Items

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  2020-03-13

  How I got involved with A Journal of the Plague Year

  In March 2020, I was working with two other history graduate students on an oral history project of an international non-profit agency. We'd conducted several interviews, and had some scheduled for the week of Spring Break, March 9-13. COVID-19 turned into a real thing that week; the number of cases seemed to be escalating, schools and universities were starting to shut down, all capped off on Wednesday, March 11, with the World Health Organization declaring that a global pandemic was underway. I had an oral history interview scheduled in downtown Phoenix late in the morning of Friday the 13th. I doubted whether the interview would really go forward, but had not gotten the word that it was cancelled. I booked a rideshare to head downtown for the interview. As we were headed down the freeway, a rather freakish thunderstorm started, unusual for that time of year. When I was about halfway downtown, I finally got the word that the interview was cancelled. To not waste the ride, I re-directed the driver to the Arizona Historical Society in north Tempe, where I needed to pick up some things for some other work I was doing. The historical society was open, but there were very few people there. I picked up what I needed, and decided to walk from there across the river to campus, where I could meet my wife and get a ride home. As I left, the storm clouds were pretty dramatic, and I took the attached photo. On my walk I crossed the Mill Avenue bridge and passed Tempe Beach Park. Workers were taking down the tents and other equipment for the St. Patrick's day festival, which the city had just cancelled. I got to my wife's office, and we went home. As it happened, my wife was on her last day before moving to a position at another department at ASU. She reported there Monday morning and was sent home with everyone else in her office by noon. Also, my son was home for Spring Break from the University of Arizona that week, and he never went back that semester. When I got home that Friday, I found that my colleagues on the oral history project and I had gotten emails from Drs. Mark Tebeau and Catherine O'Donnell about a new project, which they were calling "A Journal of the Plague Year." The idea was to start a historical archive of what we could already see was an event of significant historical impact. This archive would come from the contributions of ordinary people, not content selected by archivists. I was happy to jump over to this new project. It gave me a new project for the semester, but above all it was very interesting work on a very innovative project. Over the next few weeks, I started working with the team curating the new collection, which grew rapidly to thousands of items. The number of volunteers expanded beyond ASU, and I found myself working with people from other institutions around the world. That Friday the 13th stands out for me as the day the pandemic closed everything down, but also opened up opportunities.
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  2020-03-14

  March 14, 2020

  I remember this day being either right when or right before the quarantine was implemented in my area, and having to run down to CVS to grab something or other. I remember standing in the aisle with my friend, laughing at the paranoia so obviously displayed in the wiped out sanitizer shelf. I had an incorrect feeling that everything would blow over soon.
• 2022-09-12

  WHEN CORONA AND SATAN ROBBED ME OF MY FAMILY...

