Items

12/10/2021

Courtney Erickson Oral History, 2021/12/10

Courtney Erickson is a single mother who lives in Chippewa Falls, WI with her four children, as young as kindergarten through 16 years old. In this interview, Courtney Erickson discusses her experience being a caregiver during COVID-19 while also balancing school and work and the difficulties that go along with those responsibilities such as overseeing her children’s Zoom meetings and working from home. She shares the ways the pandemic affected her family life, the health of those around her, as well as her struggles with recovering from addiction amidst the pandemic.

2020-05-28

Covid 19- The First Wave

Schools were shut down, business were closing. My parents stood outside my living room waving as they dropped off Easter baskets for my children. The monotonous routine of my husband coming home from his shift as a police officer and bagging his uniform in a garbage bag in the garage so I could immediately wash them for fear he had brought home Covid. Two months passed of this until that dreadful day when neither of us could smell or taste anything. He had brought home Covid. At first, it felt just like a cold with the exception of the loss of taste and smell. But a few days into our positive results, my husband's symptoms became more severe. He began having trouble breathing at night. We had medicines and took precautions to get him through those nights. I was scared because we had two young children at home and they began to show signs of Covid as well. I didn't feel like I had anywhere to turn. In the beginning, you were told only to come to an ER if it was absolutely necessary and even then, the people who were checking into the hospitals were not checking out. It felt like a death trap to bring in my husband. Days passed and symptoms improved. We were lucky, it had passed. We had long-lasting effects when it came to rapid heart rates and regaining our taste and smell, but feel very lucky we eventually recovered.

2020-03-20

Eddie Case Oral History, 2022/03/07

[curator's note] I recorded this interview at the Arizona Historical Society's 2nd Annual Covid Memorial Event at the Arizona Heritage Center. Eddie spoke about his experience as one of the first cases of Covid in Arizona, and his illness and long recovery. He views his story as a blessing.

2021-09-13

Mental Health in the Eyes of a Pandemic

For years, I believed there was something wrong with me that wasn’t similar to anyone else. This “something” wasn’t easy to figure out. The pandemic consisted of trends, exercise, masks, and heavy cleaning. In high school, girls consistently made fun of me for my body, weight, and the way I looked. The bullying wouldn’t stop- I was fifteen. My mom took everything to the police. Things were dealt with. Things were okay, until they weren’t. On April 5th, 2020, while doing a heavy clean of some junk drawers, I found the red folder of printed screenshots. Sorrow began to creep up my spine as I began to cry. I couldn’t understand why people ever thought this was okay. I stopped eating. How does this happen? By choice? No, not really. By coincidence? Not that either. I kept my eating disorder hidden. I never told the doctors, friends, employers, and most regretfully, I hid it from my family. Beginning from April 5th, 2020, to approximately September of 2021, I was not okay. Within the duration of starving myself out, burning 800 calories a day at the gym, making myself throw up after every time I ate, and weighing myself four times a day, I didn’t see anything wrong with my lifestyle. It was June 11th, 2021, when I was at the doctor’s office. She asks, “Do you have any questions or concerns?” I didn’t. Well, I did. Words of anger went in and throughout my brain. I had been battling an eating disorder for well over a year and I wasn’t ready to admit it. I was always the perfect, angelic, do-no-wrong child in my family- I couldn’t let them know about this but, I also couldn’t stand to hate myself for another day. It came out… “I think I have an eating disorder”, I said as tears ran down my face. For the next few months, I was monitored. It was the hardest battle I’ve had to face. I came face to face with my parents and explained everything. They sobbed as they couldn’t understand why their first-born child refused to understand how beautiful she is. My heart shattered into a million pieces. Soon after that doctor’s appointment, I was on the road to recovery. Many people hate covid because they felt robbed of love, opportunity, and most importantly, time. If anything, Covid-19 saved my life. I finally ridded of those demon in which lived inside my precious thoughts. There’s no more “I look fat” or “I can’t eat that”. This wasn’t something that was wrong with just me- it affects millions. Covid taught me that there is no room for negativity in this world. Time moves too fast. The presence of eating disorders during the pandemic can help historians understand the impact of cyberbullying, food scarcity due to supply chain issues, etc. I don’t believe that researchers realize how many adults and children were affected by mental illness due to persistent lockdowns, isolation periods, restricted visitation, and new introductions to a virtual society. My experience offers intel to how mental and physical illnesses were underestimated throughout the entirety of the pandemic. Whether it be an eating disorder or a cancer patient, it’s difficult to watch because it seems like covid-19 patients are prioritized everywhere even if they choose not to be vaccinated. It’s a hard thing to watch in terms of priority because cancer patients, heart disease patients, etc. have less room in hospitals because people choose to not be vaccinated. With that being said, being vaccinated has no 100% guarantee of not being hospitalized but it lowers the rates substantially.

