Items

• 2025-03-31

  5 Year Reflection

  Five years since COVID, and so much has changed. Since COVID, I have: - Obtained my driver’s license (July 2022) - Obtained my MA in global history (May 2022) - Started working as a behavioral therapist (May 2023) - Became an aunt (July 2022) - Had my grandma on my dad’s side die (January 2022) - Had my grandpa on my mom’s side die (October 2023) - Been married five years to my husband (we married in May 2019) These are all just some personal events that have happened. That said, some things have stayed since COVID. One thing I really notice are people being more willing to call off work and school more often if they feel sick. I myself have had to call off work a few times due to illness myself, and because I work with such young populations, I want to make sure they don’t catch whatever I have. I’m glad my job is pretty okay with calling out sick when needed, because some employers will still pressure people to come to work sick. Speaking of illness and sickness, my dad (who is a doctor) has been glad he doesn’t have to wear full PPE anymore for work. I remember him telling me he got sweaty so easily. COVID has still affected the medical industry a lot, as there is still a doctor shortage for the amount of care needed. My mom, who has a history of working in special needs education, has said that she has noticed kids being behind socially and academically due to lockdowns, and this being especially detrimental to their development. The kids would sometimes lack access to computers to do work, especially if the parents had to work from home and there was no computer available. Sometimes, I believe schools provided laptops for COVID (happened with my youngest sister), but I’m unsure of how well funded other schools were for that. When it came to social skills, my mom described lots of regression in those areas (such as difficulty interacting with peers). One thing that has really come back to normal since COVID are people dining in large groups again, in close proximity. I remember my first anniversary that was during COVID, and the dinner experience then was so much different than today. I remember having to make a reservation (they were mandatory), all the staff were masked, the capacity was limited, and tables were spaced far apart from each other. One perk is that it felt a bit like private dining, but I’m also glad I can now just walk into any restaurant without having to go through all those steps. At the time, I felt like lockdowns would last forever, but looking back, it wasn’t as long as I thought it would be. Eventually, businesses had to open up again in order to make enough money. Speaking of business, the economy still hasn’t recovered well since COVID. The record federal spending in 2020-2022 (some of it COVID related), has made economic recovery slow down. Industry needs to be brought back in order to keep things functioning. There have been political changes too since COVID. When COVID started in November 2019 (lockdowns didn’t happen until March 2020), Trump was president. Then from 2021-2025, Biden was president. Honestly, I think being president during COVID would have been tough on anyone, and the response to it both affected Trump’s and Biden’s presidencies. Trump’s approach was to keep lockdowns for 1-2 months at its highest, then open up businesses again to prevent economic disruption. Biden, on the other hand, had a policy that expressed more caution, and encouraged lockdowns to last longer (in addition to masking). Ultimately, it was up to the governors of each state to decide when lockdowns ended. Doug Ducey, the then governor of Arizona, kept lockdowns until around early 2022. Other states, like Florida, opened up as early as the summer of 2021. Ohio, a state I used to live in, also opened up in the summer of 2021. Overall, most states were fully opened by 2022, and 2022 was the year I could go to the Renaissance Festival again (the last time I went before that was in February of 2020 before lockdowns). The state of emergency had to be lifted for the fair to happen again. Culturally, there’s been a big shift since COVID. Celebrity worship being looked down upon is probably one of the biggest changes I’ve seen. At a time where people lost their jobs, were under lockdown in small apartments, and had tight finances, you had a bunch of celebrities in this viral video singing “Imagine” from their mansions in order to help people cope with lockdowns. It understandably was seen as tone deaf, and ti me was the real beginning of the end to celebrity worship that was present in the 2010s. Also, celebrities now have to compete with influencers to earn money, so you see a lot more celebrities launching brands to maintain their income. Some of the brand attempts have been more successful than others. Additionally, way more celebrities are on apps like TikTok competing for attention, and that loses some of the mystique celebrities maintained prior to ubiquitous social media. Overall, I would say that COVID has had a great impact on so many aspects of life. I’ve gained a lot more skills since COVID, and now can say that my work history looks better than before. It really helped that I was able to take care of elderly during COVID, because if I worked in most other industries, I may have been out of a job. For that I will always be grateful. I’ve also learned that I need more social interaction in my everyday life to stay mentally healthy. I don’t need a ton, but the lack of it during COVID really brought my mood down. Even today, I’m still happy when a cashier wants to talk to me. I now cherish my social interaction more since COVID. Learning to drive during COVID has probably been one of my biggest life changes though. It helped me get the job I have today, in addition to being able to do the grocery shopping myself, in addition to getting myself to appointments. What I want in the next five years is to be a mom, and hopefully that will happen. Parts of my life did stop, but since I kept persevering, I’m not as “behind” on life as I think I am.
• 2022-09-12

  WHEN CORONA AND SATAN ROBBED ME OF MY FAMILY...