  WHEN CORONA AND SATAN ROBBED ME OF MY FAMILY... (Alternative title: When the hourglass runs faster...) A Corona Story by Berthold von Kamptz Gustav Walters, 48 years old, divorced, was in the dock. He had three children and was a photographer. The judge and jury wore black wardrobes and sat in their seats. There were his accusers - his family members, which will be discussed here later. And the audience that saw only one thing in him: no more people - only the guilty party. At this trial, Gustav tried - without a lawyer - to defend himself in front of this mysterious court on Lower Road in the Wineburgh district of Montgomery in the US state of Alabama. However, unsuccessful - which will be discussed in more detail later. The judge's (judgement pronouncer's) voice thundered ominously across the room as he pronounced his verdict and Gustav's alleged offenses ("corona sins", as Gustav called them) came to light. “Wilful murder of his son Martin by pushing him off the Keystone Bridge motorway bridge in Old Sutherdale (off the C 13, ... motorway) in Montgomery on 11.11.2021. "Sentenced to death", was the verdict. Gustav was shocked when he heard the verdict. The verdict that would finally seal his downfall, his fate. And that would mean death: death by lethal injection. I (Scott Stevens), who was happy with the Walters family, who knows the case well and had written it all down, will explain why it happened later...Also what happened during the corona crisis from mid-March 2020. At first Gustav, who had received the verdict, was shocked. "That can't be right", he said. But that was the case. On the one hand, he was glad that - in view of the death and the verdict - which seemed absurd to him - his entire family was absent. His "loved ones" whom he still loved (despite everything they had done to him or he to them - depending on how you looked at it, because the course of the alleged actions, accusations were still absurd, strange or far-fetched or lies to him, for him which his family had thought up - but he was here in the courtroom and not without reason - so it must be serious). A family that was now broken They were all here now to testify against him. And that dampened his joy at seeing her. After the verdict was announced, several police officers grabbed him. Handcuffed him. (Was that common, he wondered? Why don't I have a fair trial? Why didn't I hire a lawyer? he asked himself. You can't just...tear off his thoughts.) "I'm innocent!" Gustav shouted through the courtroom. But no one listened to him. It was like he was talking against a wall. There was a completely confused world he had gotten himself into Totally unreal. And no one seemed to feel sorry for him. He was able to scream "I'm innocent" three times in the courtroom - without anyone noticing. Then they led him away Get out of the courtroom. He was then dragged outside the courthouse and pushed into a gray van that stood in front of the courthouse. Two men guarded Gustav in the narrow space of the transporter and held him. Then the drive to the prison started. After about half an hour of agonizing driving, they arrived. Gustav saw from the van window the prison building that was somewhere (he was later informed) in the New Blackcastle district of Montgomery, Alabama. This was a huge, desolate block of a prison that reminded him of "Atracaz" or something similar, and there was also a courtyard that was just a desolate place fenced in with barbed wire in front of the prison building, in which some desolate and bloodthirsty-looking figures ran unheard of, who could probably become his prison colleagues while he was still alive. He strongly suspected it. There was no tree anywhere near the prison building...Everything was gray and desolate and his depression and his longing for death and at the same time fear of death and his own downfall increased more and more. Gustav was taken to the desolate, gray prison building by a prison guard and three men, then they went down a flight of stairs with him, then they walked down a dimly lit corridor that led to a large basement room containing several small prison cells. Gustav took it all as if through a fog It was completely unreal. Shortly afterwards they reached the large basement room, which contained at least ten prison cells. Most of the prison cells appeared to be empty at a glimpse. Then they went to a prison cell that was on the far left of the room. The jailer unlocked the door and then they led Gustav into the barred prison cell and locked the door, Gustav looked around nervously there. His prison cell was only about six square meters in size, containing only a closet, a lousy bed, a small desk and a small chair, a few books, a small table, a small chair - nothing else. He sat down on the chair. “I want a capable defense. A lawyer", Gustav said to the men who had led him into the cell. "Now you're here. We can't do anything more", said the prison guard. "I want a lawyer immediately. The verdict is not fair!" shouted Gustav. “contact the Prison Director. He’s coming tomorrow.” Gustav sat down on the chair and started crying. A short time later he got up, ran to the door, but it was locked by the prison guard with the gaunt, skull-like face. Gustav shook against the prison staff. “Let me out. Let me out. I'm innocent", he shoutedIt was a plea that wasn't heard. He looked into the dimly lit hallway There was no one to hear him. Because the prison guard with the gaunt face was suddenly gone. And also the three other men Gustav waited about two hours. He screamed and cried. Then finally someone came. When he looked closer, he knew: it was the jailer again A sense of hope briefly flickered within him. And but went out after the depressing conversation that followed. “Is this really a death sentence that awaits me? Or maybe I was drunk in the courtroom and I imagined everything?" Gustav asked. "Because I had just drunk a whiskey bourbon that I had in my bag." "You will be convicted. And you know what to expect", said the prison guard. "I'm challenging the verdict. I want a calling. A fair trial", Gustav complained. "That probably won't work anymore. If the judge and jury agree, the verdict applies. Only in the rarest of cases do we appeal", replied the prison guard. "Not all evidence has been evaluated. And...why exactly are I being accused? I don't understand", said Gustav. "I neither longed for nor caused the death of my son Martin", explained Gustav. “yes.” "Actually, I don't like guys like you. But I will be nice and address you respectfully. But without "Sir'", said Gustav. "You don't have to say sir to me. You can talk to me normally. I'll make an exception for you here", said the prison guard. "By the way, I'm Mr. John Travis." At that moment Gustav didn't care what his name was. “Okay, Travis. So again...I was wrongfully convicted,” Gustav said. "Your son Martin was standing at the motorway bridge. And you pushed him down. After an argument. Because he didn't perform as well as he wanted at school. That's what I heard", said Mr Travis. "He was my everything...my everything, you know?" Gustav tried to explain. "The relationship was tense. You had left him too.” “No....he had been taking drugs. He went to the highway bridge in the dark at night and bought drugs from a guy there. I couldn’t let that happen...there was an altercation...” "And then you pushed him down?" asked prison guard Travis. "No...it wasn't like that", Gustav replied. "The judge doesn't see it that way." Gustav was silent for a while. Then he said ": I had had two heart attacks. Doesn't that count? I lost control. I made mistakes there. It happened in battle. Because I wanted to take away the drugs that could have killed him.” "You could have explained this in more detail in court", said prison guard Travis. "I was scared. I was cornered...like a wild animal...I suddenly... hadn’t had the right words in my mouth anymore”, Gustav stammered. “Yes. right. I'm sorry. Run stupid.” “I want a lawyer. Because I don't have one yet. I would like to appeal. I challenge the verdict. The verdict is totally unjustified.” "The jury has to decide that", Travis replied calmly. "What a strange dish this is. Am I in Europe in the Middle Ages? 16th century?" Gustav asked. Strangely enough, Mr. Travis then said nothing. "I will not accept the verdict or regret my actions. I'll go on hunger strike - if justice doesn't happen and if I don't finally get a capable lawyer. Should a case have to go to the governor. Or Amnesty International...” said Gustav. “Yes. I'll talk to the prison warden.... He will visit you soon", replied Travis. “When’s food? I'm hungry", said Gustav. “Tonight. A few breads with cheese. Tea. Something to drink.” Then he left again. Gustav waited quite a while. Just three hours. Then the prison guard Travis came by with a tray of food and something to drink: an orange juice, three loaves of bread, cheese, sausage, some jam. The Travis unlocked a small window on his cell door. The man then pushed the tray of food and orange juice through the window, greedily Gustav grabbed the tray of food and drink. Then Travis closed the cell window. "If you want, I can bring some more tea." “no thanks. It's okay", replied Gustav. "Enjoy your meal", said prison guard Travis. “Thank you.” “please.” "All of this must be a mistake. I'm innocent", Gustav said again. "Everyone who comes in here says that." "There has to be another chance for me. A tiny little chance", said Gustav. “no. Now you'll stay here until the verdict is carried out", said Travis. Then Gustav sat down at the table with the food. “i am innocent. I want a lawyer", he shouted again. "I'm sorry. I can't do anything about it. You can talk to the prison warden. But that won’t do much good.” "I want to at least deal with something. I want to read books. To write. Because I have been writing for some time. So I need a pad, a pen, some books", Gustav made it clear to him. "I can get you a pad upstairs and some books. Someone wants to bring you something later too - that's what I heard", replied Travis. “Yes, see you then.” “i will.” Prison guard Travis left again. Gustav sat on the chair in his cell for a while. Then after a while he got up and looked into the prison hallway There was no one there. Gustav began to cry bitterly. Then the guard came back He had a white plastic bag in his right hand. He unlocked the door of the cell windows. Then he handed him the bag with the pen, the notepad and the books through the cell window, which Gustav then took. He thanked him for it Then prison guard Travis closed the window again He watched Gustav critically. Then Mr. Travis sat down on a chair at a table in front of the prison cell. There was all sorts of paperwork on the table Gustav started talking again in his cell. “When’s the game over? When will this be appealed? I finally want to have a lawyer", he said. "Don't you know what I said? That the chances in such a case are slim?" asked prison guard Travis. "But you have to try the best. At least try", said Gustav. “i will do my best. What else can I say?" “Ok. I guess I’ll have to be patient..” “Yes. And then there is news. You’ll get a cellmate.” "When?" "It's coming tomorrow", said prison guard Mr. Travis. Gustav changed the subject again. “are you saying...do I have any chance of a pardon? Have you ever witnessed what people like me who are waiting to die have been going through in the last few days, hours and minutes? Have you seen my hands shaking? I'm scared. Do you understand?" Gustav asked. “I can understand you. That's human. But...Your situation is pretty hopeless. Don't get your hopes up too high", prison guard Travis replied in a calm voice. "How many cases like me have already been pardoned?" Gustav asks. “How much? Out of a hundred, only three.” Gustav suddenly thought of his uncle Richard, who had died of cancer a few weeks ago and from whom he had only recently inherited his house. There were only three out of a hundred percent chances. He would only live here for a few days or weeks. Then he would be dead and end up in the cemetery. Nevertheless - that was his opinion - one should fight. And even if it were only three percent chances! Uncle Richard ended up dying of cancer, but at least he had struggled with his illness for a while and tried his best. “But there are those who are lucky. There are these opportunities. Even if it were only three percent chances. And I have the right to a lawyer", said Gustav. "I told you: Don't have any big illusions. This is rather hopeless.” Gustav took the notepad and the pen out of the bag that the prison guard Travis had given him, sat down in his chair at his small desk and - completely filled with fear and conflict inside - wrote down just a few notes in Kladde for a while: That, what he had experienced here and what was said in all conversations. And some arguments in his defense. After a while he got tired, turned off the bedside lamp light and lay down on his bed. He tried to sleep. But he couldn't sleep a wink. He kept thinking about his impending execution. And remembered that every minute that passed brought it closer to its end. And what a fear he had! Would he suffer if the time came? Would it happen quickly? Slowly? And then after the execution he would disappear from the scene - from the world - forever. It was all so absurd for him! And if they gave him the poison injection, his entire family, from whom he had become estranged, the prison staff, among others, would be there. What a disgraceful death on account of an unjust sentence he would suffer! And as badly as the death of his son Martin affected him, he kept reminding himself: He hadn't killed him! It was an accident. Gustav lay awake on his bed for a while and thought. He stayed awake for a few hours. Then - early in the morning - he heard footsteps. He looked from his bed to his prison door, there he saw through the bars how three men had grabbed a man and were taking him to the neighboring prison cell to see him on the left. One of the men was the prison guard Mr. Travis. He walked behind them with the keys to the prison cells and prison cell windows in his hand. After prison guard Travis unlocked the cell door of the neighboring cell, the three men took the man to the prison cell. Then one of them closed the door and Travis locked the door again. "I'm innocent", the cell neighbor also shouted. "But I'll be released soon. Waited it out.” “Let’s see. You're here until the execution", one of the men said to him. “Get ready. Food comes at 9 a.m.", prison guard Travis said to him and Gustav. Then the men left. First there is silence. Gustav was still lying in bed and didn't dare speak to the man - his new cell neighbor - next to him in the neighboring cell. And the new cell neighbor didn't seem to be particularly talkative either. About an hour passed and Gustav, who kept trying to sleep, still couldn't sleep. After a while he lost patience, got up, turned on the bedside lamp so that he could see better despite the dim morning light that fell into his cell through the small cell window (which gave a not very good view of the desolate courtyard), then sat down at the small table and began to write. Some thoughts and arguments that might be important for his defense. He was writing for about half an hour when his cellmate spoke to him. "Hey...how long have you been in here?" he asked Gustav. “me? I came here yesterday", Gustav replied. “Yes. And I am right now, "said the cellmate." Let's see how this turns out...", Gustav replied. "And what did you do, why are you here?" asked the cellmate. "Murder. And alleged other stuff... But ....that’s not true....a mistake happened there,” Gustav replied. The cellmate laughed. "Everyone says that", he said. "And what did you do?" Gustav asked. "I supposedly killed my wife. With a candlestick in the living room...She died instantly. But...it wasn't me", he said. "Really?" Gustav asked. “It wasn’t me. Another killed her and is framing me for the crime. And I want to prove that. And that’s only because I first found my wife dead on the floor in the living room, and accidentally touched the murder weapon...and now here I am.but I’m innocent!” he said persistently. “That’s bad. Then we're both sitting here innocently", said Gustav quickly. Although he believed that the cellmate was more to blame than he admitted at that moment. Because killing his wife and then claiming that someone else had committed the crime and that he was innocent sounded like an excuse to his ears. He probably didn't want to admit his guilt. Or was it different? And how was this investigated? Only the cell neighbor and those involved in the case knew all this. The fact was that it had been investigated and it had been concluded that he was guilty And so he was here now, waiting for his end. Since Gustav himself was in a difficult, even hopeless situation, he didn't care. “Yes. Exactly", the cell neighbor replied to Gustav's claim that they were innocent. "And the death penalty awaits us!" asked Gustav. “Yes. Injection of poison", said the cell neighbor. "In such situations, yes." “and are you scared...?” Gustav asked. “Of course. Nobody is so tough as to take it that way...but you have to go through it... I'm tough...I still have a trump card up my sleeve", said the cell neighbor. "Fact?" said Gustav. "I have a clever lawyer. It helps me get out of here. He'll get me out of here soon. The verdict is being challenged. There will then be an appeal and then I will be released", he explained. "Really?" “Yes. It will come out later that I won't be killing her, someone else will... My lawyer had also called me and told me that new evidence has now emerged that will exonerate me. They just have to all be on the table.” "That sounds good", Gustav replied. "And you?" asked the cellmate. "I don't have a lawyer....that's the big shit." “you’re really in a fix there.” “Yes. I have to think of something." said Gustav. “Then don’t think twice. Because that could mean the death sentence.” Then they were silent. And Gustav continued writing Then a man came with a trolley. The "food distributor", as Gustav later called it. He didn't know what his name was. There on the trolley were two trays with food (cheese sandwiches, an egg on each plate, two slices of sausage) and drink. The "food distributor" got a tray from the trolley, went to Gustav's cell, unlocked the cell window door and handed Gustav the tray with the food and drink through the window. (It just fit right through.) Then he closed the cell window again Then he went to the neighboring prison cell and unlocked the cell window there and handed the tray of food and drink through the cell door window to the cell neighbor And the cell neighbor took it. Gustav and the cell neighbor thanked him. "I would like to have more sausage next time", said the cell neighbor. "That will happen next time for once", the man in the food truck said to him. "And I hope we get out. A lawyer will visit me tomorrow", said the cell neighbor to him. “I understand that. The prison warden is coming straight away with a doctor", said the man with the food truck. Then he walked away. "Fucking shit. Now we're sitting here", said the cell neighbor. "Difficult situation", said Gustav. He noticed his hands shaking. "What's your actual name?" asked the cell neighbor. "Gustav." "Nice name. I'm Riley Miller.” "Pleasant", said Gustav. "I had only been put in another cell for 2 weeks - where I also had to deal with other prisoners. And then - after my death sentence was confirmed, I was moved here. My lawyer is trying to get me out of here", Riley said. "I understand", replied Gustav. "What do you do for a living?" Riley asked. “i’m a photographer. And partly a writer", replied Gustav. “That’s interesting....and what do you write like that?” “Just my memoirs. Diaries. what concerns me so much.” "There's a lot to write here. What you experience here, for example", said Riley. "Yes", replied Gustav. "We don't have much time. At least not you.” “neither of us.” "Who knows", said cell neighbor Riley. He seemed mysterious. "What is your job?" asked Gustav. "Plumber", Riley replied briefly. "You certainly don't earn badly there." “Yes. But sitting in the cell...is of no use to you either.” "That's right "But I won't be here long..." said Riley. "Oh yes?" Gustav asked curiously. “Yes. You’ll see it...” said Riley. “wait and see.” Then everyone in his cell sat on his chair and started eating. The two cheese sandwiches, the egg that each of them had on their plate. The cell neighbor Riley was - he casually reported a short time later - hungry and ate everything very quickly. And also quickly drank the orange juice. And Gustav also quickly ate his food and drank his orange juice. Then they heard voices. And again three men came and brought a man into one of the cells - from their point of view somewhere on the far left in this huge room. He was black. About 27 years old. His ancestors probably came from Africa. Then four other men ran past their cells with another prisoner and took him to one of the cells somewhere on the left. This was probably a middle-aged European. "But more and more prisoners are coming to this prison", Gustav remarked. "Yes... crimes have increased since Corona", explained Riley. “So...is that so? I think it stayed the same", said Gustav. “I hardly believe that. People don't have any money. Everything is getting more expensive", Riley corrected. “Yes...society is on the brink. Incompetent governments around the world...” “Hey...by the way...I’ll definitely get out of here.” "Yes?" "I sucked the guard's cock. And the lawyer. And one of the two prisoners who had walked past here. Because I was in a different cell before...One is a hot guy with a big c...They'll definitely get me out", Riley explained. “Oh, actually? You had a wife, so I thought...: "I'm bisexual. I've been oriented a little "differently" since the corona crisis. I used to be mainly interested in women. Today, since Corona, also for men", Riley replied. “Oh,..yes, good luck then. Not everyone is so lucky. You're lucky that you have a lawyer. That's what I mean", said Gustav. "And he'll get me out..." said Riley. Again they heard footsteps. Then they saw two men walking down the aisle. They came straight towards their cells. “I know who that is. The doctor. And the prison warden", Riley said. "Do you think so?" asked Gustav. Shortly afterwards the men - that was the doctor and the prison warden - stood in front of Gustav's cell. “Hello. You are Mr. Gustav Walters?" asked the middle-aged man with a mustache. "Yes", said Gustav. "I am Mr. Wilson, the prison warden. My job is to look after the prisoners. Greetings.” "Hello", Gustav simply said. Then the doctor, a small man with thinning gray hair, who was standing next to the prison warden, took the floor. “and I’m Dr. Stone.” Dr. Stone wanted to continue talking. But Gustav got nervous and interrupted him. "What do you want from me? Why are you here?" Gustav stammered. “Quite calmly. I want you to be well, that everything here is running smoothly", said the prison warden, Mr. Wilson. "I will die soon. I'll be executed....With the lethal injection. Know what that means to me? Do you know how I feel? I'm scared. My hands often tremble", Gustav pleaded. “I understand what you’re going through. We also have some cases like you waiting for the death penalty to be carried out. And yet we're trying to keep the prison population doing well these last few years...." explained Mr Wilson. “I appreciate your efforts. But... it's about my life. I didn't have a lawyer at the court hearing. I need a lawyer now. I want to get out of here", said Gustav. "Why didn't you have a lawyer?" asks Mr. Wilson. "I was convinced that I didn't need a lawyer and that I could defend myself. That was a big mistake I had grossly overestimated myself. I thought that none of this would develop like that", explained Gustav. "That went badly", Mr. Wilson simply said. "I need a lawyer now. The verdict must be appealed.” "The verdict is clear. An appeal is not possible.” “But you have to do something. You have to get a lawyer to get me out of here. That has to be possible through. You have to try", Gustav begged. "I'm a prison warden. That's not my job. Surely you will have visitors? One of her family can take care of it or some of her family members... ? A friend? But the verdict is set...there’s nothing more that can be done. I am sorry.” "But it must be possible to challenge the verdict!! That's absurd!! Crazy!!” shouted Gustav. "I already told you. There's nothing I can do about it", replied Mr. Wilson. "Why am I being executed? There are people who have done worse things than me. Who killed someone in cold blood!" shouted Gustav. “but you have, according to the court filing.” “no. Just not. My son fell off the highway bridge. Fallen! It was an accident.” "There's something else in the file", Dr. Stone into the conversation. "I don't care what it says. It's about the truth. And I didn't kill him. And didn't deserve the death sentence", Gustav replied. “i can’t do anything about that.” “Why me? Others are much worse and are released. And of all people, I get the death penalty? When it's not even clearly proven that I'm the murderer. Where is that fair?" asked Gustav. "People want to make an example of you. To deter potential criminals", tried Dr. Wilson to explain. "But that's crazy. That won’t do any good.” “That’s right. I'm not in favor of the death penalty either. Because in her case it doesn't really change anything in my opinion. Because what if an innocent person is accidentally executed? This can also happen. Believe me... I’m even sorry. Many support execution. And there are also some people out there protesting that you are to be executed. These are the opponents of the death penalty.” “Yes... just. That's a glimmer of hope There must be a possibility. Because I am innocent.” “i can’t change it. The file says you're guilty. And the verdict is clear. I am sorry.” They discussed back and forth for about ten more minutes But the prison warden, Mr. Wilson, stood firm. He couldn't and didn't want to do anything. Then Gustav turned to Dr. Stone. "And why are you here?" he asked Dr. Stone. "I am Dr. Stone. I'm the one who will give you the poison injection", he said. "That's nice", Gustav said cynically. “And how will that be? Agonizing?” "It won't hurt. You get a catheter in the veins. In both arms. And then the poison flows into the veins. In both arms to be safe", he explained. "So? To be on the safe side?” Gustav asked. “yes.” "Will it at least be quick?" "It will happen very quickly if they don't defend themselves. Because if you don't fight back, the poison works better, the more they fight back, the worse and more painful it gets. And it will take longer then and certainly be much more painful.” Gustav was silent for a while. Then he said, “: you know...that’s very hard to wait for to die like... Although the death of my son Martin was bad and I didn't want to live at times", said Gustav. "Do you think it's easy to lose a son?" “I don’t have a son. But I can imagine that", replied Dr. Stone. “They can’t. And then I am accused, sentenced to death and have to wait for execution. Do you know how hard it is? Because I have two more children who need me.” “who - I heard - don’t want to know much about you.” “oh...you know that? You know shit. My children need me. A father And not a mother who drinks alcohol all the time like my ex does. And always goes to discos. She's probably having affairs too...Do you think that’s okay?” "You can't prove that your ex has had affairs and also goes to discos. That shouldn't have been the case. That’s what I heard.” "Oh, you heard it? From whom?" Gustav asked angrily. Then Dr. Stone. “How do you know all this so well? They seem to know everything", said Gustav. “Mr. Walters. Please stop.” "My family hadn't treated me well either after the two heart attacks I had. The younger daughter - her name is Ginny and she is now 18 years old - laughed at me and called me a stupid loser, a good-for-nothing (even though I'm only 48 years old) who is of no use. Is this envy because I have an interesting job as a photographer and she is dissatisfied with her teaching? Even though she used to just chat and smoke and laze around at home all day during the corona crisis! I'm glad that she's now at least completing her apprenticeship as a hairdresser. Then there is my other son Tim. He's 20 years old today. He dropped out of school during the Corona period. Fortunately, he became interested in music very early on. Plays keyboard. And his older, older brother Martin - who was 21 when he died. He sang and played guitar. And at some point they both - Tim and he - played in different bands. At first I thought it was great or acceptable. But then they fell into bad company. Things were really bad during the corona crisis. While I had to work hard - because as a photographer I had lost all my photo assignments - the children, or rather young people, got more and more on the wrong track and they spent too much time in front of their laptops or cell phones. My children chatted with all sorts of guys", Gustav said. "And what kind of guys were those?" asked prison warden Mr. Wilson. Then Gustav explained in more detail what had happened. "Some guys came from the dark wave, gothic, death metal scene. Actually, I have nothing against guys like that. Everyone should do what they want. There are certainly people who are okay with this in terms of character. But some of them were really weird, they deal with dark magic. Spiritism and stuff. I don't want to say too much! Because you should stay away from it. Sally - I mean my wife - was mad about it! And me too! We did a "scene" at home! We really freaked out when we found out that two of my children - Tim and Martin - dealt drugs when they left the apartment and also used them. I told them to stay away from the drugs immediately. Me and my wife pointed out the dangers of drugs. After the first corona relaxations in May 2020, Tim and Ginny finally became more sensible. Ginny - as I said - then did an apprenticeship as a hairdresser. Tim apprenticed as a plumber And Martin apprenticed as a tiler At first I thought my family was going in a good direction. But that was a mistake. Only Tim and Ginny became a little more sensible But Martin? Tim completed his apprenticeship and stopped taking drugs. Ginny became more sensible and affable Only Martin developed disastrously. He took more and more drugs. He changed, he became aggressive, physically attacked me, for example punching me in the face. What had gotten into him? And he broke off his apprenticeshipI suffered terribly from it - and I got heart problems and ended up with two heart attacks in a rowI thought my children would be more considerate with me because of my health problems...Wrong. The relationship with my children was still not good. Martin in particular - as I said - was bad. We often had arguments about his drug problem. And he freaked out over every little thing. He left the apartment more and more often. Once Martin left the apartment, went to the highway bridge and bought drugs from a guy like that. I knew about it. I followed Martin to the highway bridge. I met him there. I asked him to stop taking drugs and give me the drugs he had bought from a guy there. This led to an argument. Martin hit me. Several times. Then, standing quite close to the railing, he suddenly lost his balance and fell down the highway bridge onto the edge of the highway. And I later got the blame and my wife Sally accused me of never loving him because it wasn't my biological son, but the son from her first marriage. Which of course wasn't true. Martin was my son too!” Dr. Stone interrupted him. "Then that wasn't her son at all?" he asked. "Yes." "But not your biological son?" “no. I wasn't Martin's biological father. Because his biological father William died of cancer at an early age. Right after his birth. And shortly after breaking up with Sally. But I tried to become his father when me and Sally later learned to love each other, then lived together and later got married.” "But you then became his father." “yes.” "Who really loved him?" “Yes. He was like my son. I loved him. He was my son.” "But somehow the relationship with her non-biological son wasn't that good?" “I loved him....but frankly, I was overwhelmed as a dad. I also had to work a lot. As a self-employed photographer. Especially during the corona crisis, when I lost my orders. Me and my ex had three children to support. It wasn't all easy. I tried. Tried to... take care of my kids. But it wasn't enough", said Gustav. While he was telling this, a film was playing in front of his eyes. And probably also with the prison warden and the doctor Dr. Stone. Even if the film in front of her eyes was a little different than Gustav's. Gustav had tears in his eyes. The prison warden, Mr Wilson, was little impressed. Gustav suspected what he was thinking. He was probably still convinced that he (Gustav) had murdered his son Martin. Only the motive was not entirely clear to the prison warden Mr Wilson thought very probably: presumably Martin's drug addiction, violent, aggressive, rebellious, cross-headed behaviour,...and his threats to him (the father Gustav) and his family had finally been the last straw and when Gustav W. had caught him again at the motorway bridge with drugs, he freaked out, also because Martin became more and more of a burden and threat to him and his family. Also in financial terms. Then there was an argument and a physical altercation and then Gustav simply pushed him - his non-biological son Martin, with whom he probably didn't have such a strong bond as his biological sons - off the Keystone Bridge motorway bridge and made it look like an accident. So he got rid of him and all the problems he had caused. And he could no longer threaten him and his family. What exactly the prison warden, Mr. Wilson, was really thinking remained unclear to Gustav The prison warden, Wilson - although he could also be partially understanding despite his strict nature and despite Gustav's efforts to convince him of his innocence through explanations - was unwilling to help him. Doctor Dr. Stone didn't do anything that was really helpful either, he just stood there in front of Gustav's cell and listened. He probably wasn't convinced of his innocence either! He saw everything wrong and one-sided in Gustav's eyes and did not realize here that there were two sides And a lot of errors in the process. And that the investigation was sloppy and wrong and the verdict was wrong and unfair Nevertheless, Gustav continued to talk in the hope of convincing him and the doctor Dr. Stone still to convince and change his mind. Because he had no other chance. "It wasn't enough. I just couldn't get it all together anymore. And in the end the relationship failed. And then the family", said Gustav. "That's tragic", said Mr. Wilson coolly. "I tried. But ... it wasn't enough. Like my other son Tim, Martin fell into the wrong company and started taking drugs. He was in contact with people from the dark scene. Dark guys. Darker than you can imagine. And they often hung out in cemeteries, often dressed all in black, wearing weird, black jewelry, amulets, some weird books Luckily, Tim soon changed. But Martin didn't change. That's why I often had arguments with him. And his mother with him too. We advised him to go to therapy so that he could get off drugs. But it didn't work. His drug addiction got worse and worse. And with his dark trip. And he became more and more aggressive The Pater "Father" Wyatt Warren of my Free Church, which I used to visit with my family from time to time, knew Martin. He once noticed Martin throwing a tantrum and insulting and insulting me. He said Martin was completely "off track". Obsessed. Under Satan's influence. I did what I could to help Martin. It didn't work. Then I had my first heart attack. As already mentioned. I thought my family would help me. But that was a mistake. The children continued to treat me badly. Once went out of the apartment for a walk. And then in the park I met Father Wyatt Warren again from my free church, which I had been looking for from time to time. He sat on the park bench. After a conversation about Martin, he said ": Watch out. Satan stole your family. He'll take your family away from you. Satan’s traps and attacks are not unknown to me.” At first I thought it was a "fake" or "joke" But he was right. After my first heart attack, I soon had my second heart attack, which was also due to the family stress. My family didn't help me in this situation again. Neither does my wife Sally. She didn't give a shit. And my children certainly didn't help me. The hardest part was with Martin. He not only used drugs, but also sold them. And he often insulted and threatened me. Also his brother Tim and sometimes his sister Ginny and his mother, but they still stuck by him. Forgive him again and again They also let too much go, trivialized his problems. Then the lockdown ended on 20.4.2020, there were the first relaxations and the shops were up again - even though clubs, restaurants, cinemas, leisure facilities,... were still closed. The children Ginny and Tim also became more normal - as I already mentioned. They learned their lessons and stopped taking drugs. They became more sensible There was only Martin, who was causing problems. I had two heart attacks because of him! Sorry for repeating myself and being so tense inside. But I'll tell you everything in more detail now Especially about Martin. One day I overheard a cell phone conversation Martin had with a guy like that. I found out it was a drug deal with a guy like that. Martin wanted to buy drugs - cocaine - from a guy and they wanted to meet on the highway bridge. He went there after the cell phone conversation. And I followed him secretly. After Martin bought the drugs from a guy on the highway bridge, the guy walked away. I spoke to Martin on the motorway bridge and advised him to stay away from the drugs. He hit me. I fought back. But he kept hitting me. Then he lost his balance ... and fell down the bridge It was bad. But it wasn't my fault. He was completely on drugs!” "Can you prove that it was like that?" ask Dr. Stone. “no. But it was... an accident. It happened just like I said.” “Mr. Walters. You committed murder, according to the record. This is a serious charge. And everything indicated that it was even a cold-blooded murder Proving otherwise will be difficult in this case. You won't be able to get out of this so quickly, Mr. Walters", said Mr. Wilson. “I didn’t kill him... Also ...Everyone makes mistakes sometimes!" said Gustav. "But the mistakes you made are too big. You have made too many and too big mistakes. And there were the other charges.” "And would they be? I want to hear it again", demanded Gustav. "You know them", said Dr. Stone. "But I want to hear them again!" "I'll explain that to you later. You know that very well. They neglected their family...” "And that's why the death sentence awaits me? Plus, I didn't neglect my family. I had to work a lot during the corona crisis. How many people when they are in a difficult situation...This Corona period was to blame", Gustav tried to explain. “You can talk however you want. But you are sentenced to death", said Mr. Wilson. "Do I really have no chance?" "No", said Dr. Stone. Then Gustav was silent for a while. Then he asked Dr. Stone": Will it happen quickly? Will my end, my death come quickly?” “Yes. This will happen quickly", replied Dr. Stone. Gustav was silent again for a moment. Then he said. "I'm nervous. My hands are shaking. Do you have anything that can calm me down?” "I can reassure you. I can give you some sedatives. And I can get them a priest...He will come", replied Dr. Stone. He took a box of pills out of his pocket and gave them to Gustav. Then he said": I hope these help you calm down. And then I will let the priest come.” "I don't need him", Gustav interjected as he put the pills in his pocket. “Let me finish....You can still decide what happens to your belongings that are in your cell", Mr. Wilson said. “In your eyes, I’m already out of the world.” “But no....You still have two weeks", said Dr. Stone. “I don’t have a lawyer. This waiting that seems like an eternity to me. A time of fear and going crazy. It's driving me crazy", Gustav replied. “Take advantage of the time you still have. Because you don't have much time left", said Mr. Wilson. "It was an accident! It was an accident!" Gustav asserted. "What's the point? This has all been resolved in court.” “I need a lawyer. Immediately!” cried Gustav. "There's nothing I can do for you anymore", said Mr. Wilson. "There's nothing I can do about it either..." said Dr. Stone calmly. “Why are you here? To tell me you're the one giving me the lethal injection?" he shouted at Dr. Stone on. “no. I was sent to you to examine you beforehand. And to calm down", said Dr. Stone cool. “i don’t need an investigation. That worked for me. I will die. Do you understand? What I need is a...Attorney.” "It's a shame you don't have a lawyer. Really a shame. That's not good", said Mr. Wilson. "Can you get me a lawyer?" Gustav asked. “I can’t...even if that’s what I wanted. That doesn't fall within my scope. Besides, the verdict has already been pronounced.” "But that was a mistake. That was a mistake that I want to correct. I need a lawyer", Gustav begged. “Mr. Walters. They often repeat themselves. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do for you", said the prison warden, Mr. Wilson. "Unfortunately neither do I", said Dr. Stone. “I have to go now. The priest is coming soon. He will encourage you", said Mr. Wilson. “yes.” Then the doctor and the prison warden went to the cell neighbor. "Mr. Miller?" asked Dr. Stone. "Yes?" replied cellmate Riley. "I'm here to let you know that I'm the one giving you the lethal injection and you can also think about what you're doing with your things", said Dr. Stone calmly. “I know. I heard that", Riley replied. He seemed composed. "Then there will be another examination", said Dr. Stone. "I know all that", replied Riley. "You have a defense though?" asked the prison warden, Mr. Wilson. “Yes. I have a defense", Riley replied. "Then that's good. I have to go to work now. I'll be back later...” said Mr Wilson. Then the doctor Dr. Stone and the prison warden Wilson left. "That's real shit", said Gustav. “Yes...man doesn’t have much time.. You don't have much time", said Riley. "It's crap. It's real crap!" Gustav shouted. "My lawyer is coming over", Riley said coolly. "When? Tomorrow?" Gustav asked. “Yes. Morning. He'll get me out of here. Absolutely", he said. “it’s nice of him to get you out of here.” “However.” “Maybe...can he do something for me too? Just ask him if there's anything he can do for me." "That's what I was just about to suggest. I can ask my lawyer if he can do something for you. Maybe he can get you out of here.” "Are there any chances?" asked Gustav. “Yes. For me there are opportunities. I’m just a clever guy.” "And for me? Are there no chances for me?" asked Gustav. "Yes....But they are small. You have...Made too many mistakes. Besides, you need to know....Only the clever get anywhere in this world today.” “oh, that’s how it is.” Riley had a lot of methods or cards that he played and that's why he kept going. That's just how it is in today's world, thought Gustav. “yes.” “I have an idea....I’ll write down my story...like everything that happened up until the accident - it wasn’t anything else - and then I’ll give this to your lawyer. Maybe that will convince him of my innocence and he can do something", said Gustav. "You have to try that. My lawyer definitely has a good idea", said Riley. “I hope so. Thanks for wanting to help me.” They talked about their situation for quite a while. Then they heard footsteps. They looked into the hallway from their cells. There they saw a man in a suit with a bag in one hand and the Bible in the other. Was it the priest? This man then went to Gustav's cell. "I am the preacher Henry Bateman. Just call me Bateman. I represent priest Burt Snyder, who is currently seriously ill with Corona", said preacher Bateman. "Corona is bad", said Gustav. "I know a lot of people who have had a hard time. Some - who I know-died from it too.” “Yes. I'm here to read something in the Bible with you for encouragement", Bateman said. “yes.” "As you know, you have been convicted and face the death penalty. A lethal injection, “Bateman continued.” “Yes...” Gustav replied. “Father...how do I get out of jail?! Out of the situation? Any chance for me?” “Through a good lawyer. Otherwise you have to pray", said Bateman. "I don't have a lawyer", Gustav replied. "That's your bad luck. I can give you some assistance. And pray with you. I can do no more for you.” “Father...” “preacher...just call me preacher Bateman.” "Preacher Bateman. Do I have another chance?” "They showed no real remorse. That's what I heard. God can't approve of that", he said. "Yes", said Gustav. “i really regret it...that with my son, Martin...it was an accident...” Gustav tried to explain in short sentences what had happened. "How do I get out of here? I'm dying soon... I have to get out of here...” "We're all on death row. We all have to die. Those outside the cell are too... We are all sinners and must die. For the reward that sin pays is death. And whoever survives or is resurrected after death is decided by God. Jehovah God", Bateman explained. “if I get out of here...it’d be a miracle.” “the time for miracles is over today.” “That may be...but...I need a lawyer. And he'll get me out of here", said Gustav. “yes.” "I screwed everything up. With my family...I did my part to break up my family. But I didn't kill my son Martin. My son Martin took drugs for a long time and also dealt with them. He had contact with people from the death metal, dark wave or gothic scenes. They even hung out in cemeteries and sometimes dressed in black. The pastor or priest "Father" Warren of my free church, which I had visited from time to time, said that they were Satanists. That’s how far he went to say this.” “Goodness. Keep telling.” "When my eldest son Martin had just bought drugs on the motorway bridge, I wanted to take them away from him. A fight broke out. He hit me. He lost his balance while standing close to the railing. He fell over the railing and braced himself from the highway bridge. And then he was dead. And I was blamed!" Gustav shouted. "Then tell me everything", Bateman asked him. Then Gustav also told him exactly what had happened at that time from his point of view Briefly about his childhood, then about his marriage to Sally. Then about their children Ginny, Tim and Martin. And how they had lost their children (who were now teenagers) to drugs. And how their children - especially in the Coronalockdown - had contact with young people, some of whom were older, from the gothic and death metal scene...And then how Martin's bridge fell. “This is a sad story. Very moving", said preacher Bateman. "That's her. But I didn't kill Martin. It was the drugs that killed him.” The preacher Bateman looked at Gustav urgently. Then he asked him ": Do you believe in evil?" “What do you mean? The evil in people?" Gustav asked. “Not the evil in man. The evil!” “i’m afraid I can’t follow you.” Then Bateman opened the Bible. When he found the right side, he showed it to Gustav. "Here is the Bible text. John 3 verse 15. read aloud.” Then the preacher handed Gustav the opened Bible with the marked passage John 3 verse 15 through the cell festival Gustav accepted the Bible and read the text aloud ": Whoever hates his brother is a murderer; and you know that a murderer does not have eternal life abiding with him" "Good", Bateman said. "Yes and?" "Then there is 2 Corinthians 11:14. Read that.” Gustav opened the passage (which took a while because he couldn't quickly get to grips with the Bible) and read it out loud": And that's no wonder; because he himself, Satan, is becoming an angel of light." “yes.” "And what does that mean to me?" asked Gustav. "That the devil called Satan stole your family", Bateman replied. Gustav was amazed. “What? The devil? That's absurd. I don't believe in the devil", said Gustav. "Many people don't do that. Do you believe in a resurrection? To eternal life?" Gustav thought. Then he said ": I don't know what else to believe. The world is crazy today. And my life is crazy.” "These are critical times that are difficult to cope with. 2 Timothy 3: 1-5 says: But this is what you should know: In the last days there will be critical times that will be difficult to cope with. Because people will love themselves and money, they will be boastful and arrogant, gossip about God and people, not listen to their parents, be ungrateful and not loyal. They will be unloving, unwilling to compromise, slanderous, uncontrolled and brutal and will not love the good", Bateman said. “This is the time we live in today.” “Just want to get out of here. And avoid the death sentence", said Gustav. "Is there a chance for me?" "All those who are in the memorial tombs will come out - that's what it says here in a Bible verse." “Yes. Good. You encouraged me there. But the devil or Satan really has my family....?” “Yes. In the last few days the families are falling apart. Famines, plagues, wars,.... These are all signs of today. This is end times.” "Hmm", said Gustav. He thought. "Then you understand who robbed her family...?" Bateman asked. "I sometimes felt such a power of evil when Martin took home such amulets and dark CDs from his dark metal teenagers", said Gustav. "It should all have been burned quickly. This is all satanic, demonic in influence.” "Now I understand. Satan stole my family. Corona and Satan stole my family.” “Yes. It's all in the Bible. You can read them. I give it to you And I pray for you", Bateman said. Then Gustav found some Bible texts in the Bible, which he read aloud": 'Watch, do righteous fruit of repentance!', it says in the Bible. And Luke 13:15 says: 'I say: No; but if you do not improve, you will all perish like this." "You had to study the Bible carefully", Bateman said. "I will", replied Gustav. "I wish you good luck", replied the preacher Bateman. “Thank you.” While Gustav continued to read the Bible, the preacher Bateman went to the neighboring prison cell where Riley was sitting. "Mr. Miller..." said Bateman. “Right. Riley Miller.” “you know why I’m here? To provide assistance.” "Yes", Riley replied. "You too have been convicted and death awaits you", said Bateman. “Yes...but I have a lawyer. He'll get me out of here", Riley replied. “then you’re in luck.” They talked for a while. The preacher Bateman took out another Bible from his pocket and read him some encouraging Bible verses, after which he put his Bible back in his pocket and briefly wished Riley and Gustav good luck. Then he went away. Then there was silence. After about ten minutes, Riley said to Gustav. "Did the conversation with the preacher do you any good?" Riley asked. "Yes", said Gustav. “i’m encouraged.” "My lawyer is coming here tomorrow", Riley said. “Really? Then I have to quickly write down my whole story - the truth and give it to him", said Gustav. "Then write your text. But do it quickly...Because you don't have much time. The hourglass is running", Riley replied. “I will. Fast.” "I would like to continue talking. But I'm tired. So I go to bed. I wish you every success with your writing...I wish you all the best", said Riley. Then Riley lay down in his bed in his cell and fell asleep shortly afterwards. Gustav sat in his chair in his prison cell for a while and had various worried thoughts and fears. He opened the Bible that he had received from the preacher Bateman. For example, he read 2 Corinthians 11:3 ": But I fear that not, as the serpent seduced Eve with his mischief, so your senses will also be driven mad by the simplicity in Christ" Yes, Satan stole my family from me, he turned my family against me, they accuse me, want to destroy me, destroy me, it spat around in Gustav's head. The enemies are sometimes their own household members - that's what the Bible says. He also read various Bible texts. Then he put the Bible away on the cupboard. He then grabbed his pen and his notepad that he had previously placed on the cupboard, went to the table with them and placed it there in front of him. And then he started writing his story for his lawyer. In which everything would be put right! The whole truth! With emotions! He also wrote down how he grew up He wrote about his family, about the accident, how he had been accused, how the trial had come about, and how he had gotten into the prison cell.... Gustav wrote the following text: I, Gustav, was born on March 30, 3, 1974 in Montgomery (Westgate), Alabama. My mother Helen was a seamstress. My father Hubert worked for the elevated railway. We lived in a small three-bedroom apartment in Montgomery on Carlson Road. My mother Helen - I mean my biological mother - died when I was two years old. I remember she hugged me as a baby. At least I believe that. I remember: she really loved me. I don't know any more I can't remember it. After all, I was a baby when she died. Then my father met a new woman named Betsy called "Betty". She was a nurse My father was infatuated with her. Because she was pretty. Betty wanted to score points with beauty. She moved in with us quickly. And then I had a stepmother named Betty. At first father and she were happy. They were very much in love with each other However, Betty's negative behaviors soon began to make themselves felt She neglected me early on. Always often went out to parties or supposedly met up with friends. I always had to stay home alone. When I was alone screaming (for example, because I was hungry), she wasn't there. When I was sick, she wasn't there either. Once I almost died of fever because she wasn't there She didn't want me. She often hit me. Whenever she was angry and I didn't function the way she wanted, she took out her anger on me and hit me. My father once asked me what was wrong with me. Why I was so depressed and calm I lied to my father at the time and said everything was fine. I was just afraid that my foster mother would be angry and affect me again. Then my performance in elementary school deteriorated. I brought home middle grades (for example C and D), which made mother and father angry. And then I got my first bad grades in my class tests. And I completely failed a class test. Which was because of all the problems I had at home. And because that's why I was often unfocused And I wasn't loved either. As my school grades got worse and worse, mother-in-law Betty hit me again. She insulted me. She humiliated me, she called me, for example, stupid dog, idiot. I then got tutoring. And my grades got a little better. I even sometimes had A (very good) and B (good) grades. Even later in middle school. And I thought that my domestic situation would improve. But the situation did not improve. Then my parents were arguing more and more too, the reason being that Betty was becoming more and more stressed out about being a nurse and she wanted another, better job. And was also unhappy with their marriage And my father, the teacher, had more and more problems with his students at the school where he taught. And Betty got on his nerves more and more with her bad mood and her nagging, so that he became more and more dissatisfied, irritable and unpredictable and longed more and more for another woman. He also drank more and more - out of frustration. And also started to complain more and more - like my stepmother Betty. They argued more and more often and later slept in separate rooms. Then he stayed away from home more and more often and I was often home alone with my bad-tempered stepmother. Nobody knew why it was. And when Father came back, he was often drunk. It wasn't until later that it came out that he was having an affair and that's why Betty didn't want to anymore. Also because Betty became more and more aggressive and spread a bad mood. He didn't want to and couldn't continue living with her anymore. Then one day there was a heated argument between them and they fought. Afterwards he had to move out of the bedroom completely and sleep on a lounger in the guest room. And then their relationship was broken. And they decided to separate. All the chaos left its mark on me too. I learned less and less for school, I stayed away from home more and more often and found myself in bad company. I joined a clique in the class who were thugs. They were extremely aggressive. And they were known for their violent behavior. We also often secretly drank alcohol during class breaks and we smoked a joint every now and then after school. I also came home drunk once. My mother-in-law Betty yelled at me again. She hit me. But then I suddenly hit back violently. Then there was contact between us forever! And - because I was no longer afraid of her, but she was now afraid of me and because her relationship with my father was broken - she voluntarily moved out of our apartment. Eventually father and Betty divorced. Finally! And she shunned me from the day I hit her in the face because of her past failings and wrongdoings. Only the last time I saw her alive - she had apologized to me for her past bad behavior. At least something, I thought. And I also apologized for fighting back too hard in the end and also fighting back too hard. That's how I came to terms with her to some extent. And also with myself After that I never saw her again Which was also good Betty later - as I learned from father - had a new relationship with a foreign trade merchant named Giles Watson. After the divorce, I lived with my father Hubert. We got along quite a bit. I trained as a photographer in Montgomery. When I earned my first money, I moved out and from then on lived in Old Sutherdale, another district in Montgomery, Alabama. I soon met my partner Anne Lawson. We moved in together and lived in my apartment in Old Sutherdale. But since things didn't work out between us, we broke up again She moved back in with her mother and I stayed in my apartment. During this time I started drinking - also out of frustration - like my father used to. But only for a while. During this time I heard that Betty's relationship with the foreign trade merchant Giles Watson had now failed and that she had committed suicide. (She had been taking pills). She had written a farewell letter that she had sent to father Hubert. That was a day before her death In this suicide note, she wrote that her relationship with her new husband, Giles, was a mistakeHe was a bad person: he was aggressive, cold and ruthless, and drank too much alcohol. She realized that there was "not a good fit" between them - due to their different views on life, future plans and hobbies - and that she had still quietly and secretly loved my father Hubert despite the hasty divorce and she regretted it again that in the past she had been so mean and cruel to me and in the end also to my father Hubert - and with it the marriage - had destroyed the entire family. She had an explanation for her behavior: Something had often gotten into her at the time...and that may have been an explanation of why she acted that way - which had led to the destruction of our family. Maybe it was something else. Those were her last words, which she put on paper. That was a strange letter, I thought at the time. This letter made me very thoughtful. She was probably suffering from a mental illness, I thought. A psychosis? Or did she suffer from borderline syndrome? Nobody knew what it was She also didn't have enough doctors or psychiatrists examined, so nothing precise was known about her mental state. Or it was something else. I was on the phone with my uncle Richard one day and I also talked about Betty's death, about her nature and what exactly had happened in our family Also about my own problems and Betty's strange letter. My Uncle Richard advised me to go to a church. I might get answers to my questions there. And then I did that. I first attended the Catholic church in Woodland Hills (not far from Old Sutherdale). Later I had contact with a friend who visited the Free Church near me. He advised me to visit the Free Church in Old Sutherdale. I did that too. Although not very regularly. I met a lot of nice churchgoers with whom I got along well. And I stopped drinking. Then I had my life somewhat under control again. Then I met my second wife, Sally Carter. Like me, she also had a failed marriage. And her ex-husband Wesley died shortly after after the divorce. Sally had one child from her first marriage - a son named Martin Wesley-Carter. Sally and I fell in love and moved - with her son - into a new apartment in Old Sutherdale at number 21 Yello Trees Road. I told her about the free church I visited there from time to time (although I didn't understand much of what was preached at the time). I convinced her and we (Sally, Martin and I) then visited the Free Church in Old Sutherdale together. We got along very well with Pater "Father" Wyatt Warren. And we soon got married there in church. Sally brought Martin into the marriage, who from then on was called Martin Walters-Carter. Our marriage went well at first. It was an ideal world. Because back then we still visited the Free Church regularly. Then at some point they no longer felt like attending church. At first we didn't go much and then we hardly went to church at all. We gradually became more and more distracted by life's everyday family responsibilities and materialism and worries. And there was already a slight deterioration in our relationship. Old negative habits, such as argumentative addiction, came to the fore again. Martin was still an excellent son at this time. Martin was like a son of his own to me. He was my son. And me and Sally had two more children: Tim and Ginny. So we had a total of three children: Tim, Martin and Ginny. They got along well. Even though Martin was a little jealous of Ginny and Tim as they got more attention from me and his mother at times as they were the youngest children. Ginny did a lot of crafting and drawing. And Martin and Tim were interested in music. Martin played guitar and sang while Tim played keyboards. At first they hung out with some quieter punks and also played in student punk bands. We didn't say anything against that because a lot of people played in punk bands. We initially found that positive. Then they gradually fell into questionable company. Because now there were some in her circle of friends and acquaintances who were "weirder" to the highest degree and also - as it turned out more and more - took drugs. Then came Corona and then the first lockdown in March 2020. The stores, schools, churches, movie theaters, restaurants, bars, gym, leisure facilities, discos,... closed. Many lost their jobs or had to work from home at home. Only the supermarkets, doctor's offices and pharmacies were open. Tim, Martin and Ginny had grown into teenagers at this time. They couldn't go to school in lockdown. And I lost all my photo assignments during the Corona period. This led to tension between me and Sally. She asked me what would happen next with Corona (Covid-19)? When would there finally be a cure for Corona? What would our lives look like in the future? But I didn't know the answer. Nobody knew that at that time. We argued more and more often. She became hysterical several times because she feared that the entire family would go bankrupt and fall apart because of the corona crisis. Or they would all die of a corona infection. I advised her to go to a psychologist. She didn't. I certainly often had the idea of going to the Free Church with the entire family, which could help us deal with our problems, but the churches were all closed because of Corona. Sally didn't like my suggestions and thoughts for some reason. I would be stuffy and unimaginative in her eyes. Once she even hit me in the face during an argument. Because I had hardly any orders and hardly any money, I worked harder than normal in lockdown (I spent most of my time looking for work and orders). I saw no other option. Because I had to support my family. My family was left out. The children were often left unattended. And since they couldn't go to school due to the lockdown and school closures, classes only took place at home in our apartment via zoom in the computer or they were canceled completely! Instead, while I was desperately trying to find jobs, they sat in front of their laptops or cell phones that I had once bought them. Often unattended all day. They chatted with different people. And also - as I and my partner Sally later found out - with people from the dark wave, death metal or gothic scene. (To this day it is a mystery to me where these figures or people came from.) And with some drug users and drug dealers. Really bad contacts. And since I couldn't give you any pocket money during the lockdown period due to lack of money, the school was closed and they were sitting in their rooms in front of their cell phones the whole time and becoming more and more dissatisfied, they went out and secretly did some nonsense outside. I advised you to keep your distance from other people because of Corona and to wear a mask when you go for a walk to avoid a Corona infection. They promised me they would do it that way. And I thought they would stick to our agreements. Then they went away more often. And often stayed away for long! So long that we (me and my wife Sally) gradually became restless. And when my children Tim and Martin had a phone call with a strange man one day during lockdown and me and my wife overheard it and they left the apartment shortly afterwards, we became suspicious. I first asked Ginny if she knew anything. But she supposedly knew nothing (I thought that was a lie because I suspected that with what was going on back then - whatever that was - she knew exactly what was going on and was in cahoots with her brothers, but I couldn't prove it to her at the time). She later left the apartment too - supposedly for a walk. I talked about it briefly with my wife and then decided to get to the bottom of the matter. And so I left the apartment and looked out on the streets for my three children, who were deserted because of the coronal lockdown (apart from very few people who went outside to go shopping or for a short walk.) And after walking through the empty streets and searching in vain for my children for a long time, I suddenly saw my sons Tim and Martin in the distance. They stood in the corner of a house next to two men who had two bags in their hands. I saw Martin give money to the one man in the black jacket and he received a small package in return. Then the two dealers disappeared around the next corner of the house. Tim and Martin stood at the corner of the house for a short while and looked at the package they had bought. Before they noticed me, I quickly ran away towards home. I came to the following conclusion - even though I didn't know the details: They bought drugs and resold them at a higher price! And earned money illegally! And Ginny most likely knew about it. But she was silent. I was walking thoughtfully down Charley Road when a police car appeared on the street behind me. He drove towards me from behind and stopped next to me as I walked the footpath towards my apartment. I pretended not to notice the police car and didn't know why the car was driving down the streets. The police officer sitting on the passenger rolled down the window and spoke to me": Hey, you! We want to ask you something. Did you see the four men walking along here?" he asked. "No, I don't know anything", I lied. "You really didn't see anything?" “no. Nothing.” "There were four men on Chelsea Road. They did illegal drug deals. Someone had observed this and someone called the police.” “sorry, I didn’t see anything. I do not know about anything.” “can you show me your ID?” “yes.” Then I took my ID card out of my wallet and gave it to the police officers. He took out a pad and pen from a car drawer, looked closely at my ID card and wrote my name and address on the pad and gave me the ID card back. "Can I go now?" I asked. "They're walking around here. You should have actually seen something. It would be nice if you could tell us something", said the policeman. "I don't know anything. I didn't see anyone. I’m having health issues at the moment.... and I wasn’t looking closely at the environment there.” "What problems do you have?" asked the police officer. "I think....I and my partner, who is at home, have Corona", I replied in a painful voice. The police officer in the passenger seat wanted to say something else. But the other police officer at the wheel said": Leave him. Let's move on quickly. It is good.” He probably thought that I really had Corona and he was suddenly afraid of infection. I realized that he didn't want anything to do with me anymore. It was my good fortune that it happened that way The colleague in the passenger seat, to whom I had shown my identity card, left me alone, quickly rolled up the window on his side and the police van continued, And then I went home. When I got home, Tim, Martin and Ginny were already there. Mother Sally had now found the drug packages in her room and demonstratively - so I could see it - placed them on the living room table. And she now knew what was going on too She seemed shocked. I told you what I had observed and got straight to the point. I gave a huge speech in front of my children. I screamed so loudly that the neighbors thought the house was going to collapse. Just by being lucky, no one called the police! I didn't use the word drugs - even though I was angry. Because the neighbors shouldn't find out about it. I still had the presence of mind in this difficult situation. I screamed": Are you crazy to buy such dangerous stuff, sell it on and consume it too!!!?" They didn't say anything at first. Were shocked by my reaction, which was not unjustified! After all, what they were doing was life-threatening stuff and their lives, their entire existence was at stake. And possibly or very likely the lives of others when these drugs are resold! And me and my wife could be dragged into this. So I said to them, ": Do you want to die of drugs? Do you want to take us to prison?" "I have nothing to do with it. It was your idea", Ginny said to Tim and Martin. “Shut up! Or I'll kill you! You're just as involved! And you, father, didn't take care of us and hardly gave us any money!" Martin shouted. "Get the drug stuff out of the house immediately!" I shouted. Then my collar burst. I picked up some bags of the fabric (probably cocaine) that were lying on the living room table, I went to the toilet with them, quickly tore open the bags and poured the stuff into the toilet. And flushed the stuff down Then Martin came running into the toilet with me. And he saw that I had thrown the stuff in the toilet and washed it away. “What do you do? That's my source of income! "he shoutedHe stood in front of me with reddened-looking eyes. They seemed horribly demonic. At that moment I knew: he was on drugs and I couldn't get through to him anymore. "This stuff belongs in the toilet!" I shouted. "No", he shouted. Then he hit me hard in the face. I fell right next to the toilet bowl. Suddenly I felt a pain in my heart. Everything just looked blurry. “my heart...” I screamed. Tim and Sally immediately rushed to our bathroom. "What are you doing", Tim shouted to Martin. "My heart...I'm dying", I said, gasping for air. "Father", Tim shouted. Then he bent down to me and did mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, did heart massage (which he had once learned in the first aid course before his driving test). This once he helped me!! And Sally also helped (which was later no longer the case). "Call a doctor", Tim said to his mother Sally. Then Sally went into the living room, grabbed her cell phone that was on the living room table and she dialed the emergency number. Shortly afterwards an ambulance arrived. I was placed on a stretcher by the paramedics who came into our apartment and carried out of the apartment, then out of the apartment building and a little later transported into the ambulance. Then they took me to a hospital. There they examined me and it turned out that I had a heart attack. Then I got my first operation. I stayed in the hospital for several weeks until my condition was stable I was later taken home. At home I tried to recover after my last heart operation. I thought my children would change. That our family circumstances would improve. But that was a mistake. My children Tim and Ginny finished school and began their professional training (teaching). But they were still often mean to me and often wanted money that I didn't have. I tried to be a good father. But I failed. My children's characters went astray. Especially my eldest son Martin. He fell into the wrong company and started taking harder drugs. He had been in contact with crass people from the dark wave, death metal and gothic scenes. Dark guys. So dark that you couldn't imagine it. (Although I don't want to say that everyone in the dark wave, gothic and death metal scene are questionable people, there are also many who are humanly okay or are good friends for some people and also interesting art or make music. You have to be tolerant. But these people that my kids Tim and Martin hang out with were NOT OK. These were drug addicts, dark, aggressive, maladjusted, hateful, violent people with very evil traits.) Sometimes they would hang out in cemeteries too...They didn't tell me what they were doing. They were sometimes dressed entirely in black. That often seemed strange to me I talked to Tim. He stopped taking drugs shortly afterwards. And he got a little nicer And Ginny, who had nothing to do with drugs, also changed for the better by becoming a little nicer to me. Even though they were still really mean to me sometimes! But her brother Martin was a complete disaster. That's why I often had arguments with him. And his mother with him too. We advised him to go to therapy so that he could get off drugs etc. But it didn't work. His drug addiction got worse and worse. And he was getting more and more aggressive My Wyatt Warren, who experienced him once, told me he was completely insane. Obsessed. Possessed by Satan. Even though I did what I could to help him. Pastor Warren said to me after I told him about my children's desires": Watch out. Satan will steal your family at some point. He will take your family away from you, destroy you "I thought it was a fake or joke. Only later did I realize: he was right. What I found worst was that Martin not only used drugs, but also sold them. Then the lockdown ended on 20.4.2020, the first relaxations took place and the shops reopened - even if restaurants, clubs, discos, leisure facilities and cinemas were still closed. The kids got a little more normal there too Tim was still apprenticing as a plumber and Ginny was still making her teachers hairdressers. They stopped taking drugs and became more sensible There was only Martin, who was still causing problems. On May 23, 2020, I was so annoyed with Martin that I had my second heart attackI was in the hospital for 14 days. Then I came home again. Despite my health problems, I continued to strive to care for and educate the children. That wasn't easy! Especially since we were plagued by money worries because I had lost all my orders during the Corona period and had to work much more than usual. While Tim and Ginny improved by continuing to teach and becoming nicer to me, Martin was still a complete disaster! He continued to deal drugs and take drugs! And he had even stolen his mother Sally's rings by now! And he was mean and aggressive. I tried to talk to him. But it didn't help. And I knew: I had failed as a father. Then one day I had enough I secretly overheard a conversation in the apartment that Martin was having with a guy on his cell phone. I found out by chance that he wanted to meet a guy like that on the highway bridge that evening. I didn't know exactly what the conversation was about. But I suspected he wanted to buy drugs from this guy. Then he left the apartment in the evening (when it was already dark outside) and ran to the motorway bridge. (I had already told some people verbally several times that this had happened and I can only repeat myself again). I followed him discreetly. And then I saw him at the highway bridge. He was standing there with this bag of drugs in his hand. He had bought these from a guy he met on the bridge. I saw this guy who had sold him the drugs just walk away and leave the bridge. I called after him a little But he disappeared without turning around. Then I said to Martin ": Put the stuff away. These are drugs. Best give me this stuff.” He just looked at me aggressively and angrily with a demonic look. He didn't think about giving me the drugs. As I got closer, I saw he was completely high Totally on drug! He looked confused too. As if he were in a strange world. "Don't come any closer. Otherwise I'll kill you", Martin called out to me. “Put that away. Or give me that stuff. Drugs are always wrong. This will kill you sooner or later", I said to Martin. He laughed crazy. “hahahaha. So what? Is that so important?” “You matter. Don't talk crap. Give me this stuff. Or I'll take it away from you!" I shouted authoritarianly. "What do you want? Don't interfere in my life", Martin shouted back. I walked up to him and wanted to take away the bag full of drugs he was holding in his right hand. Then he hit me in the face. I lost my balance and almost fell to the ground. Then I became aggressive. I hit back. Then he hit back again. And I go back again. Then I tore away his bag full of drugs. And I struck again and he fell to the ground. I was standing at the bridge railing, behind and below me was the road that a car would occasionally speed past. Martin became angry, sat up, bared his teeth and clenched his fists. He looked profoundly evil. It wasn't the Martin I knew from before. Then he ran towards me and hit me and tried to push me down the bridge - I was sure of that! I knew at that moment: it was about my life. As he stood close to the railing and hit me, I quickly took cover and he hit air. Then he lost his balance. He fell over the railing from the bridge. He slapped the street and died instantly. A large pool of blood formed on his head on the street. I will never forget that horrified face I saw and that sound of impact! It will be my fate that I will not forget this! And then everything was over. For him. But also for me. A passer-by happened to see - even though it was so dark outside - how we had fought with each other on the motorway bridge. Although he hadn't seen anything specific, he later stiffly claimed to the police that he had clearly SEEN that it was me who had pushed him down! And since - after he fell down - I intuitively and rashly picked up his bag of DRUGS for a moment, I made a mistake For the passerby saw me holding the bag. Only then did I walk from the motorway bridge to Martin, who was lying on the asphalt at the edge of the motorway, and give first aid... I quickly came under suspicion of having killed my son Martin. My whole family was against me. They called me murderer, criminal. "YOU killed him. It wasn't just my son, but your son! You didn't get it! IT WAS YOUR SON TOO You killed him! "My wife Sally shouted at me. “you never accepted him as your son.” "That's not true. You're talking nonsense. I just wanted to take the drugs away from him!" I tried to defend myself. “Get Out of My Apartment. Otherwise I'll call the police", she shouted. Then everything happened very quickly. I was arrested, convicted and sent to prison. And now I’m sitting here in the detention center.” I have to conclude by saying this: I have to think about what Father Warren said. He said the children had bad company and that Satan would divide our family. For Satan rejoices when families are destroyed and the earth will be destroyed more and more. "Satan wants the whole earth burned best!" he said. I remember that clearly now! The priest advised me and my wife to reprimand the children with leniency. And if it didn't help, I should take tougher action, for example cutting pocket money and being held in the house. And also more to visit the church. I also have to admit that we haven't been able to visit the Free Church for a while since the Corona crisis because the churches were closed because of Corona. And because I had to work a lot during the Corona period so that we would NOT GO BANKRUPT because of Corona. (This is also from Satan: Due to the pressure and hardship that bad times bring with them, people only work until they drop and think about making money and forget about God and the family in the process! Satan wants us to live a primitive, godless life! It's best to just get up, work as an exploitable, anonymous, faceless no-name work - bee or ant - preferably somewhere on the assembly line, then the workers would come home exhausted, for example, looking forward to the woman they would meet briefly in bed in the evening can please, then they can eat, shit and then go to sleep and the next day it all starts all over again...and on and on until the end of their lives - until somewhere meaningless and faceless they disappear into the grave.) Unfortunately, I worked way too much - which in retrospect was wrong! But after later consideration, I said to myself: What should I have done? I had to work in this exceptional Corona situation where there were almost no orders. I'm only human. Me and my wife Sally tried to implement Father Warren's advice about raising children and raising young people. But it was of no use. Our "teenage children" were rebellious through and through. They treated me badly even after my two heart attacks. The worst thing was Martin. Then it passed with the highway bridge. And from then on my fate was sealed! Now the death penalty awaits me and my family charges me. This is my story in brief.” It was 3 a.m. when Gustav had finished writing his story or the text. Then he made a second copy of it. And then it was 4 o'clock. Gustav leaned back, exhausted, and was glad that, given the stressful situation and the impending execution of the death sentence, he had managed to write this text that contained all the important facts and events. And to have made a second copy of it! He now had this text, his story in his defense, in duplicate! Shortly afterwards he lay tired on his bed to sleep for at least a few hours. At least that's what Gustav wanted to try, because he was still under inner tension - given his situation. It was around 6 a.m. when the prison guard Travis (because the man with the food or the "food distributor" was supposedly sick and had a doctor's appointment in the morning hours) came and brought him the food and drink. Gustav first took his food and drink and placed everything on his bed in his cell. Then he gave Travis the transcript of his story. Which he accepted in silence. Let's see if that would help, thought Gustav. The jailer Mr. Travis wished him good luck. After telling him that there was not much he could do, he walked away with Gustav's story in hand. And after Gustav had sat on his bed and eaten and drank, he went back to his (writing) table and sat down there and made three more copies of his story. Then at 15 o'clock in the afternoon a reporter from the newspaper "Albama News" visited him His name was Taylor Murray. Anyone who had informed him and his newspaper, for which he worked freelance, was a mystery to Gustav. He just suddenly stood in front of his cell! Gustav told Mr Murray his version of the whole story. And he explained to him that he was innocent He quickly went to the table, quickly wrote his contact address and phone number on the back of one of the three copies of his story that he had lying there (he had forgotten that in his haste and because of his nervousness) and he ran back to the prison door with this copy of the story and gave it to the reporter Murray through the bars. "Whether you are guilty or not must first be clearly proven", he said. "Exactly. The verdict is incorrect. I wrote down the story exactly. There are several copies of it and you can have one of them", replied Gustav. "Did you murder your son Martin?" the reporter Gustav asked urgently." “no. I am innocent. That was an accident. He was standing too close to the bridge railing and lost his balance when he tried to hit me. Then he fell off the bridge. Everything happened very quickly. It's all in my records", said Gustav. "We'll report on it", said Mr Murray. And then Gustav (he was surprised himself that he was now saying what he had often thought lately) said something that made the reporter Murray suspicious. "The devil is to blame! He caused my misfortune and that's why I'm here! And the devil had used Martin as a tool and then - when he no longer needed him - thrown him away. Because my children not only took drugs, they also had to deal with dark characters. Some death metal and gothic musicians who had to do with spiritualism, witchcraft,... The priest even called them Satanists! And Satan managed to turn my family against me! He stole my family from me! He's the culprit!" said Gustav angrily. The reporter Murray was nervous, irritated and somewhat frightened when he said that. He didn't know if Gustav was serious or not or if he was just crazy On the other hand, he knew that people