2021-06-01

Museum Recovery Expected to Take Years Due to Devastating Financial Losses, New Survey Reveals

The American Alliance of Museums report highlights financial problems and some of the more negative long-term impacts resulting from COVID-19 such as reduced overall net revenue for the institution, lower employment numbers, and lower average salary for their staff members.

2021-10-04

Worldwide Statistics

While researching pandemic memes, I came across this website that compiles statistics on the pandemic from all around the world.

2021-10-04

My experience and how COVID-19 affected me.

The essay outlines what I had initially known about COVID-19, what I experienced, what close family or friends experienced, and how I saw the world change as a result. The purpose being to share my thoughts to not only get it off my own chest, but to help others feel comfortable in sharing their own.

2021-07-21

Hope Love Heal

“Hope Love Heal” is a series of 30 separate artworks. Each mail art piece was made with the hope that it would inspire the recipient to seek out mental health care as one way of dealing with the pandemic. Each artwork was hand made with love.

07/22/2021

COVID-19 Hospital care B-roll

B-roll of Banner Estrella Medical Center in west Phoenix where more than a thousand COVID-19 patients have been successfully treated during the pandemic.

07/22/2021

COVID-19 interview with physician

Pritesh Patel, MD, speaks about what it was like to provide ongoing care for COVID-19 patients and families at Banner Estrella Medical Center in west Phoenix.

2021-01-06

When lungs fail

I wish I had a sound of the oxygen concentrator my mom was on for a full month, but at the same time I'm glad that I don't. After spending 8 days in the ICU due to COVID, my mom was finally sent home only because the hospitals were full in the Fort Worth area, and there were other people much more sick than her. In a normal year, she would have been in there at least another week or two, but they got her a concentrator and sent her home to be taken care of by my Dad, sister, and me. The sound the small motor made, producing the oxygen my mom's lungs weren't capable of getting. The high-pitched beeps that sounded when the battery was low, or if the cannula in her nose wasn't properly placed on her face--all of it is probably permanently etched in my memory. The sound that I've submitted here is an excerpt of what a nebulizer sounds like when it's turned on. In addition to the sound of the oxygen concentrator, we'd hear this sound at least twice daily as my mom inhaled her lung medications with the nebulizer, accompanied by a lot of coughing as she recovered fully. I'm grateful that she recovered and is still doing well, but I don't think I'll ever be able to hear a sound like this without remembering what the month of January was like this year for our family.

2020-03

Survivor Corps

One of the more positive outcomes of COVID-19 has been the mobilization of people to support one another and help mitigate the spread of the virus. Survivor Corps, started by an early COVID-19 patient, is “a grassroots solution-based movement to mobilize the sharply increasing number of people affected by COVID-19 to come together, support and participate in the medical and scientific research community efforts and take a more active role in trying to mitigate this pandemic.” Organizations such as this demonstrate the best in people and our potential and desire to work toward the common goal of beating this virus.

2021-03-16

Vaccines and Long Haulers

When it comes to COVID-19, it seems there are more questions than answers. For some COVID-19 survivors, their COVID experience didn’t end after their infection ended. These people, referred to as “long haulers” have dealt with fatigue, brain fog, muscle aches, breathing difficulties, and insomnia. However, a surprising and potentially positive development has come out of the vaccine - long haulers symptoms are disappearing! Many patients struggling with long term COVID effects are reporting these effects disappearing after receiving their vaccination. Research, of course, needs to be conducted to pinpoint why, but this seems to be another light at the end of the tunnel for so many people who have struggling with long term COVID symptoms.