  WHEN CORONA AND SATAN ROBBED ME OF MY FAMILY... (Alternative title: When the hourglass runs faster...) A Corona Story by Berthold von Kamptz Gustav Walters, 48 years old, divorced, was in the dock. He had three children and was a photographer. The judge and jury wore black wardrobes and sat in their seats. There were his accusers - his family members, which will be discussed here later. And the audience that saw only one thing in him: no more people - only the guilty party. At this trial, Gustav tried - without a lawyer - to defend himself in front of this mysterious court on Lower Road in the Wineburgh district of Montgomery in the US state of Alabama. However, unsuccessful - which will be discussed in more detail later. The judge's (judgement pronouncer's) voice thundered ominously across the room as he pronounced his verdict and Gustav's alleged offenses ("corona sins", as Gustav called them) came to light. “Wilful murder of his son Martin by pushing him off the Keystone Bridge motorway bridge in Old Sutherdale (off the C 13, ... motorway) in Montgomery on 11.11.2021. "Sentenced to death", was the verdict. Gustav was shocked when he heard the verdict. The verdict that would finally seal his downfall, his fate. And that would mean death: death by lethal injection. I (Scott Stevens), who was happy with the Walters family, who knows the case well and had written it all down, will explain why it happened later...Also what happened during the corona crisis from mid-March 2020. At first Gustav, who had received the verdict, was shocked. "That can't be right", he said. But that was the case. On the one hand, he was glad that - in view of the death and the verdict - which seemed absurd to him - his entire family was absent. His "loved ones" whom he still loved (despite everything they had done to him or he to them - depending on how you looked at it, because the course of the alleged actions, accusations were still absurd, strange or far-fetched or lies to him, for him which his family had thought up - but he was here in the courtroom and not without reason - so it must be serious). A family that was now broken They were all here now to testify against him. And that dampened his joy at seeing her. After the verdict was announced, several police officers grabbed him. Handcuffed him. (Was that common, he wondered? Why don't I have a fair trial? Why didn't I hire a lawyer? he asked himself. You can't just...tear off his thoughts.) "I'm innocent!" Gustav shouted through the courtroom. But no one listened to him. It was like he was talking against a wall. There was a completely confused world he had gotten himself into Totally unreal. And no one seemed to feel sorry for him. He was able to scream "I'm innocent" three times in the courtroom - without anyone noticing. Then they led him away Get out of the courtroom. He was then dragged outside the courthouse and pushed into a gray van that stood in front of the courthouse. Two men guarded Gustav in the narrow space of the transporter and held him. Then the drive to the prison started. After about half an hour of agonizing driving, they arrived. Gustav saw from the van window the prison building that was somewhere (he was later informed) in the New Blackcastle district of Montgomery, Alabama. This was a huge, desolate block of a prison that reminded him of "Atracaz" or something similar, and there was also a courtyard that was just a desolate place fenced in with barbed wire in front of the prison building, in which some desolate and bloodthirsty-looking figures ran unheard of, who could probably become his prison colleagues while he was still alive. He strongly suspected it. There was no tree anywhere near the prison building...Everything was gray and desolate and his depression and his longing for death and at the same time fear of death and his own downfall increased more and more. Gustav was taken to the desolate, gray prison building by a prison guard and three men, then they went down a flight of stairs with him, then they walked down a dimly lit corridor that led to a large basement room containing several small prison cells. Gustav took it all as if through a fog It was completely unreal. Shortly afterwards they reached the large basement room, which contained at least ten prison cells. Most of the prison cells appeared to be empty at a glimpse. Then they went to a prison cell that was on the far left of the room. The jailer unlocked the door and then they led Gustav into the barred prison cell and locked the door, Gustav looked around nervously there. His prison cell was only about six square meters in size, containing only a closet, a lousy bed, a small desk and a small chair, a few books, a small table, a small chair - nothing else. He sat down on the chair. “I want a capable defense. A lawyer", Gustav said to the men who had led him into the cell. "Now you're here. We can't do anything more", said the prison guard. "I want a lawyer immediately. The verdict is not fair!" shouted Gustav. “contact the Prison Director. He’s coming tomorrow.” Gustav sat down on the chair and started crying. A short time later he got up, ran to the door, but it was locked by the prison guard with the gaunt, skull-like face. Gustav shook against the prison staff. “Let me out. Let me out. I'm innocent", he shoutedIt was a plea that wasn't heard. He looked into the dimly lit hallway There was no one to hear him. Because the prison guard with the gaunt face was suddenly gone. And also the three other men Gustav waited about two hours. He screamed and cried. Then finally someone came. When he looked closer, he knew: it was the jailer again A sense of hope briefly flickered within him. And but went out after the depressing conversation that followed. “Is this really a death sentence that awaits me? Or maybe I was drunk in the courtroom and I imagined everything?" Gustav asked. "Because I had just drunk a whiskey bourbon that I had in my bag." "You will be convicted. And you know what to expect", said the prison guard. "I'm challenging the verdict. I want a calling. A fair trial", Gustav complained. "That probably won't work anymore. If the judge and jury agree, the verdict applies. Only in the rarest of cases do we appeal", replied the prison guard. "Not all evidence has been evaluated. And...why exactly are I being accused? I don't understand", said Gustav. "I neither longed for nor caused the death of my son Martin", explained Gustav. “yes.” "Actually, I don't like guys like you. But I will be nice and address you respectfully. But without "Sir'", said Gustav. "You don't have to say sir to me. You can talk to me normally. I'll make an exception for you here", said the prison guard. "By the way, I'm Mr. John Travis." At that moment Gustav didn't care what his name was. “Okay, Travis. So again...I was wrongfully convicted,” Gustav said. "Your son Martin was standing at the motorway bridge. And you pushed him down. After an argument. Because he didn't perform as well as he wanted at school. That's what I heard", said Mr Travis. "He was my everything...my everything, you know?" Gustav tried to explain. "The relationship was tense. You had left him too.” “No....he had been taking drugs. He went to the highway bridge in the dark at night and bought drugs from a guy there. I couldn’t let that happen...there was an altercation...” "And then you pushed him down?" asked prison guard Travis. "No...it wasn't like that", Gustav replied. "The judge doesn't see it that way." Gustav was silent for a while. Then he said ": I had had two heart attacks. Doesn't that count? I lost control. I made mistakes there. It happened in battle. Because I wanted to take away the drugs that could have killed him.” "You could have explained this in more detail in court", said prison guard Travis. "I was scared. I was cornered...like a wild animal...I suddenly... hadn’t had the right words in my mouth anymore”, Gustav stammered. “Yes. right. I'm sorry. Run stupid.” “I want a lawyer. Because I don't have one yet. I would like to appeal. I challenge the verdict. The verdict is totally unjustified.” "The jury has to decide that", Travis replied calmly. "What a strange dish this is. Am I in Europe in the Middle Ages? 16th century?" Gustav asked. Strangely enough, Mr. Travis then said nothing. "I will not accept the verdict or regret my actions. I'll go on hunger strike - if justice doesn't happen and if I don't finally get a capable lawyer. Should a case have to go to the governor. Or Amnesty International...” said Gustav. “Yes. I'll talk to the prison warden.... He will visit you soon", replied Travis. “When’s food? I'm hungry", said Gustav. “Tonight. A few breads with cheese. Tea. Something to drink.” Then he left again. Gustav waited quite a while. Just three hours. Then the prison guard Travis came by with a tray of food and something to drink: an orange juice, three loaves of bread, cheese, sausage, some jam. The Travis unlocked a small window on his cell door. The man then pushed the tray of food and orange juice through the window, greedily Gustav grabbed the tray of food and drink. Then Travis closed the cell window. "If you want, I can bring some more tea." “no thanks. It's okay", replied Gustav. "Enjoy your meal", said prison guard Travis. “Thank you.” “please.” "All of this must be a mistake. I'm innocent", Gustav said again. "Everyone who comes in here says that." "There has to be another chance for me. A tiny little chance", said Gustav. “no. Now you'll stay here until the verdict is carried out", said Travis. Then Gustav sat down at the table with the food. “i am innocent. I want a lawyer", he shouted again. "I'm sorry. I can't do anything about it. You can talk to the prison warden. But that won’t do much good.” "I want to at least deal with something. I want to read books. To write. Because I have been writing for some time. So I need a pad, a pen, some books", Gustav made it clear to him. "I can get you a pad upstairs and some books. Someone wants to bring you something later too - that's what I heard", replied Travis. “Yes, see you then.” “i will.” Prison guard Travis left again. Gustav sat on the chair in his cell for a while. Then after a while he got up and looked into the prison hallway There was no one there. Gustav began to cry bitterly. Then the guard came back He had a white plastic bag in his right hand. He unlocked the door of the cell windows. Then he handed him the bag with the pen, the notepad and the books through the cell window, which Gustav then took. He thanked him for it Then prison guard Travis closed the window again He watched Gustav critically. Then Mr. Travis sat down on a chair at a table in front of the prison cell. There was all sorts of paperwork on the table Gustav started talking again in his cell. “When’s the game over? When will this be appealed? I finally want to have a lawyer", he said. "Don't you know what I said? That the chances in such a case are slim?" asked prison guard Travis. "But you have to try the best. At least try", said Gustav. “i will do my best. What else can I say?" “Ok. I guess I’ll have to be patient..” “Yes. And then there is news. You’ll get a cellmate.” "When?" "It's coming tomorrow", said prison guard Mr. Travis. Gustav changed the subject again. “are you saying...do I have any chance of a pardon? Have you ever witnessed what people like me who are waiting to die have been going through in the last few days, hours and minutes? Have you seen my hands shaking? I'm scared. Do you understand?" Gustav asked. “I can understand you. That's human. But...Your situation is pretty hopeless. Don't get your hopes up too high", prison guard Travis replied in a calm voice. "How many cases like me have already been pardoned?" Gustav asks. “How much? Out of a hundred, only three.” Gustav suddenly thought of his uncle Richard, who had died of cancer a few weeks ago and from whom he had only recently inherited his house. There were only three out of a hundred percent chances. He would only live here for a few days or weeks. Then he would be dead and end up in the cemetery. Nevertheless - that was his opinion - one should fight. And even if it were only three percent chances! Uncle Richard ended up dying of cancer, but at least he had struggled with his illness for a while and tried his best. “But there are those who are lucky. There are these opportunities. Even if it were only three percent chances. And I have the right to a lawyer", said Gustav. "I told you: Don't have any big illusions. This is rather hopeless.” Gustav took the notepad and the pen out of the bag that the prison guard Travis had given him, sat down in his chair at his small desk and - completely filled with fear and conflict inside - wrote down just a few notes in Kladde for a while: That, what he had experienced here and what was said in all conversations. And some arguments in his defense. After a while he got tired, turned off the bedside lamp light and lay down on his bed. He tried to sleep. But he couldn't sleep a wink. He kept thinking about his impending execution. And remembered that every minute that passed brought it closer to its end. And what a fear he had! Would he suffer if the time came? Would it happen quickly? Slowly? And then after the execution he would disappear from the scene - from the world - forever. It was all so absurd for him! And if they gave him the poison injection, his entire family, from whom he had become estranged, the prison staff, among others, would be there. What a disgraceful death on account of an unjust sentence he would suffer! And as badly as the death of his son Martin affected him, he kept reminding himself: He hadn't killed him! It was an accident. Gustav lay awake on his bed for a while and thought. He stayed awake for a few hours. Then - early in the morning - he heard footsteps. He looked from his bed to his prison door, there he saw through the bars how three men had grabbed a man and were taking him to the neighboring prison cell to see him on the left. One of the men was the prison guard Mr. Travis. He walked behind them with the keys to the prison cells and prison cell windows in his hand. After prison guard Travis unlocked the cell door of the neighboring cell, the three men took the man to the prison cell. Then one of them closed the door and Travis locked the door again. "I'm innocent", the cell neighbor also shouted. "But I'll be released soon. Waited it out.” “Let’s see. You're here until the execution", one of the men said to him. “Get ready. Food comes at 9 a.m.", prison guard Travis said to him and Gustav. Then the men left. First there is silence. Gustav was still lying in bed and didn't dare speak to the man - his new cell neighbor - next to him in the neighboring cell. And the new cell neighbor didn't seem to be particularly talkative either. About an hour passed and Gustav, who kept trying to sleep, still couldn't sleep. After a while he lost patience, got up, turned on the bedside lamp so that he could see better despite the dim morning light that fell into his cell through the small cell window (which gave a not very good view of the desolate courtyard), then sat down at the small table and began to write. Some thoughts and arguments that might be important for his defense. He was writing for about half an hour when his cellmate spoke to him. "Hey...how long have you been in here?" he asked Gustav. “me? I came here yesterday", Gustav replied. “Yes. And I am right now, "said the cellmate." Let's see how this turns out...", Gustav replied. "And what did you do, why are you here?" asked the cellmate. "Murder. And alleged other stuff... But ....that’s not true....a mistake happened there,” Gustav replied. The cellmate laughed. "Everyone says that", he said. "And what did you do?" Gustav asked. "I supposedly killed my wife. With a candlestick in the living room...She died instantly. But...it wasn't me", he said. "Really?" Gustav asked. “It wasn’t me. Another killed her and is framing me for the crime. And I want to prove that. And that’s only because I first found my wife dead on the floor in the living room, and accidentally touched the murder weapon...and now here I am.but I’m innocent!” he said persistently. “That’s bad. Then we're both sitting here innocently", said Gustav quickly. Although he believed that the cellmate was more to blame than he admitted at that moment. Because killing his wife and then claiming that someone else had committed the crime and that he was innocent sounded like an excuse to his ears. He probably didn't want to admit his guilt. Or was it different? And how was this investigated? Only the cell neighbor and those involved in the case knew all this. The fact was that it had been investigated and it had been concluded that he was guilty And so he was here now, waiting for his end. Since Gustav himself was in a difficult, even hopeless situation, he didn't care. “Yes. Exactly", the cell neighbor replied to Gustav's claim that they were innocent. "And the death penalty awaits us!" asked Gustav. “Yes. Injection of poison", said the cell neighbor. "In such situations, yes." “and are you scared...?” Gustav asked. “Of course. Nobody is so tough as to take it that way...but you have to go through it... I'm tough...I still have a trump card up my sleeve", said the cell neighbor. "Fact?" said Gustav. "I have a clever lawyer. It helps me get out of here. He'll get me out of here soon. The verdict is being challenged. There will then be an appeal and then I will be released", he explained. "Really?" “Yes. It will come out later that I won't be killing her, someone else will... My lawyer had also called me and told me that new evidence has now emerged that will exonerate me. They just have to all be on the table.” "That sounds good", Gustav replied. "And you?" asked the cellmate. "I don't have a lawyer....that's the big shit." “you’re really in a fix there.” “Yes. I have to think of something." said Gustav. “Then don’t think twice. Because that could mean the death sentence.” Then they were silent. And Gustav continued writing Then a man came with a trolley. The "food distributor", as Gustav later called it. He didn't know what his name was. There on the trolley were two trays with food (cheese sandwiches, an egg on each plate, two slices of sausage) and drink. The "food distributor" got a tray from the trolley, went to Gustav's cell, unlocked the cell window door and handed Gustav the tray with the food and drink through the window. (It just fit right through.) Then he closed the cell window again Then he went to the neighboring prison cell and unlocked the cell window there and handed the tray of food and drink through the cell door window to the cell neighbor And the cell neighbor took it. Gustav and the cell neighbor thanked him. "I would like to have more sausage next time", said the cell neighbor. "That will happen next time for once", the man in the food truck said to him. "And I hope we get out. A lawyer will visit me tomorrow", said the cell neighbor to him. “I understand that. The prison warden is coming straight away with a doctor", said the man with the food truck. Then he walked away. "Fucking shit. Now we're sitting here", said the cell neighbor. "Difficult situation", said Gustav. He noticed his hands shaking. "What's your actual name?" asked the cell neighbor. "Gustav." "Nice name. I'm Riley Miller.” "Pleasant", said Gustav. "I had only been put in another cell for 2 weeks - where I also had to deal with other prisoners. And then - after my death sentence was confirmed, I was moved here. My lawyer is trying to get me out of here", Riley said. "I understand", replied Gustav. "What do you do for a living?" Riley asked. “i’m a photographer. And partly a writer", replied Gustav. “That’s interesting....and what do you write like that?” “Just my memoirs. Diaries. what concerns me so much.” "There's a lot to write here. What you experience here, for example", said Riley. "Yes", replied Gustav. "We don't have much time. At least not you.” “neither of us.” "Who knows", said cell neighbor Riley. He seemed mysterious. "What is your job?" asked Gustav. "Plumber", Riley replied briefly. "You certainly don't earn badly there." “Yes. But sitting in the cell...is of no use to you either.” "That's right "But I won't be here long..." said Riley. "Oh yes?" Gustav asked curiously. “Yes. You’ll see it...” said Riley. “wait and see.” Then everyone in his cell sat on his chair and started eating. The two cheese sandwiches, the egg that each of them had on their plate. The cell neighbor Riley was - he casually reported a short time later - hungry and ate everything very quickly. And also quickly drank the orange juice. And Gustav also quickly ate his food and drank his orange juice. Then they heard voices. And again three men came and brought a man into one of the cells - from their point of view somewhere on the far left in this huge room. He was black. About 27 years old. His ancestors probably came from Africa. Then four other men ran past their cells with another prisoner and took him to one of the cells somewhere on the left. This was probably a middle-aged European. "But more and more prisoners are coming to this prison", Gustav remarked. "Yes... crimes have increased since Corona", explained Riley. “So...is that so? I think it stayed the same", said Gustav. “I hardly believe that. People don't have any money. Everything is getting more expensive", Riley corrected. “Yes...society is on the brink. Incompetent governments around the world...” “Hey...by the way...I’ll definitely get out of here.” "Yes?" "I sucked the guard's cock. And the lawyer. And one of the two prisoners who had walked past here. Because I was in a different cell before...One is a hot guy with a big c...They'll definitely get me out", Riley explained. “Oh, actually? You had a wife, so I thought...: "I'm bisexual. I've been oriented a little "differently" since the corona crisis. I used to be mainly interested in women. Today, since Corona, also for men", Riley replied. “Oh,..yes, good luck then. Not everyone is so lucky. You're lucky that you have a lawyer. That's what I mean", said Gustav. "And he'll get me out..." said Riley. Again they heard footsteps. Then they saw two men walking down the aisle. They came straight towards their cells. “I know who that is. The doctor. And the prison warden", Riley said. "Do you think so?" asked Gustav. Shortly afterwards the men - that was the doctor and the prison warden - stood in front of Gustav's cell. “Hello. You are Mr. Gustav Walters?" asked the middle-aged man with a mustache. "Yes", said Gustav. "I am Mr. Wilson, the prison warden. My job is to look after the prisoners. Greetings.” "Hello", Gustav simply said. Then the doctor, a small man with thinning gray hair, who was standing next to the prison warden, took the floor. “and I’m Dr. Stone.” Dr. Stone wanted to continue talking. But Gustav got nervous and interrupted him. "What do you want from me? Why are you here?" Gustav stammered. “Quite calmly. I want you to be well, that everything here is running smoothly", said the prison warden, Mr. Wilson. "I will die soon. I'll be executed....With the lethal injection. Know what that means to me? Do you know how I feel? I'm scared. My hands often tremble", Gustav pleaded. “I understand what you’re going through. We also have some cases like you waiting for the death penalty to be carried out. And yet we're trying to keep the prison population doing well these last few years...." explained Mr Wilson. “I appreciate your efforts. But... it's about my life. I didn't have a lawyer at the court hearing. I need a lawyer now. I want to get out of here", said Gustav. "Why didn't you have a lawyer?" asks Mr. Wilson. "I was convinced that I didn't need a lawyer and that I could defend myself. That was a big mistake I had grossly overestimated myself. I thought that none of this would develop like that", explained Gustav. "That went badly", Mr. Wilson simply said. "I need a lawyer now. The verdict must be appealed.” "The verdict is clear. An appeal is not possible.” “But you have to do something. You have to get a lawyer to get me out of here. That has to be possible through. You have to try", Gustav begged. "I'm a prison warden. That's not my job. Surely you will have visitors? One of her family can take care of it or some of her family members... ? A friend? But the verdict is set...there’s nothing more that can be done. I am sorry.” "But it must be possible to challenge the verdict!! That's absurd!! Crazy!!” shouted Gustav. "I already told you. There's nothing I can do about it", replied Mr. Wilson. "Why am I being executed? There are people who have done worse things than me. Who killed someone in cold blood!" shouted Gustav. “but you have, according to the court filing.” “no. Just not. My son fell off the highway bridge. Fallen! It was an accident.” "There's something else in the file", Dr. Stone into the conversation. "I don't care what it says. It's about the truth. And I didn't kill him. And didn't deserve the death sentence", Gustav replied. “i can’t do anything about that.” “Why me? Others are much worse and are released. And of all people, I get the death penalty? When it's not even clearly proven that I'm the murderer. Where is that fair?" asked Gustav. "People want to make an example of you. To deter potential criminals", tried Dr. Wilson to explain. "But that's crazy. That won’t do any good.” “That’s right. I'm not in favor of the death penalty either. Because in her case it doesn't really change anything in my opinion. Because what if an innocent person is accidentally executed? This can also happen. Believe me... I’m even sorry. Many support execution. And there are also some people out there protesting that you are to be executed. These are the opponents of the death penalty.” “Yes... just. That's a glimmer of hope There must be a possibility. Because I am innocent.” “i can’t change it. The file says you're guilty. And the verdict is clear. I am sorry.” They discussed back and forth for about ten more minutes But the prison warden, Mr. Wilson, stood firm. He couldn't and didn't want to do anything. Then Gustav turned to Dr. Stone. "And why are you here?" he asked Dr. Stone. "I am Dr. Stone. I'm the one who will give you the poison injection", he said. "That's nice", Gustav said cynically. “And how will that be? Agonizing?” "It won't hurt. You get a catheter in the veins. In both arms. And then the poison flows into the veins. In both arms to be safe", he explained. "So? To be on the safe side?” Gustav asked. “yes.” "Will it at least be quick?" "It will happen very quickly if they don't defend themselves. Because if you don't fight back, the poison works better, the more they fight back, the worse and more painful it gets. And it will take longer then and certainly be much more painful.” Gustav was silent for a while. Then he said, “: you know...that’s very hard to wait for to die like... Although the death of my son Martin was bad and I didn't want to live at times", said Gustav. "Do you think it's easy to lose a son?" “I don’t have a son. But I can imagine that", replied Dr. Stone. “They can’t. And then I am accused, sentenced to death and have to wait for execution. Do you know how hard it is? Because I have two more children who need me.” “who - I heard - don’t want to know much about you.” “oh...you know that? You know shit. My children need me. A father And not a mother who drinks alcohol all the time like my ex does. And always goes to discos. She's probably having affairs too...Do you think that’s okay?” "You can't prove that your ex has had affairs and also goes to discos. That shouldn't have been the case. That’s what I heard.” "Oh, you heard it? From whom?" Gustav asked angrily. Then Dr. Stone. “How do you know all this so well? They seem to know everything", said Gustav. “Mr. Walters. Please stop.” "My family hadn't treated me well either after the two heart attacks I had. The younger daughter - her name is Ginny and she is now 18 years old - laughed at me and called me a stupid loser, a good-for-nothing (even though I'm only 48 years old) who is of no use. Is this envy because I have an interesting job as a photographer and she is dissatisfied with her teaching? Even though she used to just chat and smoke and laze around at home all day during the corona crisis! I'm glad that she's now at least completing her apprenticeship as a hairdresser. Then there is my other son Tim. He's 20 years old today. He dropped out of school during the Corona period. Fortunately, he became interested in music very early on. Plays