would often react like that just before death. Especially before an execution! Murray took a step back. Then Murray said, “: I will read this story and then I will cover it and I wish you good luck.” Then he went Then the cell neighbor spoke to Gustav. "Those were blatant words. But that's how many who expected the death penalty react", Riley said... And spoke from what reporter Murray thought. “i’m serious. It's not normal what's happening in the world. It's end times. The big harvest is approaching", said Gustav. "You're really serious?" “yes.” "Maybe you can convince me to become a Christian." "This is the knowledge that I still know from my church visits. God will forgive me. If hard-hearted people can't do it, he knows that bad is not good and good is not bad. And that the law cannot be distorted - at least not with impunity and that I am innocent. Me who just wants to defend myself. I always wanted the best for my children But the best I gave wasn't good enough. I failed as a father. But the death penalty? Why don't the others who judge me so high-handedly and are themselves arrogant, haughty and full of sin receive the death penalty? If I get the death penalty, she will too", said Gustav. "Believe me. They'll get their punishment too", added Riley. "Honestly, I'm a sinner. Like all of us according to the Bible and I don't want to make myself fairer than I am. But I didn't murder my son Martin", explained Gustav. Then they were silent. A short time later, the man in the food truck brought Gustav and Riley lunch (he had returned here after his morning doctor's appointment and, according to him, was healthy again). Afterwards, each of them ate and drank in their cell. Then Riley cleaned something up in his cell, while Gustav wrote down arguments for his defense that could convince the jury and the judge - in a possible court hearing. At 17 p.m. the preacher Bateman came to Gustav again to encourage him. He immediately opened the Bible as he stood in front of his cell. He sat down at the table by the cell and read from the Bible. "In 1 Corinthians 15:21 it says: For since death has come through a man, so also comes the resurrection of the dead through a man" "Do I have a resurrection if I have been executed?" Gustav asked. "If you regret, yes", Bateman replied. Gustav was silent for a while. “You know....The verdict is unfair. A mistake I always wanted the best for my family. I just didn't make it... in the coronavirus crisis. I was weak. The devil with his temptations... had tricked me,” Gustav explained. "Man is weak and imperfect. Especially in times of need. Depression alone causes a sage to act senselessly", Bateman said. “yes.” "God sees everything. The rest is nonsense.philosophies, reflections of imperfect people who also can’t look into the heart.” “Yes. But I know that things don't have to end well for good people in this system either. When you think of the Christians in Rome. Many of these lions were thrown to eat in the arena. Many were segregated and treated badly", Gustav said. "But they will be awakened because they were righteous and died for the faith. All good ones will rise. But not the bad guys. There's the difference", said preacher Bateman. "And I'm dying here on death row", said Gustav. "Be reassured. Everyone has to die. Just a stab in the left and right arms and you've got it behind you", Bateman said. “i’m too young to die yet.” “I agree with you on this point....but ...n’t much can be expected from the world these days. Morality is going down the drain more and more Wars, hate, murder, violence, oppression, adultery, prostitution,...Everything got worse since Corona Then the Ukraine war. It's all just getting worse I feel sorry for the kids these days. Because they have no future anymore Because the whole political system... is completely out of joint. People have lost their scale. They turn away from God Many cheat, lie, commit adultery, pollute the environment, there is prostitution....There is strife, murder, hatred, violence in the world. No government can successfully solve all of these problems - because until now human governments have ruled over people to the detriment. But God's government will succeed!" said preacher Bateman. “Yes. Many will notice", said Gustav. "But many will notice it too late. Because then it will be too late. Many had seen at that time in Noah's time that he and his family had built the ark. But they didn't go into the ark that could have saved them! And then at some point the door was closed, the rain came Then came the flood of senses and then all the ignorant, unbelieving and evil people were gone. Lost!” Bateman explained. Gustav changed the subject. "I need to convince the judges and jury of my story that I wrote down. This is important. I made several copies of my story and the truth of Martin's death", Gustav said. "Do you think your efforts will have a chance of success?" asked preacher Bateman. “I hope so.” Gustav was silent for a while. Then he got emotional and said": The devil. The devil is mainly to blame! And I...I miserable naive unbeliever that I was...I should have realized it sooner. I should have recognized these devil traps sooner! I should have taken more care of my family during the corona crisis! Instead of just working... but ... we hardly had any money in lockdown after all. What could I have done? I had little choice after all.” "What you experienced is very interesting. I would write down everything - including your emotions and what you experienced.” “I already have. I have now made several copies of my story.” "Maybe you can convince people of your innocence", said the preacher. "I want to try that", replied Gustav. “I wish you good luck.” “Thank you.” Then the preacher Bateman left. "Well, then at least he encouraged you again", said Riley from the next cell. "Yes", Gustav replied. "You can give a copy of your story to my lawyer. Maybe it will convince the lawyer when he comes tomorrow.” “yes.” Then Riley was silent. Gustav sat down at the desk and made a new, 5th copy of his story. For safety. When he was finished with the 5th copy, he went to bed and turned off the lamp. And thought for a long time. Will I avoid carrying out the death sentence? And when my innocence is proven, will I be released again? "he thought. Paralyzing fear came up within him. Then he thought of Sally when things were still going well between them. How she rode him at night in the riding position. He saw her shapely breasts in front of him...He longed for her and had excitement. But....unfortunately things haven't been going so well for her since the corona crisis. At least not in bed anymore. He could hardly say what it was and he didn't want to talk to anyone about it. Then he met Lynsey Lawrence during the corona crisis. That was in early April 2020 and they then had an occasional contact with each other for about a year They first started talking on the train. And they both got off at Old Sutherdale... And then he had images in front of him of her naked and standing in front of him. He saw her breasts. Then I had various fantasies. Then all of a sudden, gradually, these images disappeared Then at some point he got tired and fell asleep. Later he couldn't remember what he last thought and dreamed. It was about 8 a.m. when he heard footsteps and voices. He ran his head up from his bed and looked into the hallway. He saw two men walking towards Riley's cell. One man was the prison guard Mr. Travis. The other man in the suit had a briefcase in his hand. Gustav suspected that it was the lawyer Riley had told about. The man glanced briefly into Gustav's cell as he passed by and greeted briefly and succinctly when he noticed Gustav. Then he went to Riley's cell with the jailer. There the lawyer spoke to Riley": Hello Mr. Miller. I'm here to represent you. I’m here in the company of the prison guard.” "I was expecting you", Riley replied. Gustav woke up when Riley spoke to him in such a strangely familiar way. Apparently he really knew his lawyer better! Gustav quickly got up from his bed and went to his cell door - hoping that the lawyer could help him. At that moment he couldn't look into the neighboring cell or recognize Riley. But he could observe a lot through the bars. And what he couldn't see, he could hear. And what he saw and heard was interesting. “But, of course. I have everything prepared", the lawyer told Riley. “i’ll get you out already.” “That’s good. Thank you for your efforts, Mr. Shepherd.” Now Riley pretended that Shepherd was a stranger to him - even though he seemed to know him better. He wants to hide from me that he knows him better, thought Gustav. "New evidence has emerged that you are innocent. DNA from a Mr. Tobias Keller was found at the crime scene. Do you know him?" asked the lawyer Mr. Shepherd. “But, yes. My wife used to have an affair with him. There was almost a divorce because of her infidelity. She later told me that she had deeply regretted her infidelity and had given up on her relationship with him and we were married for another 10 years after that...I didn't know that...” He interrupted briefly. His voice sounded tearful and brittle. Then he continued talking “: I didn’t know my Jill was still in touch with him.” The lawyer Shepherd cleared his throat. “Obviously so. Even after your wife supposedly wanted to mend her ways, she did not break off contact with him, it is now clear that she had an affair with him the whole time after the adultery.” “What? All the time? Throughout the marriage?" Riley asked in disbelief. He was silent for a while. "I'm terribly sorry", said lawyer Shepherd. "It's incomprehensible." "There was also tension between them because your wife had met a third man named Frederick Walker. Once there was a heated argument between them. Tobias Keller murdered her wife in a frenzy. To cover up his murder, he framed you for the murder", Shepherd said. "I always knew that. They wanted to frame me for the murder", Riley replied. “Yes. You were the first person to discover your wife dead. That had made you suspicious. And then you discovered the murder weapon and touched it. That was the mistake.” “I ... can’t grasp it. I was just... nervous at the time,” Riley said, stuttering. Gustav was silent for a moment. And heard Riley say to his lawyer, “: You did a good job.” "I'm doing my best", said Mr. Shepherd. "When will I be released?" Riley asked. "You'll be a free man in two days. That’s the information.” There was a moment's silence. Then lawyer Shepherd whispered something to him. Gustav couldn't understand what he was whispering to him. He didn't really understand everything that was happening around him. Everything seemed like a staged play. So unreal and strange. And he felt something like a person who had woken up from an opium rush in reality He was there somewhere and yet somewhere else. And he felt depressed and depressed. The prison and the courtroom where he had recently been convicted also seemed strange to him. (he didn't even know in which town - which street exactly that was. Because he had forgotten it. And exactly what time this all happened.) "It will all just be very simple. The evidence is on the table. It doesn’t take much work to convince them.” Lawyer Shepherd placed his briefcase on the floor, opened it and pulled out a small folder for the elderly. He opened it and took two pieces of paper out of the transparent cover and handed them to Riley through the small cell window, for Gustav could notice this from the metallic sound and the slight squeak of the cell door that always sounded when she walked up and up. "It's all in there. The defense brief I drafted", Shepherd said. "When will I be released?" Riley asked. “The day after tomorrow already.” “Really? You did a great job. I will recommend you.” “That’s good. You can always recommend me. In your case it was clear that you would be released. I already said that in our last conversation", said Shepherd. "I knew I would be released. That's why I was calmer than other prisoners who are about to carry out the death sentence. The judge and jury had sentenced me to death completely unexpectedly and hastily. How can that be? What world do we live in? And then suddenly I'm innocent and I'm released? How can the jury, judge.... be so wrong? They must be completely stupid. A complete miscarriage of justice", said Riley. "That was all sloppiness! I immediately saw that something was wrong in her case and that there was no way you could be the murderer", said Mr. Shepherd. “Yes. Absolutely not", Riley replied. "A lawsuit will also be filed and compensation will be due for the time you were innocently detained. You will then receive money as compensation. Because that was clear judicial misconduct and indifferent behavior towards the accused - in this case towards you. These were not easy mistakes", said lawyer Shepherd. “If there’s still justice...” said Riley. "There is definitely compensation. The court must take responsibility. Because the investigation was sloppy and evidence was swept under the carpet. That won’t work!” "It's good that it is. First of all, I'm happy to be free", said Riley. “i can understand that.” Then Gustav suddenly called out": Mr. Shepherd. Would you have a moment?" “One moment please. I'm busy", replied Mr. Shepherd. Then they were silent for a moment. Gustav was just about to make himself known a second time when Riley said to his lawyer Mr. Shepherd": I have another case where it is a miscarriage of justice. This is Gustav Walters, who is sitting on the left in my side cell. He is in prison for the alleged murder of his son Martin and is awaiting the execution of his death penalty. He is innocent and he doesn't have a lawyer. Can you help him?” The lawyer Shepherd was silent at first. Then he said, “: I’ll try.” Then he went to Gustav's cell door And then Gustav and the lawyer Mr. Shepherd faced each other Only the bars separated them from each other "You are the lawyer Mr. Shepherd?" Gustav asked. “Yes. I'm Justin Shepherd from the law firm White and Wood. And you?" “I’m Gustav Walters. I would be accused of pushing my eldest son Martin off the motorway bridge and thus murdering him. But I'm innocent. I didn't do it. It was an accident. And I don't have a lawyer to represent me. Can you help me? I have to get out of here because the lethal injection awaits me", explained Gustav. Lawyer Shepherd frowned. “sorry...but I can’t represent you. Because I have enough clients! I’m fully booked.” "But there's nothing you can do?" asked Gustav. “i’ll try this. There are several lawyers in my office. One, for example, is called Earl Duncan. I can give him your name and phone number and he will get back to you. I can't do more", said Mr. Shepherd. "I briefly wrote down my story and the truth about the death of my son Martin. I can give you this story - a copy of it. It would be nice if you could give this to Mr. Duncan", Gustav begged him. "I can do that", said Mr. Shepherd. Then Gustav quickly ran to his desk, grabbed one of the copies of his story that were on his table and which he had marked with his name, address, email address and telephone number, ran back to the cell door with it and gave it to Mr. Shepherd through the bars. "I thank you. Did you write down the address?" asked Mr. Shepherd. “Yes. I wrote it on the back", replied Gustav. “Good. I'll give the story to Mr. Duncan. He will contact you tomorrow", said Mr. Shepherd. “Yes. Thank you very much.” Then the lawyer put Gustav's story in his pocket. And then he left. "Yay! I'm coming out. Morning!" Riley shouted. "I'm happy for you", said Gustav. “and thanks for your help.” “i’m so glad. This will be the most beautiful day of my life. I am free. A lawsuit is being filed because of the miscarriage of justice", Riley said happily. "It's not that clear to me yet", said Gustav. "I think you'll get out of here too", Riley said. "Mr. Shepherd said that Mr. Duncan would contact me. Do you think he will do that?" "Yes, he will. And he'll get you out of here. I really suspect that", said Riley. "I gave him my story. With address and phone number...”, Gustav replied. “I know. Then there will also be a chance of success... Because the law firm White and Wood is reputable. And only good people work there. And...I'm friends with my lawyer. I've said that before", said Riley. Now he admitted it. “Yes. You already said that", replied Gustav. They talked for a while longer. Later, after the meal that had been brought to him by the "food distributor" or "food issuer", he sat down at his desk and wrote down a few thoughts in his defense. At 22 p.m. he went to bed and fell asleep with a feeling of relief. And he thought of Sally. How attractive is she..., he thought. The next day, Gustav got a call on his phone at 8am. It was the lawyer Earl Duncan. "This is Earl Duncan from the White and Wood law firm", he said. "Yes. Here Gustav Walters. I’m sitting... innocently in prison. I didn't murder...my son Martin. It was an accident. I gave Mr. Shepherd my story. He should give it to you", said Gustav, a little sleepy. “Yes. I know. I read your story", Earl Duncan said calmly. “I don’t have a lawyer. Can you represent me?" Gustav asked. “Yes. I can represent you", Duncan said. “Yes. Please. You’ll manage to help me out by representing me....” “Good. I will hereby represent you. We will put all of this back in writing later. In the form of a contract", said Earl Duncan. “Thank you very much.” “we will immediately challenge the verdict. The whole case needs to be reopened", said Duncan. "I will first request the complete court file. And then I have to get used to it, which will take a few days. I will prepare a brief today to have the verdict overturned. I'll stop by your place this afternoon at 15 o'clock. There we talk about everything.” "Thank you very much", said Gustav. Then they ended the phone call. Gustav was close to tears. This time with joy. The anger, fear, unrest over the sentence and the execution of the sentence (his execution) were suddenly almost gone. "Lawyer Earl Duncan of White and Wood Law Firm contacted me. The verdict was initially overturned. He's coming to see me today!" Gustav reported. “Congratulations. Maybe this all has a chance of success and you'll be released", Riley replied. “That’s great.” Gustav was overjoyed. After the conversation, Gustav waited several hours for the lawyer Earl Duncan with his heart pounding and full of hope. He passed this waiting time by reading. Then at 15:15 his lawyer Earl Duncan stood at his cell door, when Gustav saw him he immediately ran to the cell door and greeted him joyfully. Mr Duncan got straight to the point. “I’m your new lawyer now. We will challenge the verdict. Because of several mistakes As I said. There will be a new court hearing. And then let’s see...” said Earl Duncan. "Will I come out? What are the chances?" Gustav asked. "In one case you are like a captain with a ship on the high seas. You never know how this will develop. But in your case... the odds aren’t bad. As I notice, a lot of exculpatory evidence was not passed on. And a lot of other things didn't go legally correctly either", said Mr. Duncan. “Yes. And I shouldn't have defended myself in court. I should have gotten a lawyer back then.” “Yes. That was a big mistake You shouldn't do that. They must have underestimated themselves there.” “yes.” "I have a strategy like that. You explained that you wanted to take the bag of drugs away from Martin on the motorway bridge? Is that correct?" Duncan asked. "Yes", Gustav replied. "And then your son Martin attacked you?" “Yes. That's how it was. And he wanted to hit me and he suddenly lost his balance and then fell off the highway bridge. It was an accident", explained Gustav. "You've already told me all this and I've also read your story or defense notes", Duncan said. “Very good.” "I'll read everything again later and mark a few passages. What is important is the witness who saw you pushing your son Martin off the motorway bridge. And also heard the argument. Apparently everything happened in the dark in the evening. Was there enough light on the highway bridge so you could see a lot?" asked Earl Duncan. Gustav thought. Then he remembered. "There were a few lanterns on the highway bridge that only glowed faintly. One was - as far as I remember - even completely unusual. You could see very little.” "But the text said that you saw exactly how your son Martin behaved, how and where he hit", said Earl Duncan. “That yes.” "But then you just said that it was dark on the motorway bridge because the few lanterns were dimly lit. That sounds contradictory", Duncan said. "At least it was so brightly lit that I could see Martin's movements. Even where he hit. But in my opinion you can't see it clearly from a distance", Gustav replied. "Now I understand. That's interesting. The witness or passer-by allegedly saw exactly how they pushed their son Martin off the bridge. You mean that the witness or passerby couldn't have seen all of this clearly because of the darkness and dim light?" Duncan asked. “Yes. He was standing too far away", Gustav replied. "How far away was he from the bridge?" “I do not know that. But even from seven meters away it's impossible to see much. In my opinion", said Gustav. "It's the question of where exactly the witness or passer-by stood. Had he seen this from 10 meters away, from 20 meters away? Was he still standing on the bridge or had he already left the bridge? That must be clear", Duncan pointed out. "He had left the bridge. It was at least 20 meters away", replied Gustav. "Was that also in the court file?" “i think so.” "And had the physical altercation occurred in the middle of the bridge?" Duncan asked. “Yes. Something like that And the passerby who supposedly saw this must have been very far away. Because he was no longer on the bridge", replied Gustav. “And then it’s also unclear what the witness was looking for at the highway bridge at that hour.” "Maybe he had also drunk something alcoholic, which had an impact on his judgment. Or he had looked at his cell phone and seen everything out of the corner of his eye. That could be the case", said Gustav. “Good. We already have a lot that calls into question the credibility of the witness", said Duncan. “yes.” “Good. I will request the court file. And look at them closely. And also read your story carefully. And then I will draw up a letter, which calls the credibility of the witness into question.” “Very good.” "I'll come by again next week, for example on Monday, and then we'll discuss everything. We'll then go through all the points", Duncan said. “Okay. Thank you very much", replied Gustav. “All the best. Bye.” Then he left Gustav was relieved. Riley, who overheard the conversation, said ": That sounds good. I wish you good luck.” “Thank you.” "It's the last night I spend in the cell. Because I'm coming out tomorrow", Riley said. "That's nice. Then good luck. This will be the happiest day of your life", replied Gustav. They talked for a while. Then at 23 o'clock he put Gustav to bed with a good feeling and fell asleep. The next morning three men arrived: Riley's lawyer Justin Shepherd and the prison warden Mr. Wilson. And another unknown man. They got Riley out of the cell. Gustav now knew what was happening. He quickly got up from his bed, grabbed a piece of paper and a pen that were on the table and quickly wrote down his address, email and cell phone number. Then he quickly ran to the cell door with the note with his contact details to say goodbye to Riley and give him the note. As he stood in front of the cell door, he saw through the bars how the unknown man unlocked the left cell door and led Riley out of the cell. "There you are. I thought you wouldn't wake up. I wanted to say goodbye to you quickly. Because I'm coming out now", said Riley as he left the cell and saw Gustav. "Yes. then I wish you all the best. And thank you very much for your help so that I have a lawyer", Gustav said to Riley. “please.” "And here I'll give you my contact address. Get in touch with me. I wish you good luck", said Gustav. Then Gustav Riley quickly handed his piece of paper with his contact details through the bars. Riley took the note. “Thank you. I'd be happy to get in touch. Good luck", he said. "And I would also like to thank you for your help, Mr. Shepherd", Gustav said to Mr. Shepherd. "Of course. I think you are in good hands with Mr. Duncan", said Mr. Shepherd. “Yes. And I'm coming out too. My lawyer will help with this", said Gustav. But the prison warden, Mr Wilson, was sceptical and remained serious. "Mr. Riley Miller, who is coming out now, was very lucky. We'll just wait and see how this turns out in your case. This must first be decided in court", said prison director Mr. Wilson to Gustav. “But I wish you good luck.” The corners of Gustav's mouth went down a bit and his joy and optimism were minimized. "All the best", Riley said to Gustav one last time. And Gustav called "All the best" back. Then they left. Gustav was internally happy for Riley's release and at the same time internally sad that Riley was now gone, now he was alone in his cell. And had no one to talk to and to give him courage. Because the other two prisoners were seven or eight cells further to the left in this building, most of whom were quiet and had almost no visitors and with whom he had no contact. Gustav was glad that his lawyer Earl Duncan promised good prospects. That's why he was a little optimistic about getting out of prison here. And towards the death penalty, which hovered over him like the sword of Damocles. On the other hand, he had to think of the words of the prison warden, Mr Wilson, which were less optimistic and tarnished his joy. Was he perhaps right? He didn't know. Although the lawyer Duncan promised him good prospects, he had not yet read the court file. And he became more and more aware that it wasn't so certain that he would get out of here. That was great when Riley was still in the left side cell here. Yes, Riley is a good guy, a friend, he thought. Gustav was heterosexual and he was "bi", but whatever. It was friendly and humane. He didn't have any more friends. And he now inevitably had to check off his family out there, who had probably already written him off. Who had forgotten him. He was also internally at peace with the whole world out there. He only had a certain anger at the jury and the judge from time to time. But knowing through the preacher that, according to the Bible, it was wrong to hate someone, he fought as best he could feelings of hatred and resentment towards themYes. He had to forgive! That's what mattered. He read and pondered all day long. Also in the Bible. And he wrote a diary every now and then. Every now and then the prison guard Travis came by and spoke a few words to him. And the "food distributor" (whose name he couldn't remember) brought him his food morning, lunch and evening. Nothing more happened. The next three days in prison were also uneventful. Gustav read most of the time. He got his food and chatted every now and then with the prison guard Travis, who came every now and then to check that everything was going well (the only person at that time with whom he exchanged a few words every now and then). Otherwise, no one came by - neither the prison warden, Mr. Wilson, nor anyone in his family, nor the doctor, Dr. Stone. Disappointingly, Riley didn't call him either. Whatever the reason It felt like he had been forgotten and he could now rot in his cell. Yes, these neglects had always been his problem and his fate. Because his mother died early and his foster mother had often neglected him. She had been away a lot when he was a baby and toddler. That's why he often had such "chaos" in his life later on. And also mental problems. And other deficits. But what the heck. You can't rummage around in old stuff, you have to forgive, he thought And he forgave her too! Gustav knew: Forgiveness was the most difficult lesson according to the Bible - especially when a person did something really bad to another person. Then on the 4th day after Riley's dismissal, at 9 am, attorney Earl Duncan called Gustav on his cell phone. "Here Earl Duncan. I’ll stop by your place again later at 16, if it’s okay.” “That fits. Finally", said Gustav. "I have news that we need to discuss", Duncan said. “Okay. Very good. Then see you later.” Then they ended the cell phone call. Gustav waited for him for seven hours. In those hours he read that seemed like an eternity. Then at exactly 16 o'clock Earl Duncan stood in front of his cell with his briefcase in his hand. Gustav quickly ran to the prison cell door And then they talked to each other He again outside the cell, Gustav inside the cell. "I hope you're okay", Earl Duncan said. "According to the circumstances. I'm in a really difficult situation", Gustav replied. “I’ll get straight to the point. I had sent the letter I had drawn up to the court. We’re just waiting for an answer.” “And ....what do you suspect? Will the answer be positive for me?" Gustav asked. “Mr. Walters. We have to be patient. I know it is very difficult in your situation. But it can't be changed", Duncan explained. “Okay.” "I can tell you that the court will examine any new evidence and an appeal will be made. The death sentence will - as it stands - be overturned and then there will be a new, fair trial. I can tell you that", said Duncan. "I thank you. They're doing their best", Gustav replied. "That was all. I say goodbye.” Then he went away. Gustav went to his desk, sat down at his table and thought. Then he started reading more. At 18 o'clock the prison guard Travis came and sat down at the small table with various stationery that was in front of his cell. "And do your efforts have a chance of success? I heard her lawyer was there today...” said Mr Travis. “Yes. He was here He's already getting me out of here. Everything is going well", replied Gustav. “Let’s hope so. Your cellmate Riley was lucky. Was an attractive guy. I liked him. He made such a good impression. It was clear that he would be fired. As I said...It was luck", said Mr Travis. “I hope I’m lucky enough as well. Because for me the whole thing is a miscarriage of justice. I am innocent", explained Gustav. "It's nice that you have a lawyer. That's something. But everything else has to be decided by the judges and jurors. In difficult cases, the governor. And a lot can come out of that. Hopefully good things", he said. "but when new evidence or arguments emerge to exonerate me...?" “Yes. But as I said, the jury will decide. I know of a case like this - there was a young man who allegedly murdered his friend. He had some evidence against him doing it. But in the end he still received the death sentence and was executed. It didn't take long before he was underground", said Mr. Travis. Gustav's fear and nervousness suddenly rose from his feet to the tip of his skull. His hands were shaking. And his optimism was suddenly gone. "But the evidence should have been put on the table and taken into account!!! THAT CAN'T BE DONE! WHAT KIND OF LOUSY DISH IS THIS? The governor must be informed in such a case", Gustav suddenly shouted loudly. "Moderate yourself. Otherwise the prison warden and the doctor will come and give you a sedative injection!" Mr. Travis said energetically. “Because order and discipline reign here.” “Sorry. But you have to understand... I'm being sentenced to death here for an act I didn't commit", Gustav said again. "You've told me that several times too. Probably two hundred times. But I can't do anything else for you. I can bring you some new books. Or the doctor can give you a few more sedative pills.” "I still have pills from Dr. Stone", said Gustav. "Did you take it?" Travis asked. “Yes. Every now and then. When I'm restless. They don’t help very much.” "Or I can send the preacher over to calm you down. Or have other, stronger sedative pills brought. Those are the options", said Mr Travis sternly. "I don't want any sedative pills anymore. But you can give me new books. And send the preacher over. I just want to get rid of the inner tension. And my fear", Gustav replied. “Yes. Unfortunately I can't do more", said Travis. “Okay. That’s quite something.” Then the conversation was over. After that he read. Otherwise the day passed uneventfully. He later went to bed at 0 am. The next day, at 10 am, the preacher Bateman came to him. And he stood in front of the cell again and then he read some more Bible texts to Gustav About resurrection for the righteous, about real repentance, about forgiveness of sins,...Finally he asked ": Do you think the lawyer can get you out of here?" the preacher asked Bateman. "I hope", replied Gustav. "The important thing is that you repent of your sins! And working on you.” “i know.” “praying for You.” Then he put his Bible in his pocket and left. "Hopefully my lawyer Mr. Duncan succeeds. I almost want to be here. Out. Out", Gustav thought. Then he read for the next few hours. Then he went to bed a little after 23 hours. The next six days passed uneventfully. He mostly read into his cell. Often felt lonely Was scared. It seemed to him that he had been completely forgotten or written off by those around him and that he was slowly or surely rotting in his cell. Then the jailer Mr. Travis Gustav brought a newspaper. He handed it to him through the bars. "Here is an article about you. You're in the Alabama News newspaper now". You're a little famous now. Read the article on page five and you'll be amazed", said Travis, who had a cigarette in his mouth. Gustav took the newspaper that Travis handed him through the bars, opened it and read the article about himself carefully on page five. It was reporter Taylor Murray who had visited him here in prison about two weeks ago and then wrote the article about him about a week and a half ago. But he wrote negatively about Gustav because he was not convinced of his innocence. The newspaper "Alabama News" said the following": Murderer Gustav W. (48 years old) pushes son Martin W. (21 years old) off the C 3 motorway bridge. He is found guilty in court, sentenced to death, but pleads not guilty. Here's a quick rundown of the events that happened in Old Sutherdale... "Gustav read everything carefully and got a red head. "Such a liar! He claims something I didn't do! He labels me a murderer and just wants to see me in prison and dead in the end!" Gustav shouted. “That’s bad luck. But that's how it is. The evidence speaks against you. I'm sorry", Travis replied calmly. "Oh, that's so easy as an outsider who isn't affected to say "I'm sorry." If you were in my shoes, you would definitely say something different! I'm sentenced to death! Do you know what that means?" Gustav asked him angrily. "I ask for forgiveness for using the wrong words. But....I can very well understand what you're going through", Mr Travis replied. “YOU don’t understand anything. You call it a day, go home and everything is fine", said Gustav. "Unfortunately that's not the case. Unfortunately that's not the case. My wife died a year ago. Heart attack. I was diagnosed with lymphatic cancer three years ago. I've had several chemotherapies And I'm having a hard time doing this job - believe me. Also because I often lack the strength. That's why I look so thin and gaunt and my face is becoming more and more like that of a skull. I will also die of cancer soon. And that will probably be painful. While things will go faster for you. Just a prick, a sting and then it's over. And what do you think it will look like for me!? Very bad!" replied Mr. Travis. His voice sounded bitter Gustav, standing at the cell door, looked closer into Mr. Travi's gaunt skull face. He saw the expressive eyes that lay deep in the caves, his narrow mouth, the sunken cheeks with the distinctive cheekbones, his body-pale skin color and his bald head, which made his skull-like skull appear more eerie. And his wrinkled, thin neck. Gustav knew. He was doomed to die! "I'm very sorry", said Gustav. "Now you understand why I talk like that", replied Mr. Travis. “Yes. I didn’t know any of that. Nochnal: I’m sorry.” "I'm very sorry for you too. Believe me On the other hand: neither of us are very young anymore. I'm 63 and you - I think about 50 years old. My family is no more - my wife is dead and we had no children And your family - from what I heard - left you. And we live in a bad world today. There's the Ukraine war, that's the climate problem, there's corona, inflation,...There is crime. There are small children and young people who deal with drugs at school, commit theft crimes, burglaries and bodily harm. I know of cases where children have threatened parents and teachers. There are many who are lonely, old people who nobody cares about.....Do you really want to live in a world like this?" asked Mr. Travis. "Do you really think there's something positive coming?" "I trust in God. He will create a new order. That's what the preacher said", Gustav replied. “Good. Then you have now come to faith. I wish you good luck", Mr. Travis suddenly broke off the conversation. "I wish you good luck too", said Gustav. Then Mr. Travis left. Gustav then sat at his desk in his prison cell and wrote a diary thoughtfully and depressedly. And went - after taking a pill from Dr. Stone had already gone to bed around 22 p.m. The next day at 9 a.m., his lawyer Earl Duncan answered his cell phone. He sounded excited. "Mr. Walters, we have to meet today at 15 o'clock. It's important", he said. "We'll do that? Is there anything important?" Gustav asked. "We received a brief from your son Tim", Duncan reported. "Really?" Gustav asked. "We'll discuss this at 15 o'clock. I can't talk for long now. We'll meet at 15 o'clock and then we'll discuss everything. See you later", he said. Then he ended the cell phone conversation. Gustav was excited. WHAT happened? he asked himself. He sat down at his desk and nervously wrote some diary, writing down his current experiences Several hours. Then at 15 o'clock his lawyer Earl Duncan stood outside his cell door. Gustav quickly got up from the desk and ran to the cell door Earl Duncan immediately got to the point after the brief greeting. “We have good news and bad news. Should I start with the good news first?" Duncan asked. "Yes. it's okay", said Gustav. "The good news is that there is an appeal and a new trial. I was optimistic at first", said Duncan. “And then? What’s the bad news?” Gustav replied. "Your son Tim, with the help of a lawyer, filed a new brief with new allegations. He allegedly saw you push his brother Martin off the highway bridge", Duncan reported. "That's crap", said Gustav. "And now?" "It's going to be difficult because there are now two witnesses..." Duncan explained. “i do not understand. Why Tim? And why is he so late in claiming that he saw me on the highway bridge? That can't be done!" said Gustav. "I don't know that either", Duncan replied. "It was dark. He couldn't even see me. It was dark!" said Gustav. "Just", added Duncan. "He was never around. This is a drowning and a lie.” "And why would Tim lie?" "He wants me dead because then he will inherit", said Gustav. "Why inherit? Do you have that much?" Duncan asked somewhat critically. Gustav was silent for a moment. “you have to tell me everything. Otherwise I won't be able to work successfully", said Earl Duncan. “Good....Shortly after Martin died, my uncle Richard also died and I inherited ... his house, for he was childless. The house is worth around 600,000 euros. And when I had heart problems, I had taken out life insurance", said Gustav. "A life insurance policy?" Duncan asked. "I was sick. I had two heart operations. I may have had endless conflicts with my children...but as a father who loves the children despite everything that happened, I didn't want them to end up with 'nothing' later if I died", explained Gustav. The lawyer Earl Duncan looked at Gustav somewhat skeptically and frowned. "I don't have any children of my own. But I'm trying to understand that. Is there anything else you didn't tell me?" he asked. "That was all", Gustav replied. “Good. Then I get to the point. The court date is Thursday 5.5.2022 at 10am in the courtroom... I will try my best to get her out of prison and save her from the death penalty", Duncan said. "How big are the chances?" asked Gustav. The lawyer Earl Duncan looked at him seriously. “about 50 percent.” "Not more?" asked Gustav. “Maybe 60 percent. Nothing more. There is also the other side with the accusations and evidence. We'll have to wait and see what the judge and jury say. I can't do anything more for you at the moment. That's where we meet. If you have any news during this time, send it to me by email. That's all I can do", Duncan said. “thank you.” Then he left Gustav was left thoughtful. He restlessly sat down at the desk that day and continued to write down his thoughts, feelings and arguments in his defense and also wrote in his diary. In the next few days, Gustav was also filled with unrest, tension and fear of the death sentence being carried out. Although there was a bit of hope that the lawyer Duncan would get him out of his predicament. And Gustav hoped that the lawyer Duncan would manage to free him. In the whole of the next few days he was visited only once by the warden of the prison, Mr Wilson, and the doctor, Dr. Stone, who examined him briefly and gave him other, stronger tablets to calm him down And every now and then he could talk to the warden, Mr Travis. Otherwise no one visited him. He spoke to the lawyer Duncan on the phone from time to time and they discussed the whole situation and prepared for the court hearing on May 5th. He also wrote his will - because he feared losing the trial and being executed. There he appointed the alcoholic and unemployed Stephen Sanders, the only friend he still had and with whom he had little contact (which he had not said anything about in prison), as sole heir and thus disinherited his son Tim and daughter Ginny - out of revenge for what they had done to him. He sent this will to his lawyer, who would pass it on to the notary... After two and a half weeks, the court hearing was on Lower Road in the Wineburgh district of Montgomery, Alabama. Early in the morning, Gustav was led outside from the prison complex to the New Blackcastle district of Montgomery, Alabama, by several men who had handcuffed him. And they took him to a white transport guarded by some men. After several men handcuffed him into the van, placed him in one of the rearmost seats, and all boarded, they then drove him to the courthouse on Lower Road in Montgomery's Wineburgh neighborhood. Then several men took him out of the white van and led him into the courthouse in handcuffs - past various sensationalist reporters who took photos of Gustav with cameras and past onlookers who wanted to see him