2021-04-04

Three Essex survivors recount their experiences of COVID-19

This BBC news story shares the story of three British COVID-19 survivors. All three were hospitalized and recount how weak and close to death they felt. One survivor states it has taken her six months to fully recover, while another continues to struggle with breathing and walking due to damage to his lungs. All three are grateful to have survived.

2020-06-23

Covid-19 and Tibetan Medicine: An Awakening Tradition in a New Era of Global Health Crisis

This article visits historic and traditional eastern medicine. During the time of the pandemic, more people have been interested in traditional Tibetan medicine and the Chinese government has been investing more heavily into this form of medicine. The article also speaks of Tibetan Buddhist monks the role that meditation is playing in the research for neuroscience.

This is a picture of a woman carrying several shopping bags stopped in a hallway. She is trying to talk to a young buy who is wearing a face mask and shrinking away from her as if he is afraid.

2021-03-21

Don’t Give Me COVID

For the past year, my husband has been the only one to do errands to keep the risk low. Anytime he went out, he showered and put his clothes in the laundry. No one has stepped foot inside our house in over a year. It may see extreme, but more than once during COVID, Southern CA was the country’s hotspot. We have been extremely cautious, and with both the death rates and people within our own circle who weren’t cautious getting infected during the winter spike, I do not regret our decision. Now numbers are thankfully declining and, even more significant, my mom (who lives with us) has received both doses of the vaccine and my husband and I should receive our second doses next week. Slowly, our lives will hopefully be able to open up a bit. But the moment captured here reminds me that the shift may not be as easy for our kids. My son, who hasn’t had a play date or left this street in months, flattened himself against the wall and refused to move when my mom came back from a Target curbside pick up. She didn’t even get out of the car but my son was terrified that she’d give him COVID. It’s going to be a long process to make them feel safe again.

This is a picture of a kitten a person bought during the pandemic sitting in what appears to be a plaid colored hat box. The kitten is wearing a collar with bells attached to it.

2020-03-17

Covid Kitty

Meet Covie my kitty - short for Covid 19. He was born March 17th 2020 right at the start of the pandemic quarantine hence the name Covie. Covie kept me company during my battle with the Corona Virus. Luckily I didn't have it to bad. I was so afraid Covie would get it and besides he was just a baby. As time went on I slowly, very slowly got better. Covie was fine too. He was a rambunctious kitten but is slowing down a little just like the virus is slowing down. God bless my little Covie

2020-11-30

L’hiver sera difficile

This hopeful message from Canada's Finance Minister, Chrystia Freeland, says that Canadians have a plan to get through the winter, and then will move on to economic recovery.

2020-04-17

COVID-19 and Social Justice

From the article: The COVID-19 pandemic is a health and mental health crisis, to be sure. But it is also a crisis of social injustice, inequitably affecting vulnerable and marginalized populations that include, among others, individuals who earn low incomes, or are incarcerated, homeless, in foster care, over 65 (especially those in long-term care facilities), people of color, or undocumented. Social work practitioners, educators, and policy makers are working to address the needs of these populations despite the unpredictability of the virus’s secondary impact on systems.

This is a picture taken of a clay sculpting a person did of the cast they had on a broken bone.

2021-01

How I broke my arm and why I sculpted the cast.

I broke my arm again yayy!

2021-01-25

statistics

There have been 97.7 total Covid 19 cases in the world. One of those cases was my uncle. Near thanksgiving he wasn't feeling well so he instinctively got a Covid test. About 2 days later he got a call that said he had the virus. This effected our family greatly. We were all worried sick and were praying that he healed. The funny part was, he said it only felt like a regular cold. He did eventually get better and we were thankful to God.

2021-01-25

COVID-19 Statistics

There have been about 1.07M COVID cases and 15,000 deaths in my area, LA county. Worldwide, there has been about 100M COVID cases and about 2 million deaths. 2 of my cousins have gotten COVID along with my teacher. Luckily they have recovered or are recovering at the moment. This global pandemic has been a scary experience and as some kids say, very not poggers.

2021-01-25

Statistics and Final Thoughts

There has been about 99.3 million cases worldwide in about a year. They are still growing daily. About 54.8 million people have recovered. Some of family has recovered when their whole household has gotten it. About 5 millions deaths worldwide. My great grandma is one of the 5 million that have died. She was 102 when someone brought it into her living home. She passed quickly and we are having a funeral soon. Everyone I have known who has gotten COVID has recovered except for the one.