keyboard. And his older, older brother Martin - who was 21 when he died. He sang and played guitar. And at some point they both - Tim and he - played in different bands. At first I thought it was great or acceptable. But then they fell into bad company. Things were really bad during the corona crisis. While I had to work hard - because as a photographer I had lost all my photo assignments - the children, or rather young people, got more and more on the wrong track and they spent too much time in front of their laptops or cell phones. My children chatted with all sorts of guys", Gustav said. "And what kind of guys were those?" asked prison warden Mr. Wilson. Then Gustav explained in more detail what had happened. "Some guys came from the dark wave, gothic, death metal scene. Actually, I have nothing against guys like that. Everyone should do what they want. There are certainly people who are okay with this in terms of character. But some of them were really weird, they deal with dark magic. Spiritism and stuff. I don't want to say too much! Because you should stay away from it. Sally - I mean my wife - was mad about it! And me too! We did a "scene" at home! We really freaked out when we found out that two of my children - Tim and Martin - dealt drugs when they left the apartment and also used them. I told them to stay away from the drugs immediately. Me and my wife pointed out the dangers of drugs. After the first corona relaxations in May 2020, Tim and Ginny finally became more sensible. Ginny - as I said - then did an apprenticeship as a hairdresser. Tim apprenticed as a plumber And Martin apprenticed as a tiler At first I thought my family was going in a good direction. But that was a mistake. Only Tim and Ginny became a little more sensible But Martin? Tim completed his apprenticeship and stopped taking drugs. Ginny became more sensible and affable Only Martin developed disastrously. He took more and more drugs. He changed, he became aggressive, physically attacked me, for example punching me in the face. What had gotten into him? And he broke off his apprenticeshipI suffered terribly from it - and I got heart problems and ended up with two heart attacks in a rowI thought my children would be more considerate with me because of my health problems...Wrong. The relationship with my children was still not good. Martin in particular - as I said - was bad. We often had arguments about his drug problem. And he freaked out over every little thing. He left the apartment more and more often. Once Martin left the apartment, went to the highway bridge and bought drugs from a guy like that. I knew about it. I followed Martin to the highway bridge. I met him there. I asked him to stop taking drugs and give me the drugs he had bought from a guy there. This led to an argument. Martin hit me. Several times. Then, standing quite close to the railing, he suddenly lost his balance and fell down the highway bridge onto the edge of the highway. And I later got the blame and my wife Sally accused me of never loving him because it wasn't my biological son, but the son from her first marriage. Which of course wasn't true. Martin was my son too!” Dr. Stone interrupted him. "Then that wasn't her son at all?" he asked. "Yes." "But not your biological son?" “no. I wasn't Martin's biological father. Because his biological father William died of cancer at an early age. Right after his birth. And shortly after breaking up with Sally. But I tried to become his father when me and Sally later learned to love each other, then lived together and later got married.” "But you then became his father." “yes.” "Who really loved him?" “Yes. He was like my son. I loved him. He was my son.” "But somehow the relationship with her non-biological son wasn't that good?" “I loved him....but frankly, I was overwhelmed as a dad. I also had to work a lot. As a self-employed photographer. Especially during the corona crisis, when I lost my orders. Me and my ex had three children to support. It wasn't all easy. I tried. Tried to... take care of my kids. But it wasn't enough", said Gustav. While he was telling this, a film was playing in front of his eyes. And probably also with the prison warden and the doctor Dr. Stone. Even if the film in front of her eyes was a little different than Gustav's. Gustav had tears in his eyes. The prison warden, Mr Wilson, was little impressed. Gustav suspected what he was thinking. He was probably still convinced that he (Gustav) had murdered his son Martin. Only the motive was not entirely clear to the prison warden Mr Wilson thought very probably: presumably Martin's drug addiction, violent, aggressive, rebellious, cross-headed behaviour,...and his threats to him (the father Gustav) and his family had finally been the last straw and when Gustav W. had caught him again at the motorway bridge with drugs, he freaked out, also because Martin became more and more of a burden and threat to him and his family. Also in financial terms. Then there was an argument and a physical altercation and then Gustav simply pushed him - his non-biological son Martin, with whom he probably didn't have such a strong bond as his biological sons - off the Keystone Bridge motorway bridge and made it look like an accident. So he got rid of him and all the problems he had caused. And he could no longer threaten him and his family. What exactly the prison warden, Mr. Wilson, was really thinking remained unclear to Gustav The prison warden, Wilson - although he could also be partially understanding despite his strict nature and despite Gustav's efforts to convince him of his innocence through explanations - was unwilling to help him. Doctor Dr. Stone didn't do anything that was really helpful either, he just stood there in front of Gustav's cell and listened. He probably wasn't convinced of his innocence either! He saw everything wrong and one-sided in Gustav's eyes and did not realize here that there were two sides And a lot of errors in the process. And that the investigation was sloppy and wrong and the verdict was wrong and unfair Nevertheless, Gustav continued to talk in the hope of convincing him and the doctor Dr. Stone still to convince and change his mind. Because he had no other chance. "It wasn't enough. I just couldn't get it all together anymore. And in the end the relationship failed. And then the family", said Gustav. "That's tragic", said Mr. Wilson coolly. "I tried. But ... it wasn't enough. Like my other son Tim, Martin fell into the wrong company and started taking drugs. He was in contact with people from the dark scene. Dark guys. Darker than you can imagine. And they often hung out in cemeteries, often dressed all in black, wearing weird, black jewelry, amulets, some weird books Luckily, Tim soon changed. But Martin didn't change. That's why I often had arguments with him. And his mother with him too. We advised him to go to therapy so that he could get off drugs. But it didn't work. His drug addiction got worse and worse. And with his dark trip. And he became more and more aggressive The Pater "Father" Wyatt Warren of my Free Church, which I used to visit with my family from time to time, knew Martin. He once noticed Martin throwing a tantrum and insulting and insulting me. He said Martin was completely "off track". Obsessed. Under Satan's influence. I did what I could to help Martin. It didn't work. Then I had my first heart attack. As already mentioned. I thought my family would help me. But that was a mistake. The children continued to treat me badly. Once went out of the apartment for a walk. And then in the park I met Father Wyatt Warren again from my free church, which I had been looking for from time to time. He sat on the park bench. After a conversation about Martin, he said ": Watch out. Satan stole your family. He'll take your family away from you. Satan’s traps and attacks are not unknown to me.” At first I thought it was a "fake" or "joke" But he was right. After my first heart attack, I soon had my second heart attack, which was also due to the family stress. My family didn't help me in this situation again. Neither does my wife Sally. She didn't give a shit. And my children certainly didn't help me. The hardest part was with Martin. He not only used drugs, but also sold them. And he often insulted and threatened me. Also his brother Tim and sometimes his sister Ginny and his mother, but they still stuck by him. Forgive him again and again They also let too much go, trivialized his problems. Then the lockdown ended on 20.4.2020, there were the first relaxations and the shops were up again - even though clubs, restaurants, cinemas, leisure facilities,... were still closed. The children Ginny and Tim also became more normal - as I already mentioned. They learned their lessons and stopped taking drugs. They became more sensible There was only Martin, who was causing problems. I had two heart attacks because of him! Sorry for repeating myself and being so tense inside. But I'll tell you everything in more detail now Especially about Martin. One day I overheard a cell phone conversation Martin had with a guy like that. I found out it was a drug deal with a guy like that. Martin wanted to buy drugs - cocaine - from a guy and they wanted to meet on the highway bridge. He went there after the cell phone conversation. And I followed him secretly. After Martin bought the drugs from a guy on the highway bridge, the guy walked away. I spoke to Martin on the motorway bridge and advised him to stay away from the drugs. He hit me. I fought back. But he kept hitting me. Then he lost his balance ... and fell down the bridge It was bad. But it wasn't my fault. He was completely on drugs!” "Can you prove that it was like that?" ask Dr. Stone. “no. But it was... an accident. It happened just like I said.” “Mr. Walters. You committed murder, according to the record. This is a serious charge. And everything indicated that it was even a cold-blooded murder Proving otherwise will be difficult in this case. You won't be able to get out of this so quickly, Mr. Walters", said Mr. Wilson. “I didn’t kill him... Also ...Everyone makes mistakes sometimes!" said Gustav. "But the mistakes you made are too big. You have made too many and too big mistakes. And there were the other charges.” "And would they be? I want to hear it again", demanded Gustav. "You know them", said Dr. Stone. "But I want to hear them again!" "I'll explain that to you later. You know that very well. They neglected their family...” "And that's why the death sentence awaits me? Plus, I didn't neglect my family. I had to work a lot during the corona crisis. How many people when they are in a difficult situation...This Corona period was to blame", Gustav tried to explain. “You can talk however you want. But you are sentenced to death", said Mr. Wilson. "Do I really have no chance?" "No", said Dr. Stone. Then Gustav was silent for a while. Then he asked Dr. Stone": Will it happen quickly? Will my end, my death come quickly?” “Yes. This will happen quickly", replied Dr. Stone. Gustav was silent again for a moment. Then he said. "I'm nervous. My hands are shaking. Do you have anything that can calm me down?” "I can reassure you. I can give you some sedatives. And I can get them a priest...He will come", replied Dr. Stone. He took a box of pills out of his pocket and gave them to Gustav. Then he said": I hope these help you calm down. And then I will let the priest come.” "I don't need him", Gustav interjected as he put the pills in his pocket. “Let me finish....You can still decide what happens to your belongings that are in your cell", Mr. Wilson said. “In your eyes, I’m already out of the world.” “But no....You still have two weeks", said Dr. Stone. “I don’t have a lawyer. This waiting that seems like an eternity to me. A time of fear and going crazy. It's driving me crazy", Gustav replied. “Take advantage of the time you still have. Because you don't have much time left", said Mr. Wilson. "It was an accident! It was an accident!" Gustav asserted. "What's the point? This has all been resolved in court.” “I need a lawyer. Immediately!” cried Gustav. "There's nothing I can do for you anymore", said Mr. Wilson. "There's nothing I can do about it either..." said Dr. Stone calmly. “Why are you here? To tell me you're the one giving me the lethal injection?" he shouted at Dr. Stone on. “no. I was sent to you to examine you beforehand. And to calm down", said Dr. Stone cool. “i don’t need an investigation. That worked for me. I will die. Do you understand? What I need is a...Attorney.” "It's a shame you don't have a lawyer. Really a shame. That's not good", said Mr. Wilson. "Can you get me a lawyer?" Gustav asked. “I can’t...even if that’s what I wanted. That doesn't fall within my scope. Besides, the verdict has already been pronounced.” "But that was a mistake. That was a mistake that I want to correct. I need a lawyer", Gustav begged. “Mr. Walters. They often repeat themselves. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do for you", said the prison warden, Mr. Wilson. "Unfortunately neither do I", said Dr. Stone. “I have to go now. The priest is coming soon. He will encourage you", said Mr. Wilson. “yes.” Then the doctor and the prison warden went to the cell neighbor. "Mr. Miller?" asked Dr. Stone. "Yes?" replied cellmate Riley. "I'm here to let you know that I'm the one giving you the lethal injection and you can also think about what you're doing with your things", said Dr. Stone calmly. “I know. I heard that", Riley replied. He seemed composed. "Then there will be another examination", said Dr. Stone. "I know all that", replied Riley. "You have a defense though?" asked the prison warden, Mr. Wilson. “Yes. I have a defense", Riley replied. "Then that's good. I have to go to work now. I'll be back later...” said Mr Wilson. Then the doctor Dr. Stone and the prison warden Wilson left. "That's real shit", said Gustav. “Yes...man doesn’t have much time.. You don't have much time", said Riley. "It's crap. It's real crap!" Gustav shouted. "My lawyer is coming over", Riley said coolly. "When? Tomorrow?" Gustav asked. “Yes. Morning. He'll get me out of here. Absolutely", he said. “it’s nice of him to get you out of here.” “However.” “Maybe...can he do something for me too? Just ask him if there's anything he can do for me." "That's what I was just about to suggest. I can ask my lawyer if he can do something for you. Maybe he can get you out of here.” "Are there any chances?" asked Gustav. “Yes. For me there are opportunities. I’m just a clever guy.” "And for me? Are there no chances for me?" asked Gustav. "Yes....But they are small. You have...Made too many mistakes. Besides, you need to know....Only the clever get anywhere in this world today.” “oh, that’s how it is.” Riley had a lot of methods or cards that he played and that's why he kept going. That's just how it is in today's world, thought Gustav. “yes.” “I have an idea....I’ll write down my story...like everything that happened up until the accident - it wasn’t anything else - and then I’ll give this to your lawyer. Maybe that will convince him of my innocence and he can do something", said Gustav. "You have to try that. My lawyer definitely has a good idea", said Riley. “I hope so. Thanks for wanting to help me.” They talked about their situation for quite a while. Then they heard footsteps. They looked into the hallway from their cells. There they saw a man in a suit with a bag in one hand and the Bible in the other. Was it the priest? This man then went to Gustav's cell. "I am the preacher Henry Bateman. Just call me Bateman. I represent priest Burt Snyder, who is currently seriously ill with Corona", said preacher Bateman. "Corona is bad", said Gustav. "I know a lot of people who have had a hard time. Some - who I know-died from it too.” “Yes. I'm here to read something in the Bible with you for encouragement", Bateman said. “yes.” "As you know, you have been convicted and face the death penalty. A lethal injection, “Bateman continued.” “Yes...” Gustav replied. “Father...how do I get out of jail?! Out of the situation? Any chance for me?” “Through a good lawyer. Otherwise you have to pray", said Bateman. "I don't have a lawyer", Gustav replied. "That's your bad luck. I can give you some assistance. And pray with you. I can do no more for you.” “Father...” “preacher...just call me preacher Bateman.” "Preacher Bateman. Do I have another chance?” "They showed no real remorse. That's what I heard. God can't approve of that", he said. "Yes", said Gustav. “i really regret it...that with my son, Martin...it was an accident...” Gustav tried to explain in short sentences what had happened. "How do I get out of here? I'm dying soon... I have to get out of here...” "We're all on death row. We all have to die. Those outside the cell are too... We are all sinners and must die. For the reward that sin pays is death. And whoever survives or is resurrected after death is decided by God. Jehovah God", Bateman explained. “if I get out of here...it’d be a miracle.” “the time for miracles is over today.” “That may be...but...I need a lawyer. And he'll get me out of here", said Gustav. “yes.” "I screwed everything up. With my family...I did my part to break up my family. But I didn't kill my son Martin. My son Martin took drugs for a long time and also dealt with them. He had contact with people from the death metal, dark wave or gothic scenes. They even hung out in cemeteries and sometimes dressed in black. The pastor or priest "Father" Warren of my free church, which I had visited from time to time, said that they were Satanists. That’s how far he went to say this.” “Goodness. Keep telling.” "When my eldest son Martin had just bought drugs on the motorway bridge, I wanted to take them away from him. A fight broke out. He hit me. He lost his balance while standing close to the railing. He fell over the railing and braced himself from the highway bridge. And then he was dead. And I was blamed!" Gustav shouted. "Then tell me everything", Bateman asked him. Then Gustav also told him exactly what had happened at that time from his point of view Briefly about his childhood, then about his marriage to Sally. Then about their children Ginny, Tim and Martin. And how they had lost their children (who were now teenagers) to drugs. And how their children - especially in the Coronalockdown - had contact with young people, some of whom were older, from the gothic and death metal scene...And then how Martin's bridge fell. “This is a sad story. Very moving", said preacher Bateman. "That's her. But I didn't kill Martin. It was the drugs that killed him.” The preacher Bateman looked at Gustav urgently. Then he asked him ": Do you believe in evil?" “What do you mean? The evil in people?" Gustav asked. “Not the evil in man. The evil!” “i’m afraid I can’t follow you.” Then Bateman opened the Bible. When he found the right side, he showed it to Gustav. "Here is the Bible text. John 3 verse 15. read aloud.” Then the preacher handed Gustav the opened Bible with the marked passage John 3 verse 15 through the cell festival Gustav accepted the Bible and read the text aloud ": Whoever hates his brother is a murderer; and you know that a murderer does not have eternal life abiding with him" "Good", Bateman said. "Yes and?" "Then there is 2 Corinthians 11:14. Read that.” Gustav opened the passage (which took a while because he couldn't quickly get to grips with the Bible) and read it out loud": And that's no wonder; because he himself, Satan, is becoming an angel of light." “yes.” "And what does that mean to me?" asked Gustav. "That the devil called Satan stole your family", Bateman replied. Gustav was amazed. “What? The devil? That's absurd. I don't believe in the devil", said Gustav. "Many people don't do that. Do you believe in a resurrection? To eternal life?" Gustav thought. Then he said ": I don't know what else to believe. The world is crazy today. And my life is crazy.” "These are critical times that are difficult to cope with. 2 Timothy 3: 1-5 says: But this is what you should know: In the last days there will be critical times that will be difficult to cope with. Because people will love themselves and money, they will be boastful and arrogant, gossip about God and people, not listen to their parents, be ungrateful and not loyal. They will be unloving, unwilling to compromise, slanderous, uncontrolled and brutal and will not love the good", Bateman said. “This is the time we live in today.” “Just want to get out of here. And avoid the death sentence", said Gustav. "Is there a chance for me?" "All those who are in the memorial tombs will come out - that's what it says here in a Bible verse." “Yes. Good. You encouraged me there. But the devil or Satan really has my family....?” “Yes. In the last few days the families are falling apart. Famines, plagues, wars,.... These are all signs of today. This is end times.” "Hmm", said Gustav. He thought. "Then you understand who robbed her family...?" Bateman asked. "I sometimes felt such a power of evil when Martin took home such amulets and dark CDs from his dark metal teenagers", said Gustav. "It should all have been burned quickly. This is all satanic, demonic in influence.” "Now I understand. Satan stole my family. Corona and Satan stole my family.” “Yes. It's all in the Bible. You can read them. I give it to you And I pray for you", Bateman said. Then Gustav found some Bible texts in the Bible, which he read aloud": 'Watch, do righteous fruit of repentance!', it says in the Bible. And Luke 13:15 says: 'I say: No; but if you do not improve, you will all perish like this." "You had to study the Bible carefully", Bateman said. "I will", replied Gustav. "I wish you good luck", replied the preacher Bateman. “Thank you.” While Gustav continued to read the Bible, the preacher Bateman went to the neighboring prison cell where Riley was sitting. "Mr. Miller..." said Bateman. “Right. Riley Miller.” “you know why I’m here? To provide assistance.” "Yes", Riley replied. "You too have been convicted and death awaits you", said Bateman. “Yes...but I have a lawyer. He'll get me out of here", Riley replied. “then you’re in luck.” They talked for a while. The preacher Bateman took out another Bible from his pocket and read him some encouraging Bible verses, after which he put his Bible back in his pocket and briefly wished Riley and Gustav good luck. Then he went away. Then there was silence. After about ten minutes, Riley said to Gustav. "Did the conversation with the preacher do you any good?" Riley asked. "Yes", said Gustav. “i’m encouraged.” "My lawyer is coming here tomorrow", Riley said. “Really? Then I have to quickly write down my whole story - the truth and give it to him", said Gustav. "Then write your text. But do it quickly...Because you don't have much time. The hourglass is running", Riley replied. “I will. Fast.” "I would like to continue talking. But I'm tired. So I go to bed. I wish you every success with your writing...I wish you all the best", said Riley. Then Riley lay down in his bed in his cell and fell asleep shortly afterwards. Gustav sat in his chair in his prison cell for a while and had various worried thoughts and fears. He opened the Bible that he had received from the preacher Bateman. For example, he read 2 Corinthians 11:3 ": But I fear that not, as the serpent seduced Eve with his mischief, so your senses will also be driven mad by the simplicity in Christ" Yes, Satan stole my family from me, he turned my family against me, they accuse me, want to destroy me, destroy me, it spat around in Gustav's head. The enemies are sometimes their own household members - that's what the Bible says. He also read various Bible texts. Then he put the Bible away on the cupboard. He then grabbed his pen and his notepad that he had previously placed on the cupboard, went to the table with them and placed it there in front of him. And then he started writing his story for his lawyer. In which everything would be put right! The whole truth! With emotions! He also wrote down how he grew up He wrote about his family, about the accident, how he had been accused, how the trial had come about, and how he had gotten into the prison cell.... Gustav wrote the following text: I, Gustav, was born on March 30, 3, 1974 in Montgomery (Westgate), Alabama. My mother Helen was a seamstress. My father Hubert worked for the elevated railway. We lived in a small three-bedroom apartment in Montgomery on Carlson Road. My mother Helen - I mean my biological mother - died when I was two years old. I remember she hugged me as a baby. At least I believe that. I remember: she really loved me. I don't know any more I can't remember it. After all, I was a baby when she died. Then my father met a new woman named Betsy called "Betty". She was a nurse My father was infatuated with her. Because she was pretty. Betty wanted to score points with beauty. She moved in with us quickly. And then I had a stepmother named Betty. At first father and she were happy. They were very much in love with each other However, Betty's negative behaviors soon began to make themselves felt She neglected me early on. Always often went out to parties or supposedly met up with friends. I always had to stay home alone. When I was alone screaming (for example, because I was hungry), she wasn't there. When I was sick, she wasn't there either. Once I almost died of fever because she wasn't there She didn't want me. She often hit me. Whenever she was angry and I didn't function the way she wanted, she took out her anger on me and hit me. My father once asked me what was wrong with me. Why I was so depressed and calm I lied to my father at the time and said everything was fine. I was just afraid that my foster mother would be angry and affect me again. Then my performance in elementary school deteriorated. I brought home middle grades (for example C and D), which made mother and father angry. And then I got my first bad grades in my class tests. And I completely failed a class test. Which was because of all the problems I had at home. And because that's why I was often unfocused And I wasn't loved either. As my school grades got worse and worse, mother-in-law Betty hit me again. She insulted me. She humiliated me, she called me, for example, stupid dog, idiot. I then got tutoring. And my grades got a little better. I even sometimes had A (very good) and B (good) grades. Even later in middle school. And I thought that my domestic situation would improve. But the situation did not improve. Then my parents were arguing more and more too, the reason being that Betty was becoming more and more stressed out about being a nurse and she wanted another, better job. And was also unhappy with their marriage And my father, the teacher, had more and more problems with his students at the school where he taught. And Betty got on his nerves more and more with her bad mood and her nagging, so that he became more and more dissatisfied, irritable and unpredictable and longed more and more for another woman. He also drank more and more - out of frustration. And also started to complain more and more - like my stepmother Betty. They argued more and more often and later slept in separate rooms. Then he stayed away from home more and more often and I was often home alone with my bad-tempered stepmother. Nobody knew why it was. And when Father came back, he was often drunk. It wasn't until later that it came out that he was having an affair and that's why Betty didn't want to anymore. Also because Betty became more and more aggressive and spread a bad mood. He didn't want to and couldn't continue living with her anymore. Then one day there was a heated argument between them and they fought. Afterwards he had to move out of the bedroom completely and sleep on a lounger in the guest room. And then their relationship was broken. And they decided to separate. All the chaos left its mark on me too. I learned less and less for school, I stayed away from home more and more often and found myself in bad company. I joined a clique in the class who were thugs. They were extremely aggressive. And they were known for their violent behavior. We also often secretly drank alcohol during class breaks and we smoked a joint every now and then after school. I also came home drunk once. My mother-in-law Betty yelled at me again. She hit me. But then I suddenly hit back violently. Then there was contact between us forever! And - because I was no longer afraid of her, but she was now afraid of me and because her relationship with my