either dead or alive. Then Gustav was taken to the courtroom. A little later, Gustav sat down at a table next to his lawyer Earl Duncan. Meanwhile, a crowd of people came into the courtroom. (Gustav didn't know who all these people were.) And Gustav's son Tim came into the courtroom with his lawyer and also his daughter Ginny with her lawyer. And a court draftsman who wanted to draw Gustav was also present. The jury and the judge also entered the courtroom and took their seats. About ten more minutes passed. Then the trial began. Judge Miles Fletcher, sitting on a pedestal, opened his Gustav court file before him and began his speech": Mr. Gustav Walters, born March 30, 3, 1974 in Montgomery (Westgate), Alabama. Later living in Old Sutherdale in Montgomery, Alabama, at number 21 Yello Trees Road. You are charged with murdering your son Martin Walters on November 11, 2021 by pushing him off the Keystone Bridge highway bridge in Old Sutherdale C3. You, Mr. Walters Senior, may have been guilty under the Intentional Manslaughter Model Penal Code. You are a Murderer What do you have to say about that, Mr Walters?" “It wasn’t me. That was an accident", said Gustav. "But, there were witnesses who saw how you argued with your son, how you got into a fight and how they pushed him off the railing in cold blood", said judge Miles Fletcher. Then Earl Duncan took the floor. “Objection. It was dark. They couldn't see exactly how the accident had happened It was pitch black", Earl Duncan interjected. “So? Now we want to question the witness, Mr. Nelson Fleming, who observed everything. Mr. Fleming, please tell me what you observed", Judge Fletcher asked him. “So...I went for a walk and even wanted to go to the bridge. Then I saw two men arguing on the bridge. They hit each other, then fought. Then I saw Gustav hit his son Martin several times. He was defenseless and staggered. And then Gustav Walters pushed him off the bridge. I see these images in front of me I can't forget it. It was terrible", Fleming said. "You heard it, Mr. Walters", the judge said. "It looks like this isn't manslaughter anymore No Involuntary Manslaughter. But he wanted it! For me this is premeditated murder. Anger for trivial reasons. A low motive", said Tim's lawyer. “Objection. It was dark. You couldn't see anything from a greater distance", Duncan interjected again. "Yes", Fleming said. The lawyer Earl Duncan then asked Fleming several questions.": If you supposedly saw this clearly, they must have been standing pretty close to Gustav and Martin on the bridge. Where exactly were you, Mr. Fleming? How far was the distance between you and Gustav and Martin?" "I was standing pretty much at the end of the bridge when I heard screams. As I had just left the bridge, I turned around and looked at the bridge. And then I saw her...I saw it all from about ten meters away", Fleming said. "Where exactly on the motorway bridge did Gustav Walters fight with his son Martin Walters? And where did Gustav push his son off the highway bridge?" Judge Fletcher asked. "This all happened in the middle of the bridge", replied witness Mr. Fleming. “Wrong. If he supposedly saw it that closely, he must have been standing on the highway bridge. Because it is long. It can't be ten meters away. If you saw everything when you left the bridge, the distance must have been greater. About twenty meters away", Duncan replied. "That's actually strange", said the judge. "So. I don't know exactly", said Fleming. He suddenly seemed a bit insecure. "But Mr. Fleming. So you didn't see exactly how Gustav pushed him down. Is that correct? Because at a distance of twenty meters it is more difficult to see anything in the darkness", asked Mr. Duncan. "Yes. I saw that clearly. He pushed him down", Fleming said. "But how can you do that when you've been so far away?" asked Earl Duncan. "I may have been at the end of the bridge", Fleming said. "You said earlier that you had left the bridge", said the judge. "It was the shock. Watching a murder is ... not easy. Maybe I messed this up", Fleming stammered. "That can be of course. But you stand by the statement that he did it?” the judge asked. “yes.” “Objection. That doesn't prove anything. Maybe when it was so dark on the bridge he saw a raven. At least not how Gustav Walters pushed his son down. That seems far-fetched to me. A product of fantasy", Earl Duncan said in defense. Mr. Earl Duncan whispered quietly to his client Gustav ": That's good for you, Mr. Walters". Mr. Fleming’s testimony shakes.” "Yes", Gustav simply said. "So...then there is another witness statement... from Mr. Tim Walters, the son of defendant Walters Senior... Mr. Tim Walters. What did you see that fateful evening?" the judge asked Tim. “So...I observed an argument even in the apartment between my dad and his son, Martin - my half-brother. It was about drugs. And about the CDs and strange books by the band Blue Black Vip. These are death metal and gothic musicians that I've been friends with for a few years. My father had something against her. Because somehow he found her strange. Sure - we once did silly things, went to the cemetery in Old Sutherdale a few times dressed in black and shot some selfie videos with our cell phones. For Tik Tok or YouTube. To upload them there later...Own music videos. That was our thing. We hoped to get a lot of clicks. "Fame" was a bit important to us. We were a bit naive back then - today I see it a little differently. My friends, I admit, were a bit "strange" at the time. But I didn't take everything we did so seriously. It was a joke to me. In any case, I was only interested in the music videos. Ginny, my sister, looked like that. She didn't go along with it anyway, which means she didn't go to cemeteries and didn't take drugs or anything....She also took part in the music videos we made. That's it. My older brother Martin took it all more seriously That was something different. He found the death metal musicians we interacted with and what they were doing particularly great. And then he also took some harder drugs. We knew five death metal musicians we met on the Internet that we were hanging out with. They were about our age A little bit older About 20 and 21 years old. Three of them were pretty normal, which means they were just dressed in black and sometimes drank a beer or smoked weed. There was nothing more. But two of them - they were Nick Knight and Gary Phillips, they were in a worse mood. They had also studied spiritualism. Demon stuff and so on.. I didn't want anything to do with that! Gary and Nick often went to cemeteries, for example to the cemetery in Old Sutherdale, and did a lot of stuff there. They then brought the books in black, CDs and amulets to our house. They took some of it back with them and left some of it behind at our house. Which was a mistake With the whole thing seemed strange at the time Ginny and the other three death metal musicians, who were more normal and didn't deal with spiritualism and so on, also started to find Gary and Nick more and more strange Even they said to themselves ": Do a little nonsense a few times, Having fun and making videos is okay - even in the cemetery - where the footpath was and no one was disturbed. But what Gary and Nick were doing, none of us were up for it anymore They overdid it! We all didn't want to have anything to do with all the spiritualism and other stuff that was starting to seem scary. It changed me. And others around me too. I felt an aura like that at times - it got cool, changed me at times....I can't describe it. We refrained from doing so. Then Father Wyatt Warren came to visit us in our apartment. Ginny and I ended up telling him about Nick and Gary and that they were into spiritualism. He warned us how dangerous that was! And so we decided to break off contact with Nick and Gary. They took back some of the books, amulets and CDs that they had left with us. They left some things with us, such as two amulets, a book and a CD. At some point we throw some of it in the trash. We burned the rest I hadn't dealt drugs. There was a friend of ours who had bought stuff like that for us two or three times - I was there once. That's it. Martin bought something every now and then - but without me. I didn't take part in it anymore. And neither does Ginny. Wit didn't want anything to do with it anymore. The fact that Martin continued was a problem for all of us. Maybe therapy would have helped - who knows? My father somehow didn't understand any of this. He couldn't go away with it anymore. His nerves were on edge during the corona crisis. That's been it since these things - the books, the amulets, the CDs, ... by Nick and Gary were lying around with us. That's how I noticed. Martin was more violent because he still had contact with Nick and Gary. He became - it seemed to me from his behavior - stranger Somehow different. Father also changed, became more aggressive At least for a while he was like that - until Father Warren helped my father and us there with prayers and so on...then things got better at times...My father had many problems during the corona crisis. Even with alcohol. And he lost his jobs as a photographer during the corona crisis. He expected an inheritance from his sick uncle Richard. He was very impatient. Because then he would have all his worries gone. Then he would have had nothing but worries about Martin.” “There’s something interesting. Keep talking", said Judge Fletcher. "And he didn't like it when his son Martin was hanging around like that. And how he often shouted at him. Because he was angry that he continued to associate with Nick and Gary, who were doing bad things. That wasn't normal in his eyes. Devil stuff But it wasn't just Martin who wasn't normal. Father also changed more and more and was no longer normal", said Tim. “Am I listening correctly? He wasn't normal anymore?" asked the judge. "My father used to be more normal. I mean before Nick and Gary showed up at our house during the 2020 corona crisis - but only briefly and secretly because of Corona - and brought some black books and amulets with them. Then he lost all orders during the corona crisis and became depressed. He didn't even care about us anymore, he started drinking, Martin and I then took drugs for a time. Also because we were frustrated. Just me a little bit, Martin more violently Then my dad and mom told us it wasn't okay to do drugs. I saw this and stopped taking drugs, just concentrating on my teaching. My sister Ginny hadn't taken any drugs anyway. That wasn't an issue for her. She also only had contact with the three death metal musicians, who were a little more normal. But it was only superficial. A little fun. But not to Nick and Gary.” "Get to the point, Mr. Walters Junior", demanded Judge Fletcher. "When father was home alone one day in the Corona year of 2021 and was in a bad mood, he picked up a book that Nick and Gary had left behind some time ago and read it out of curiosity. I was in the living room when he read this. Then he said that he suddenly felt something. He suddenly became nervous. Maybe he had something with his nerves or it was something psychological? I thought. Or something else? His eyes suddenly widened and something was wrong with him. At least that's how it seemed. Of course, none of us could say that clearly. We asked if he had another heart attack. It was strange", Tim reported. "And then?" asked Judge Fletcher. "It only took a few minutes. My mother, who had also observed this, also noticed that father was in a strange mood. That something had gotten into him. That he may have been ill Or was it a mental problem? You couldn't say that clearly. We then decided to burn or throw away the books, which had a negative influence on us and which had a negative energy. And we did. The CDs, amulets, books, chains...everything ended up in the fire in the back garden of the tenement or in the garbage can. We thought everything would be okay. But that was a mistake. At least as far as Martin and father were concerned. Father drank more and more, became angrier, more aggressive Often, an argument would break out with him over a minor matter. “THAT’S NONSENSE! THEY JUST ARGUED - NOT ME DAMN IT!. They want to blame me for everything that happened!" Gustav shouted. "Mr. Walters Senor. Please let your son finish!" shouted the judge. "And then there was the matter with Lucy. Father didn't get along with my mother Sally either The marriage was about to divorce. And that's when the Lucy Lambert thing happened. He met her in April 2020. They had a secret relationship that lasted about a year or a year and a half. My mother Sally found out by chance. And then there was a row and my mother wanted to break up with him. And she wanted to take us - the children - with her", said Tim. "I didn't even know that. So the case takes another turn", said Judge Fletcher in surprise. A murmur went through the courtroom. And the jury also spoke briefly in a whisper to each other The lawyer Earl Duncan turned to Gustav and whispered to him ": An affair? Why didn't you tell me all this? Now none of this looks good for you anymore", Mr. Duncan whispered to Gustav. “I didn’t know...” Gustav stammered. "Oh, you didn't know that? This influences the whole process. And I'm trying hard with you all the time. Damn!" hissed lawyer Duncan Gustav. "It was only very short", Gustav whispered. “A year or a year and a half is not short in this case. Damn it", said lawyer Earl Duncan. He was angry and disappointed. "Keep talking", Judge Fletcher told Tim. And then Tim continued talking. "It was very hard for me. For all of us. Father Gustav always said we should change. Let him change too", he said. "THAT'S A HUGE LIE! It wasn't like that", Gustav shouted. "Yes. That's how it was", Tim said. “The affair was brief.... and besides, Sally had started an affair earlier than I had. With a man. With some Gareth, a handyman I heard that.” Another murmur went through the courtroom. “That never happened! I didn't have an affair! HE had been having an affair!” Sally shouted through the courtroom.” "That's not true", Gustav shouted again. "All the photos I took secretly prove this", Sally shouted. "And I took photos too!" Gustav countered angrily. Whether what Gustav or Sally said about the photos was a bluff or an empty threat, no one but them knew. Everyone in the courtroom now knew that Gustav's relationship with Sally was brokenIt was pure monkey business in the court. A mix of drama, horror and black comedy. Then Gustav whispered to his lawyer Mr. Duncan": Sally! It is she who turns the children against me! Because I didn't do anything bad. Except that I had neglected my family a bit - because I had to work in my time of need.” “Quiet please! We can't get any further like this Now Tim keeps talking! "Judge Fletcher shouted. Then Tim keeps talking. "Then one evening father was in a really bad mood. He was sitting in his living room watching TV and there happened to be a CD of my death metal boys Nick and Gary on the living room table. We had already burned or thrown away all of their other things. We had only forgotten that one CD that was lying on the living room table - we didn't throw it away until later. Father put this CD in the CD player out of curiosity to listen. As the eerie music played, a shiver ran down our spines. And after almost a minute, father pressed Stop and decided to throw away the CD. Then Martin got a call from a guy like that. Because he had supposedly promised him that he would buy some of the stuff he had there. Packed in a bag. Of course, Martin spoke extra quietly so that no one could listen. But father suspected something after the phone call and then he and Martin had an argument. Then Martin left the apartment and went to the motorway bridge. And then father secretly followed him. And me too - because I thought something bad was going to happen. Which my father didn't know! I wanted to warn Martin. But it was too late. I instinctively took my phone out of my pocket and filmed the whole thing. Then father and Martin had a heated argument on the highway bridge. They fought shortly afterwards. And father wanted to take away the stuff he had just bought from a guy. Then he beat him violently several times. Then he fell against the railing Martin was still screaming ": Please, father, don't do it" But then father pushed him down. I still heard Martin's scream. I was able to record all of this on my cell phone despite the darkness. I was also able to zoom in. I had photos taken of the individual video scenes and submitted everything. They're in the court file", Tim said. “THAT’S A MEAN LIE! THAT’S A MEAN LIE!” Gustav shouted. Then he was silent For with this statement he knew: He had lost. He was going to lose the case. And that would mean his death sentence. "Why didn't you tell me everything? I was convinced of your innocence. But if you really did...then you deserve the death penalty too,” lawyer Duncan whispered to him. Then a murmur went through the courtroom. "Ugh", someone said. "He did it", shouted a woman's voice. "He should die", said someone else. "Please rest!" said the judge. "I'll question him now." But Gustav started crying. “I CAN’T REMEMBER! I don't remember doing that! It wasn't me!" he shouted, crying. "You had had an affair too. Whenever you came home, you smelled like perfume", Tim said. Then Tim's slanderous, hard-hearted nature emerges again, thought Gustav. "But your mother had also had an affair. I know that for sure. That turned out later. You'll find out at some point!" said Gustav. "That's a lie!" Sally shouted. This is partly a terrible gang. Depraved, corrupt and lying. Everyone as they are there. Cold-hearted, slanderous, arrogant, haughty, lying, materializing, unfaithful to one's partner. All depraved and corrupted. My children too It must be partly because of Corona and the devil and his demons that everyone here is so terrible. Unfortunately, before it happened to Martin, I had developed disadvantageously at times - and it wasn't until I was in prison that I was able to change a little for the better, thought Gustav. “You’re all against me. I'm supposed to die because you want the money I inherited after Uncle Richard's death a month after Martin's death. That's how it is! Sally incites the children against me! The whole family is against me! They hadn't visited me in prison once! This is not all excellent and fair, but from the devil. I know because I studied the Bible a bit in prison with a preacher. I've changed for the better. I don’t want anything to do with my family anymore when they’re that mean.” "I just want to say something. You eliminated Martin because you wanted to be free. You didn't get along with my mother, you were on the verge of divorce. You haven't even had sex together yet. But you had your friend Lucy - who had also recently left you. You wanted to live with her and leave your family. And with your uncle Richard's money you wanted to make a new start with her!" Tim shouted to his father. "That's not true!" Gustav shouted. "You had all this planned. Secretly!” “you have flaws too! Not just me! It was the devil that drove me crazy! Devil is to blame!" shouted Gustav. "That's too late now", his lawyer Duncan said to him. "There was all the pressure in the corona crisis. I hadn't had any more orders....I was in danger of going broke and Sally wanted to break up with me too. And then Martin had changed...He then dealt with Nick and Gary, took drugs, there were these books, CDs and amulets that influenced us! All of that was too much for me. The fact that Martin had threatened us - me and my family - was also too much for me. He had even stolen my wife's rings. Should this continue? I had to protect my family! I had always tried to talk to him and it always had no effect. Then there was a real argument between us on the motorway bridge. Something then hit me - that's what they say in the old saying. I freaked out! And that's where it happened. It was over all of a sudden... It was an accident. It wasn’t intentional.” A tear ran down his cheek. "There we have it", said Ginny. "He wanted to be free for the new woman", Tim interjected. “IT WAS THE DEVIL! HE'S TO BLAME! He destroyed me and stole my family. Only Pastor Wyatt Warren came three weeks later, he prayed with me, I became a different, more normal person, the evil was gone. But it was too late. I was then convicted! I was supposed to say that earlier...but I couldn’t think of it! All of these experiences and the shock with Martin had partly caused me amnesia. I couldn't remember a lot of things. Only now can I remember!" explained Gustav. “That’s enough. We, the jury, and I are withdrawing for deliberation.” Mr Duncan spoke to Gustav. “I’m sorry. But the matter has come to an end. After what happened now and everything came out, there's nothing I can do for you anymore. May God have mercy on you "he said The jury deliberated for about five minutes. Then the judge and jury sat down in their seats. Then Judge Fletcher announced the verdict": I hereby announce the verdict. You are guilty of treacherous murder. We know you had an affair. They wanted to be free for this relationship. Uncle Richard's inheritance was just right. And Martin had been bugging you for a long time with his drug addiction, outbursts of anger... and all the problems he had caused. It looks like they wanted to get rid of him - maybe to protect the rest of the family. Anyway After an argument and a fight, they pushed him - when he was defenseless in a moment - off the highway bridge. Two witnesses saw that", said the judge. "THAT'S NOT TRUE! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!” Gustav shouted. "It's not negligent homicide or anything like that. It was a cold-blooded murder. They had an outburst of anger for a trivial reason - which would be a base motive and therefore there is already a murder feature. They wanted to get rid of him. They acted with intent", interjected Ginny's lawyer, Ms. Doyle. "According to mens rea, this is still common law specific intent. Malice. Knowingly. He is extremely guilty and deserves the highest punishment", said Tim's lawyer, Dr. Reed. "In my opinion, this is general intent. Malice. Knowingly. Purposely! He is a first degree premeditated murderer", said Ms. Doyle. "That's not true! I am innocent! It was an accident!" Gustav shouted. "Several pieces of the puzzle come together, which when put together form a picture. I now pass judgment. You are charged with premeditated murder. And are sentenced to death by lethal injection. The verdict is final", Judge Fletcher said. His voice thundered through the courtroom, making Gustav shudder. Gustav was horrified and shocked by what he considered to be a legally flawed and amateurish court hearing. And about the unjust judgment. Where am I here? Why is there the death penalty here? Why hasn't the death penalty been abolished long ago? In Germany and France, for example, there is no death penalty. So I'm here somewhere in the Middle Ages? Or am I in London in the 18th or 19th century? he thoughtIt didn't seem real to him at all and it seemed to him that he was completely losing his mind. “i didn’t mean to. SATAN IS TO BLAME! He ruined me and stole my family! I didn't KILL MARTIN. I'M INNOCENT!" Gustav shouted. Then he became quieter and said ": I'm giving up. Then I'll just die. I had really neglected my family a bit during the corona crisis and I'm sorry...and then I just have to die", he said at the end. Several tears streamed down his cheeks. Then several police officers came up to him, handcuffed him and led him outside the courthouse. And then they went with him - past the sensationalist people and reporters to the white van and invited him there. Again they drove him in handcuffs and closely guarded to the prison building in the New Blackcastle neighborhood of Montgomery. When the white van stopped in front of the prison building, several men took him out of there again and took him to the prison building in handcuffs. Shortly afterwards they took him back to his cell, where he had been before. And locked the door. "I don't want to die. It's the devil's fault", Gustav shouted. But no one seemed to notice his screaming. Not even the prison guard, Mr. Travis. Gustav stayed there - full of fear and exhausted for several hours. In the meantime he had resigned and given up all hope of avoiding the execution of the death penalty - his fate. He even refused to eat - the last meal he was brought. After about five hours - during which Gustav had often screamed and cried and was on the verge of suicide - the prison warden Mr. Wilson, the doctor Dr. Stone, the prison guard Mr. Travis and several men came to Gustav's cell. They stopped in front of the prison cell. "Gustav Walters. We came to get you", said Mr. Wilson. "The time has come", said Mr. Travis. “may God have mercy on you.” “Yes. I'm ready. I'm getting the just punishment now. I didn't take good care of my family and now Martin is dead!" Gustav shouted. Then he unlocked the cell door for Mr. Travis. And then several men went into the cell, grabbed him and led him out of the cell. Gustav did not resist anymore He had resigned. He was as good as dead already. The men walked down the hallway with Gustav, who had little strength left. Shortly afterwards they walked along several more corridors. Then they led him into a room where there was a stretcher. And next to it were some medical devices that were unknown to Gustav. When he looked closer, he saw the cannulas, the syringes, the container with the poison, the cables. Just all kinds of devices.... And he saw the bier. Left and right were pads for the outstretched arms. And at the end of the cushions were the straps and handcuffs to which his arms were to be strapped. And there were shackles at the foot too. "Please extend your arms sideways like two wings. And lie down on the stretcher like that. The two arms on the pads left and right", said Dr. Stone. Gustav obeyed and put his arms out to the sides like wings. Then he lay down on the bier like a bird with his arms outstretched. He had his legs straight out and his arms on his left and right were placed on the cushion. Then two men strapped his arms left and right. And also his legs. Gustav was then given a sedative. A little later, puncture sites on the arms on the left and right were anesthetized, then the vessels were punctured. And then Dr. Stone quickly put the two catheters in his arms - left and right. "Does it hurt a lot?" Gustav asked exhausted last time. “if you don’t resist - no.” He saw that through a pane of glass that several people were there watching him lie on the stretcher and the men around him preparing his execution. There was a lot of audience there. People unknown to Gustav. And there was his family. You'll watch me get executed, he thought However, he stopped looking at his family. He had finished with her. It's over anyway, he thought. Then he saw the preacher Bateman standing there. "Preacher. Can you pray for me?" asked Gustav. “Yes. I will pray for you", Bateman said. Then Bateman prayed for Gustav, saying, “May God have mercy on you.” Then the doctor Dr. Stone prepared the lethal injection Shortly afterwards, the poison flowed from Gustav's veins. And everything blurred before him.... Then Gustav suddenly heard a voice. "Gustav. Gustav. Are you awake?” "Who's there?" he thought, exhausted. “you are here.” Then Gustav slowly opened his eyes and looked into a friendly face. It was the face of the preacher Henry Bateman. At that moment, he didn't know where he was And why Bateman was there all of a sudden He felt like he was in a strange environment. And yet some things seemed familiar He looked to the right and saw a nightstand with a glass of water, tablets, a plate of fruit on it. Then he saw the catheter in his right arm that they had placed. Then he looked to the left and saw an empty hospital bed. Yeah, now he knew where he was He was in the hospital! And he now remembered it more closely: He was suffering from cancer. And he was here at Old Sutherdale hospital for lymph gland and stomach cancer. The doctors only gave him a few more months of life. And the preacher was his friend Henry Bateman, whom he had known for a long time and with whom he had studied the Bible. And which he had also dreamed of and studied the Bible with him in his dream in prison. And since he would die soon and his life shortly before death increasingly resembled life in a prison death cell, he also knew why he had dreamed of the prison cell. That had to do with his life. Yes, he was like he was on death row. At least that's how he felt. He then remembered his dream more closely and compared it to his real life situation: the whole court case was just a dream. Nothing was real. He also didn't kill his son Martin, he wasn't convicted by a court, there was no prison in his life, there was no Heiner, no doctor Dr. Stone, no prison guard Travis, no prison warden Mr. Wilson and no judge Fletcher and no jury. Everything wasn't real. Reality was only or what was parallel to his dream: that he had really lost his 21-year-old son Martin in the corona crisis: from a drug overdose. He was found dead behind a park bench near the cemetery in Old Sutherdale on 18.4.2020. And he couldn't get over that. Added to this is his cancer: lymph glands and stomach cancer. It was also a reality that the relationship with his daughter Ginny was very difficult. What was real was that his 19-year-old son Tim really got involved with some punks at times during the corona crisis, took some light drugs at times (fortunately he had stopped doing that now) and that he once brought home a punk named Geoffrey Barker, who had dealt with spiritualism and then left a strange book at their house. Because the book seemed strange to him and his family and the punk who owned the book he had left lying around strangely didn't come forward and pick up the book, they threw it away sometime in November 2020. Pastor Wyatt Warren of the Free Church advised us to do this when we told him about the book. Actually everything was there. Because otherwise we stayed away from spiritualism. And when Martin died, Gustav felt responsible for his death and felt intense guilt. If I had cared more about him, it wouldn't have happened, he often told himself. The whole thing was a shock! In the end the whole family was destroyed! Then the preacher Henry Bateman said to Gustav ": You had a bad dream? Do you know where you are?" “Yes. In the hospital", Gustav replied. "You moaned like you were in pain. You must have had very bad dreams", said Bateman. “Yes. It was a horrible dream. I dreamed that I was in the courtroom - my whole family accused me, I was accused of insidiously pushing my son Martin off the motorway bridge. I would never do something like that! I was executed by lethal injection at the end of the dream.” "Luckily, this is all just a dream", Bateman said. “But...why do I have the dream? Maybe it has to have a meaning", replied Gustav. "You feel guilty about your son Martin. Sure ....You could have done more for him. While Tim was still getting things together and no longer taking drugs, Martin, the family's problem child, was no longer able to get off drugs", said Bateman. “Unfortunately, no.” "What's your relationship with Sally, with your son Tim and with your daughter Ginny?" asked Bateman. “Still difficult. None of them had visited me here in the hospital after my cancer operation", said Gustav. "That's a shame", Bateman replied. “That’s often the case these days. Away with the old. Away with the sick. Anything that is uncomfortable or different has to go", explained Gustav. "Why is it that the children don't visit you?" Bateman asked. “I used to take care of my kids all the time...but then came the coronavirus crisis in spring 2020. I lost all my jobs as a photographer during the lockdown in mid-March 2020 and I had to work a lot - for example, looking for new jobs to make ends meet financially! Then I didn't have much time for my children anymore. And then Martin had a drug problem. He then met the wrong people. Even in lockdown. And then one day we found Martin dead in the park behind a park bench in Old Sutherdale. On April 18, 2020. That was a shock! I blamed myself for the death of my son, Martin.” "But remember - you didn't kill him like in a dream. It's the guilt that torments you. You did your best! Even though you are sick. Nobody asks for more. Or shouldn't you ask. The fact that your wife Sally left you at the end of 2020 and took the children with her is bad. Also that she doesn’t come to visit you anymore.” “I think....Corona and Satan stole my family. I firmly believe in it", said Gustav. "Be sober and watch; for your adversary the devil goes about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he devours. This is what it says in 1 Peter, 5:8", said Bateman. "Bad times", said Gustav. "Do you think your family will come to visit you soon?" Bateman asked. “Yes...when it comes to money and inheritance. They will come to visit me. But they come not because of me, but because of inheritance. You probably want to know what the will is like.” "And do you want to pass something on to your children Ginny and Tim? And maybe your ex-wife Sally too?" asked Bateman. Gustav thought for a moment before answering. "My paternal uncle Richard, who was childless, unfortunately died in mid-2021. Because I got along so well with him, he named me as the sole heir. I had inherited the house and shares. If sold, the house is worth at least 600,000 or 700,000 euros, the shares are worth around 70,000 euros. My children, who are now teenagers, should both inherit equally.” "And you do that even though your children don't visit you?" Bateman asked in amazement. “Yes. I say to myself: I did my best. And maybe they will be nicer to me in the future and visit me more", said Gustav. “I hope so. If you pass something on to your children...Then next time the devil will use money as a means to destroy the family. The devil uses a lot of traps", Bateman said. “I hope not. I hope that my children will be nicer to me in the future", replied Gustav. "Unfortunately I have to go. I still have an appointment. I'll come back in a few days", Bateman said. “then see you next time.” Then Bateman left. Gustav was alone in his room for several hours, staring at the ceiling and thinking. Then suddenly Tim came into his room He had a bouquet of flowers in his hand. "Hello father. How are you?" he said. "I'm doing according to my circumstances. I'm seriously ill and don't have long to live. It can end at any moment. Because cancer is an insidious disease", explained Gustav. “Don’t say it, Father. don’t say it. You'll get well again", Tim said. He wiped his eyes. To Gustav it looked as if he had wiped a tear from his eye. It was probably just a show. He saw that Tim still had his bouquet of flowers (which were probably cheap flowers from the supermarket) in his hand. "There's a vase on my bedside table. You can put the flowers in there", said Gustav. "Okay", he said. Then he went to the nightstand with the bouquet of flowers and put it in the vase. "You can find 20 euros in the bedside table. You can have those.” "Thank you very much!" Tim replied. Then he opened the drawer and took the 20 euros that were lying there. Then Tim began his expressions of remorse. “sorry I didn’t visit you once.” “It’s okay, boy. Not so bad. You all have work to do. You also want to have a little fun. At your age you also have women on your mind. I used to be young too, you know ... I know what I'm talking about", said Gustav. “Yes, father.” Gustav noticed that Tim seemed depressed. "What's wrong, my boy?" Gustav asked. "I met such a young woman there. I had also kissed ....well, a bit. And then I asked her if she wanted to go with me. That was on the cathedral when she had just bought sweets. She didn't respond to my serious question at all. She just sucked her lolly and just looked at me strangely. And then she told me that although she thought I was nice, it was somehow too immature that she didn't want to commit herself tightly, she wanted to gain experience first and not commit straight away. Especially not someone like me", she said. “Yes. Then she's not the right one. Maybe someone in the Free Church is a great woman for you. I've been visiting the Free Church regularly for half a year... I used to not be such a churchgoer.” "I know what you're getting at. You think I’d better find another one.” “Exactly. But someone who wants to have several men at once is unlikely to be sad.” "FATHER, WHO SAID SHE WOULD HAVE DIFFERENT MEN?" Tim shouted angrily. "But you can hear that", said his father Gustav. "You think she's too spoiled", said Tim. "I didn't say that", Gustav replied. "But hinted at ""I think that when it comes to the topic of relationships, you are completely disoriented and don't know where left and right are. You can't just go by your heart and inner urge. You also have to go after your head. That's how it is in love and partnership - marriage. You need principles...” “father, we’re changing the subject.” “yes.” Then they were silent for a while. Then Father said": It's good that you're here. Because I will die soon. And I have now made my will. Even before I got to the hospital That's up to the notary", Gustav said. “Don’t say that. You will get well again", replied Tim. "Unfortunately my daughter didn't come. But that's so common these days. In this world the elderly are no longer visited. This is often the case. Everyone only thinks about money. Or about selfish pleasure", explained Gustav. "She probably thinks of you often after all." "She doesn't. But whatever. She needs to know what she's doing. I did my duty. I deposited a will with the notary. As you know, I inherited his house from my Uncle Richard with a size of almost 1000 square meters of land. The house and its land are worth around 600,000 or 700,000 euros. There are also shares worth around 70,000 euros. I have decided - although my relationship with you was not always easy - to appoint you as heirs. Everyone will inherit half of my entire fortune. I just wanted to share that", said his father Gustav. "Thank you, father, for thinking of me", Tim replied. "I should have been a better father to you and Ginny. But what the heck. Let's change the subject....I'd had a bad dream...” "What dream?" "I had dreamed that you would accuse me, sentence me to death and end up executing me. Also because in the dream I was responsible for Martin’s death.” His father Gustav briefly told him what he had dreamed and what he could still remember. "This is a terrible dream", Tim said. “Yes. That's right. I didn't kill Martin like I dreamed, though... But I should have taken more care of him. I should have cared for you more.” "Father, you don't have to feel guilty", Tim said. “Don’t talk any further...I should have cared about you guys more...but I want to make this up to you. You both get my fortune. In equal parts. And I hope you'll be happy with it", said father Gustav. "Was I such a bad father?" "Father, you were a good father", Tim replied. "And you're a good son", said father Gustav quickly. Although that didn't correspond to reality. Tim then hugged his father Father had tears in his eyes. They talked for a while longer. After about half an hour he left the hospital and left the hospital. On 5.6.2022 Gustav Walters died suddenly of cancer. Bateman did not learn of this until a day later Gustav had named his two children, Ginny and Tim, as sole heirs in his will. They were to inherit his fortune in equal shares. About five days later, on Friday 10.6.2022 at 10am, Gustav Walter's funeral took place in Chapel 3 of the cemetery in Old Sutherdale. Only a few people were there. His son Tim, his daughter Ginny, an aunt from Oklahoma with whom Gustav had little contact. A middle-aged cousin and cousin from Phoenix, Arizona, with whom Gustav didn't have much contact either. And Henry Bateman himself. Two friends. And some, other people who were unknown to Bateman. When the flower-decorated coffin was on stage, Father "Father" Michael Smith gave a speech to the small audience. Afterwards, four pallbearers came onto the stage and carried the coffin containing Gustav's body out of the chapel to the place where Gustav's grave had been dug and where the coffin would be lowered with ropes. The mourning community followed the coffin and the pallbearers. Then they arrived at the place where the grave had been dug, then the Father gave a speech and prayed for Gustav and for the mourning congregation. Then the coffin was lowered into the pit with ropes. "Did you know Gustav well?" Bateman asked a mourner. “i’m the cousin. But I didn't know Gustav very well", he said. "That's a shame", said Bateman. "I don't even know his children. I last saw her ten years ago. They look good.” "Do you have children of your own?" Bateman asked. “no. That didn't happen to me. I had always worked a lot as a real estate agent. And unfortunately I hadn't found the right woman in the last 30 years. And now I'm 50 years old and feel too old for that", said the cousin. "But there aren't many people at the funeral", Bateman said. “Yes. Too bad.” “Well. Often the whole family only comes together at the funeral. Otherwise, you don't have much contact with each other And nothing to say either. Or the family is divided over inheritance. And now Gustav is underground. And then the family comes and fights over the money. That’s how it usually is.” “That’s right.” The preacher Bateman was right. After the funeral, the disputes between Tim and Ginny and their mother Sally over Gustav's inheritance began. At first, Sally got a shock from being disinherited, with the result that her children were no longer in contact due to inheritance disputes. It didn't take long for her to become depressed and commit suicide. Then most of the money was lost in legal fees. Tim later speculated in stocks and lost almost all of his assets. He also started taking drugs again. And at some point he collapsed on the dance floor in the club and went to the madhouse. Ginny bought a sports car. When she went on a city tour with him in Montgomery, the friend behind the wheel was driving too fast and had a serious accident. He died instantly. And she was seriously injured and had been confined to a wheelchair ever since. All the money she had was soon spent. Afterwards she stayed alone in a wheelchair in her small apartment. Yes, the devil not only stole Gustav's family, but also completely destroyed it. What had happened to Gustav, his wife and his children, he (Gustav) would certainly not have wanted - if he were still alive - thought the preacher Bateman. That's how it can be if you're too attached to money. The devil also exploits such human weaknesses. THE END
• 2025-01-30