2020-12-10

Baby born to Sacramento mother in ICU, on ventilator with COVID-19

A pregnant mother, and nurse, living in Sacramento, California contracts COVID-19 in her seventh month of pregnancy and delivers her third child. This news article captures some of the emotional struggles she went through from being diagnosed while pregnant and delivering her child. Through this woman’s story, we gain some insight into a mother’s experience of both being sick with COVID-19 and delivering a child during the pandemic.

2020-10-11

Symptoms of Covid

Someone that has covid may experience a lot of symptoms or not as many. Most symptoms are cough, fever, headache, sore throat, and muscle or body ache. If you are old or have diabetes, overweight, or heart problems than you need to take the virus more seriously. My uncle had covid about 3 months ago. He's probably around 50 years old. He was out for three days. He wasn't worried at all. He had a fever for a day and sore throat and a little cough. He got it over with.

2020-06-24

Atlantic Canadian Provinces Form Travel Bubble

This document is a statement from the Council of Atlantic Premiers detailing the formation of the Atlantic bubble, which permitted travel between the different Canadian Atlantic provinces.

2020-07

Mental Health in Canada: Covid-19 and Beyond

Mental health is health, this report shows the pandemic is both magnifying and contributing to Canada's mental health crisis. COVID-19 took a toll on the populations mental health, and we are expecting long term mental health effects to burden Canadians. The CAMH demands the government and policy makers step up and make mental health a priority by investing in long-term, system wide response.

2020-06-03

Gerry and George Savoring Life after COVID

This story talks about the ordeal that two people went through with COVID and how they are now enjoying the simple pleasures in life. They are no longer taking for granted the simple things. This is important to me because it's a stark reminder of how easy life can be taken and how we should not take for granted the ability to enjoy the simple moments in our ife

2020-08-21

Arizona’s opioid epidemic under COVID-19

The rise of COVID-19 cases and restrictions have been linked to a rise in both smuggling arrests and overdose cases. In July 2020 alone, the overdose deaths in Pima County nearly outnumber the entire number for 2019. Members of addiction centers talk about what caused the spike and ways to help, and a candidate for county attorney talks about justice reform that will help with addiction recovery.

2020-03-15

Covid changed my life positevly

I could've write this in French, but i feel it would be way easier for you to get everything out of my story if i was writing it in english. When COVID started, it gave me a good reason to stay for long periods of time at my girlfriend's house, placing me away from my violent and alcoholic roomates and the insecure environnement i was in. Being away from them lowered my stress levels and this was the first step of my depression recovery. Then, when university went online and offered us to extend our projects due-dates to the end of the summer, i was more than happy to put my school work aside to focus on my mental health. Because of the situation, I was able to reach out to a university psychologist and we worked out memories and discovered i was a sexual assault victim when i was young. This information being brought up, she was able to testify for me to a gov. agency that helps criminal activity victims to get psychological help. So i got a weekly psychologist (uni. psy was short term only) and then i started digging deeper and deeper into my traumas. At the same time, i moved out to a student residence in a 1 and a half appartment on the campus. In this environnement, i had total control over everything and i started feeling safer and safer. I had no one to see phisically and i was able to determine the way i was to live my life in the daily matters (ex-roomates were sleeping until 2pm, hurting my freedom to just use my old appartment as i wanted to ) This situation made me understand how my well-being is inherently attached to my hability to control my environnement and to have the freedom to realise the person i am. I started meditating everysingle day, i started taking care of my appartment, of my body's health and i started performing way more in school. Being a ADHD person makes it that i find online classes better than offlines... i can pause, record, fast-foward, go back .... love it. I also started taking care of my spiritual sides, studying viking runes, their meanings, their wisdom and the way they could teach me about life. Covid saved me, made me realize i should take care of myself, it made me realise i have something to bring to the world. I didn't have any suicidal toughts since 2-3 months and it feels great.