father was broken - she voluntarily moved out of our apartment. Eventually father and Betty divorced. Finally! And she shunned me from the day I hit her in the face because of her past failings and wrongdoings. Only the last time I saw her alive - she had apologized to me for her past bad behavior. At least something, I thought. And I also apologized for fighting back too hard in the end and also fighting back too hard. That's how I came to terms with her to some extent. And also with myself After that I never saw her again Which was also good Betty later - as I learned from father - had a new relationship with a foreign trade merchant named Giles Watson. After the divorce, I lived with my father Hubert. We got along quite a bit. I trained as a photographer in Montgomery. When I earned my first money, I moved out and from then on lived in Old Sutherdale, another district in Montgomery, Alabama. I soon met my partner Anne Lawson. We moved in together and lived in my apartment in Old Sutherdale. But since things didn't work out between us, we broke up again She moved back in with her mother and I stayed in my apartment. During this time I started drinking - also out of frustration - like my father used to. But only for a while. During this time I heard that Betty's relationship with the foreign trade merchant Giles Watson had now failed and that she had committed suicide. (She had been taking pills). She had written a farewell letter that she had sent to father Hubert. That was a day before her death In this suicide note, she wrote that her relationship with her new husband, Giles, was a mistakeHe was a bad person: he was aggressive, cold and ruthless, and drank too much alcohol. She realized that there was "not a good fit" between them - due to their different views on life, future plans and hobbies - and that she had still quietly and secretly loved my father Hubert despite the hasty divorce and she regretted it again that in the past she had been so mean and cruel to me and in the end also to my father Hubert - and with it the marriage - had destroyed the entire family. She had an explanation for her behavior: Something had often gotten into her at the time...and that may have been an explanation of why she acted that way - which had led to the destruction of our family. Maybe it was something else. Those were her last words, which she put on paper. That was a strange letter, I thought at the time. This letter made me very thoughtful. She was probably suffering from a mental illness, I thought. A psychosis? Or did she suffer from borderline syndrome? Nobody knew what it was She also didn't have enough doctors or psychiatrists examined, so nothing precise was known about her mental state. Or it was something else. I was on the phone with my uncle Richard one day and I also talked about Betty's death, about her nature and what exactly had happened in our family Also about my own problems and Betty's strange letter. My Uncle Richard advised me to go to a church. I might get answers to my questions there. And then I did that. I first attended the Catholic church in Woodland Hills (not far from Old Sutherdale). Later I had contact with a friend who visited the Free Church near me. He advised me to visit the Free Church in Old Sutherdale. I did that too. Although not very regularly. I met a lot of nice churchgoers with whom I got along well. And I stopped drinking. Then I had my life somewhat under control again. Then I met my second wife, Sally Carter. Like me, she also had a failed marriage. And her ex-husband Wesley died shortly after after the divorce. Sally had one child from her first marriage - a son named Martin Wesley-Carter. Sally and I fell in love and moved - with her son - into a new apartment in Old Sutherdale at number 21 Yello Trees Road. I told her about the free church I visited there from time to time (although I didn't understand much of what was preached at the time). I convinced her and we (Sally, Martin and I) then visited the Free Church in Old Sutherdale together. We got along very well with Pater "Father" Wyatt Warren. And we soon got married there in church. Sally brought Martin into the marriage, who from then on was called Martin Walters-Carter. Our marriage went well at first. It was an ideal world. Because back then we still visited the Free Church regularly. Then at some point they no longer felt like attending church. At first we didn't go much and then we hardly went to church at all. We gradually became more and more distracted by life's everyday family responsibilities and materialism and worries. And there was already a slight deterioration in our relationship. Old negative habits, such as argumentative addiction, came to the fore again. Martin was still an excellent son at this time. Martin was like a son of his own to me. He was my son. And me and Sally had two more children: Tim and Ginny. So we had a total of three children: Tim, Martin and Ginny. They got along well. Even though Martin was a little jealous of Ginny and Tim as they got more attention from me and his mother at times as they were the youngest children. Ginny did a lot of crafting and drawing. And Martin and Tim were interested in music. Martin played guitar and sang while Tim played keyboards. At first they hung out with some quieter punks and also played in student punk bands. We didn't say anything against that because a lot of people played in punk bands. We initially found that positive. Then they gradually fell into questionable company. Because now there were some in her circle of friends and acquaintances who were "weirder" to the highest degree and also - as it turned out more and more - took drugs. Then came Corona and then the first lockdown in March 2020. The stores, schools, churches, movie theaters, restaurants, bars, gym, leisure facilities, discos,... closed. Many lost their jobs or had to work from home at home. Only the supermarkets, doctor's offices and pharmacies were open. Tim, Martin and Ginny had grown into teenagers at this time. They couldn't go to school in lockdown. And I lost all my photo assignments during the Corona period. This led to tension between me and Sally. She asked me what would happen next with Corona (Covid-19)? When would there finally be a cure for Corona? What would our lives look like in the future? But I didn't know the answer. Nobody knew that at that time. We argued more and more often. She became hysterical several times because she feared that the entire family would go bankrupt and fall apart because of the corona crisis. Or they would all die of a corona infection. I advised her to go to a psychologist. She didn't. I certainly often had the idea of going to the Free Church with the entire family, which could help us deal with our problems, but the churches were all closed because of Corona. Sally didn't like my suggestions and thoughts for some reason. I would be stuffy and unimaginative in her eyes. Once she even hit me in the face during an argument. Because I had hardly any orders and hardly any money, I worked harder than normal in lockdown (I spent most of my time looking for work and orders). I saw no other option. Because I had to support my family. My family was left out. The children were often left unattended. And since they couldn't go to school due to the lockdown and school closures, classes only took place at home in our apartment via zoom in the computer or they were canceled completely! Instead, while I was desperately trying to find jobs, they sat in front of their laptops or cell phones that I had once bought them. Often unattended all day. They chatted with different people. And also - as I and my partner Sally later found out - with people from the dark wave, death metal or gothic scene. (To this day it is a mystery to me where these figures or people came from.) And with some drug users and drug dealers. Really bad contacts. And since I couldn't give you any pocket money during the lockdown period due to lack of money, the school was closed and they were sitting in their rooms in front of their cell phones the whole time and becoming more and more dissatisfied, they went out and secretly did some nonsense outside. I advised you to keep your distance from other people because of Corona and to wear a mask when you go for a walk to avoid a Corona infection. They promised me they would do it that way. And I thought they would stick to our agreements. Then they went away more often. And often stayed away for long! So long that we (me and my wife Sally) gradually became restless. And when my children Tim and Martin had a phone call with a strange man one day during lockdown and me and my wife overheard it and they left the apartment shortly afterwards, we became suspicious. I first asked Ginny if she knew anything. But she supposedly knew nothing (I thought that was a lie because I suspected that with what was going on back then - whatever that was - she knew exactly what was going on and was in cahoots with her brothers, but I couldn't prove it to her at the time). She later left the apartment too - supposedly for a walk. I talked about it briefly with my wife and then decided to get to the bottom of the matter. And so I left the apartment and looked out on the streets for my three children, who were deserted because of the coronal lockdown (apart from very few people who went outside to go shopping or for a short walk.) And after walking through the empty streets and searching in vain for my children for a long time, I suddenly saw my sons Tim and Martin in the distance. They stood in the corner of a house next to two men who had two bags in their hands. I saw Martin give money to the one man in the black jacket and he received a small package in return. Then the two dealers disappeared around the next corner of the house. Tim and Martin stood at the corner of the house for a short while and looked at the package they had bought. Before they noticed me, I quickly ran away towards home. I came to the following conclusion - even though I didn't know the details: They bought drugs and resold them at a higher price! And earned money illegally! And Ginny most likely knew about it. But she was silent. I was walking thoughtfully down Charley Road when a police car appeared on the street behind me. He drove towards me from behind and stopped next to me as I walked the footpath towards my apartment. I pretended not to notice the police car and didn't know why the car was driving down the streets. The police officer sitting on the passenger rolled down the window and spoke to me": Hey, you! We want to ask you something. Did you see the four men walking along here?" he asked. "No, I don't know anything", I lied. "You really didn't see anything?" “no. Nothing.” "There were four men on Chelsea Road. They did illegal drug deals. Someone had observed this and someone called the police.” “sorry, I didn’t see anything. I do not know about anything.” “can you show me your ID?” “yes.” Then I took my ID card out of my wallet and gave it to the police officers. He took out a pad and pen from a car drawer, looked closely at my ID card and wrote my name and address on the pad and gave me the ID card back. "Can I go now?" I asked. "They're walking around here. You should have actually seen something. It would be nice if you could tell us something", said the policeman. "I don't know anything. I didn't see anyone. I’m having health issues at the moment.... and I wasn’t looking closely at the environment there.” "What problems do you have?" asked the police officer. "I think....I and my partner, who is at home, have Corona", I replied in a painful voice. The police officer in the passenger seat wanted to say something else. But the other police officer at the wheel said": Leave him. Let's move on quickly. It is good.” He probably thought that I really had Corona and he was suddenly afraid of infection. I realized that he didn't want anything to do with me anymore. It was my good fortune that it happened that way The colleague in the passenger seat, to whom I had shown my identity card, left me alone, quickly rolled up the window on his side and the police van continued, And then I went home. When I got home, Tim, Martin and Ginny were already there. Mother Sally had now found the drug packages in her room and demonstratively - so I could see it - placed them on the living room table. And she now knew what was going on too She seemed shocked. I told you what I had observed and got straight to the point. I gave a huge speech in front of my children. I screamed so loudly that the neighbors thought the house was going to collapse. Just by being lucky, no one called the police! I didn't use the word drugs - even though I was angry. Because the neighbors shouldn't find out about it. I still had the presence of mind in this difficult situation. I screamed": Are you crazy to buy such dangerous stuff, sell it on and consume it too!!!?" They didn't say anything at first. Were shocked by my reaction, which was not unjustified! After all, what they were doing was life-threatening stuff and their lives, their entire existence was at stake. And possibly or very likely the lives of others when these drugs are resold! And me and my wife could be dragged into this. So I said to them, ": Do you want to die of drugs? Do you want to take us to prison?" "I have nothing to do with it. It was your idea", Ginny said to Tim and Martin. “Shut up! Or I'll kill you! You're just as involved! And you, father, didn't take care of us and hardly gave us any money!" Martin shouted. "Get the drug stuff out of the house immediately!" I shouted. Then my collar burst. I picked up some bags of the fabric (probably cocaine) that were lying on the living room table, I went to the toilet with them, quickly tore open the bags and poured the stuff into the toilet. And flushed the stuff down Then Martin came running into the toilet with me. And he saw that I had thrown the stuff in the toilet and washed it away. “What do you do? That's my source of income! "he shoutedHe stood in front of me with reddened-looking eyes. They seemed horribly demonic. At that moment I knew: he was on drugs and I couldn't get through to him anymore. "This stuff belongs in the toilet!" I shouted. "No", he shouted. Then he hit me hard in the face. I fell right next to the toilet bowl. Suddenly I felt a pain in my heart. Everything just looked blurry. “my heart...” I screamed. Tim and Sally immediately rushed to our bathroom. "What are you doing", Tim shouted to Martin. "My heart...I'm dying", I said, gasping for air. "Father", Tim shouted. Then he bent down to me and did mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, did heart massage (which he had once learned in the first aid course before his driving test). This once he helped me!! And Sally also helped (which was later no longer the case). "Call a doctor", Tim said to his mother Sally. Then Sally went into the living room, grabbed her cell phone that was on the living room table and she dialed the emergency number. Shortly afterwards an ambulance arrived. I was placed on a stretcher by the paramedics who came into our apartment and carried out of the apartment, then out of the apartment building and a little later transported into the ambulance. Then they took me to a hospital. There they examined me and it turned out that I had a heart attack. Then I got my first operation. I stayed in the hospital for several weeks until my condition was stable I was later taken home. At home I tried to recover after my last heart operation. I thought my children would change. That our family circumstances would improve. But that was a mistake. My children Tim and Ginny finished school and began their professional training (teaching). But they were still often mean to me and often wanted money that I didn't have. I tried to be a good father. But I failed. My children's characters went astray. Especially my eldest son Martin. He fell into the wrong company and started taking harder drugs. He had been in contact with crass people from the dark wave, death metal and gothic scenes. Dark guys. So dark that you couldn't imagine it. (Although I don't want to say that everyone in the dark wave, gothic and death metal scene are questionable people, there are also many who are humanly okay or are good friends for some people and also interesting art or make music. You have to be tolerant. But these people that my kids Tim and Martin hang out with were NOT OK. These were drug addicts, dark, aggressive, maladjusted, hateful, violent people with very evil traits.) Sometimes they would hang out in cemeteries too...They didn't tell me what they were doing. They were sometimes dressed entirely in black. That often seemed strange to me I talked to Tim. He stopped taking drugs shortly afterwards. And he got a little nicer And Ginny, who had nothing to do with drugs, also changed for the better by becoming a little nicer to me. Even though they were still really mean to me sometimes! But her brother Martin was a complete disaster. That's why I often had arguments with him. And his mother with him too. We advised him to go to therapy so that he could get off drugs etc. But it didn't work. His drug addiction got worse and worse. And he was getting more and more aggressive My Wyatt Warren, who experienced him once, told me he was completely insane. Obsessed. Possessed by Satan. Even though I did what I could to help him. Pastor Warren said to me after I told him about my children's desires": Watch out. Satan will steal your family at some point. He will take your family away from you, destroy you "I thought it was a fake or joke. Only later did I realize: he was right. What I found worst was that Martin not only used drugs, but also sold them. Then the lockdown ended on 20.4.2020, the first relaxations took place and the shops reopened - even if restaurants, clubs, discos, leisure facilities and cinemas were still closed. The kids got a little more normal there too Tim was still apprenticing as a plumber and Ginny was still making her teachers hairdressers. They stopped taking drugs and became more sensible There was only Martin, who was still causing problems. On May 23, 2020, I was so annoyed with Martin that I had my second heart attackI was in the hospital for 14 days. Then I came home again. Despite my health problems, I continued to strive to care for and educate the children. That wasn't easy! Especially since we were plagued by money worries because I had lost all my orders during the Corona period and had to work much more than usual. While Tim and Ginny improved by continuing to teach and becoming nicer to me, Martin was still a complete disaster! He continued to deal drugs and take drugs! And he had even stolen his mother Sally's rings by now! And he was mean and aggressive. I tried to talk to him. But it didn't help. And I knew: I had failed as a father. Then one day I had enough I secretly overheard a conversation in the apartment that Martin was having with a guy on his cell phone. I found out by chance that he wanted to meet a guy like that on the highway bridge that evening. I didn't know exactly what the conversation was about. But I suspected he wanted to buy drugs from this guy. Then he left the apartment in the evening (when it was already dark outside) and ran to the motorway bridge. (I had already told some people verbally several times that this had happened and I can only repeat myself again). I followed him discreetly. And then I saw him at the highway bridge. He was standing there with this bag of drugs in his hand. He had bought these from a guy he met on the bridge. I saw this guy who had sold him the drugs just walk away and leave the bridge. I called after him a little But he disappeared without turning around. Then I said to Martin ": Put the stuff away. These are drugs. Best give me this stuff.” He just looked at me aggressively and angrily with a demonic look. He didn't think about giving me the drugs. As I got closer, I saw he was completely high Totally on drug! He looked confused too. As if he were in a strange world. "Don't come any closer. Otherwise I'll kill you", Martin called out to me. “Put that away. Or give me that stuff. Drugs are always wrong. This will kill you sooner or later", I said to Martin. He laughed crazy. “hahahaha. So what? Is that so important?” “You matter. Don't talk crap. Give me this stuff. Or I'll take it away from you!" I shouted authoritarianly. "What do you want? Don't interfere in my life", Martin shouted back. I walked up to him and wanted to take away the bag full of drugs he was holding in his right hand. Then he hit me in the face. I lost my balance and almost fell to the ground. Then I became aggressive. I hit back. Then he hit back again. And I go back again. Then I tore away his bag full of drugs. And I struck again and he fell to the ground. I was standing at the bridge railing, behind and below me was the road that a car would occasionally speed past. Martin became angry, sat up, bared his teeth and clenched his fists. He looked profoundly evil. It wasn't the Martin I knew from before. Then he ran towards me and hit me and tried to push me down the bridge - I was sure of that! I knew at that moment: it was about my life. As he stood close to the railing and hit me, I quickly took cover and he hit air. Then he lost his balance. He fell over the railing from the bridge. He slapped the street and died instantly. A large pool of blood formed on his head on the street. I will never forget that horrified face I saw and that sound of impact! It will be my fate that I will not forget this! And then everything was over. For him. But also for me. A passer-by happened to see - even though it was so dark outside - how we had fought with each other on the motorway bridge. Although he hadn't seen anything specific, he later stiffly claimed to the police that he had clearly SEEN that it was me who had pushed him down! And since - after he fell down - I intuitively and rashly picked up his bag of DRUGS for a moment, I made a mistake For the passerby saw me holding the bag. Only then did I walk from the motorway bridge to Martin, who was lying on the asphalt at the edge of the motorway, and give first aid... I quickly came under suspicion of having killed my son Martin. My whole family was against me. They called me murderer, criminal. "YOU killed him. It wasn't just my son, but your son! You didn't get it! IT WAS YOUR SON TOO You killed him! "My wife Sally shouted at me. “you never accepted him as your son.” "That's not true. You're talking nonsense. I just wanted to take the drugs away from him!" I tried to defend myself. “Get Out of My Apartment. Otherwise I'll call the police", she shouted. Then everything happened very quickly. I was arrested, convicted and sent to prison. And now I’m sitting here in the detention center.” I have to conclude by saying this: I have to think about what Father Warren said. He said the children had bad company and that Satan would divide our family. For Satan rejoices when families are destroyed and the earth will be destroyed more and more. "Satan wants the whole earth burned best!" he said. I remember that clearly now! The priest advised me and my wife to reprimand the children with leniency. And if it didn't help, I should take tougher action, for example cutting pocket money and being held in the house. And also more to visit the church. I also have to admit that we haven't been able to visit the Free Church for a while since the Corona crisis because the churches were closed because of Corona. And because I had to work a lot during the Corona period so that we would NOT GO BANKRUPT because of Corona. (This is also from Satan: Due to the pressure and hardship that bad times bring with them, people only work until they drop and think about making money and forget about God and the family in the process! Satan wants us to live a primitive, godless life! It's best to just get up, work as an exploitable, anonymous, faceless no-name work - bee or ant - preferably somewhere on the assembly line, then the workers would come home exhausted, for example, looking forward to the woman they would meet briefly in bed in the evening can please, then they can eat, shit and then go to sleep and the next day it all starts all over again...and on and on until the end of their lives - until somewhere meaningless and faceless they disappear into the grave.) Unfortunately, I worked way too much - which in retrospect was wrong! But after later consideration, I said to myself: What should I have done? I had to work in this exceptional Corona situation where there were almost no orders. I'm only human. Me and my wife Sally tried to implement Father Warren's advice about raising children and raising young people. But it was of no use. Our "teenage children" were rebellious through and through. They treated me badly even after my two heart attacks. The worst thing was Martin. Then it passed with the highway bridge. And from then on my fate was sealed! Now the death penalty awaits me and my family charges me. This is my story in brief.” It was 3 a.m. when Gustav had finished writing his story or the text. Then he made a second copy of it. And then it was 4 o'clock. Gustav leaned back, exhausted, and was glad that, given the stressful situation and the impending execution of the death sentence, he had managed to write this text that contained all the important facts and events. And to have made a second copy of it! He now had this text, his story in his defense, in duplicate! Shortly afterwards he lay tired on his bed to sleep for at least a few hours. At least that's what Gustav wanted to try, because he was still under inner tension - given his situation. It was around 6 a.m. when the prison guard Travis (because the man with the food or the "food distributor" was supposedly sick and had a doctor's appointment in the morning hours) came and brought him the food and drink. Gustav first took his food and drink and placed everything on his bed in his cell. Then he gave Travis the transcript of his story. Which he accepted in silence. Let's see if that would help, thought Gustav. The jailer Mr. Travis wished him good luck. After telling him that there was not much he could do, he walked away with Gustav's story in hand. And after Gustav had sat on his bed and eaten and drank, he went back to his (writing) table and sat down there and made three more copies of his story. Then at 15 o'clock in the afternoon a reporter from the newspaper "Albama News" visited him His name was Taylor Murray. Anyone who had informed him and his newspaper, for which he worked freelance, was a mystery to Gustav. He just suddenly stood in front of his cell! Gustav told Mr Murray his version of the whole story. And he explained to him that he was innocent He quickly went to the table, quickly wrote his contact address and phone number on the back of one of the three copies of his story that he had lying there (he had forgotten that in his haste and because of his nervousness) and he ran back to the prison door with this copy of the story and gave it to the reporter Murray through the bars. "Whether you are guilty or not must first be clearly proven", he said. "Exactly. The verdict is incorrect. I wrote down the story exactly. There are several copies of it and you can have one of them", replied Gustav. "Did you murder your son Martin?" the reporter Gustav asked urgently." “no. I am innocent. That was an accident. He was standing too close to the bridge railing and lost his balance when he tried to hit me. Then he fell off the bridge. Everything happened very quickly. It's all in my records", said Gustav. "We'll report on it", said Mr Murray. And then Gustav (he was surprised himself that he was now saying what he had often thought lately) said something that made the reporter Murray suspicious. "The devil is to blame! He caused my misfortune and that's why I'm here! And the devil had used Martin as a tool and then - when he no longer needed him - thrown him away. Because my children not only took drugs, they also had to deal with dark characters. Some death metal and gothic musicians who had to do with spiritualism, witchcraft,... The priest even called them Satanists! And Satan managed to turn my family against me! He stole my family from me! He's the culprit!" said Gustav angrily. The reporter Murray was nervous, irritated and somewhat frightened when he said that. He didn't know if Gustav was serious or not or if he was just crazy On the other hand, he knew that people would