  Family Trip to Santa Fe, New Mexico

  My family and I took a week's vacation to Santa Fe, New Mexico. We stayed at a VRBO house with our two kids and two dogs. We stayed at a property surrounded by trees and land. We did a lot of hiking, fishing, and grilling on the BBQ. On this trip to Santa Fe, we had no restrictions at the house we stayed at. We purposely chose a home where we could be alone without rules or regulations. During this period, the public was still navigating COVID restrictions, which included the ongoing use of masks. My workplace enforced strict travel guidelines, mainly regarding any out-of-state excursions. I was undergoing weekly testing, and masks were mandatory at all times. If I traveled outside the state, I had to present a negative test result before returning to work. Despite these challenges, my memories of that trip are filled with happiness because I was with my family. Any opportunity to break free from the routine during such uncertain times felt like a wonderful gift. Each moment spent away was a bonus, reminding me I could still have fun despite strict regulations
• 2022-11-26

  Baba's Whistling

  "Khedni Maak" by Salwa Khatrib was stuck in my dad's head the entire lockdown. He would whistle it in the garden that he revived during quarantine. He'd whistle it in the living room, the kitchen, I'd hear it across the house even with my door completely shut. It was so calming, so beautiful, I recorded it one time so I could always have it to listen to in case I needed to hear it one day... I could hear it from outside in the rare moments when I opened my window, whenever he'd take the trash out or leave for the grocery shopping. We had a strict no opening windows rule in the house although when I look back at it, it seems silly now and suffocating just thinking about it. I don't know how we got through it. Maybe it was the soft whistle of Khedni Maak.
• 
  2021-01-16

  TOMMY CHURCH! I ONLY MISS U WHEN IM BREATHING DADDY!

  I used to tell my dad if I had to choose between loving you and my last breath daddy, I would use my last breath to tell u I loved you! Then he got covid and I tried to give him one of my lungs. I would of given him both of them. I never got to touch him.ir comfort him only look at him thru glass. He had to be all alone to die. If I could if touched him I felt as thou I could of healed him as touch is more powerful then one will ever know. My dad was the most kindest helpful and giving man I have ever known. He will never be forgotten. Rising him the way covid took him has left a hole forever in my heart.
• 
  2021-03

  First Time Traveling after COVID-19

  At the end of March 2021, I took a trip to the Idyllwild Mountains in Southern California. Getting to the base of Idyllwild Mountains was a 15-minute drive from where I lived. I rented an Airbnb with my family to enjoy the upcoming snow. Having multiple members in my family with compromised immune systems, we were still taking self-isolating and social distancing very seriously. During this period in California, Disneyland reopened, and restrictions eased around the state. Right before the trip, California leaders announced that anyone over 16 would be eligible to receive the vaccine the following month. While I wanted to go out and make happy memories, like enjoying Disneyland again with my family, I remember the anxiety of even staying in the Airbnb with my family and the worry that we would catch the virus. However, because of the cleaning policies and the relative isolation of the location, it felt like a safe way to travel while still being able to take enough precautions to limit exposure. While there are excellent restaurants in Idywild, we brought groceries to our rented cabin. We felt this was safer because we were still uncomfortable dining out then. Although we only stayed on the rental cabin property, it was still such an enjoyable experience. I got to watch the snowfall with my niece and nephew. We made snow angels, played board games, and ate homemade chili. It was a magical experience after prolonged stress, fear, and worry. While we were still socially distant and isolated during the trip, it was such a memorable experience, and I will forever treasure the memories we made together during our first time traveling after the start of COVID-19.
• 2020-03-01

  Ghost Town Adventures

  During Covid, when everything was on lockdown, my wife and I found ourselves with quite a bit of free time. She was running a non-profit an I had recently started to go back to school. So, in order to get out of the house we decided to explore ghost towns. At the time, we lived in Montana and there are sometinh like sixty, give or take a few, within a days drive. So we would pile into our little chevy Aveo and drive out to a ghost town somewhere. What supriseed me the most was that even though Montana lists ghost towns on their state map not all of them are abandoned. More than once we would drive down a long dirt road into an old mining town that was supposed to be abandoned only to see people living in a trailer or in one of the refurbished buildings. Honestly, exploring old and forgotten parts of the state was alot of fun. Without covids restrictions we wouldn't have done it either. The only time we needed to interact with others was at the gas station for provisions and that was fairly standard. Just mask up keep your distance and go. One thing that suprised me about visiting ghost towns (aside from people living in them) was how long many of them managed to stay alive. For those of you who aren't familiar with the settlement of the American West, mining was fairly important in the mid to late nineteenth century. Regardless of whether it was silver, gold, copper, tin or any other metal, towns would form around successful mines. One these places ran dry though the townspeople would move on. But for quite a few, the mine would continue to be explored and excavated for years after it had quit producing. Seeing records of people living in an area in the 1920's and the mine not having produced anything significant in twenty years was fascinating. My wife and I spent quite a bit of time talking about these peoples lives, hopes, and dreams. Then of course if there were vampires hiding in the mines. I don't want the events of covid to ever repeat themselves but I miss the time toghether that it gave my wife and I. We have a child now so any adventure like this would be different but I might try to have us go get lost somewhere together one of these days.
• 
  2020-03

  Some moments from March and April, 2020

  At the beginning of the 2020 COVID pandemic, I was a Sophomore in college. My friends and I had heard about the strange sickness that was spreading to the western states and after a few weeks, we realized that we might get sent home from college. The night we learned that we were leaving, it absolutely POURED rain. I was working at the front desk of my dormitory watching girls scream down the sidewalk to try to get to the dry dorm. Then, a salamander crawled through the front door. I was so shocked. After that, I raced around campus with a friend and got completely drenched. I loved it. When we got back to the dorm, a group of girls were leaning out of their 3rd-floor window reading off an email from the university to a group of boys standing outside. We were being sent home. I was devastated and cried on the phone to my parents. The two videos show a group of chickens my family and I got and my studying habits and how much I missed being with friends and outside of the house.
• 
  2021-01-16

  In Grey

  It's an expression of my pain fro. Losing my daddy and it helps me to heal to tell the story thru music and video like this.
• 2024-07-23

  Why don't I remember most of Covid?