2020-10-22

Museum Awareness and COVID-19

I have been recently researching digital archives and their effective helpfulness in the midst of crises and pandemics, such as COVID-19. While discovering new sources for research, I came upon a community that is treasured by society yet sufferers immeasurable when neglected, museums. From what I have put together in following archives and museums, there is a difference and the difference is impactful: People interact with archives while museums interact with people. Archives can be easily engaged through any format and do not struggle to adapt to a rapidly evolving society. Museums and their charm center on one core energy source, in-person engagement, interaction, and display. Museums attempting to permanently shift to online have the risk of fading into another informational website (Advertising is a dense fog). The attraction is the ability for people to see artifacts and art in person. I personally love museums and I know that without them, history seems to lose some of its luster as well. I found this website, American Alliance of Museums: COVID-19 Resources and Information for the Museum Field, while searching through museum resources and listening to museum and art directors discussing the future of their work. It is a tool for anyone from a visitor to a museum director in staying connected to updates on openings and closures as well as how museums are encouraged to keep up with their audiences. Though a permanent solution isn’t found to the situation or even COVID-19 for that matter, I have found that the need to keep moving forward is not just surviving, but living. This resource created by AAM might be the catalyst for museums to evolve into online forms successfully; that would be joyful news in difficult times. I have saved this link to a web page saver, Wayback Machine, so it can be accessed at any time even if the page is removed or recreated. Thanks for reading!

2020-03-29T22:23:20

When My Fever Broke

I fell seriously ill on March 23, 2020. I vividly remember my body being hit with extreme chills and my skin was hot to the touch. I remember being so cold that I needed two blankets to keep warm while experiencing a high fever. Even though I I felt deathly sick, I denied the thought of even having Covid for some reason. However, in the middle of the night I woke up coughing and I knew I had it. I immediately quarantined and contacted anyone that I had contact with to let them know that I might be infected with Covid-19. At the time, there wasn’t an easy way securing a test for Covid-19. A friend referred me to a private clinic to get tested. I was finally able to get tested on March 25, 2020 and the next day the doctor called me to tell me I tested positive with Covid-19. Fortunately for me, my worst day was the first night. I suffered a mild fever for about 7 days straight. This is the only photo I took during my whole quarantine. It’s a photo showing when my fever finally broke. When the thermometer showed a temperature 98.2 degrees, a wave of relief fell over me. It was so surreal at the time and I wanted to provide a snapshot of a moment in time of my Covid experience.

2020-10-06

As Trump Seeks to Project Strength, Doctors Disclose Alarming Episodes

On friday october 3 the president of the united states of america was diagnosed with covid -19. This was a great shock to a lot of the people around me and myself. To me this was a very big moment, as he was one of the first world leaders who had caught the virus.

2020-10-07

Covid on a Cruise Ship!

It was the week before spring break and I was gearing up for a three day cruise with friends. I want to preface this by saying I am a teacher and this spring break was much needed after a rough semester. Anyways! The pandemic had started but it was only in China and Italy. We didn’t really know how rapidly it would spread. In past outbreaks of viruses they usually were contained in a few areas and didn’t rapidly spread. It felt like when we got on the boat it was in Europe and when we got off three days later it was in the US. There was over 100 friends there on the boat and I know a total of 70 of us got sick. Everyone was mostly fine and got over it in a couple of days. I was sick for three weeks. All the symptoms except I couldn’t breathe and that was the absolute worst. I don’t have great lungs anyways- I can thank multiple rounds of bronchitis for that. Anyway- there was days when I struggled to breathe. If I didn’t have certain medications to help, I think it would have been worse. Not deadly, but incredibly shallowed breathing. However, a month went by and then I started feeling great. I had residual burning in my lungs from when I was trying to heal and it took my body awhile to get back to where it was. A few short weeks after I was better, I noticed my body was having a really hard time doing anything without feeling I was having a heart attack. I got my blood work done and realized that my thyroid, vitamin D levels, hormones, and vitamin B levels were almost none existent. It’s been months now but after regulating them- I have never felt better. There were news reports that came out recently that attested people’s vitamin d levels that were low had stronger cases of Covid-19. After a lot of studying, I am a believer that if our bodies aren’t well, we can’t fight off viruses and bacteria’s as well as we think we should be able too. Our thyroid is the stabler for everything that functions in our bodies. My immune system was shot when I got covid and I believe whole heartedly that my body couldn’t fight it because it didn’t have the strength too. It is so important that we take a hard look at our health and recognize we can’t be reliant on pills and medicines if we as a people aren’t healthy.