often react like that just before death. Especially before an execution! Murray took a step back. Then Murray said, “: I will read this story and then I will cover it and I wish you good luck.” Then he went Then the cell neighbor spoke to Gustav. "Those were blatant words. But that's how many who expected the death penalty react", Riley said... And spoke from what reporter Murray thought. “i’m serious. It's not normal what's happening in the world. It's end times. The big harvest is approaching", said Gustav. "You're really serious?" “yes.” "Maybe you can convince me to become a Christian." "This is the knowledge that I still know from my church visits. God will forgive me. If hard-hearted people can't do it, he knows that bad is not good and good is not bad. And that the law cannot be distorted - at least not with impunity and that I am innocent. Me who just wants to defend myself. I always wanted the best for my children But the best I gave wasn't good enough. I failed as a father. But the death penalty? Why don't the others who judge me so high-handedly and are themselves arrogant, haughty and full of sin receive the death penalty? If I get the death penalty, she will too", said Gustav. "Believe me. They'll get their punishment too", added Riley. "Honestly, I'm a sinner. Like all of us according to the Bible and I don't want to make myself fairer than I am. But I didn't murder my son Martin", explained Gustav. Then they were silent. A short time later, the man in the food truck brought Gustav and Riley lunch (he had returned here after his morning doctor's appointment and, according to him, was healthy again). Afterwards, each of them ate and drank in their cell. Then Riley cleaned something up in his cell, while Gustav wrote down arguments for his defense that could convince the jury and the judge - in a possible court hearing. At 17 p.m. the preacher Bateman came to Gustav again to encourage him. He immediately opened the Bible as he stood in front of his cell. He sat down at the table by the cell and read from the Bible. "In 1 Corinthians 15:21 it says: For since death has come through a man, so also comes the resurrection of the dead through a man" "Do I have a resurrection if I have been executed?" Gustav asked. "If you regret, yes", Bateman replied. Gustav was silent for a while. “You know....The verdict is unfair. A mistake I always wanted the best for my family. I just didn't make it... in the coronavirus crisis. I was weak. The devil with his temptations... had tricked me,” Gustav explained. "Man is weak and imperfect. Especially in times of need. Depression alone causes a sage to act senselessly", Bateman said. “yes.” "God sees everything. The rest is nonsense.philosophies, reflections of imperfect people who also can’t look into the heart.” “Yes. But I know that things don't have to end well for good people in this system either. When you think of the Christians in Rome. Many of these lions were thrown to eat in the arena. Many were segregated and treated badly", Gustav said. "But they will be awakened because they were righteous and died for the faith. All good ones will rise. But not the bad guys. There's the difference", said preacher Bateman. "And I'm dying here on death row", said Gustav. "Be reassured. Everyone has to die. Just a stab in the left and right arms and you've got it behind you", Bateman said. “i’m too young to die yet.” “I agree with you on this point....but ...n’t much can be expected from the world these days. Morality is going down the drain more and more Wars, hate, murder, violence, oppression, adultery, prostitution,...Everything got worse since Corona Then the Ukraine war. It's all just getting worse I feel sorry for the kids these days. Because they have no future anymore Because the whole political system... is completely out of joint. People have lost their scale. They turn away from God Many cheat, lie, commit adultery, pollute the environment, there is prostitution....There is strife, murder, hatred, violence in the world. No government can successfully solve all of these problems - because until now human governments have ruled over people to the detriment. But God's government will succeed!" said preacher Bateman. “Yes. Many will notice", said Gustav. "But many will notice it too late. Because then it will be too late. Many had seen at that time in Noah's time that he and his family had built the ark. But they didn't go into the ark that could have saved them! And then at some point the door was closed, the rain came Then came the flood of senses and then all the ignorant, unbelieving and evil people were gone. Lost!” Bateman explained. Gustav changed the subject. "I need to convince the judges and jury of my story that I wrote down. This is important. I made several copies of my story and the truth of Martin's death", Gustav said. "Do you think your efforts will have a chance of success?" asked preacher Bateman. “I hope so.” Gustav was silent for a while. Then he got emotional and said": The devil. The devil is mainly to blame! And I...I miserable naive unbeliever that I was...I should have realized it sooner. I should have recognized these devil traps sooner! I should have taken more care of my family during the corona crisis! Instead of just working... but ... we hardly had any money in lockdown after all. What could I have done? I had little choice after all.” "What you experienced is very interesting. I would write down everything - including your emotions and what you experienced.” “I already have. I have now made several copies of my story.” "Maybe you can convince people of your innocence", said the preacher. "I want to try that", replied Gustav. “I wish you good luck.” “Thank you.” Then the preacher Bateman left. "Well, then at least he encouraged you again", said Riley from the next cell. "Yes", Gustav replied. "You can give a copy of your story to my lawyer. Maybe it will convince the lawyer when he comes tomorrow.” “yes.” Then Riley was silent. Gustav sat down at the desk and made a new, 5th copy of his story. For safety. When he was finished with the 5th copy, he went to bed and turned off the lamp. And thought for a long time. Will I avoid carrying out the death sentence? And when my innocence is proven, will I be released again? "he thought. Paralyzing fear came up within him. Then he thought of Sally when things were still going well between them. How she rode him at night in the riding position. He saw her shapely breasts in front of him...He longed for her and had excitement. But....unfortunately things haven't been going so well for her since the corona crisis. At least not in bed anymore. He could hardly say what it was and he didn't want to talk to anyone about it. Then he met Lynsey Lawrence during the corona crisis. That was in early April 2020 and they then had an occasional contact with each other for about a year They first started talking on the train. And they both got off at Old Sutherdale... And then he had images in front of him of her naked and standing in front of him. He saw her breasts. Then I had various fantasies. Then all of a sudden, gradually, these images disappeared Then at some point he got tired and fell asleep. Later he couldn't remember what he last thought and dreamed. It was about 8 a.m. when he heard footsteps and voices. He ran his head up from his bed and looked into the hallway. He saw two men walking towards Riley's cell. One man was the prison guard Mr. Travis. The other man in the suit had a briefcase in his hand. Gustav suspected that it was the lawyer Riley had told about. The man glanced briefly into Gustav's cell as he passed by and greeted briefly and succinctly when he noticed Gustav. Then he went to Riley's cell with the jailer. There the lawyer spoke to Riley": Hello Mr. Miller. I'm here to represent you. I’m here in the company of the prison guard.” "I was expecting you", Riley replied. Gustav woke up when Riley spoke to him in such a strangely familiar way. Apparently he really knew his lawyer better! Gustav quickly got up from his bed and went to his cell door - hoping that the lawyer could help him. At that moment he couldn't look into the neighboring cell or recognize Riley. But he could observe a lot through the bars. And what he couldn't see, he could hear. And what he saw and heard was interesting. “But, of course. I have everything prepared", the lawyer told Riley. “i’ll get you out already.” “That’s good. Thank you for your efforts, Mr. Shepherd.” Now Riley pretended that Shepherd was a stranger to him - even though he seemed to know him better. He wants to hide from me that he knows him better, thought Gustav. "New evidence has emerged that you are innocent. DNA from a Mr. Tobias Keller was found at the crime scene. Do you know him?" asked the lawyer Mr. Shepherd. “But, yes. My wife used to have an affair with him. There was almost a divorce because of her infidelity. She later told me that she had deeply regretted her infidelity and had given up on her relationship with him and we were married for another 10 years after that...I didn't know that...” He interrupted briefly. His voice sounded tearful and brittle. Then he continued talking “: I didn’t know my Jill was still in touch with him.” The lawyer Shepherd cleared his throat. “Obviously so. Even after your wife supposedly wanted to mend her ways, she did not break off contact with him, it is now clear that she had an affair with him the whole time after the adultery.” “What? All the time? Throughout the marriage?" Riley asked in disbelief. He was silent for a while. "I'm terribly sorry", said lawyer Shepherd. "It's incomprehensible." "There was also tension between them because your wife had met a third man named Frederick Walker. Once there was a heated argument between them. Tobias Keller murdered her wife in a frenzy. To cover up his murder, he framed you for the murder", Shepherd said. "I always knew that. They wanted to frame me for the murder", Riley replied. “Yes. You were the first person to discover your wife dead. That had made you suspicious. And then you discovered the murder weapon and touched it. That was the mistake.” “I ... can’t grasp it. I was just... nervous at the time,” Riley said, stuttering. Gustav was silent for a moment. And heard Riley say to his lawyer, “: You did a good job.” "I'm doing my best", said Mr. Shepherd. "When will I be released?" Riley asked. "You'll be a free man in two days. That’s the information.” There was a moment's silence. Then lawyer Shepherd whispered something to him. Gustav couldn't understand what he was whispering to him. He didn't really understand everything that was happening around him. Everything seemed like a staged play. So unreal and strange. And he felt something like a person who had woken up from an opium rush in reality He was there somewhere and yet somewhere else. And he felt depressed and depressed. The prison and the courtroom where he had recently been convicted also seemed strange to him. (he didn't even know in which town - which street exactly that was. Because he had forgotten it. And exactly what time this all happened.) "It will all just be very simple. The evidence is on the table. It doesn’t take much work to convince them.” Lawyer Shepherd placed his briefcase on the floor, opened it and pulled out a small folder for the elderly. He opened it and took two pieces of paper out of the transparent cover and handed them to Riley through the small cell window, for Gustav could notice this from the metallic sound and the slight squeak of the cell door that always sounded when she walked up and up. "It's all in there. The defense brief I drafted", Shepherd said. "When will I be released?" Riley asked. “The day after tomorrow already.” “Really? You did a great job. I will recommend you.” “That’s good. You can always recommend me. In your case it was clear that you would be released. I already said that in our last conversation", said Shepherd. "I knew I would be released. That's why I was calmer than other prisoners who are about to carry out the death sentence. The judge and jury had sentenced me to death completely unexpectedly and hastily. How can that be? What world do we live in? And then suddenly I'm innocent and I'm released? How can the jury, judge.... be so wrong? They must be completely stupid. A complete miscarriage of justice", said Riley. "That was all sloppiness! I immediately saw that something was wrong in her case and that there was no way you could be the murderer", said Mr. Shepherd. “Yes. Absolutely not", Riley replied. "A lawsuit will also be filed and compensation will be due for the time you were innocently detained. You will then receive money as compensation. Because that was clear judicial misconduct and indifferent behavior towards the accused - in this case towards you. These were not easy mistakes", said lawyer Shepherd. “If there’s still justice...” said Riley. "There is definitely compensation. The court must take responsibility. Because the investigation was sloppy and evidence was swept under the carpet. That won’t work!” "It's good that it is. First of all, I'm happy to be free", said Riley. “i can understand that.” Then Gustav suddenly called out": Mr. Shepherd. Would you have a moment?" “One moment please. I'm busy", replied Mr. Shepherd. Then they were silent for a moment. Gustav was just about to make himself known a second time when Riley said to his lawyer Mr. Shepherd": I have another case where it is a miscarriage of justice. This is Gustav Walters, who is sitting on the left in my side cell. He is in prison for the alleged murder of his son Martin and is awaiting the execution of his death penalty. He is innocent and he doesn't have a lawyer. Can you help him?” The lawyer Shepherd was silent at first. Then he said, “: I’ll try.” Then he went to Gustav's cell door And then Gustav and the lawyer Mr. Shepherd faced each other Only the bars separated them from each other "You are the lawyer Mr. Shepherd?" Gustav asked. “Yes. I'm Justin Shepherd from the law firm White and Wood. And you?" “I’m Gustav Walters. I would be accused of pushing my eldest son Martin off the motorway bridge and thus murdering him. But I'm innocent. I didn't do it. It was an accident. And I don't have a lawyer to represent me. Can you help me? I have to get out of here because the lethal injection awaits me", explained Gustav. Lawyer Shepherd frowned. “sorry...but I can’t represent you. Because I have enough clients! I’m fully booked.” "But there's nothing you can do?" asked Gustav. “i’ll try this. There are several lawyers in my office. One, for example, is called Earl Duncan. I can give him your name and phone number and he will get back to you. I can't do more", said Mr. Shepherd. "I briefly wrote down my story and the truth about the death of my son Martin. I can give you this story - a copy of it. It would be nice if you could give this to Mr. Duncan", Gustav begged him. "I can do that", said Mr. Shepherd. Then Gustav quickly ran to his desk, grabbed one of the copies of his story that were on his table and which he had marked with his name, address, email address and telephone number, ran back to the cell door with it and gave it to Mr. Shepherd through the bars. "I thank you. Did you write down the address?" asked Mr. Shepherd. “Yes. I wrote it on the back", replied Gustav. “Good. I'll give the story to Mr. Duncan. He will contact you tomorrow", said Mr. Shepherd. “Yes. Thank you very much.” Then the lawyer put Gustav's story in his pocket. And then he left. "Yay! I'm coming out. Morning!" Riley shouted. "I'm happy for you", said Gustav. “and thanks for your help.” “i’m so glad. This will be the most beautiful day of my life. I am free. A lawsuit is being filed because of the miscarriage of justice", Riley said happily. "It's not that clear to me yet", said Gustav. "I think you'll get out of here too", Riley said. "Mr. Shepherd said that Mr. Duncan would contact me. Do you think he will do that?" "Yes, he will. And he'll get you out of here. I really suspect that", said Riley. "I gave him my story. With address and phone number...”, Gustav replied. “I know. Then there will also be a chance of success... Because the law firm White and Wood is reputable. And only good people work there. And...I'm friends with my lawyer. I've said that before", said Riley. Now he admitted it. “Yes. You already said that", replied Gustav. They talked for a while longer. Later, after the meal that had been brought to him by the "food distributor" or "food issuer", he sat down at his desk and wrote down a few thoughts in his defense. At 22 p.m. he went to bed and fell asleep with a feeling of relief. And he thought of Sally. How attractive is she..., he thought. The next day, Gustav got a call on his phone at 8am. It was the lawyer Earl Duncan. "This is Earl Duncan from the White and Wood law firm", he said. "Yes. Here Gustav Walters. I’m sitting... innocently in prison. I didn't murder...my son Martin. It was an accident. I gave Mr. Shepherd my story. He should give it to you", said Gustav, a little sleepy. “Yes. I know. I read your story", Earl Duncan said calmly. “I don’t have a lawyer. Can you represent me?" Gustav asked. “Yes. I can represent you", Duncan said. “Yes. Please. You’ll manage to help me out by representing me....” “Good. I will hereby represent you. We will put all of this back in writing later. In the form of a contract", said Earl Duncan. “Thank you very much.” “we will immediately challenge the verdict. The whole case needs to be reopened", said Duncan. "I will first request the complete court file. And then I have to get used to it, which will take a few days. I will prepare a brief today to have the verdict overturned. I'll stop by your place this afternoon at 15 o'clock. There we talk about everything.” "Thank you very much", said Gustav. Then they ended the phone call. Gustav was close to tears. This time with joy. The anger, fear, unrest over the sentence and the execution of the sentence (his execution) were suddenly almost gone. "Lawyer Earl Duncan of White and Wood Law Firm contacted me. The verdict was initially overturned. He's coming to see me today!" Gustav reported. “Congratulations. Maybe this all has a chance of success and you'll be released", Riley replied. “That’s great.” Gustav was overjoyed. After the conversation, Gustav waited several hours for the lawyer Earl Duncan with his heart pounding and full of hope. He passed this waiting time by reading. Then at 15:15 his lawyer Earl Duncan stood at his cell door, when Gustav saw him he immediately ran to the cell door and greeted him joyfully. Mr Duncan got straight to the point. “I’m your new lawyer now. We will challenge the verdict. Because of several mistakes As I said. There will be a new court hearing. And then let’s see...” said Earl Duncan. "Will I come out? What are the chances?" Gustav asked. "In one case you are like a captain with a ship on the high seas. You never know how this will develop. But in your case... the odds aren’t bad. As I notice, a lot of exculpatory evidence was not passed on. And a lot of other things didn't go legally correctly either", said Mr. Duncan. “Yes. And I shouldn't have defended myself in court. I should have gotten a lawyer back then.” “Yes. That was a big mistake You shouldn't do that. They must have underestimated themselves there.” “yes.” "I have a strategy like that. You explained that you wanted to take the bag of drugs away from Martin on the motorway bridge? Is that correct?" Duncan asked. "Yes", Gustav replied. "And then your son Martin attacked you?" “Yes. That's how it was. And he wanted to hit me and he suddenly lost his balance and then fell off the highway bridge. It was an accident", explained Gustav. "You've already told me all this and I've also read your story or defense notes", Duncan said. “Very good.” "I'll read everything again later and mark a few passages. What is important is the witness who saw you pushing your son Martin off the motorway bridge. And also heard the argument. Apparently everything happened in the dark in the evening. Was there enough light on the highway bridge so you could see a lot?" asked Earl Duncan. Gustav thought. Then he remembered. "There were a few lanterns on the highway bridge that only glowed faintly. One was - as far as I remember - even completely unusual. You could see very little.” "But the text said that you saw exactly how your son Martin behaved, how and where he hit", said Earl Duncan. “That yes.” "But then you just said that it was dark on the motorway bridge because the few lanterns were dimly lit. That sounds contradictory", Duncan said. "At least it was so brightly lit that I could see Martin's movements. Even where he hit. But in my opinion you can't see it clearly from a distance", Gustav replied. "Now I understand. That's interesting. The witness or passer-by allegedly saw exactly how they pushed their son Martin off the bridge. You mean that the witness or passerby couldn't have seen all of this clearly because of the darkness and dim light?" Duncan asked. “Yes. He was standing too far away", Gustav replied. "How far away was he from the bridge?" “I do not know that. But even from seven meters away it's impossible to see much. In my opinion", said Gustav. "It's the question of where exactly the witness or passer-by stood. Had he seen this from 10 meters away, from 20 meters away? Was he still standing on the bridge or had he already left the bridge? That must be clear", Duncan pointed out. "He had left the bridge. It was at least 20 meters away", replied Gustav. "Was that also in the court file?" “i think so.” "And had the physical altercation occurred in the middle of the bridge?" Duncan asked. “Yes. Something like that And the passerby who supposedly saw this must have been very far away. Because he was no longer on the bridge", replied Gustav. “And then it’s also unclear what the witness was looking for at the highway bridge at that hour.” "Maybe he had also drunk something alcoholic, which had an impact on his judgment. Or he had looked at his cell phone and seen everything out of the corner of his eye. That could be the case", said Gustav. “Good. We already have a lot that calls into question the credibility of the witness", said Duncan. “yes.” “Good. I will request the court file. And look at them closely. And also read your story carefully. And then I will draw up a letter, which calls the credibility of the witness into question.” “Very good.” "I'll come by again next week, for example on Monday, and then we'll discuss everything. We'll then go through all the points", Duncan said. “Okay. Thank you very much", replied Gustav. “All the best. Bye.” Then he left Gustav was relieved. Riley, who overheard the conversation, said ": That sounds good. I wish you good luck.” “Thank you.” "It's the last night I spend in the cell. Because I'm coming out tomorrow", Riley said. "That's nice. Then good luck. This will be the happiest day of your life", replied Gustav. They talked for a while. Then at 23 o'clock he put Gustav to bed with a good feeling and fell asleep. The next morning three men arrived: Riley's lawyer Justin Shepherd and the prison warden Mr. Wilson. And another unknown man. They got Riley out of the cell. Gustav now knew what was happening. He quickly got up from his bed, grabbed a piece of paper and a pen that were on the table and quickly wrote down his address, email and cell phone number. Then he quickly ran to the cell door with the note with his contact details to say goodbye to Riley and give him the note. As he stood in front of the cell door, he saw through the bars how the unknown man unlocked the left cell door and led Riley out of the cell. "There you are. I thought you wouldn't wake up. I wanted to say goodbye to you quickly. Because I'm coming out now", said Riley as he left the cell and saw Gustav. "Yes. then I wish you all the best. And thank you very much for your help so that I have a lawyer", Gustav said to Riley. “please.” "And here I'll give you my contact address. Get in touch with me. I wish you good luck", said Gustav. Then Gustav Riley quickly handed his piece of paper with his contact details through the bars. Riley took the note. “Thank you. I'd be happy to get in touch. Good luck", he said. "And I would also like to thank you for your help, Mr. Shepherd", Gustav said to Mr. Shepherd. "Of course. I think you are in good hands with Mr. Duncan", said Mr. Shepherd. “Yes. And I'm coming out too. My lawyer will help with this", said Gustav. But the prison warden, Mr Wilson, was sceptical and remained serious. "Mr. Riley Miller, who is coming out now, was very lucky. We'll just wait and see how this turns out in your case. This must first be decided in court", said prison director Mr. Wilson to Gustav. “But I wish you good luck.” The corners of Gustav's mouth went down a bit and his joy and optimism were minimized. "All the best", Riley said to Gustav one last time. And Gustav called "All the best" back. Then they left. Gustav was internally happy for Riley's release and at the same time internally sad that Riley was now gone, now he was alone in his cell. And had no one to talk to and to give him courage. Because the other two prisoners were seven or eight cells further to the left in this building, most of whom were quiet and had almost no visitors and with whom he had no contact. Gustav was glad that his lawyer Earl Duncan promised good prospects. That's why he was a little optimistic about getting out of prison here. And towards the death penalty, which hovered over him like the sword of Damocles. On the other hand, he had to think of the words of the prison warden, Mr Wilson, which were less optimistic and tarnished his joy. Was he perhaps right? He didn't know. Although the lawyer Duncan promised him good prospects, he had not yet read the court file. And he became more and more aware that it wasn't so certain that he would get out of here. That was great when Riley was still in the left side cell here. Yes, Riley is a good guy, a friend, he thought. Gustav was heterosexual and he was "bi", but whatever. It was friendly and humane. He didn't have any more friends. And he now inevitably had to check off his family out there, who had probably already written him off. Who had forgotten him. He was also internally at peace with the whole world out there. He only had a certain anger at the jury and the judge from time to time. But knowing through the preacher that, according to the Bible, it was wrong to hate someone, he fought as best he could feelings of hatred and resentment towards themYes. He had to forgive! That's what mattered. He read and pondered all day long. Also in the Bible. And he wrote a diary every now and then. Every now and then the prison guard Travis came by and spoke a few words to him. And the "food distributor" (whose name he couldn't remember) brought him his food morning, lunch and evening. Nothing more happened. The next three days in prison were also uneventful. Gustav read most of the time. He got his food and chatted every now and then with the prison guard Travis, who came every now and then to check that everything was going well (the only person at that time with whom he exchanged a few words every now and then). Otherwise, no one came by - neither the prison warden, Mr. Wilson, nor anyone in his family, nor the doctor, Dr. Stone. Disappointingly, Riley didn't call him either. Whatever the reason It felt like he had been forgotten and he could now rot in his cell. Yes, these neglects had always been his problem and his fate. Because his mother died early and his foster mother had often neglected him. She had been away a lot when he was a baby and toddler. That's why he often had such "chaos" in his life later on. And also mental problems. And other deficits. But what the heck. You can't rummage around in old stuff, you have to forgive, he thought And he forgave her too! Gustav knew: Forgiveness was the most difficult lesson according to the Bible - especially when a person did something really bad to another person. Then on the 4th day after Riley's dismissal, at 9 am, attorney Earl Duncan called Gustav on his cell phone. "Here Earl Duncan. I’ll stop by your place again later at 16, if it’s okay.” “That fits. Finally", said Gustav. "I have news that we need to discuss", Duncan said. “Okay. Very good. Then see you later.” Then they ended the cell phone call. Gustav waited for him for seven hours. In those hours he read that seemed like an eternity. Then at exactly 16 o'clock Earl Duncan stood in front of his cell with