  I remember working remotely from my kitchen for my job. I remember watching movies. I remember being locked down and taking trips to the supermarket wearing masks. I remember avoiding touching things and copious amounts of hand sanitizer. I remember my parents getting older and using facetime to be able to see them. I remember them dying and not being able to take a flight across the country to be there. I remember that birthdays happened without parties. I remember having Covid after being vaccinated, being careful and giving up so much of life. I remember finding out that friends had passed away and not knowing they passed. I remember starting to make changes in the way I do things like open a door without touching the handle. I remember being concerned for the safety of others and wearing a mask for their protection. I remember being chastised for wearing a mask and people trying to shame me for it. I remember holding my breath when a person passed me on the street to reduce risk. I remember standing farther away from people in line and not talking to people. I remember not seeing a smile and not remembering to smile. I smile now. It takes effort but I smile now.
• 
  2021-06-07

  A Pandemic Wedding

  My friend had been planning her wedding for nearly two years when the pandemic hit, and suddenly, she had to put all of her plans on hold. It was a devastating moment for her and everyone who was looking forward to the special day. When travel restrictions were lifted, her bridal party (including me) rushed to get plane tickets to ensure our presence by her side in small town, Texas. We wanted everything to go perfectly for her considering the delay she endured and the preparations that were now unclear. It was an outside wedding filled with beautiful twinkling lights, neatly placed wooden benches, and masks, sporadically, spread throughout the crowd. A year after the lockdowns and restrictions, Covid 19 still affected people enough to don masks outside during a wedding. Despite the residual fear, my memories of spending time with friends, eating good food, and cheering on the beautiful bride are happy ones.
• 
  2023-07-13

  Post-Pandemic Trip to Seattle

  Like it did for many people, the start of the Covid-19 pandemic canceled multiple travel plans for me. I applied for my passport in 2018 with the intention of going on a study-abroad trip my junior year of undergrad. Instead of travel memories, I have a memory of sitting in my PoliSci class and discussing the news with my classmates that the university might shut down for a few days. We didn’t go back, and I still haven’t used the passport. Once travel restrictions were lifted it still took me a while to get back out into the world. The first trip I took was in July of 2023. I traveled from Minnesota to Seattle, Washington with some of my friends from high school for a week of sightseeing. We chose it because most of us had never been to the Pacific Northwest. It was my first time in an airport since December of 2018. I remember having quite a few lingering anxieties related to Covid, to the point where I was actually dreading the trip before we left (even though I ended up having a wonderful time). I had some struggles with health anxiety during the pandemic. Before tests were widely available I remember frequently being so paranoid I had Covid that I would convince myself I did and actually make myself feel sick with anxiety. Since restrictions have been lifted this has stuck around, and now takes the form of me getting excessively anxious about getting Covid before important events (like the trip, and my wedding just a few weeks before it). I also was nervous about going to the airport because I didn’t know what to expect in regards to how many restrictions would still be in place. It turned out there were no restrictions remaining in the MSP or SeaTac airports beyond some signs reminding people to not enter if they felt unwell (I am certain most people who make it far enough to see the sign still enter). Once the actual boarding of the plane went fine, I entertained myself with anxieties about the odds of someone on the plane having Covid and all of us breathing circulated air. I actually had Covid once in the fall before the trip, and got the highest fever of my life but was ultimately okay. Interestingly, this didn’t really ease my fears during the flight. Nobody got Covid from the Seattle trip (though we were probably just lucky) and instead I got some of the most precious memories of my life so far. I also had a surprising lack of anxiety once we got there. We visited a long list of places including most notably the Space Needle, Chihuly Garden and Glass Museum, Seattle Aquarium, Pike Place Market, and the National Nordic Museum. There were no Covid-19 restrictions remaining in any of these places. I had packed one reusable mask in my backpack in case I needed it, and it turned out the one time on the whole trip that I entered a space where masks were required (a small independent bookstore) I didn’t have it with me and had to borrow one. I still thought about Covid every time we pushed through a packed crowd in Pike Place Market, but more so than being afraid I thought about how during the peak of the pandemic I was convinced it was something I would never do again. I don't believe the pandemic is truly over even now, but I drastically felt how much things had changed in that moment. The picture I included to tell my story is of my friend Carlie and I on the top of the Space Needle (I am sitting on the right). We went back twice, and spent literally hours sitting on the glass floor and watching the city go by as it slowly rotated. It's one of my fondest memories of the trip. I’ve heard some people say the Space Needle is overrated, but as small-town Midwesterners we were pretty fascinated. I’m grateful to those who spent the pandemic under harsher restrictions in bigger cities like Seattle so that I can visit these places now. It was nice to feel so small looking down on Seattle after the world felt so small during restrictions just a few years earlier.
• 2020-09-07

  Pandemics & Wildfires

  The year 2020 was challenging for me in a couple ways. Like so many others, the pandemic lockdown kept me home for several months. I continued school online with my local university and waited for it all to be over. As summer rolled around, my family had decided that if we were going to be isolated from others, we might as well do it somewhere we love. We spent the better part of our summer at my great grandfather’s cabin at Huntington Lake in the High Sierras. It was a fairly quiet season at the lake considering California was still under many restrictions. Shortly after our last visit, the Creek Fire started. The fire burned nearly 380,000 acres of the Sierra National Forest for about four months. Within a week of the beginning of the fire, we lost our family cabin and the historic general store, Cressman’s, that our cousins had just taken over. Our family was devastated, and it is still a very painful memory. I am, however, incredibly grateful for the last summer we got to spend there. In a strange way, the COVID-19 pandemic offered our family a small blessing in disguise. Since the lockdown required many to reduce work hours, a number of friends and family members had the opportunity to visit the cabin one last time. This photograph is a reminder of a very bittersweet summer. Although 2020 proved to be an especially challenging year, the pandemic allowed my family to make its final memories of our second home before it was gone.
• 2021

  At Home

  The pandemic had caused us all to stay home, families were all living all day everyday together. For me this meant that I was spending more time with them, more than usual. Before the pandemic had started, my family ran on the same routine everyday, me and my siblings would go off to school, my mom is a stay at home mom so she would spend her time taking care of the house, and my dad would go off to work, he has his own construction business. The only time we were really home together as a family would be the hours my dad would be off of work from after around 7pm. When I was younger he would work many more hours, sometimes as long as 5am-8pm but the point is, he was barely ever home but to spend an hour or two with us and then he would sleep. I did have a good relationship with my dad and so many memories as well but the quality time wasn't really there. It is not like he didn't want to be around but it was that he wanted to work more while he was younger so that he could invest into his retirement and save up more while he can. Once the pandemic started, he was home with us much more. Of course this came with both pros and cons, such as having that quality time with him, but it also meant that there were much more disagreements since we were all together all day everyday. One of my favorite memories from those days were when we had ordered a whole lot of board games and jenga blocks to keep my younger brother entertained (and off of electronics as much as possible). My dad loves to bring in his construction wherever and whenever he can. He would take my brother's jenga blocks and make buildings with it and show off how he so thoughtfully made it so that it can actually hold weight and its not just good looking. The pandemic changed my dad's relevancy. Once lockdown was over, and he was back at work, he started working less hours making sure he would be home by 5pm or 6pm at most and he would spend his evenings with us again. The pandemic changed my life in many ways but my dad is always the first person I think of when I remember those days. He truly does try to stay as relevant in our lives as he can even when he is tired and it's great seeing the effort he puts in.
• 
  2020-03

  Postcards From the Pandemic

  I intended to record the lived experience of the COVID-19 pandemic through the mundane details of our coping strategies, set against larger, national events.
• 2024-01-09

  The Pandemic with my cousin.

  During the pandemic and quarantine, spending time with my cousin and friends became a lifeline amid the uncertainty that enveloped our lives. The isolation brought us closer, forging bonds that were resilient in the face of unprecedented challenges. During the lockdown me and my cousin still got to hangout a lot in person. We would do fun things like swimming and going to Taco Bell at 12 AM. I also had some online friends so I would video chat with them very frequently to pass time. We navigated the challenges of the pandemic together, sharing our fears and hopes, creating a support system that felt indispensable. As restrictions eased, cautious gatherings with friends became cherished moments. Our small circle provided a sense of normalcy in abnormal times. We'd organize outdoor activities, maintaining a safe distance yet reveling in the joy of each other's company. Laughter echoed louder than ever as we found solace in shared experiences. Navigating the challenges of online learning, my cousin and I became each other's sounding boards, helping one another adapt to the new normal. Late-night study sessions turned into opportunities to connect on a deeper level, fostering a bond that transcended familial ties. Our friendship withstood the test of time, proving that even a pandemic couldn't extinguish the flames of camaraderie. We explored new hobbies together – from baking cakes and cookies to attempting DIY projects. Each shared endeavor became a testament to our resilience and adaptability. Whenever we couldn't go outside we would watch movies, make tiktoks, and play games. Even during the pandemic one of our favorite places to go was still open. It is called Shadybowl Speedway. We would go there with my dad and her mom and watch cars race for hours and eat amazing food from the concession stand and run around with our friends there while also cheering on our uncle and her brother. Whether it was trivia, board games, or multiplayer video games, our competitive spirits thrived, and the time spent together brought us together in ways we hadn't anticipated. As the world gradually reopened, in-person gatherings became more frequent, yet the lessons learned during quarantine remained etched in our minds. The value of human connection became more apparent than ever, and the simplicity of spending time with loved ones was cherished like never before. Reflecting on those challenging times, I realize that amidst the chaos, a silver lining emerged. The pandemic taught us the importance of resilience, adaptability, and the irreplaceable value of relationships. My cousin and friends became anchors in a storm, and the memories we created together stand as a testament to the strength of our bonds during those trying times.
• 2020-09

  Yosemite COVID Camping

  Living in San Diego at the time, once travel restrictions were lifted, I went to Yosemite National Park as I thought being in an outdoor open-air environment would mean less COVID-19 restrictions. As an avid backpacker and nature enthusiast, I could not wait for the national parks to reopen so once Yosemite opened its proverbial doors I jumped on the opportunity, as I had never been there before. My memories of the trip are very fond ones. I remember the emptiness throughout the park. One of the COVID restrictions implemented by the park was the limitation of people who could enter on a daily basis. Due to this finite number of visitors, and me being one of them, this made the park feel fairly empty, which was amazing. Not having congested trails and camps made my trip seem like I was in some remote forest, vice one of the most famous national parks. So, besides the stunning views and crisp air, one of my primary memories is the feeling of seclusion throughout my time due to COVID-19 entrance restrictions. Also, I remember a lack of masks and overall COVID-19 consciousness throughout the park. Even though the park had a mandatory mask policy, I remember not seeing many masked people. I honestly thought the mask restriction was overkill due to the already implemented restrictions and being outside, but I did notice we all would use masks if coming near other people on trails. Yosemite still had several COVID-19 restrictions implemented throughout the part. Aside from the aforementioned entrance cap and masks, all their restaurants, hotels and general facilities remained closed. Also, they spaced out the campsites, so each camp had at least one camp space between them, limiting the sharing of space. They even closed specific trails due to the lack of workers at any given time. The park employees were few and far in-between due to a COVID-19 restriction, which meant less accessible trails since they would not supervise them all with such limited manpower. Besides that, the COVID-19 restrictions were not abundant, which was likely a product of the open-air environment.
• 2023-10-11

  2023: Reflections on travel post-Covid19

  We could not travel during the pandemic, but even going to see family near us was a challenge. For the length of the pandemic, I didn't visit my grandparents who lived only an hour away. Being from the family I am, travel is not something we do often due to the expense. If I could travel anywhere in the world, I would pick Australia so I could go to its infamous coastlines. I would like to see the Great Barrier Reef and maybe go on tours about the conservation of our oceans. I would like to take a surfing class and look like a complete tourist as I do so. I'd go to Australia for the water. I used to be someone who needed to take many pictures to "remember" my exploits. However, I learned I spent more time on my phone than in the place I visited. I don't take pictures on vacation anymore; I leave that to my sister and mother. Instead, I try to remember the five senses as I experience the world around me. I have nothing against documenting your trips, but aside from keeping ticket stubs and sunburns, I don't make lasting documentation except in my memory.
• 
  2023-03-20

  Disorientation: The Feeling I had on March 11th, 2020

  What Happened on March 11th, 2020
• 2020-05-29

  Verazzano Bridge

  Taking daily walks during the pandemic didn’t make me feel “healthy” or “well-adjusted”. I watched the way my neighbors and I would pull our masks up when we passed each other on the street. Saddening, on one hand; a show of communal care, on the other. I think it’s human to want to pull a silver lining out of a tragedy and I guess the silver lining here is that I had time to s l o w down and look at my community, not just the people, but the signs on storefronts, dishes of cat food next to porches, and yes, the outline of the Verazzano peeking out through the clouds hovering over Belt Parkway. I used to walk on this walkway when I was a child too, and though the pandemic has changed everything, the fishermen are still here, their rods propped against the rail. People are still riding tandem bikes. Still laughing, talking, breathing in the salty air.
• 2020-03-15

  Life during COVID 19

  My experience living during COVID 19 was unforeseen. It was my senior year of high school during the year of 2020 when I first heard of the term "Coronavirus." Being a student athlete at this stage of my life, I was looking forward to several upcoming events, such as Prom, my last outdoor track and field season competing as a distance runner, and graduation. When March 2020 arrived, everything came to an abrupt change for the worse. I suddenly found out that all of the current classes I was taking was forced to be online. The outdoor track and field season I was training for with my teammates and all of the goals that I set for myself were abandoned. The graduation I was looking forward to was held on a pre recorded video instead of a traditional in person setting. What I have learned from the pandemic is that some things will not go as planned, no matter how much time and devotion goes into a particular event. Telling this story is important to me because it can let other future generations acknowledge what happened during these uncertain times and what things can be prevented from happening later on.
• 
  2020-08-05

  Only Student on Campus: My First and Second Year at College

  The item that I am submitting describes my life as a student throughout my senior year of high school toward my first year of college. I emphasized the feeling of being alone and dealing with the college on a fully virtual level. As months passed it was important to validate the experience and the growth from being in an online setting to an in-person setting.
• 
  March 13, 2020

  unbeknownst emptiness

  I worked/attended CUNY Hunter College during the start of the pandemic. On March 13, 2020, we were informed that we would not be returning to work until further notice, and I believe that a majority of late-night classes/activities were cancelled. As a result, my friend/coworker and I walked around the near-empty campus. We ended up sneaking into an empty lecture hall, ate some snacks, and chatted about the future. I took a photo of our feet up on the seats as a sort of fun memento, to show how crazy it looked to see ourselves amongst the empty hall, and when a coworker asked where we are, we sent them that. The photo meant almost nothing at the time and was just a casual photo I took amongst many in my every day. Looking back now, it holds nostalgia as well as dread. I think the emptiness shows what was to come, and how terrifying it would be, and just how impactful the pandemic was on our lives. I have not stepped foot in Hunter since then, so that was truly my last time being in that school. It makes me sad and makes me think what the future would have held had these events not happened.
• 
  2013-03-14

  Pandemic Dream Vacation

  This is a photograph i took on my last major vacation to South Carolina in 2013. If I could travel anywhere I would go back there and I would go back to Disney World and my dream vacation that I have never been on would be Hawaii. Due to circumstances that happened in 2013 I have been unable to return to South Carolina since. I would go back because I have some positive memories there and it was the last trip before my mom got paralyzed two months later and it is one of her favorite spots too. I have also enjoyed trips to Disney World and have always wanted to visit Hawaii. I did have a trip planned to South Carolina and Florida in February 2020 but had to cancel because of Covid and I have not had a chance to go back since.
• 2020-06-22

  Milestone Year

  To get to this story, I have to go back a few years first. I'm an immigrant from El Salvador. I came to the U.S. as a teenager in 1994, and never went back. I was in my 30s when I decided it was finally time to visit the grandmother I'd been missing for so long. I started to save and plan. Then she died. It took several years before I finally took my first trip back in November of 2019. I spent the time vacationing on the coast. I avoided my grandmother's house, my friends, and my family. I wasn't ready. But I decided that for my 40th birthday, in 2020, I'd return for a longer stay and visit my childhood home and all the friends and family left behind. Then there was a pandemic. The trip was cancelled, but it was the least of that year's problems. I lost my job and went back to school to start a new career. Our dog got cancer and died. My partner had a friend in El Salvador who died of COVID. I can never reschedule that same trip. Too much has changed. I'm planning to return this summer. This time with a firmer grasp on life's impermanence. I want to visit the white sand beaches at Playa Mango before it gets turned into a "surf city" tourist trap. I want to visit all the important cultural landmarks, especially those from which I can learn about my ancestors. More importantly, I will not avoid friends and family. On the contrary, I want to cherish the time I will have with them as if the next day isn't guaranteed. I plan to take dozens of photographs, portraits of everyone I see, I want to write down their stories in my journal, I want to record every visit, every meal, every experience possible in my journal. I plan to say "see you later," but not leave anything unsaid. Just in case.
• 2020-04-08

  A Celebratory Trip Canceled by the COVID-19 Pandemic

  I graduated from college in April 2020, one of my sisters also graduated from college that same semester, and my other sister graduated the year before. As a family we had planned a big trip to Florida and a cruise to the Bahamas as a celebration of our graduations. Unfortunately, because of locks downs and restrictions to mitigate the spread of COVID-19 that trip was canceled. We weren’t able to reschedule that trip and I haven’t been on any trips since but if I could travel anywhere it would be on that trip with my family. I missed out on a fun travel experience to celebrate our graduations as a family because of the pandemic so being able to actually experience that trip now that restrictions are lifted would be a full circle experience. There are a few sites on Nassau that I would like to see like For Charlotte as well as the Pirate Museum. I would document my trip mostly through photography, especially since I would have limited access to the internet while on the cruise ship. This trip would mostly be about spending time with my family as we haven’t all been in the same place at once since Christmas of 2019. Traveling to me is mostly about creating memories with loved ones. The location and things we do are less important than the memories we create together.
• 
  2021-04-27

  The Masked Magic Kingdom

  This is a story about a family trying to experience the World of Disney in a post pandemic world. It shows that even at the end of a pandemic, a family can still make the most and be together and make memories to last a life time!
• 2021-02

  Touring COVID Texas

  When reflecting back to my traveling during the COVID-19 pandemic I think of constantly waiting. I was overseas when the pandemic started and was not worried at all about travel restrictions. I was not even concern about what might happen to me. All of a sudden traveling stop in the middle of March and I was supposed to leave in April. I felt the full effect of the restrictions of where I lived and I made sure I followed every restriction because I wanted to come home. Forward to three months later I was able to come home after travel was open back up but I immediately noticed a difference. We could not leave the plane during refueling. I quarantine before I left and again once I arrived. The world I left had change entirely. Mask were worn by almost everyone and lines were longer because of spacing. Sometimes there would not even be a line because stores and shops were closed down. Once I finally made it home my day to day routines became less adventurous. I used delivery apps on my phone to order the majority of what I needed. This was continuous until the end of 2020 leading into 2021. Restrictions to COVID were becoming social norms and less enforced, specifically where I lived, Mississippi. The first trip I took once restrictions of travel were lifted was to San Antonio. Touring in in Texas was thriving when I initially got there. However the very next week Texas had frozen over. We did not have electricity or water for almost a week. Texas was in a state of emergency. Traveling on the road was highly advised against. Getting resources to feed myself was difficult. I waited in line for two hours to gather groceries for myself because the line stretch around the store. Once I was able to leave Texas and return home I did. My time traveling to Texas set a precedent for me. I now travel with extra food and water no matter where I go.
• 
  2021-07

  My Grandpa and I’s Camping COVID Trip

  After 2020, I was looking to travel and try to get back to normal. However, in 2021 I was supposed to go to Europe to see my sister but COVID canceled that trip so I was perplexed at what I could do for travel. Then it came to me, my grandpa is someone who has traveled almost everywhere in the US. With that, he loves to camp and one of his favorite spots that he always mentions is Mackinac Island. I thought this would be a great bonding trip. So for Christmas I told my grandpa that I would love to go on a camping trip with him up to Mackinac Island in Michigan. This would be the first time me and my grandpa would be going on a week-long vacation with just ourselves. What was funny is that everyone in the family warned me because my grandpa never stops talking and the music would be in his hands. The good thing about that is that I had lived with my grandparents the summer after I finished college so I was used to being around the constant conversations. Secondly, I am an old soul so I love 50s and 60s music. Therefore, I knew that this could be one of the best trips I might ever get to take with my grandfather. The trip began in July of 2021 as we left my hometown of Manteno, IL and traveled up to Michigan. We had a small popup camper that we were going to be sleeping in for this week's trip. There were so many favorite memories it is kind of hard to trim down. First off, traveling was so much fun, having deep conversations about my grandpa’s life and the different times that he had gone to Mackinac were so fascinating. My grandpa can talk to anyone so he is a very good storyteller. Another memory was setting up the camper because the second time we did set it up we forgot to stabilize the back so when I went to lay in bed the whole thing tipped over. The good part is that no one got hurt. On the second day when we arrived in Mackinac it was down pouring on us, thankfully my grandpa had ponchos ready to go. That night we started the tradition that would carry on for the night which was our card games. Every night we played either crazy eights or dirty spades. Those were some of the best times when we were just hanging out together. I cannot tell you how amazing those memories still are today. When we traveled to Mackinac Island on the third day it was amazing. Me and my grandpa walked all around the island taking in the nature, the history, and the culture on this small island. It lived up to the hype my grandpa had told me. After that day we traveled up to the Upper Peninsula with the UP-ers which was cool to see. That night we slept on the border of Canada, which we could see across the river in Sault Ste. Marie. We went on a couple water boat tours in the Great Lakes which were amazing. One of the last funny memories we had was that my grandpa finally let me drive on the second to last day. I am not kidding you when I say thirty minutes into driving one of the camper’s tires was gone. The best part was that neither of us noticed until a car passed us and pointed it out. This was such a funny memory because then we had to replace the tire and that is a story that me and my grandpa still joke about. Maybe my driving is bad but I don’t know, it could just be bad luck. The good thing about this entire trip was that the COVID restrictions were minimal. Since we were outside for the most part that was almost never an issue. A couple times when we went into restaurants we had to put our masks on, but it was nice because we were getting fresh air. Overall, the trip was a resounding success and one that I know holds a special place in my heart and my grandpa’s. I feel so fortunate to have had this experience with my grandpa and cannot wait for the next roadtrip we have together.
• 
  2022-07-01

  Delay to The Bay

  My plans to visit San Francisco in 2020 came to a halt with the outbreak of the Coronavirus. As a high school teacher, I was looking forward to my long awaited-spring break. It had been quite some years since my last visit to the San Francisco, and I knew a trip to ‘The Bay’ was long overdue. I booked a flight, hotel, and waited patiently as the weeks went by. Spring was coming up and there were heavy concerns about COVID 19 spreading into North America. I was slightly concerned but figured I would be safe to make this trip. As news broke out about cases emerging in San Francisco, the nation went into hysteria. I was not skeptic about the hazard of Coronavirus, but selfishly planned to proceed with the trip. Then my father called me. My parents, both in their seventies were definitely at risk, especially my mother who struggled with health since my childhood. My father asked me kindly not to go to San Francisco. Without hesitation, I canceled my flight and hotel. I had booked everything online through a third party and was unable to receive any refund. Bummed out, I knew it was the right thing to do. Coronavirus spread, schools shut down and my spring break prolonged. At first I was spending time kayaking, but the weather in Phoenix got so hot I had to stay inside. The Phoenix summer of 2020 had record breaking heat with 55 consecutive days of 115 degrees plus Fahrenheit temperatures. I was miserable. With concerns of my mom’s health, social distancing, living alone and bored, I was very unhappy. The unjustifiable killing of George Floyd caused anger, and rightfully so, across the nation which contributed to more hysteria. The only positive that came from that hot summer were my experiments in the kitchen. I would then deliver tasty meals for my parents. This was the one thing that made me happy. Unfortunately, my mother did not survive past the summer of 2020. She passed away in her sleep peacefully due to an unrelated COVID cause. I was on an all time low. Sad, empty, missing my students, and missing normal daily life. We had no idea how many people would die and when things would normalize. It was truly scary. Fast forward to 2022 and things were much better. I figured surviving 2020 made me stronger and much happier. Vaccinated and boosted, I decided to pursue my trip to San Francisco. I made the best of this short trip. I went to a party outside the Chase Center for the NBA Finals, in which the Golden State Warriors played against the Boston Celtics. For the first time, I took a ferry to Alcatraz. In China Town, I saw locals dance with dragons, in which one bopped me in the face while I was taking photos! Caught by surprise, I did not take offense to this. Observing how the dragons behaved with mischief, I knew it was all for fun. This made me laugh. This was a much-needed trip indeed. 2020 affected everyone around the world. With global hysteria, people getting sick, people dying, racial injustice, everyone except pandemic deniers and those oblivious to political issues resonated with fear. Passing through time, my 2022 trip to San Francisco was a rebirth. A rebirth to normalization. A rebirth to my passion of exploring culture. A rebirth of sanity, and a rebirth of controlling fear. A rebirth to laughter. With dragons, noodles, basketball, and Ghirardelli, the delay to ‘The Bay’ will forever be a golden memory.
• 
  0202-04-11

  Ender Dragon Fight with my friends

  This photo was taken of my friends and me right before we fought the ender dragon on the first Minecraft world we played at the start of the pandemic.
• 2020-09-02

  The Shaman in Francesco

  When I went to work at Ernst and Young, I thought partners were going to figure out in a New York minute that I didn’t belong there because I lacked the intellectual curiosity, problem-solving talent, communication ability, or any of these characteristics of a professional consultant. I was extremely anxious on my first day. When I entered the Orange County office with its oil paintings hanging in the entryway and its staircase connecting the floor on which consulting Partners had offices to the floor on which audit Partners resided, I knew I didn’t belong there. Then I met Francesco; he was a shaman bearing wise council. I felt at ease instantly. Francesco’s friendship and advice were just what the doctor ordered. On the first project I managed, Francesco worked for me as a member of the consulting team. The Partner we reported to did not like Francesco. He didn’t like his style of communication, his style of dress, nor his accent–Francesco was Chinese-Indonesian. I gave up my integrity by sharing in the Partner’s dislike of Francesco. But my opinion was dishonest. He had been my savior, after all. Role forward six years, and Francesco now works for a small consulting firm I own. Francesco is a loyal consultant in which I confide my innermost emotions. Unfortunately, my consulting firm went through a period of contraction that meant Francesco had to find employment elsewhere. Still, we met regularly to explore opportunities to grow my company so that Francesco and I could work on the same team again. As always, Francesco was a source of limitless ideas and friendship. Francesco passed away on September 2nd, 2020. He was taken from humanity at much too young of an age. He did not succumb to COVID. I don’t even remember how COVID affected me at the time because I was so distraught over Francesco’s passing. I didn’t lose a colleague. I lost a friend.
• 
  2022-07-02

  Taking Care of My Grandma During COVID

  This is a story of taking care of my grandma during COVID. A lot of the time I was employed as a caretaker for my grandma overlapped with the height of COVID.
• 
  2022-06-26

  Memories

  This is an Instagram post from janelhickox. It is about a COVID wedding, and part of the wedding included masks with the couple's date.
• 2022-04-29

  Dementia and Covid

  Over the last two years, being away from people, and having to social distance, I have still taken care of my grandfather. He has Dementia. Now that things are starting to get a little better, and a lot of people have been vaccinated, I have been able to have him come stay the night at my house every Friday. The first couple of times he was confused, but now he seems to instinctively know the routine of it all. He likes getting to spend time with my stepdad and my girlfriend, and walk outside to see the horses. Covid has taken a lot, besides the countless lives. It rapidly increased my grandpa’s progression in memory loss. Most days he can’t quite remember my name or my mom's name. But at least he is happy, he laughs and smiles, and knows that he loves and trusts us. Him not being able to have as much social interaction as he used to has drastically changed his cognitive abilities. Today is a Friday. He was pretty quiet on the drive from his house to mine. I got him an ice cream cone. No matter where he is cognitively that man will always, always want an ice cream cone. Vanilla to be specific. We used to get ice cream cones from McDonald's when I was little when he would pick me up to spend the night at his house. I wonder how many ice cream cones we have left. I hate that his memory has been cut short and stripped from him. He had been slowly declining for the last few years before Covid, but once we hit the lockdowns, it was all over. He was good at hiding it for the first 6 months or so, but in the last year and a half it has been very clear. I miss who he was, I know we all do.
• 
  2021-04-08

  Cocomelon or Blippi

  In the early stages of COVID, I was in Utah finishing up my Bachelor’s. Finally, after reuniting with my sister’s family in Washington, not only did I have a hard time adjusting to the noise, I had to deal with the 24/7 nonstop routine of my nieces and nephews watching either Cocomelon or Blippi. We can’t even have a movie night because the kids will end up crying to change the movie to Cocomelon or Blippi. Night and Day, my nieces and nephews would be singing to the nursery rhymes on Cocomelon or the opening song of Blippi. Although there were times when I would get annoyed or frustrated watching the same thing on the television, I am grateful for these moments. After spending many years on my own, I am thankful and blessed to be with my family during these times. In the end, it became a routine for me and my nieces and nephews to watch Cocomelon or Blippi in the evening. Not only do I get to see their sweet smiles, but I also get to hear their cute little chuckles and laughter while singing “The Wheels On The Bus” or spelling Blippi’s name. The noise that I once had a hard time adjusting to and the overbearing sound of the nursery rhymes from cocomelon or blippi's name did not matter as their sweet laughs and chuckles filled the house every evening making COVID quarantine bearable.
• 
  2020-05

  How COVID-19 Altered Some of Life’s Most Memorable Times

  The COVID-19 lockdown began in March 2020 of my senior year of high school. At first, it was just a two-week vacation break, then it soon became unknown what the rest of senior year would be. I was extremely devastated when the pandemic took away my senior year because the last year of high school is one of the most memorable times of your life. Although it was a rough time, my friends, family, and I did what we could to make the best of every big moment. The first monumental moment taken away from me was my 18th birthday on April 20, 2020. My friends and I have always gone all out for each other’s birthdays such as concerts, dinners, gifts, and big celebrations. My family always went out to our favorite restaurants or had extended family come over to celebrate as well. For my 18th birthday, we made the best of it by my mom making my favorite dinner, and my friends planned a drive-by parade past my house with signs, balloons, and cards. Although it ended up being a nice day, it was still hard to enjoy it with wondering what the day could have been. Senior prom is an exciting moment that you look forward to your entire senior year. My childhood best friend and I planned to go together. My friends and I had bought our dresses back in January, so we were all ready for the big day. Due to school being shut down and social distancing guidelines, a senior prom was not possible. To make the day the best it possibly could be, my friends and I put on our makeup, did our hair, and put our dresses on to have our own prom. We took pictures together and had a little party at my friend’s house. The best part is that our version of a mini prom ended up being more fun than an actual prom. However, it is still bittersweet that we never got to experience the last dance with our senior class. Missing out on a graduation ceremony was the hardest part for me. It was the final closure to have with your classmates and teachers before heading off to college to begin a new life. I did not get to see any of my classmates walk the stage and share such a sentimental moment with them. We did receive our diplomas, but it was not the same as being on the football field with 300 other classmates and the bleachers full of family and friends. Senior banquet occurred after graduation where everyone got together at the school and had a fun night one last time. After a couple months of worrying, tears, and longing for more, it was time to move on. Although senior year did not end the way we wanted it to, the memories of making everything the best with the people I love mean the most to me.
• 2020-03-13

  What the pandemic!