2020-06-24

Ann Wallace's First Person Account of Having COVID-19

Ann Wallace, a college professor at Jersey City College, contracted COVID-19 and writes that, despite having a "mild case," she has yet to recover after several months. She discusses the stigma of contracting the virus, and the fact that people don't believe that she is still sick.

2020

American Culture

Commentary on why the US is not recovering from Covid-19.

2020-06-08

Here We Go Again: Millennials Are Staring At Yet Another Recession

As a Millennial this is a hard pill to swallow. We now know that lifetime wealth for millennial was affected greatly by the 2008 recession. Can we really recover from a second?

2020-06-04

Hopes That Job Losses are Slowing

Reported job losses are declining. The hope is that people can get back to work soon.

2020-06-13

90-Year-Old Couple Reunites after Wife Survives Coronavirus

Video from Today on NBC News about a 90-year-old couple who was separated when the wife contracted coronavirus and their celebratory reunion.

2020-06-12

Life carries on

2020 has been a constant spiral downward since the beginning of the year and now has reached a new low with the outbreak of the corona virus. It has hindered our ability to get together and finish off the school year forcing us apart to complete it online. A time for celebration ruined as we were nearing the end of the school year and the class of 2020 missing out on there most important event of the school; graduation as it signifys there moving on up in life. The photograph represents the tracking of cases which is just getting higher and higher as it continues to spread causing the closure of public spaces. So far this year has been tragic and we have all lost things and the road to recovery is still a ways ahead so we must continue to move forward.

2020-06-02

Recovering Wuhan

The photograph shows that Wuhan is gradually returning to normal.

2020-03-27

Patient is getting much better after the treatment

Patient is being thankful to the doctor due to COV 19

2020-04-30

It does not affect you until it happens to you.

A personal account of how COVID affected their family.

2020-03-30

COVID 19 Journal: 03/30/2020

COVID 19 Journal by Kaitlin Whalen written 03/30/2020

2020-04-24

Webpage recording rise in COVID- 19 cases

As new numbers come in, Worldometer updates its page and by inference shows what a deadly impact the virus is having worldwide. The facts seem clear until one remembers how they can only show the recordable tip of the nightmare iceberg.

04/07/2020

What's New Podcast - The Road Back to Normal

The world has been upended by a novel coronavirus, and all we want to do is to return to normal. But how can that happen, and when? Today on What’s New, Stephen Flynn, Director of Northeastern University's Global Resilience Institute and expert on the resilience of societies talks about the long road back after enormous tragedies.