his briefcase in his hand. Gustav quickly ran to the prison cell door And then they talked to each other He again outside the cell, Gustav inside the cell. "I hope you're okay", Earl Duncan said. "According to the circumstances. I'm in a really difficult situation", Gustav replied. “I’ll get straight to the point. I had sent the letter I had drawn up to the court. We’re just waiting for an answer.” “And ....what do you suspect? Will the answer be positive for me?" Gustav asked. “Mr. Walters. We have to be patient. I know it is very difficult in your situation. But it can't be changed", Duncan explained. “Okay.” "I can tell you that the court will examine any new evidence and an appeal will be made. The death sentence will - as it stands - be overturned and then there will be a new, fair trial. I can tell you that", said Duncan. "I thank you. They're doing their best", Gustav replied. "That was all. I say goodbye.” Then he went away. Gustav went to his desk, sat down at his table and thought. Then he started reading more. At 18 o'clock the prison guard Travis came and sat down at the small table with various stationery that was in front of his cell. "And do your efforts have a chance of success? I heard her lawyer was there today...” said Mr Travis. “Yes. He was here He's already getting me out of here. Everything is going well", replied Gustav. “Let’s hope so. Your cellmate Riley was lucky. Was an attractive guy. I liked him. He made such a good impression. It was clear that he would be fired. As I said...It was luck", said Mr Travis. “I hope I’m lucky enough as well. Because for me the whole thing is a miscarriage of justice. I am innocent", explained Gustav. "It's nice that you have a lawyer. That's something. But everything else has to be decided by the judges and jurors. In difficult cases, the governor. And a lot can come out of that. Hopefully good things", he said. "but when new evidence or arguments emerge to exonerate me...?" “Yes. But as I said, the jury will decide. I know of a case like this - there was a young man who allegedly murdered his friend. He had some evidence against him doing it. But in the end he still received the death sentence and was executed. It didn't take long before he was underground", said Mr. Travis. Gustav's fear and nervousness suddenly rose from his feet to the tip of his skull. His hands were shaking. And his optimism was suddenly gone. "But the evidence should have been put on the table and taken into account!!! THAT CAN'T BE DONE! WHAT KIND OF LOUSY DISH IS THIS? The governor must be informed in such a case", Gustav suddenly shouted loudly. "Moderate yourself. Otherwise the prison warden and the doctor will come and give you a sedative injection!" Mr. Travis said energetically. “Because order and discipline reign here.” “Sorry. But you have to understand... I'm being sentenced to death here for an act I didn't commit", Gustav said again. "You've told me that several times too. Probably two hundred times. But I can't do anything else for you. I can bring you some new books. Or the doctor can give you a few more sedative pills.” "I still have pills from Dr. Stone", said Gustav. "Did you take it?" Travis asked. “Yes. Every now and then. When I'm restless. They don’t help very much.” "Or I can send the preacher over to calm you down. Or have other, stronger sedative pills brought. Those are the options", said Mr Travis sternly. "I don't want any sedative pills anymore. But you can give me new books. And send the preacher over. I just want to get rid of the inner tension. And my fear", Gustav replied. “Yes. Unfortunately I can't do more", said Travis. “Okay. That’s quite something.” Then the conversation was over. After that he read. Otherwise the day passed uneventfully. He later went to bed at 0 am. The next day, at 10 am, the preacher Bateman came to him. And he stood in front of the cell again and then he read some more Bible texts to Gustav About resurrection for the righteous, about real repentance, about forgiveness of sins,...Finally he asked ": Do you think the lawyer can get you out of here?" the preacher asked Bateman. "I hope", replied Gustav. "The important thing is that you repent of your sins! And working on you.” “i know.” “praying for You.” Then he put his Bible in his pocket and left. "Hopefully my lawyer Mr. Duncan succeeds. I almost want to be here. Out. Out", Gustav thought. Then he read for the next few hours. Then he went to bed a little after 23 hours. The next six days passed uneventfully. He mostly read into his cell. Often felt lonely Was scared. It seemed to him that he had been completely forgotten or written off by those around him and that he was slowly or surely rotting in his cell. Then the jailer Mr. Travis Gustav brought a newspaper. He handed it to him through the bars. "Here is an article about you. You're in the Alabama News newspaper now". You're a little famous now. Read the article on page five and you'll be amazed", said Travis, who had a cigarette in his mouth. Gustav took the newspaper that Travis handed him through the bars, opened it and read the article about himself carefully on page five. It was reporter Taylor Murray who had visited him here in prison about two weeks ago and then wrote the article about him about a week and a half ago. But he wrote negatively about Gustav because he was not convinced of his innocence. The newspaper "Alabama News" said the following": Murderer Gustav W. (48 years old) pushes son Martin W. (21 years old) off the C 3 motorway bridge. He is found guilty in court, sentenced to death, but pleads not guilty. Here's a quick rundown of the events that happened in Old Sutherdale... "Gustav read everything carefully and got a red head. "Such a liar! He claims something I didn't do! He labels me a murderer and just wants to see me in prison and dead in the end!" Gustav shouted. “That’s bad luck. But that's how it is. The evidence speaks against you. I'm sorry", Travis replied calmly. "Oh, that's so easy as an outsider who isn't affected to say "I'm sorry." If you were in my shoes, you would definitely say something different! I'm sentenced to death! Do you know what that means?" Gustav asked him angrily. "I ask for forgiveness for using the wrong words. But....I can very well understand what you're going through", Mr Travis replied. “YOU don’t understand anything. You call it a day, go home and everything is fine", said Gustav. "Unfortunately that's not the case. Unfortunately that's not the case. My wife died a year ago. Heart attack. I was diagnosed with lymphatic cancer three years ago. I've had several chemotherapies And I'm having a hard time doing this job - believe me. Also because I often lack the strength. That's why I look so thin and gaunt and my face is becoming more and more like that of a skull. I will also die of cancer soon. And that will probably be painful. While things will go faster for you. Just a prick, a sting and then it's over. And what do you think it will look like for me!? Very bad!" replied Mr. Travis. His voice sounded bitter Gustav, standing at the cell door, looked closer into Mr. Travi's gaunt skull face. He saw the expressive eyes that lay deep in the caves, his narrow mouth, the sunken cheeks with the distinctive cheekbones, his body-pale skin color and his bald head, which made his skull-like skull appear more eerie. And his wrinkled, thin neck. Gustav knew. He was doomed to die! "I'm very sorry", said Gustav. "Now you understand why I talk like that", replied Mr. Travis. “Yes. I didn’t know any of that. Nochnal: I’m sorry.” "I'm very sorry for you too. Believe me On the other hand: neither of us are very young anymore. I'm 63 and you - I think about 50 years old. My family is no more - my wife is dead and we had no children And your family - from what I heard - left you. And we live in a bad world today. There's the Ukraine war, that's the climate problem, there's corona, inflation,...There is crime. There are small children and young people who deal with drugs at school, commit theft crimes, burglaries and bodily harm. I know of cases where children have threatened parents and teachers. There are many who are lonely, old people who nobody cares about.....Do you really want to live in a world like this?" asked Mr. Travis. "Do you really think there's something positive coming?" "I trust in God. He will create a new order. That's what the preacher said", Gustav replied. “Good. Then you have now come to faith. I wish you good luck", Mr. Travis suddenly broke off the conversation. "I wish you good luck too", said Gustav. Then Mr. Travis left. Gustav then sat at his desk in his prison cell and wrote a diary thoughtfully and depressedly. And went - after taking a pill from Dr. Stone had already gone to bed around 22 p.m. The next day at 9 a.m., his lawyer Earl Duncan answered his cell phone. He sounded excited. "Mr. Walters, we have to meet today at 15 o'clock. It's important", he said. "We'll do that? Is there anything important?" Gustav asked. "We received a brief from your son Tim", Duncan reported. "Really?" Gustav asked. "We'll discuss this at 15 o'clock. I can't talk for long now. We'll meet at 15 o'clock and then we'll discuss everything. See you later", he said. Then he ended the cell phone conversation. Gustav was excited. WHAT happened? he asked himself. He sat down at his desk and nervously wrote some diary, writing down his current experiences Several hours. Then at 15 o'clock his lawyer Earl Duncan stood outside his cell door. Gustav quickly got up from the desk and ran to the cell door Earl Duncan immediately got to the point after the brief greeting. “We have good news and bad news. Should I start with the good news first?" Duncan asked. "Yes. it's okay", said Gustav. "The good news is that there is an appeal and a new trial. I was optimistic at first", said Duncan. “And then? What’s the bad news?” Gustav replied. "Your son Tim, with the help of a lawyer, filed a new brief with new allegations. He allegedly saw you push his brother Martin off the highway bridge", Duncan reported. "That's crap", said Gustav. "And now?" "It's going to be difficult because there are now two witnesses..." Duncan explained. “i do not understand. Why Tim? And why is he so late in claiming that he saw me on the highway bridge? That can't be done!" said Gustav. "I don't know that either", Duncan replied. "It was dark. He couldn't even see me. It was dark!" said Gustav. "Just", added Duncan. "He was never around. This is a drowning and a lie.” "And why would Tim lie?" "He wants me dead because then he will inherit", said Gustav. "Why inherit? Do you have that much?" Duncan asked somewhat critically. Gustav was silent for a moment. “you have to tell me everything. Otherwise I won't be able to work successfully", said Earl Duncan. “Good....Shortly after Martin died, my uncle Richard also died and I inherited ... his house, for he was childless. The house is worth around 600,000 euros. And when I had heart problems, I had taken out life insurance", said Gustav. "A life insurance policy?" Duncan asked. "I was sick. I had two heart operations. I may have had endless conflicts with my children...but as a father who loves the children despite everything that happened, I didn't want them to end up with 'nothing' later if I died", explained Gustav. The lawyer Earl Duncan looked at Gustav somewhat skeptically and frowned. "I don't have any children of my own. But I'm trying to understand that. Is there anything else you didn't tell me?" he asked. "That was all", Gustav replied. “Good. Then I get to the point. The court date is Thursday 5.5.2022 at 10am in the courtroom... I will try my best to get her out of prison and save her from the death penalty", Duncan said. "How big are the chances?" asked Gustav. The lawyer Earl Duncan looked at him seriously. “about 50 percent.” "Not more?" asked Gustav. “Maybe 60 percent. Nothing more. There is also the other side with the accusations and evidence. We'll have to wait and see what the judge and jury say. I can't do anything more for you at the moment. That's where we meet. If you have any news during this time, send it to me by email. That's all I can do", Duncan said. “thank you.” Then he left Gustav was left thoughtful. He restlessly sat down at the desk that day and continued to write down his thoughts, feelings and arguments in his defense and also wrote in his diary. In the next few days, Gustav was also filled with unrest, tension and fear of the death sentence being carried out. Although there was a bit of hope that the lawyer Duncan would get him out of his predicament. And Gustav hoped that the lawyer Duncan would manage to free him. In the whole of the next few days he was visited only once by the warden of the prison, Mr Wilson, and the doctor, Dr. Stone, who examined him briefly and gave him other, stronger tablets to calm him down And every now and then he could talk to the warden, Mr Travis. Otherwise no one visited him. He spoke to the lawyer Duncan on the phone from time to time and they discussed the whole situation and prepared for the court hearing on May 5th. He also wrote his will - because he feared losing the trial and being executed. There he appointed the alcoholic and unemployed Stephen Sanders, the only friend he still had and with whom he had little contact (which he had not said anything about in prison), as sole heir and thus disinherited his son Tim and daughter Ginny - out of revenge for what they had done to him. He sent this will to his lawyer, who would pass it on to the notary... After two and a half weeks, the court hearing was on Lower Road in the Wineburgh district of Montgomery, Alabama. Early in the morning, Gustav was led outside from the prison complex to the New Blackcastle district of Montgomery, Alabama, by several men who had handcuffed him. And they took him to a white transport guarded by some men. After several men handcuffed him into the van, placed him in one of the rearmost seats, and all boarded, they then drove him to the courthouse on Lower Road in Montgomery's Wineburgh neighborhood. Then several men took him out of the white van and led him into the courthouse in handcuffs - past various sensationalist reporters who took photos of Gustav with cameras and past onlookers who wanted to see him either dead or alive. Then Gustav was taken to the courtroom. A little later, Gustav sat down at a table next to his lawyer Earl Duncan. Meanwhile, a crowd of people came into the courtroom. (Gustav didn't know who all these people were.) And Gustav's son Tim came into the courtroom with his lawyer and also his daughter Ginny with her lawyer. And a court draftsman who wanted to draw Gustav was also present. The jury and the judge also entered the courtroom and took their seats. About ten more minutes passed. Then the trial began. Judge Miles Fletcher, sitting on a pedestal, opened his Gustav court file before him and began his speech": Mr. Gustav Walters, born March 30, 3, 1974 in Montgomery (Westgate), Alabama. Later living in Old Sutherdale in Montgomery, Alabama, at number 21 Yello Trees Road. You are charged with murdering your son Martin Walters on November 11, 2021 by pushing him off the Keystone Bridge highway bridge in Old Sutherdale C3. You, Mr. Walters Senior, may have been guilty under the Intentional Manslaughter Model Penal Code. You are a Murderer What do you have to say about that, Mr Walters?" “It wasn’t me. That was an accident", said Gustav. "But, there were witnesses who saw how you argued with your son, how you got into a fight and how they pushed him off the railing in cold blood", said judge Miles Fletcher. Then Earl Duncan took the floor. “Objection. It was dark. They couldn't see exactly how the accident had happened It was pitch black", Earl Duncan interjected. “So? Now we want to question the witness, Mr. Nelson Fleming, who observed everything. Mr. Fleming, please tell me what you observed", Judge Fletcher asked him. “So...I went for a walk and even wanted to go to the bridge. Then I saw two men arguing on the bridge. They hit each other, then fought. Then I saw Gustav hit his son Martin several times. He was defenseless and staggered. And then Gustav Walters pushed him off the bridge. I see these images in front of me I can't forget it. It was terrible", Fleming said. "You heard it, Mr. Walters", the judge said. "It looks like this isn't manslaughter anymore No Involuntary Manslaughter. But he wanted it! For me this is premeditated murder. Anger for trivial reasons. A low motive", said Tim's lawyer. “Objection. It was dark. You couldn't see anything from a greater distance", Duncan interjected again. "Yes", Fleming said. The lawyer Earl Duncan then asked Fleming several questions.": If you supposedly saw this clearly, they must have been standing pretty close to Gustav and Martin on the bridge. Where exactly were you, Mr. Fleming? How far was the distance between you and Gustav and Martin?" "I was standing pretty much at the end of the bridge when I heard screams. As I had just left the bridge, I turned around and looked at the bridge. And then I saw her...I saw it all from about ten meters away", Fleming said. "Where exactly on the motorway bridge did Gustav Walters fight with his son Martin Walters? And where did Gustav push his son off the highway bridge?" Judge Fletcher asked. "This all happened in the middle of the bridge", replied witness Mr. Fleming. “Wrong. If he supposedly saw it that closely, he must have been standing on the highway bridge. Because it is long. It can't be ten meters away. If you saw everything when you left the bridge, the distance must have been greater. About twenty meters away", Duncan replied. "That's actually strange", said the judge. "So. I don't know exactly", said Fleming. He suddenly seemed a bit insecure. "But Mr. Fleming. So you didn't see exactly how Gustav pushed him down. Is that correct? Because at a distance of twenty meters it is more difficult to see anything in the darkness", asked Mr. Duncan. "Yes. I saw that clearly. He pushed him down", Fleming said. "But how can you do that when you've been so far away?" asked Earl Duncan. "I may have been at the end of the bridge", Fleming said. "You said earlier that you had left the bridge", said the judge. "It was the shock. Watching a murder is ... not easy. Maybe I messed this up", Fleming stammered. "That can be of course. But you stand by the statement that he did it?” the judge asked. “yes.” “Objection. That doesn't prove anything. Maybe when it was so dark on the bridge he saw a raven. At least not how Gustav Walters pushed his son down. That seems far-fetched to me. A product of fantasy", Earl Duncan said in defense. Mr. Earl Duncan whispered quietly to his client Gustav ": That's good for you, Mr. Walters". Mr. Fleming’s testimony shakes.” "Yes", Gustav simply said. "So...then there is another witness statement... from Mr. Tim Walters, the son of defendant Walters Senior... Mr. Tim Walters. What did you see that fateful evening?" the judge asked Tim. “So...I observed an argument even in the apartment between my dad and his son, Martin - my half-brother. It was about drugs. And about the CDs and strange books by the band Blue Black Vip. These are death metal and gothic musicians that I've been friends with for a few years. My father had something against her. Because somehow he found her strange. Sure - we once did silly things, went to the cemetery in Old Sutherdale a few times dressed in black and shot some selfie videos with our cell phones. For Tik Tok or YouTube. To upload them there later...Own music videos. That was our thing. We hoped to get a lot of clicks. "Fame" was a bit important to us. We were a bit naive back then - today I see it a little differently. My friends, I admit, were a bit "strange" at the time. But I didn't take everything we did so seriously. It was a joke to me. In any case, I was only interested in the music videos. Ginny, my sister, looked like that. She didn't go along with it anyway, which means she didn't go to cemeteries and didn't take drugs or anything....She also took part in the music videos we made. That's it. My older brother Martin took it all more seriously That was something different. He found the death metal musicians we interacted with and what they were doing particularly great. And then he also took some harder drugs. We knew five death metal musicians we met on the Internet that we were hanging out with. They were about our age A little bit older About 20 and 21 years old. Three of them were pretty normal, which means they were just dressed in black and sometimes drank a beer or smoked weed. There was nothing more. But two of them - they were Nick Knight and Gary Phillips, they were in a worse mood. They had also studied spiritualism. Demon stuff and so on.. I didn't want anything to do with that! Gary and Nick often went to cemeteries, for example to the cemetery in Old Sutherdale, and did a lot of stuff there. They then brought the books in black, CDs and amulets to our house. They took some of it back with them and left some of it behind at our house. Which was a mistake With the whole thing seemed strange at the time Ginny and the other three death metal musicians, who were more normal and didn't deal with spiritualism and so on, also started to find Gary and Nick more and more strange Even they said to themselves ": Do a little nonsense a few times, Having fun and making videos is okay - even in the cemetery - where the footpath was and no one was disturbed. But what Gary and Nick were doing, none of us were up for it anymore They overdid it! We all didn't want to have anything to do with all the spiritualism and other stuff that was starting to seem scary. It changed me. And others around me too. I felt an aura like that at times - it got cool, changed me at times....I can't describe it. We refrained from doing so. Then Father Wyatt Warren came to visit us in our apartment. Ginny and I ended up telling him about Nick and Gary and that they were into spiritualism. He warned us how dangerous that was! And so we decided to break off contact with Nick and Gary. They took back some of the books, amulets and CDs that they had left with us. They left some things with us, such as two amulets, a book and a CD. At some point we throw some of it in the trash. We burned the rest I hadn't dealt drugs. There was a friend of ours who had bought stuff like that for us two or three times - I was there once. That's it. Martin bought something every now and then - but without me. I didn't take part in it anymore. And neither does Ginny. Wit didn't want anything to do with it anymore. The fact that Martin continued was a problem for all of us. Maybe therapy would have helped - who knows? My father somehow didn't understand any of this. He couldn't go away with it anymore. His nerves were on edge during the corona crisis. That's been it since these things - the books, the amulets, the CDs, ... by Nick and Gary were lying around with us. That's how I noticed. Martin was more violent because he still had contact with Nick and Gary. He became - it seemed to me from his behavior - stranger Somehow different. Father also changed, became more aggressive At least for a while he was like that - until Father Warren helped my father and us there with prayers and so on...then things got better at times...My father had many problems during the corona crisis. Even with alcohol. And he lost his jobs as a photographer during the corona crisis. He expected an inheritance from his sick uncle Richard. He was very impatient. Because then he would have all his worries gone. Then he would have had nothing but worries about Martin.” “There’s something interesting. Keep talking", said Judge Fletcher. "And he didn't like it when his son Martin was hanging around like that. And how he often shouted at him. Because he was angry that he continued to associate with Nick and Gary, who were doing bad things. That wasn't normal in his eyes. Devil stuff But it wasn't just Martin who wasn't normal. Father also changed more and more and was no longer normal", said Tim. “Am I listening correctly? He wasn't normal anymore?" asked the judge. "My father used to be more normal. I mean before Nick and Gary showed up at our house during the 2020 corona crisis - but only briefly and secretly because of Corona - and brought some black books and amulets with them. Then he lost all orders during the corona crisis and became depressed. He didn't even care about us anymore, he started drinking, Martin and I then took drugs for a time. Also because we were frustrated. Just me a little bit, Martin more violently Then my dad and mom told us it wasn't okay to do drugs. I saw this and stopped taking drugs, just concentrating on my teaching. My sister Ginny hadn't taken any drugs anyway. That wasn't an issue for her. She also only had contact with the three death metal musicians, who were a little more normal. But it was only superficial. A little fun. But not to Nick and Gary.” "Get to the point, Mr. Walters Junior", demanded Judge Fletcher. "When father was home alone one day in the Corona year of 2021 and was in a bad mood, he picked up a book that Nick and Gary had left behind some time ago and read it out of curiosity. I was in the living room when he read this. Then he said that he suddenly felt something. He suddenly became nervous. Maybe he had something with his nerves or it was something psychological? I thought. Or something else? His eyes suddenly widened and something was wrong with him. At least that's how it seemed. Of course, none of us could say that clearly. We asked if he had another heart attack. It was strange", Tim reported. "And then?" asked Judge Fletcher. "It only took a few minutes. My mother, who had also observed this, also noticed that father was in a strange mood. That something had gotten into him. That he may have been ill Or was it a mental problem? You couldn't say that clearly. We then decided to burn or throw away the books, which had a negative influence on us and which had a negative energy. And we did. The CDs, amulets, books, chains...everything ended up in the fire in the back garden of the tenement or in the garbage can. We thought everything would be okay. But that was a mistake. At least as far as Martin and father were concerned. Father drank more and more, became angrier, more aggressive Often, an argument would break out with him over a minor matter. “THAT’S NONSENSE! THEY JUST ARGUED - NOT ME DAMN IT!. They want to blame me for everything that happened!" Gustav shouted. "Mr. Walters Senor. Please let your son finish!" shouted the judge. "And then there was the matter with Lucy. Father didn't get along with my mother Sally either The marriage was about to divorce. And that's when the Lucy Lambert thing happened. He met her in April 2020. They had a secret relationship that lasted about a year or a year and a half. My mother Sally found out by chance. And then there was a row and my mother wanted to break up with him. And she wanted to take us - the children - with her", said Tim. "I didn't even know that. So the case takes another turn", said Judge Fletcher in surprise. A murmur went through the courtroom. And the jury also spoke briefly in a whisper to each other The lawyer Earl Duncan turned to Gustav and whispered to him ": An affair? Why didn't you tell me all this? Now none of this looks good for you anymore", Mr. Duncan whispered to Gustav. “I didn’t know...” Gustav stammered. "Oh, you didn't know that? This influences the whole process. And I'm trying hard with you all the time. Damn!" hissed lawyer Duncan Gustav. "It was only very short", Gustav whispered. “A year or a year and a half is not short in this case. Damn it", said lawyer Earl Duncan. He was angry and disappointed. "Keep talking", Judge Fletcher told Tim. And then Tim continued talking. "It was very hard for me. For all of us. Father Gustav always said we should change. Let him change too", he said. "THAT'S A HUGE LIE! It wasn't like that", Gustav shouted. "Yes. That's how it was", Tim said. “The affair was brief.... and besides, Sally had started an affair earlier than I had. With a man. With some Gareth, a handyman I heard that.” Another murmur went through the courtroom. “That never happened! I didn't have an affair! HE had been having an affair!” Sally shouted through the courtroom.” "That's not true", Gustav shouted again. "All the photos I took secretly prove this", Sally shouted. "And I took photos too!" Gustav countered angrily. Whether what Gustav or Sally said about the photos was a