felt by many and while technology has allowed many of us to stay connected it isn't with negatives. HUM402 -
2020-05-20
Essential Worker Exhaustion
A sign taped up in an unknown store window expressing the staff's frustration and asking for kindness following incidents in which customers were rude to already overworked staff. -
04/19/2020
Living through Covid-19: 04/19/2020
This is a journal entry that specifically focuses on the transition to online learning and the practice of social distancing. *anonymous *This was intentionally a journal/diary entry therefore it was done through a word doc. -
2020-04-10
Quarantine Mood
This image of my dog sleeping on the couch, despite being an adorable take on the subject, is a visual representation of how many people have been feeling during quarantine. I made this meme on Snapchat a few weeks ago to make light of the way I personally have been feeling. After sending it to my friends and getting responses back about how relatable it is, I was relieved to know that I was not the only one feeling this way. The pandemic has caused a state of constant stress in a lot of people, which is very draining and results in higher levels of exhaustion. I know personally, this has caused me to feel isolated and alone, but the good thing about internet culture and memes is that it can show us that we are not alone in what we are feeling. And that sense of hope and community can get us through this, together.