2020-04-18

Diary in the Time of Corona

I woke up this morning and decided to write. Why today? What’s different about today than yesterday, or the day before? I have no answers to these questions. It’s Day 25 of the quarantine. The sky is dull gray and it’s raining, my windows streaked with wet wavy lines that make them look like etched glass. Today is not so different from yesterday, except yesterday it wasn’t raining. And yesterday we went to the supermarket. That place fills me with terror. The aisles are not wide enough to keep the required six feet social distance. In the produce section it’s inevitable that two or more people will end up inspecting the bananas or the lettuce at the same time. When that happens we move apart as far as we can but we don’t walk away, as if the lettuce or the bananas or whatever are a territory we refuse to surrender. We do avert our eyes, ashamed to look our adversaries in the face. Upstairs in my bedroom I hear the rain against the roof, a soft, steady patter. The marsh is enveloped in a fine mist with ochre and green grasses and a few trees yielding small mauve flowers. I’m waiting for phone calls from the dead: my father, who passed away nineteen years ago and my mother, who passed away three years ago. Why do we want what we cannot have? Or is this the nature of grief, that after the sharp stabbing pains of loss a knot of slow sadness begins to form and 2 wind itself around our hearts, once in a while tugging so hard we’re reminded sharply once again of those who are gone? Maybe that’s what writing is for: not the documentation of what we have but the recovery of what we’ve lost. I’m reading a book by Lydia Davis called The End of the Story. It’s a novel about a woman writing a novel about a brief but intense love affair that ended thirteen years earlier. She can’t finish the novel because she can’t find the right way to end it, or so she says. But we know she can’t finish the novel because finishing it will end her connection to her lost lover, and she doesn’t want to experience such pain and grief all over again. The rain has stopped and the sky has shifted to a softer gray. The yellow and dark greens of the leaves are startling and bright in the thin light. Lydia Davis is a descriptive writer. She paints vivid pictures of the natural world: sound of ocean waves, piquant scent of eucalyptus, aggressive jade plants. But in her obsessions and delusions and isolation from friends she is not the best companion for me right now. ** Day 26. I am a witness to the pandemic. Everyone is a witness. But I’m not risking my life like the nurses and doctors and other workers on the front lines. I feel like a coward. 3 Today is sunny, with a cloudless sky of soft, washed blue. When you are quarantined weather becomes very important, like a prophecy or a sign of progress, or stagnation. On fine days I could go outside for a walk but usually I don’t want to. On the days I’ve gone for walks there’s an unspoken tug-of-war on the sidewalk when others approach: who will be first to step out of the way. My husband and I are always first to move. We agree we tend to give a wide berth earlier than necessary. Still, each time we veer into the street so walkers can pass I feel we’ve offered a consideration that was not reciprocated. This gives me a feeling of victimization that makes me even more irritable than I already am. On a recent walk I couldn’t help noticing that everything in my neighborhood reminded me of the virus. Small shrubs with crimson buds. A mask in the middle of the asphalt, awaiting asphyxiation. Street signs that say Dead End. I never realized there were so many dead ends where I live. When I’m overcome with anxiousness I prepare a meal. Before the time of corona I was a reluctant cook, and we often ate dinners at the local trattoria. But of course that’s no longer possible. I don’t have the patience or creativity to be a decent home cook. But now I find comfort in assembling a dish or two. I experience a sense of accomplishment in completing what feels like a meaningful activity. Food is no longer readily or easily available. If I’m missing an ingredient I won’t run to the supermarket wearing with my mask and disposable gloves. With every trip to the market comes the risk of 4 additional exposure. Grocery shopping demands enormous amounts of energy. So I try to plan ahead, which isn’t easy when you’re anxious all the time. Today’s side dish is quinoa tabbouleh with scallions, tomatoes, feta, and fresh lemon. Even writing the word “fresh” refreshes my depleted spirits. Before preparing the tabbouleh I looked out the window, my gateway, my connection to the world outside my home. My attention was drawn to a single orange-breasted robin stepping across the grass. I watched for a while, since now I have time for such contemplative activity. The robin began to peck at the ground, circling and wandering, circling and pecking. I had the idea he was searching for food and not finding any. I turned away. Things I never noticed before. The whiskered tips on the scallions, like a man’s white-gray beard. The amount of plastic and paper towels I waste even though I claim to be pro-environment. I think of my mother growing up during the Great Depression with barely enough food and not enough money. I have coats in the closet, sweaters in the drawers, a stocked refrigerator. Was I really so clueless and ungrateful? ** Day 27. Be mindful, stay in the present. I am trying to be present but the news on the morning radio announced 40,000 Americans are dead from the virus. How is this possible? The future has become our dystopian present. 5 Last night we visited with our kids on Zoom. Such interactions are one of the challenges of this particular moment, the physical separation from loved ones. These meetings in cyberspace reinforce the sense of enforced isolation: my adult children isolated in their homes within an hour or so of mine. I miss them. They might as well be living on the moon. I’ve heard stories of doctors and nurses sleeping in their garages so as not expose their families. This is worse than my experience, much worse, because their lives are in imminent danger. Nonetheless, their experience does not erase the pain I feel as a mother and new grandmother who can’t touch or hug my children. In my home state of New Jersey, 40 percent of more than 4,200 coronavirus deaths have been linked to long-term care facilities. My mother was a dementia patient in one such facility for six years. I thank heaven I do not have to worry about the virus killing my mother in a nursing home. The past seeps into the present. The present is the future, for the time-being. I’m reminded of the words of T.S. Eliot: “Time present and time past/ are both perhaps present in time future/ And time future contained in time past.” Perhaps our sense of separation between past, present, and future was always illusory. My brother contracted the virus a few weeks ago and was ill with a fever that spiked as high as 102.8. Mercifully he is recovering well. Past, present, and future, they are merged into the nightmare of the virus. I just read about a 25-year-old woman, a Latino grad student studying marriage and family therapy, who died of complications from the virus which she 6 likely contracted while working at a clinic for Latinos in one of the corona hotspots in Queens. I am overcome. I can’t write anymore.

2020-04-06

Explore the Archives