bluff or an empty threat, no one but them knew. Everyone in the courtroom now knew that Gustav's relationship with Sally was brokenIt was pure monkey business in the court. A mix of drama, horror and black comedy. Then Gustav whispered to his lawyer Mr. Duncan": Sally! It is she who turns the children against me! Because I didn't do anything bad. Except that I had neglected my family a bit - because I had to work in my time of need.” “Quiet please! We can't get any further like this Now Tim keeps talking! "Judge Fletcher shouted. Then Tim keeps talking. "Then one evening father was in a really bad mood. He was sitting in his living room watching TV and there happened to be a CD of my death metal boys Nick and Gary on the living room table. We had already burned or thrown away all of their other things. We had only forgotten that one CD that was lying on the living room table - we didn't throw it away until later. Father put this CD in the CD player out of curiosity to listen. As the eerie music played, a shiver ran down our spines. And after almost a minute, father pressed Stop and decided to throw away the CD. Then Martin got a call from a guy like that. Because he had supposedly promised him that he would buy some of the stuff he had there. Packed in a bag. Of course, Martin spoke extra quietly so that no one could listen. But father suspected something after the phone call and then he and Martin had an argument. Then Martin left the apartment and went to the motorway bridge. And then father secretly followed him. And me too - because I thought something bad was going to happen. Which my father didn't know! I wanted to warn Martin. But it was too late. I instinctively took my phone out of my pocket and filmed the whole thing. Then father and Martin had a heated argument on the highway bridge. They fought shortly afterwards. And father wanted to take away the stuff he had just bought from a guy. Then he beat him violently several times. Then he fell against the railing Martin was still screaming ": Please, father, don't do it" But then father pushed him down. I still heard Martin's scream. I was able to record all of this on my cell phone despite the darkness. I was also able to zoom in. I had photos taken of the individual video scenes and submitted everything. They're in the court file", Tim said. “THAT’S A MEAN LIE! THAT’S A MEAN LIE!” Gustav shouted. Then he was silent For with this statement he knew: He had lost. He was going to lose the case. And that would mean his death sentence. "Why didn't you tell me everything? I was convinced of your innocence. But if you really did...then you deserve the death penalty too,” lawyer Duncan whispered to him. Then a murmur went through the courtroom. "Ugh", someone said. "He did it", shouted a woman's voice. "He should die", said someone else. "Please rest!" said the judge. "I'll question him now." But Gustav started crying. “I CAN’T REMEMBER! I don't remember doing that! It wasn't me!" he shouted, crying. "You had had an affair too. Whenever you came home, you smelled like perfume", Tim said. Then Tim's slanderous, hard-hearted nature emerges again, thought Gustav. "But your mother had also had an affair. I know that for sure. That turned out later. You'll find out at some point!" said Gustav. "That's a lie!" Sally shouted. This is partly a terrible gang. Depraved, corrupt and lying. Everyone as they are there. Cold-hearted, slanderous, arrogant, haughty, lying, materializing, unfaithful to one's partner. All depraved and corrupted. My children too It must be partly because of Corona and the devil and his demons that everyone here is so terrible. Unfortunately, before it happened to Martin, I had developed disadvantageously at times - and it wasn't until I was in prison that I was able to change a little for the better, thought Gustav. “You’re all against me. I'm supposed to die because you want the money I inherited after Uncle Richard's death a month after Martin's death. That's how it is! Sally incites the children against me! The whole family is against me! They hadn't visited me in prison once! This is not all excellent and fair, but from the devil. I know because I studied the Bible a bit in prison with a preacher. I've changed for the better. I don’t want anything to do with my family anymore when they’re that mean.” "I just want to say something. You eliminated Martin because you wanted to be free. You didn't get along with my mother, you were on the verge of divorce. You haven't even had sex together yet. But you had your friend Lucy - who had also recently left you. You wanted to live with her and leave your family. And with your uncle Richard's money you wanted to make a new start with her!" Tim shouted to his father. "That's not true!" Gustav shouted. "You had all this planned. Secretly!” “you have flaws too! Not just me! It was the devil that drove me crazy! Devil is to blame!" shouted Gustav. "That's too late now", his lawyer Duncan said to him. "There was all the pressure in the corona crisis. I hadn't had any more orders....I was in danger of going broke and Sally wanted to break up with me too. And then Martin had changed...He then dealt with Nick and Gary, took drugs, there were these books, CDs and amulets that influenced us! All of that was too much for me. The fact that Martin had threatened us - me and my family - was also too much for me. He had even stolen my wife's rings. Should this continue? I had to protect my family! I had always tried to talk to him and it always had no effect. Then there was a real argument between us on the motorway bridge. Something then hit me - that's what they say in the old saying. I freaked out! And that's where it happened. It was over all of a sudden... It was an accident. It wasn’t intentional.” A tear ran down his cheek. "There we have it", said Ginny. "He wanted to be free for the new woman", Tim interjected. “IT WAS THE DEVIL! HE'S TO BLAME! He destroyed me and stole my family. Only Pastor Wyatt Warren came three weeks later, he prayed with me, I became a different, more normal person, the evil was gone. But it was too late. I was then convicted! I was supposed to say that earlier...but I couldn’t think of it! All of these experiences and the shock with Martin had partly caused me amnesia. I couldn't remember a lot of things. Only now can I remember!" explained Gustav. “That’s enough. We, the jury, and I are withdrawing for deliberation.” Mr Duncan spoke to Gustav. “I’m sorry. But the matter has come to an end. After what happened now and everything came out, there's nothing I can do for you anymore. May God have mercy on you "he said The jury deliberated for about five minutes. Then the judge and jury sat down in their seats. Then Judge Fletcher announced the verdict": I hereby announce the verdict. You are guilty of treacherous murder. We know you had an affair. They wanted to be free for this relationship. Uncle Richard's inheritance was just right. And Martin had been bugging you for a long time with his drug addiction, outbursts of anger... and all the problems he had caused. It looks like they wanted to get rid of him - maybe to protect the rest of the family. Anyway After an argument and a fight, they pushed him - when he was defenseless in a moment - off the highway bridge. Two witnesses saw that", said the judge. "THAT'S NOT TRUE! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!” Gustav shouted. "It's not negligent homicide or anything like that. It was a cold-blooded murder. They had an outburst of anger for a trivial reason - which would be a base motive and therefore there is already a murder feature. They wanted to get rid of him. They acted with intent", interjected Ginny's lawyer, Ms. Doyle. "According to mens rea, this is still common law specific intent. Malice. Knowingly. He is extremely guilty and deserves the highest punishment", said Tim's lawyer, Dr. Reed. "In my opinion, this is general intent. Malice. Knowingly. Purposely! He is a first degree premeditated murderer", said Ms. Doyle. "That's not true! I am innocent! It was an accident!" Gustav shouted. "Several pieces of the puzzle come together, which when put together form a picture. I now pass judgment. You are charged with premeditated murder. And are sentenced to death by lethal injection. The verdict is final", Judge Fletcher said. His voice thundered through the courtroom, making Gustav shudder. Gustav was horrified and shocked by what he considered to be a legally flawed and amateurish court hearing. And about the unjust judgment. Where am I here? Why is there the death penalty here? Why hasn't the death penalty been abolished long ago? In Germany and France, for example, there is no death penalty. So I'm here somewhere in the Middle Ages? Or am I in London in the 18th or 19th century? he thoughtIt didn't seem real to him at all and it seemed to him that he was completely losing his mind. “i didn’t mean to. SATAN IS TO BLAME! He ruined me and stole my family! I didn't KILL MARTIN. I'M INNOCENT!" Gustav shouted. Then he became quieter and said ": I'm giving up. Then I'll just die. I had really neglected my family a bit during the corona crisis and I'm sorry...and then I just have to die", he said at the end. Several tears streamed down his cheeks. Then several police officers came up to him, handcuffed him and led him outside the courthouse. And then they went with him - past the sensationalist people and reporters to the white van and invited him there. Again they drove him in handcuffs and closely guarded to the prison building in the New Blackcastle neighborhood of Montgomery. When the white van stopped in front of the prison building, several men took him out of there again and took him to the prison building in handcuffs. Shortly afterwards they took him back to his cell, where he had been before. And locked the door. "I don't want to die. It's the devil's fault", Gustav shouted. But no one seemed to notice his screaming. Not even the prison guard, Mr. Travis. Gustav stayed there - full of fear and exhausted for several hours. In the meantime he had resigned and given up all hope of avoiding the execution of the death penalty - his fate. He even refused to eat - the last meal he was brought. After about five hours - during which Gustav had often screamed and cried and was on the verge of suicide - the prison warden Mr. Wilson, the doctor Dr. Stone, the prison guard Mr. Travis and several men came to Gustav's cell. They stopped in front of the prison cell. "Gustav Walters. We came to get you", said Mr. Wilson. "The time has come", said Mr. Travis. “may God have mercy on you.” “Yes. I'm ready. I'm getting the just punishment now. I didn't take good care of my family and now Martin is dead!" Gustav shouted. Then he unlocked the cell door for Mr. Travis. And then several men went into the cell, grabbed him and led him out of the cell. Gustav did not resist anymore He had resigned. He was as good as dead already. The men walked down the hallway with Gustav, who had little strength left. Shortly afterwards they walked along several more corridors. Then they led him into a room where there was a stretcher. And next to it were some medical devices that were unknown to Gustav. When he looked closer, he saw the cannulas, the syringes, the container with the poison, the cables. Just all kinds of devices.... And he saw the bier. Left and right were pads for the outstretched arms. And at the end of the cushions were the straps and handcuffs to which his arms were to be strapped. And there were shackles at the foot too. "Please extend your arms sideways like two wings. And lie down on the stretcher like that. The two arms on the pads left and right", said Dr. Stone. Gustav obeyed and put his arms out to the sides like wings. Then he lay down on the bier like a bird with his arms outstretched. He had his legs straight out and his arms on his left and right were placed on the cushion. Then two men strapped his arms left and right. And also his legs. Gustav was then given a sedative. A little later, puncture sites on the arms on the left and right were anesthetized, then the vessels were punctured. And then Dr. Stone quickly put the two catheters in his arms - left and right. "Does it hurt a lot?" Gustav asked exhausted last time. “if you don’t resist - no.” He saw that through a pane of glass that several people were there watching him lie on the stretcher and the men around him preparing his execution. There was a lot of audience there. People unknown to Gustav. And there was his family. You'll watch me get executed, he thought However, he stopped looking at his family. He had finished with her. It's over anyway, he thought. Then he saw the preacher Bateman standing there. "Preacher. Can you pray for me?" asked Gustav. “Yes. I will pray for you", Bateman said. Then Bateman prayed for Gustav, saying, “May God have mercy on you.” Then the doctor Dr. Stone prepared the lethal injection Shortly afterwards, the poison flowed from Gustav's veins. And everything blurred before him.... Then Gustav suddenly heard a voice. "Gustav. Gustav. Are you awake?” "Who's there?" he thought, exhausted. “you are here.” Then Gustav slowly opened his eyes and looked into a friendly face. It was the face of the preacher Henry Bateman. At that moment, he didn't know where he was And why Bateman was there all of a sudden He felt like he was in a strange environment. And yet some things seemed familiar He looked to the right and saw a nightstand with a glass of water, tablets, a plate of fruit on it. Then he saw the catheter in his right arm that they had placed. Then he looked to the left and saw an empty hospital bed. Yeah, now he knew where he was He was in the hospital! And he now remembered it more closely: He was suffering from cancer. And he was here at Old Sutherdale hospital for lymph gland and stomach cancer. The doctors only gave him a few more months of life. And the preacher was his friend Henry Bateman, whom he had known for a long time and with whom he had studied the Bible. And which he had also dreamed of and studied the Bible with him in his dream in prison. And since he would die soon and his life shortly before death increasingly resembled life in a prison death cell, he also knew why he had dreamed of the prison cell. That had to do with his life. Yes, he was like he was on death row. At least that's how he felt. He then remembered his dream more closely and compared it to his real life situation: the whole court case was just a dream. Nothing was real. He also didn't kill his son Martin, he wasn't convicted by a court, there was no prison in his life, there was no Heiner, no doctor Dr. Stone, no prison guard Travis, no prison warden Mr. Wilson and no judge Fletcher and no jury. Everything wasn't real. Reality was only or what was parallel to his dream: that he had really lost his 21-year-old son Martin in the corona crisis: from a drug overdose. He was found dead behind a park bench near the cemetery in Old Sutherdale on 18.4.2020. And he couldn't get over that. Added to this is his cancer: lymph glands and stomach cancer. It was also a reality that the relationship with his daughter Ginny was very difficult. What was real was that his 19-year-old son Tim really got involved with some punks at times during the corona crisis, took some light drugs at times (fortunately he had stopped doing that now) and that he once brought home a punk named Geoffrey Barker, who had dealt with spiritualism and then left a strange book at their house. Because the book seemed strange to him and his family and the punk who owned the book he had left lying around strangely didn't come forward and pick up the book, they threw it away sometime in November 2020. Pastor Wyatt Warren of the Free Church advised us to do this when we told him about the book. Actually everything was there. Because otherwise we stayed away from spiritualism. And when Martin died, Gustav felt responsible for his death and felt intense guilt. If I had cared more about him, it wouldn't have happened, he often told himself. The whole thing was a shock! In the end the whole family was destroyed! Then the preacher Henry Bateman said to Gustav ": You had a bad dream? Do you know where you are?" “Yes. In the hospital", Gustav replied. "You moaned like you were in pain. You must have had very bad dreams", said Bateman. “Yes. It was a horrible dream. I dreamed that I was in the courtroom - my whole family accused me, I was accused of insidiously pushing my son Martin off the motorway bridge. I would never do something like that! I was executed by lethal injection at the end of the dream.” "Luckily, this is all just a dream", Bateman said. “But...why do I have the dream? Maybe it has to have a meaning", replied Gustav. "You feel guilty about your son Martin. Sure ....You could have done more for him. While Tim was still getting things together and no longer taking drugs, Martin, the family's problem child, was no longer able to get off drugs", said Bateman. “Unfortunately, no.” "What's your relationship with Sally, with your son Tim and with your daughter Ginny?" asked Bateman. “Still difficult. None of them had visited me here in the hospital after my cancer operation", said Gustav. "That's a shame", Bateman replied. “That’s often the case these days. Away with the old. Away with the sick. Anything that is uncomfortable or different has to go", explained Gustav. "Why is it that the children don't visit you?" Bateman asked. “I used to take care of my kids all the time...but then came the coronavirus crisis in spring 2020. I lost all my jobs as a photographer during the lockdown in mid-March 2020 and I had to work a lot - for example, looking for new jobs to make ends meet financially! Then I didn't have much time for my children anymore. And then Martin had a drug problem. He then met the wrong people. Even in lockdown. And then one day we found Martin dead in the park behind a park bench in Old Sutherdale. On April 18, 2020. That was a shock! I blamed myself for the death of my son, Martin.” "But remember - you didn't kill him like in a dream. It's the guilt that torments you. You did your best! Even though you are sick. Nobody asks for more. Or shouldn't you ask. The fact that your wife Sally left you at the end of 2020 and took the children with her is bad. Also that she doesn’t come to visit you anymore.” “I think....Corona and Satan stole my family. I firmly believe in it", said Gustav. "Be sober and watch; for your adversary the devil goes about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he devours. This is what it says in 1 Peter, 5:8", said Bateman. "Bad times", said Gustav. "Do you think your family will come to visit you soon?" Bateman asked. “Yes...when it comes to money and inheritance. They will come to visit me. But they come not because of me, but because of inheritance. You probably want to know what the will is like.” "And do you want to pass something on to your children Ginny and Tim? And maybe your ex-wife Sally too?" asked Bateman. Gustav thought for a moment before answering. "My paternal uncle Richard, who was childless, unfortunately died in mid-2021. Because I got along so well with him, he named me as the sole heir. I had inherited the house and shares. If sold, the house is worth at least 600,000 or 700,000 euros, the shares are worth around 70,000 euros. My children, who are now teenagers, should both inherit equally.” "And you do that even though your children don't visit you?" Bateman asked in amazement. “Yes. I say to myself: I did my best. And maybe they will be nicer to me in the future and visit me more", said Gustav. “I hope so. If you pass something on to your children...Then next time the devil will use money as a means to destroy the family. The devil uses a lot of traps", Bateman said. “I hope not. I hope that my children will be nicer to me in the future", replied Gustav. "Unfortunately I have to go. I still have an appointment. I'll come back in a few days", Bateman said. “then see you next time.” Then Bateman left. Gustav was alone in his room for several hours, staring at the ceiling and thinking. Then suddenly Tim came into his room He had a bouquet of flowers in his hand. "Hello father. How are you?" he said. "I'm doing according to my circumstances. I'm seriously ill and don't have long to live. It can end at any moment. Because cancer is an insidious disease", explained Gustav. “Don’t say it, Father. don’t say it. You'll get well again", Tim said. He wiped his eyes. To Gustav it looked as if he had wiped a tear from his eye. It was probably just a show. He saw that Tim still had his bouquet of flowers (which were probably cheap flowers from the supermarket) in his hand. "There's a vase on my bedside table. You can put the flowers in there", said Gustav. "Okay", he said. Then he went to the nightstand with the bouquet of flowers and put it in the vase. "You can find 20 euros in the bedside table. You can have those.” "Thank you very much!" Tim replied. Then he opened the drawer and took the 20 euros that were lying there. Then Tim began his expressions of remorse. “sorry I didn’t visit you once.” “It’s okay, boy. Not so bad. You all have work to do. You also want to have a little fun. At your age you also have women on your mind. I used to be young too, you know ... I know what I'm talking about", said Gustav. “Yes, father.” Gustav noticed that Tim seemed depressed. "What's wrong, my boy?" Gustav asked. "I met such a young woman there. I had also kissed ....well, a bit. And then I asked her if she wanted to go with me. That was on the cathedral when she had just bought sweets. She didn't respond to my serious question at all. She just sucked her lolly and just looked at me strangely. And then she told me that although she thought I was nice, it was somehow too immature that she didn't want to commit herself tightly, she wanted to gain experience first and not commit straight away. Especially not someone like me", she said. “Yes. Then she's not the right one. Maybe someone in the Free Church is a great woman for you. I've been visiting the Free Church regularly for half a year... I used to not be such a churchgoer.” "I know what you're getting at. You think I’d better find another one.” “Exactly. But someone who wants to have several men at once is unlikely to be sad.” "FATHER, WHO SAID SHE WOULD HAVE DIFFERENT MEN?" Tim shouted angrily. "But you can hear that", said his father Gustav. "You think she's too spoiled", said Tim. "I didn't say that", Gustav replied. "But hinted at ""I think that when it comes to the topic of relationships, you are completely disoriented and don't know where left and right are. You can't just go by your heart and inner urge. You also have to go after your head. That's how it is in love and partnership - marriage. You need principles...” “father, we’re changing the subject.” “yes.” Then they were silent for a while. Then Father said": It's good that you're here. Because I will die soon. And I have now made my will. Even before I got to the hospital That's up to the notary", Gustav said. “Don’t say that. You will get well again", replied Tim. "Unfortunately my daughter didn't come. But that's so common these days. In this world the elderly are no longer visited. This is often the case. Everyone only thinks about money. Or about selfish pleasure", explained Gustav. "She probably thinks of you often after all." "She doesn't. But whatever. She needs to know what she's doing. I did my duty. I deposited a will with the notary. As you know, I inherited his house from my Uncle Richard with a size of almost 1000 square meters of land. The house and its land are worth around 600,000 or 700,000 euros. There are also shares worth around 70,000 euros. I have decided - although my relationship with you was not always easy - to appoint you as heirs. Everyone will inherit half of my entire fortune. I just wanted to share that", said his father Gustav. "Thank you, father, for thinking of me", Tim replied. "I should have been a better father to you and Ginny. But what the heck. Let's change the subject....I'd had a bad dream...” "What dream?" "I had dreamed that you would accuse me, sentence me to death and end up executing me. Also because in the dream I was responsible for Martin’s death.” His father Gustav briefly told him what he had dreamed and what he could still remember. "This is a terrible dream", Tim said. “Yes. That's right. I didn't kill Martin like I dreamed, though... But I should have taken more care of him. I should have cared for you more.” "Father, you don't have to feel guilty", Tim said. “Don’t talk any further...I should have cared about you guys more...but I want to make this up to you. You both get my fortune. In equal parts. And I hope you'll be happy with it", said father Gustav. "Was I such a bad father?" "Father, you were a good father", Tim replied. "And you're a good son", said father Gustav quickly. Although that didn't correspond to reality. Tim then hugged his father Father had tears in his eyes. They talked for a while longer. After about half an hour he left the hospital and left the hospital. On 5.6.2022 Gustav Walters died suddenly of cancer. Bateman did not learn of this until a day later Gustav had named his two children, Ginny and Tim, as sole heirs in his will. They were to inherit his fortune in equal shares. About five days later, on Friday 10.6.2022 at 10am, Gustav Walter's funeral took place in Chapel 3 of the cemetery in Old Sutherdale. Only a few people were there. His son Tim, his daughter Ginny, an aunt from Oklahoma with whom Gustav had little contact. A middle-aged cousin and cousin from Phoenix, Arizona, with whom Gustav didn't have much contact either. And Henry Bateman himself. Two friends. And some, other people who were unknown to Bateman. When the flower-decorated coffin was on stage, Father "Father" Michael Smith gave a speech to the small audience. Afterwards, four pallbearers came onto the stage and carried the coffin containing Gustav's body out of the chapel to the place where Gustav's grave had been dug and where the coffin would be lowered with ropes. The mourning community followed the coffin and the pallbearers. Then they arrived at the place where the grave had been dug, then the Father gave a speech and prayed for Gustav and for the mourning congregation. Then the coffin was lowered into the pit with ropes. "Did you know Gustav well?" Bateman asked a mourner. “i’m the cousin. But I didn't know Gustav very well", he said. "That's a shame", said Bateman. "I don't even know his children. I last saw her ten years ago. They look good.” "Do you have children of your own?" Bateman asked. “no. That didn't happen to me. I had always worked a lot as a real estate agent. And unfortunately I hadn't found the right woman in the last 30 years. And now I'm 50 years old and feel too old for that", said the cousin. "But there aren't many people at the funeral", Bateman said. “Yes. Too bad.” “Well. Often the whole family only comes together at the funeral. Otherwise, you don't have much contact with each other And nothing to say either. Or the family is divided over inheritance. And now Gustav is underground. And then the family comes and fights over the money. That’s how it usually is.” “That’s right.” The preacher Bateman was right. After the funeral, the disputes between Tim and Ginny and their mother Sally over Gustav's inheritance began. At first, Sally got a shock from being disinherited, with the result that her children were no longer in contact due to inheritance disputes. It didn't take long for her to become depressed and commit suicide. Then most of the money was lost in legal fees. Tim later speculated in stocks and lost almost all of his assets. He also started taking drugs again. And at some point he collapsed on the dance floor in the club and went to the madhouse. Ginny bought a sports car. When she went on a city tour with him in Montgomery, the friend behind the wheel was driving too fast and had a serious accident. He died instantly. And she was seriously injured and had been confined to a wheelchair ever since. All the money she had was soon spent. Afterwards she stayed alone in a wheelchair in her small apartment. Yes, the devil not only stole Gustav's family, but also completely destroyed it. What had happened to Gustav, his wife and his children, he (Gustav) would certainly not have wanted - if he were still alive - thought the preacher Bateman. That's how it can be if you're too attached to money. The devil also exploits such human weaknesses. THE END
• 
  2025-03-15