  March 13, 2020. I am sitting in the middle of senior civics class taking the biggest test of the year. My teacher gasps turning off the lights, and turns on the projector to reveal an email notice to all staff from the principal. This email is alerting us of a district wide shutdown on schools for two weeks. Everyone is confused, but being 17, thinks nothing of it and finishes our tests. Upon living school that day full of excitement, my mom calls my sister and I telling us to bring everything home from our lockers as the nation is shutting down. She tells us to come straight home, no stops under any circumstances. We ride home in eerie silence. Two years later, I still have a vivid memory of the moments leading up to lockdown in my bedroom for months. This pandemic has not only affected literally every aspect of mine and many others lives, but everyone has a very individualized story.
• 
  2021-05-24

  A Glimpse of Masked Goodbyes

  Ever since I was a kid, I waited for the day I would get to walk across the stage inside a huge stadium to receive my diploma, with my family and friends watching. That day did not turn out quite as expected. My senior year began in August of 2020, during the height of COVID. No one knew when or if we would be going back to school in person. We lost football games, homecoming, the senior trip, and almost two semesters of getting to spend time in class with friends. We missed out on finally being a senior. All we could hope for was to be able to have more than a drive-thru graduation. Our class was lucky enough to be able to go back to school for a few months and we got to have an in-person graduation on the football field. Even though there were only just under 200 students per day over the course of our 4-day graduation ceremonies, it was definitely an experience I will never forget. I was grateful that I got to walk across that stage with my family watching. I was grateful that I got to watch my friends who I have known for years, and with who I began this journey, get their diplomas as well. This photo encapsulates the moment that we had officially graduated. As we went in for a masked-up embrace, I thought about so much I had to go through to get to that moment. All of the highs, lows, long nights up studying, fun school events, losing friends who were near and dear to my heart, and making it through what is supposed to be the best year of high school during a worldwide pandemic. It was a bittersweet moment, marking the end of one journey, but the start of the next. I do not know what the future holds, but I hope to never have to experience more masked goodbyes.
• 2020-04-01

  Pumpkin Spice Candles

  One thing that captures a sensory memory that relates to the COVID-19 pandemic for me is candles, specifically pumpkin spice candles. My wife and myself, like many other people, spent the majority of 2020 shut inside our home. Prior to this pandemic, we would often go out 3-4 nights a week. Nothing crazy, of course. Dinner, bowling, movie, etc. Typical married couple dates. However, once we were shut inside our house, we had to find other little things to occupy our time so we wouldn’t go stir crazy. My wife started buying a lot of scented candles from Amazon, and her favorite was pumpkin spice. I swear, my apartment smelled like pumpkin spice from about April of 2020 to January of 2021. The scent helped her relax, and it made me happy to know that she was finding ways to keep herself settled and centered. Now, whenever I’m out somewhere and catch a scent of pumpkin, I think of the two of us trapped in the apartment but working together to make the whole experience into a positive. I know that this is probably more of a sentimental story than what we were supposed to write, but this is what first came to my mind when I saw this assignment.
• 2021-10-03

  The Scents of a Homecoming

  My maternal grandfather passed away late last year amidst a relatively heavy pandemic lockdown, and our family has since tried to fill in for him in caretaking for my grandmother. If he could have asked something of us, I know it would have only been to look after her. He was that kind of man. He didn’t need for anything for time with his family and friends, and his utmost concern was her welfare, even when she angered him. Recurring and cyclic apprehension and uncertainty over transmission rates, long-term vaccine efficacy and inoculated antibody generation have forestalled several attempted return trips to my hometown. Data-driven doubts have eroded my wife’s confidence that our collective vaccinations will protect her aging parents from life-altering illness and death have prevented her from traveling with me, even though she wont readily admit that outside our home. In addition to everything else the pandemic has altered or taken from us, it’s also complicated my family’s efforts to care for each other. My grandmother turned 86 recently, and her birthday was also their anniversary. They would have been married 63 years this month, and we wanted to make sure the day didn’t pass like any other lonely Tuesday since his death. My cousins and I put together a birthday dinner at the best restaurant in town, and I traveled back to New Mexico for a week to visit and help where I could. The trip turned out to inspire a self-reflection on the power of scent in my life, emotions, and memory. *** I drove straight to my grandmother’s home on Blodgett Street. I pushed the front door open, and an unpleasant stink hit my nostrils. Throughout my life, that home had particular smells that transitioned over time. Everyone in my family but the children smoked cigarettes while I was growing up, and it wasn’t unusual for a blue-gray haze to hang in my grandparents’ home during family holidays. It wasn’t uncommon for their 1000 sq. ft. home to sleep ten or fifteen people when we had something to celebrate or grieve. Ashtrays often overflowed if late night poker games grew too intense to step away from the dining table. I recall one Thanksgiving from my early childhood in which heavy cigarette smoke obscured my view of the backdoor while I stood near the front door. Even through those early years, I associated their home with the smell of sweets. Baked goods, chocolate cakes, snickerdoodles, and sugar cereals, although I’m now surprised any of us could smell anything. I never ate Fruity Pebbles anywhere but their house. Word reached my family in the mid 80s that hotboxing the house was bad for everyone’s health, and they began smoking outside. Grandad hated that; he’s the one who paid off the mortgage, so he oughta be able to smoke wherever he damned well pleased. Still, he took it outside for the grandkids. Since they stopped smoking in the house, and especially since they quit smoking fifteen years ago, I associated their home with a particular and pleasant fragrance. I never placed it, and I’ve never smelled it anywhere else. It wasn’t solely the scented wax my grandmother leaves on warming plates for too long, which are almost always homey food scents, like apple pie. The scent of their home welcomed me back to a place I am unconditionally loved, missed, and wanted. My jokes always hit, my cooking never failed, and everyone was always glad to see me. They were also glad to take my lunch money at the poker table, which I imagine might have contributed to my perpetual welcome. As of this trip, that unique aroma is gone, replaced by a light odor of stale animal waste. My grandmother took in a low functioning chihuahua about three years ago, and the dog is slowly and thoroughly ruining all the flooring surfaces in her home. It won’t housebreak, and it’s incapable of turning right. Seriously. The dog might be a reincarnated Nascar driver. It only turns left. When it’s excited, anxious, fearful, doesn’t matter. The only emotional arrow in its quiver is a left turn, and the only dichotomy is the circumference. The dog can run around the whole room or spin in place, but only and always left. Lefty shit on one of my most important and reassuring emotional stimulants. ** I also stayed with my parents, who live across town, and we share a love of food, especially comfort food best consumed with big spoons or served in casserole dishes. Because we’re New Mexicans, that means a heavy dose of Hatch green chili goes in everything produced in our kitchens. Throughout the week, my folks made all the staples for fall: red beef enchiladas, fire roasted salsa, smoked burgers, and green chili chicken stew. While I associated backed goods and sweets with my grandparents’ home, I’ve always associated the aroma of meals with my parents, and especially the foods that take a day or two to get just right in a crock or stockpot. Bubbling green chili anything reminds me of the best parts of my childhood, and I have no unfond memories or emotions associated with it. I never caught a beating over the dinner table, never fought over a kettle of green chili. Comfort foods have historically made all the hurt and misery of the outside world go away. That’s their magic, isn’t it? No matter what the day and the world brought to your doorstep, the right foods and aromas improved everything they touched. ** As such, the consistent and predictable wonderfulness of my parents’ home helped buttress my emotions and the loss of the Blodgett Street Scent. The disappearance of that emotional, olfactory experience altered my perception of the trip. I regarded its replacement as a bellwether of things to come, a foreshadowing of my grandmother’s seemingly imminent decline into managed in-home care. My concerns over what the light stink meant conspired with her increased hearing loss, the occasional repeated story, and the often-repeated questions to erode my confidence in her long-term stability. Although she’s now 86, she remains independent and self-sufficient. There’s nothing she can’t accomplish on her own with enough time and naps between exertion. I think I’ve taken that for granted, though, and I should begin managing my expectations. Thanks to a left-leaning chihuahua, I have to confront my grandmother’s increasing fragility and forthcoming dependence. I regret having never attempted to define its source ingredients, although I doubt I could recreate it at any other time or place. In the meantime, I need to get her out of the house long enough to have the flooring scrubbed and sanitized. If you’re in the market for a left-loving fecal factory, please inquire within.
• 2020-03-12

  The Disinfectant Spray

  As a high school history educator, Thursday, March 12, 2020, stands out in my mind as a significant date as it was the final day of in-person instruction before our district decided to close the school until Spring Break as a result of the spread of COVID-19. There was nervous energy radiating from my students and colleagues. The fear of the unknown was palpable. I remember changing my current events lesson mid-day as the activity I had planned, monopolized by the growing health crisis, brought me too much anxiety. By that point in March, there were portable hand washing stations located at various points on campus, students more readily pumped the wall-mounted Purell hand sanitizer container on their way into my classroom, and the school sites passed out a collection of cleaning supplies to the teachers. I used the school-provided disinfectant spray to help keep the classroom clean. The smell still serves as a visceral call back to that March day. Between each class, I dutifully sprayed the disinfectant on each desk, wiping it clean for the next student. The nose-scrunching sting of the alcohol-based cleaner filled my room rather than the calming vanilla room spray, amplifying the seriousness of the situation unfolding beyond my classroom walls. The smell lingered in my nostrils as I told my students that I would see them the following Tuesday, not knowing that those sophomores would not step foot in my classroom again before they were seniors in high school. The scent swirled around me as I packed up my belongings at the end of the day and debated how much I should bring home with me. The smell still enveloped the classroom as I unknowingly shut my door for the rest of the 2019-2020 school year and left campus. There have been many iterations of the smell of alcohol-based cleaning wipes and hand sanitizers throughout the pandemic as we anxiously try to keep ourselves healthy. The obsessive use of disinfectants reveals the desperation we feel to combat an invisible foe. However, the school-provided disinfectant still has the distinct ability to conjure memories of that emotional day in March when we were on the precipice of change.
• 2020-03

  Recollections from an Oncology Nurse

  My mom is an oncology nurse and has worked in the field of nursing for the past 30 years. I recently asked her to talk to me about her experience this past year as a healthcare worker. She recalled the first week in March when things were becoming intense. People were asked to wear face shields and gowns as they were working in an immune-compromised area where the patients had cancer. At the time there was no vaccine. “It was incredibly intense and scary” my mother said. “People were worried about getting Covid from other staff at the hospital and also worried about contracting Covid from the patients.” “I walked into the hospital and there was an incredible underlying anxiety, the feeling of unease was palpable. People did not talk to each other like they normally did - everyone was consumed with the thought of not using each other’s pens, putting gloves on when receiving things from the pharmacy. Things we would never have even thought of before.” 
 She continued, “It was a feeling of both being unsettled and a blind trust you put in your coworkers to be as clean, as responsible and in isolation outside of work as you. The intensity of that feeling was there the moment you walked in. The environment had changed. People were not as happy, communicative, relaxed.” 
 She explained how working in Covid - there was an incredible newness to it - a fear and apprehension.
• 
  2020-11-30

  Creating New Traditions in a Pandemic

  One of the traditions in my family is to make lefse, a type of Norwegian flatbread, at Christmas time. This tradition was started by my grandmother, because it was one of the foods that she associated with her childhood Christmases as the child of Norwegian and Swedish immigrants. Every year, no matter what was going on, we gathered together as a family at the start of the Christmas season to make lefse. If you’ve made lefse before, you can attest to it being a labor-intensive process, which involves ricing pounds of potatoes, rolling out dozens of balls of dough until they are paper thin, and frying them one by one on a hot griddle. It’s one of those recipes that works better if you have several people to help. In my family, everyone had a job to do. The youngest children of the family were put in charge of popping air bubbles that rose from the dough while it cooked. The older kids took turns flouring the rolling boards and rolling out the dough. The adults were responsible for cooking the lefse, a process that involved transferring huge rounds of dough to the hot griddle using long turning sticks. Even family members who were not culinarily inclined were put to work, folding the finished lefse and packaging it up so that it could be frozen, so that it was available for Christmas morning. It was a family affair, that filled the kitchen up with laughter and stories and more than one flour fight. Family lefse day is one of the most enduring memories of my childhood. When the pandemic made it unsafe to travel or even to visit my family, I found myself facing a Christmas without being able to participate in my family’s lefse making tradition. There were many teary video calls to family members as we all came to terms with the fact that we would be missing this tradition for the first time in nearly 40 years. At this point, after enduring months of isolation because of COVID-19, I was devastated. It didn’t feel like the holidays without this tradition and making lefse by myself felt overwhelming. I was telling my friend Mike about how sad I was over missing out on this tradition, when he offered a solution. We would both quarantine for 14 days, purchase all the ingredients we needed and have them delivered, and then he and I would make as much lefse as we could. I was stunned by his generosity. After all, this was not his tradition. In fact, he’d never even eaten lefse before. But he saw a way that he could help a friend feel better after such a trying year. So, we did just that. With only two of us, it took us about six hours, but we ended up with nearly thirteen pounds of lefse that eventually got sent to family members in four different states. The best moment came when we all video chatted from our homes on Christmas morning, just to eat the lefse together. It was different than normal, but it was a joyous moment. Mike joined us on the call and shared some of the challenges we had making thirteen pounds of lefse in a tiny apartment in the middle of a pandemic. This year, he’s been invited to my parents’ house to join in on the family lefse making day. After all, it’s tradition.
• 
  2021-01-06

  When lungs fail

  I wish I had a sound of the oxygen concentrator my mom was on for a full month, but at the same time I'm glad that I don't. After spending 8 days in the ICU due to COVID, my mom was finally sent home only because the hospitals were full in the Fort Worth area, and there were other people much more sick than her. In a normal year, she would have been in there at least another week or two, but they got her a concentrator and sent her home to be taken care of by my Dad, sister, and me. The sound the small motor made, producing the oxygen my mom's lungs weren't capable of getting. The high-pitched beeps that sounded when the battery was low, or if the cannula in her nose wasn't properly placed on her face--all of it is probably permanently etched in my memory. The sound that I've submitted here is an excerpt of what a nebulizer sounds like when it's turned on. In addition to the sound of the oxygen concentrator, we'd hear this sound at least twice daily as my mom inhaled her lung medications with the nebulizer, accompanied by a lot of coughing as she recovered fully. I'm grateful that she recovered and is still doing well, but I don't think I'll ever be able to hear a sound like this without remembering what the month of January was like this year for our family.
• 
  2020-12-04

  Henshin! The nostalgia wanes and reality sets in.

  Overcrowded movie theaters, expensive popcorn, and escapism entertainment made for the best days as a child of the 20th century. Surrounded by an ever growing crisis of climate change, the rising political tensions domestic and foreign; nearly every issue fades away as the lights dim in a theater, directing all attention to the action set pieces of the latest blockbuster hit. Unfortunately now, there are no lights to dim, no popcorn to smell, the once intense reverberating sound and art of audio mixing, is now forced to protrude from broken TV sound bars. The magnificent subtle nuances of orchestral scores, become muffled by the yelling of neighbors. As basic and selfish as it may seem, Covid-19 served as a reminder of the unobtainable nostalgia and senses that surround my past, the art of escapism through film. In 2020 I witnessed the passing of loved ones, relationships dwindle, and ironically the comfort of escapism...has now escaped me. Movie theaters were closed, the discomfort of the slightly course and rough woven stitched seats, became a desperate dream, a return to normalcy. The artificial smell of buttered popcorn, along with the overpriced snacks, became memories of an easier past. I wrote Henshin, as a manifestation of the changes of Covid-19. It isn't necessarily that films can never be enjoyed again, but the ability to truly escape, is gone. We view, smell, feel and see things differently now. The bombastic sensation within a theater, sharing the laughs, cries and emotions with other children, is now replaced with a constant checking of watches to return again to the world. The smell of artificial flavoring may be gone forever. Loved ones will never carry us out of a theater again. The inconvenient sounds of crowds, machines, and other viewers, are now replaced with conventional house noises. Undoubtedly film will return, theaters will open up again, but the once wholesome experience from the past has changed. The families laughs have now turned to cries, quoting movies with one another has turned to editing eulogies, smells are now memories instead of new experiences.
• 
  2021-03

  Pandemic Wedding: Rachel Nichols

  Walls: What things did you have to change for your wedding to happen? (i.e. limit the number of people, venue changes to outside venues, or making face masks required) Rachel: So originally I was planning on having a bigger wedding around 200 people. I wanted it to be a huge celebration but due to the pandemic My Husband and I made the decision to just have our family, bridal parties, and just a few of our closest friends. I requested that anyone that was attending the wedding get COVID tested. I also provided masks to everyone and had hand sanitizer stations throughout the whole venue. Walls: What was the biggest concern you had about having your wedding during a global pandemic? Rachel: My biggest concern having my wedding during a pandemic was the possible chance that my grandparents & any older family members could possibly come in contact with COVID. But they were my biggest supporters and assured me that all was well & that they were taking every precaution to stay safe. Walls: Did you have any reservations about having your wedding at all? Rachel: I definitely had reservations about having my wedding, for weeks I went back and forth on whether it was the right decision. It was honestly mentally wearing but I wouldn’t change a thing. My wedding was uniquely perfect and I had everyone there that I needed. Walls: Did you have to push back your wedding? Rachel: I definitely had push back from a few family members about having my wedding, it was a really hard decision to make. But eventually they came around. My wedding date was significant to me because I discovered that my Grandfather had gotten married on the same date I chose. It meant too much to me to change. Walls: What issues, if any, did you have with the vendors that you had scheduled for your wedding? Rachel: I actually had zero issues with the Vendors because all I needed was a bartender, the caterer was more than accommodating and I had a family friend be my photographer. Everything was smooth sailing. Walls: If you had to push your wedding back, were vendors really flexible on giving you a new date/ refund? Rachel: Everyone who helped make this wedding possible was very flexible, they understood the circumstances at hand. Walls: What does it feel like to have gotten married during a pandemic? Rachel: Getting married during a pandemic was interesting, before the wedding I was nervous. I didn’t want anybody to feel uncomfortable, that was my biggest worry. But as soon as the ball got rolling everything felt effortless and magical. It became a very carefree environment where everyone who was there was able to forget about what was happening in our world and just enjoy themselves. Like I said before I wouldn’t have changed a thing, it didn’t even feel like we were in a pandemic. Everyone was able to enjoy themselves and stay safe at the same time. I'm very blessed to have been able to get married during a pandemic. It’s unique and something I will be able to tell my children about one day. These memories I will hold dear to my heart forever. It was just the right people and it couldn’t have been better.
• 
  2020-05-02

  On A Knee

  The photo highlights a peaceful protest that involved the participation of medical faculty. The health care workers included in this photograph included doctors, nurses, admin, security guards and handful of maintenance. This was demonstration to support the Black Lives Matter Movement after the killing of a George Floyd at the hands of a police officer. The individuals in this photo can all be seen taking a knee similar to the protest method used by Colin Kaepernick. National Football League, player Colin Kaepernick took his first knee on September 1, 2016. The taking of the knee went against the tradition of standing during the signing of the National Anthem. Kaepernick said at the time: “I am not going up to show pride in a flag for a country that oppresses black people and people of color”. The people in this picture felt the same exact sentiments as Kaepernick. I chose this source because I wanted historians to understand the impact of the pandemic and the unity it created amongst individuals of different races. As a health care worker, I faced the challenges of Covid-19 directly. The fear of transmitting COVID-19 led to months of isolation from my loved ones. This feeling of loneliness contributed to the decline of mental health for me and many of my co-workers. On May 25, 2021, when George was murdered by a Minneapolis police officer over a suspicion of a counterfeit $20 bill my feeling of loneliness grew tremendously. Being an African American man in the united states was now just as dangerous as the virus killing thousands in New York. When the members of my staff came up the idea of protesting for the rights of African Americans, my feeling of loneliness begin to fade. Kneeling on the ground next to coworkers of all different races reminded of the inclusiveness and unity that we all needed in life. This was a moment in a history that will never be forgotten.
• 
  2021-05-18

  BLM movement during COVID

  The horrific and inhumane death of George Floyd was the absolute last straw for many people. His death caused such an uprising that no one was prepared for. Floyd’s death caused thousands of people across the country to protest and literally fight for their lives. Citizens began a peaceful protest which turned into violent protests which resulted in the burning and looting of the city of Minneapolis. This protest turned violent because even after the negative image the police had in the country’s eyes, they still proceeded to injure Americans, using rubber bullets and tear gas during these protests. I chose this picture because it is very impactful to me as a Black man in America it is terrifying and sad. The way police treat Black men such as myself is beyond scary and traumatizing. There are no words to describe how it feels to walk around as a man with brown skin. In the photo I selected, there are two police officers beating on a Black man while he is down on the ground. It baffles my mind how even after an individual is down, disarmed, and disables, police officers will continue to apply unnecessary force to the individual. The death of George Floyd and the events that took place after is a monumental event in history. People need to know how America, came together despite race and differences and protested to enforce the Black Lives Matter Movement. So many different groups of people put their differences aside and came together to protest the safety of Black people. It is important that police violence is captured not only for the justice of the individual who was hurt, but as a part of history. The police brutality and Black Lives Matter movement is very important part of history. This is a movement that brought together many individuals of different race, class, and beliefs to support the end the abuse of Black citizens of America. I chose this picture which occurred in Buffalo NY, officer decided to beat down a 75 year old man who was peacefully protesting. The idea of police who are supposed to serve and protect are beating an elderly man, imagine what they would do to a young man as myself. I’m glad these cruel acts of violence are now being captured and people are receiving the justice they deserve. It is also important for people to see these events as a part of history.