  Reflections on Five Years After Lockdown

  Looking back five years later, I realize there were aspects of lockdown that I actually enjoyed. I appreciated the slower pace of life, the daily walks along Tempe Town Lake, and the sense of escape they provided. True crime podcasts became my constant companions, keeping me entertained and distracted. One of the most meaningful experiences was working on the COVID archive, where I bonded with a class of history MA students. Through Zoom, we shared both endearing and difficult moments, forming connections that were unlike anything I’ve experienced in my teaching career. At our last meeting, several of us teared up—it was a moment of shared vulnerability that still stands out. But there were plenty of downsides. I developed a habit of drinking when I was bored, sometimes finding myself hungover during the workweek—something I wouldn’t have typically done before. I also slowly gained weight, which was frustrating. On top of that, I learned I had severe anemia, and by the end of the day, the fatigue made everything harder. Thankfully, I’ve since made changes. I now limit drinking to social outings, rarely drinking at home or alone. Surgery helped address my anemia, and I’ve managed to reverse the pandemic weight gain. One of the most important conversations to come out of the pandemic was about mental health. My baseline happiness felt like it had bottomed out after lockdown, and it took real effort to rebuild. Starting therapy was a turning point, giving me the space to work through the big picture. Looking back, I’m just relieved that I found my way back to my version of normal. The pandemic also reshaped my daughter’s early education. I remember pulling Maya out of school and deciding to homeschool her. I had been so excited for her to start first grade at Kyrene del Norte’s bilingual school, but the reality of online learning was overwhelming. Sitting on Zoom for 4–5 hours a day was too much, and like many parents, I found myself half-working, half-listening in her bedroom to make sure I caught any important announcements. When Maya’s teacher scolded her for going to the bathroom, she started saying things like, “I don’t like school or learning.” That was a red flag. As an online educator myself, I knew even adults would struggle to stay engaged on Zoom for that long—much less young kids. I spoke with the principal twice, and while I understood they were doing their best, I knew we couldn’t endure a full year of drawn-out virtual classes. So, I pulled her out and homeschooled her for a while, following the Blossom and Bloom curriculum. Even now, I still worry about the gaps in Maya’s learning, particularly in math. Despite my best efforts, I wasn’t the strongest math teacher. She’s now in Mathnasium, which is helping her build a stronger foundation as she moves toward middle and high school. The long-term effects of pandemic schooling are something I still think about, but I hope the steps we’ve taken will help her in the years to come. Five years later, the impact of the pandemic still lingers in so many ways. But in reflecting on these experiences—the struggles and the small victories—I’m reminded of how much resilience and adaptation it took to get through.
• 
  2025-03-03

  Five Years Later

  A few things come to mind when I reflect on the pandemic of 2020. Toilet paper still seems to be one of my top thoughts. I quickly think about my family and how we were lucky to be spared. My husband was an essential worker, I was a student finishing up my masters degree and had a five and a two-year-old. I can’t say life was “normal” because of social distancing, masks, limitations on where we could go and what we could do. My oldest started kindergarten through a computer screen, there was new information (and disinformation) almost everyday and I can’t forget the civil rights protests that flooded every day news channels. What stuck to me was all the talk of a “new normal” while we were in this whirlwind. Looking back now it’s interesting to step back and realize that this, today, is that “new normal”. The masks are gone (some still wear them by choice) the toilet paper is back, and life just carried on. The biggest lesson learned is one I hope we can all agree on, one I hope we all share. Life is fragile. We’re here today and gone tomorrow, we should stop and savor each and every moment. Covid taught me to appreciate those around me because we never know when our time is up. I learned to be more compassionate, I owe that to the amazing Kit Harrington. Kit collected an amazing array of stories from peoples from all walks of life (if you haven’t taken a moment ti check that out, you totally should). The stories of all those people still affect me today. As different as everyone is, we always have something in common. I will always cherish the hours I spent listening to each and every one of those stories. My hope is that everyone takes a minute to reflect on their version of “new normal” that we remember the compassion we had for one another in a time when we weren’t sure what tomorrow would bring. The picture attached is one I just took, in a beautiful coffee shop enjoying my new normal.
• 2021-08

  A light in the Dark

  The pandemic was a very dark time for the world and it was a dark time for me personally. I just remembering feeling at if the world would be stuck in this moment forever it felt like someone had just hit the pause button and stopped everything and in a sense that is pretty much what happened. While just going the motions of what the new normal for the world I remember getting news that practically unpaused everything for me and the news was that I would be getting a nephew. This is the reason why I see my nephew as a light in the darkness because it was the news of his life that gave me the ability to look past all of the bad that was happening and to start looking forward and keep pushing because there are always going to be good things that eventually come along.
• 2025-02-26

  COVID-19 Reflection: 5 years later

  During the pandemic, I was in high school. Everything shifted to be online; students were not participating as much as usual and I believe this led teachers to feel discouraged, and therefore try less. It was definitely harder to learn at home rather than in person. All 5 people in my house were at home. My two sisters and I were in the same room on Zoom listening to our online class, and it was very disruptive if one of us were to participate or play the volume out loud. My mom is a paraprofessional for children in second grade with special needs. She was in the next room interacting with her student, singing childhood education songs, helping her student with independent math work and or reading. My father worked the night shift and felt that he couldn’t come into our space to make food or use the bathroom because any noise that he would make would add to the confusion that was occurring. Adjusting to online learning became a bit easier as I got into a schedule, however it became increasingly easy to lay in my bed during class or not study for an exam (since they were all open note. Completing my homework was actually easier because I would do it during classes where I felt that I didn’t need to pay as much attention, because the slides were posted in advance. The pandemic still affects me today as I developed social anxiety during the pandemic. I became very accustomed to not interacting with the outside world and staying in my house for days and even weeks (especially in the winter). This affects me everyday with my friends, family, and professional life as I am especially ambivalent to network. The pandemic affects my future as I am striving to work in healthcare. I also want to practice good public health measures such as staying home when I'm sick, wearing masks, washing my hands often, practicing food safety etc. I believe that now as a society we are more accustomed to being aware of contamination. On the other hand however we are also more divided when it comes to science and facts, especially in the case of vaccines.
• 
  2020-03-14

  Andrew and Ricky at Singing Beach in Massachusetts

  On Saturday, March 14, 2020, my partner Ricky and I drove up to Singing Beach, in Manchester-by-the-Sea in Massachusetts, from Jamaica Plain (a neighborhood in Boston) where we lived. It was pretty clear things were going to shut down for a while (who knew how long, or even what that really meant!). This felt a little like a last breath of fresh air before everything changed. I love this picture of us, and am so glad I had him beside me through the pandemic and beyond.
• 2025-02-03

  Siblings Reunited

  Entering the year 2020, my family was one where everyone was just starting to find their own. Myself & my four siblings (which includes my two sisters & two brothers) were all incredibly busy, leading lives that involved school, activities & sports & clubs, & jobs. I was in my second semester of community college & working full time in retail & both my sisters were doing the same. My brothers, one in high school & the other in middle school, were overwhelmed by school & sports that saw every one of their days fully booked. Half of us lived with my dad, the other half with my mom. We were busy & separated; any time spent together was savored but rare. On the occasional Saturday night when we were all under one roof & not busy, we would hang out for hours, watching movies, giving each other much needed life updates, & just talking. The five of us had been a unit as kids- we were each others’ best friends, playing together & laughing together. As we grew into teenagers & our lives began to move in different, hectic directions, it seemed to linger over all our heads if we would ever feel like that unit again. In the first days of March in 2020, my siblings & I started to compare our emails from our schools & jobs about the new virus that was causing massive shut downs across the globe. Then my brothers’ schools decided to close for two weeks. Mine & my sisters’ colleges moved all classes online, our jobs closed for an undetermined amount of time. As a family, we decided that my siblings & I would be staying at my father’s house; my mother, who worked at a hospital, was terrified of bringing the virus home to us, as she was heavily exposed. For the first time in many years, the five of us kids were living under one roof; we were siblings reunited. As the “two week” school closures & brief workplace closings became indefinite closures, we all realized that we were going to be together in an odd state of limbo for quite some time. Although we were all collectively anxious, confused, & worried about our world & our loved ones, we leaned into our time together- we had a lot of it. We did our daily schoolwork together, went on long walks around the neighborhood, watched lots of movies & called our mom every night to check in on her. We played lots of cards & darts, & video games. While the world seemed so scary & unsafe & unsure, we had our home, our safety, our health, & each other- we had lots of blessings. It was not an easy time, but it was an important time. For two months, we spent every day together- no school or work or activities to draw us apart. We had all the time in the world together, & we were again that unit we once were as kids. In May, my sisters & I were able to go back to work. Some of us went back to our mom’s while the others stayed with our dad. We slowly went back into the world. Those two months that my siblings & I lived together during the beginning of the covid pandemic changed our relationships completely. Our relationships grew into something they hadn’t been before; relationships based on trust & dependence on one another. Relationships that were made strong by guiding each other through adversity. Those two months gave us all time together we would never have had otherwise. Although the covid lockdowns were a challenging & frightening time for us all, they were special, because we were together again. I am so grateful for how the lockdowns changed my relationships with my siblings & I; we are closer now than we ever were because of what we went through. What those two months taught me is that no matter how uncertain life is, family is what will keep you grounded & safe.
• 2021-05-14

  Short-term Travel Restrictions, Long-term Anxieties

  The first trip I took after COVID-19 travel restrictions was to Seattle. My mother, a nurse, planned the trip; she needed the escape after the trauma of working in healthcare during these times. She disguised it as a trip for my brother's birthday. She packed our bags full of hand sanitizers and masks, even though the trip lasted only three days. We planned to wear masks any time we were in public even if it was no longer required. Any pictures we have from the trip feature a mask either hanging from a wrist or our ears. Before the pandemic, my family loved traveling, and I studied out of state for my bachelor’s degree. We took at least two small trips a year. If you had asked me about my favorite sight in 2018, I would have told you it was the lights of LA when you fly into LAX, the airport closest to home. For that reason, I called the window seat on every trip. On our first trip after the pandemic, I asked for an aisle seat because it felt less claustrophobic. The airline required us to skip a seat between each person in an attempt to maintain social distancing. They also required that we wear masks at all times. For the first time, my brother got the window seat instead of the middle seat, which we were told to leave empty. He took this opportunity to spread out more than usual. My mother earned the task of keeping a mask on my five-year-old sister, who hated them. As expected, the flight was significantly emptier due to the need to skip seats. In Seatle, we stayed in an Airbnb and used Uber to go to the places we wanted to see. I did not have a point of reference for normal crowd sizes at the time, but I remember there being enough people that I was uncomfortable. Often they kept a good distance from me but I still felt anxious about it all. I voted no on the trip from the start and spent our time in Seattle leading the family to less crowded areas. However, I realize now that the places we visited then were underpopulated at the time. We returned to LAX as planned after the short trip without anyone acquiring any symptoms. My mother still made us all take a covid test upon returning home. With that success, she had our next trips lined up for us as though nothing changed. Slowly, I grew more comfortable with traveling but I still can not stand crowds or enclosed places with people
• 
  2022-07-01

  RManduchi COVID-19 Experience

  Traveling to Hawaii in 2022 after travel restrictions were lifted.
• 
  2020-09-12

  A Covid-19 Wedding

  When travel restrictions were lifted my family and I traveled from Los Angeles to Richmond, Virginia for a covid wedding. The wedding was planned for September 12, 2020 and scaled back to only include immediate family. In the end, the Los Angeles travel party included my mother, grandmother, sister, aunt, uncle, and three cousins. There were many concerns about taking my grandmother or my younger cousins because Covid could affect their age groups worse, but still we all wore masks and tried to limit our interactions with other people. We also decided to quarantine ourselves before traveling to make sure we kept our grandmother healthy. After arriving a day early, our cousin (the one getting married) and her family insisted on coming over to our AirBnb and spending time with us. We thought most of them would show up wearing a mask and keeping their distance but we were wrong. Not one wore a mask, and not one kept their distance. This trend seemed to follow the day of the wedding. What we forgot was how politics would affect our first wedding. Our Los Angeles family is liberal, our Virginia family is conservative and worse they are Trumpers. My family is of Mexican ancestry but the family we met in Virginia was married with White men. The family in Virginia immediately expressed their political views and their skepticism regarding Covid-19. At the wedding my cousin’s new husband asked people to remove their masks so that THEY could enjoy their wedding. Unfortunately most of us listened. Compared to other weddings, this wedding was quite boring, we kept our distance from the politics and the dance floor. At the end of the night we took a picture with our traveling group, some Virginia cousins, and the bride.
• 2022-07-06

  In the Future When All's Well

  The pandemic kept my mom, my stepdad, and I at home a lot longer than other families. My mom is immune-compromised so our vigilance was at an all-time high and our urge to resume a somewhat normal schedule was at an all time low. Though, as we became more familiarized with the pandemic’s nature, impact, and the possible consequences it could have on our livelihoods, we decided to branch out and seize the day for my mom’s birthday in July of 2022. Naturally, my mom and I share a love for a defunct British 80s band called The Smiths. The former lead singer and front man of The Smiths, Morrissey, was booked for a five night residency at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas. We picked the third show of the residency, scheduled for July 6, 2022, since it was a mellow weekday and still part of my mom’s birthday week. In the end, our decision was made on spontaneity and the desire to see our favorite artist for the first time before it was too late. While Morrissey’s opinions are always up for debate, his resolute nature, willingness to always speak his mind, and his disregard for what others think of him, are venerable traits in my opinion. The ways in which The Smiths and Morrissey have defined, helped, and steered my life, and my mom's, forged a unique bond between us. These factors alone made our pilgrimage worth it. The usual processions before a concert took place; we bought the tickets in March, waited with bated breath, and on the day of the road trip, a new type of anticipation took hold. Concert going was one of my favorite personal pastimes in the pre-pandemic era, so missing many concerts during the first two years was a drag. Driving from Southern California to Las Vegas on the I-15 is a ritualistic occurrence for many Californians, but this time, it felt different. The feeling primarily stemmed, not from the concert, but from the fact that we were returning to the world in such a drastic way. Is there a better way to rip the Band-Aid off? We would not want it any other way. Immediately, we knew that this journey was a triumphant return into what is mistakenly called ‘real’ life. I have fond memories of this trip as it was a big step forward in terms of regaining our livelihoods and in terms of enjoying something that we both loved. Myself, along with my family, were strongly pro-mask during and shortly after the pandemic. I still agree today, that, if one is sick and needs to go out in public, that one should mask for everyone’s safety. Though, being in a family that is immune-compromised, the concern on my behalf was obviously much greater than average. The freedom and fear associated with traveling in such a grand fashion for our first big trip since the pandemic’s restrictions lifted definitely occupied our minds whilst traveling, but in the moment, when the destination was met, we felt relieved and our hearts felt free. In saying this, there were no COVID-19 restrictions in place when we went to the event and crossed the state line, rather, restrictions were lifted, both in our minds and spirits.
• 
  2021

  COVID travel story

  This story shows how important human contact was during the pandemic.
• 2025-01-30

  Tourism Story for the COVID-19 Archive - Question

  An answer to the question posed by Arizona State University's HST 643 class asking where I would travel and why. If I could travel anywhere, I would visit my mother's home village of Lamasquère in Southern France. It is a small village about twenty kilometers southwest of Toulouse, where my mother spent most of her childhood and early adulthood. My mother does not have fond memories of Lamasquère and her family, but I would like to visit at least once. The last time I traveled to Europe or anywhere far from where I live was in 2017 to visit my grandparents for a second time before they eventually passed away. In Lamasquère, I would see my mother's family house (if still standing) and the cemetery where her ancestors rest. Since the village is rather small, I would also visit nearby Toulouse and take photos of my trip (nature, architecture, interesting things, etc.). I don't have a social media presence and don't document my life in a journal.
• 2021-03-29

  A Simple Trip to the Beach

  I don’t think I had ever been prone to depression before the pandemic. I am generally upbeat, happy, and have a positive outlook most if not all of the time, but a deep, unshakable melancholy set in weeks after the state of California issued the stay-at-home order. Confined to my home, leaving only to buy groceries and other necessities, the only way I could keep in touch with friends and family was through social media. Through that medium, I received news of the deaths of friends or their loved ones, more deaths than I can count on my fingers. A facetime call from my mother let me know of the death of an elderly uncle, and then an aunt a few weeks later. My only window to the outside world was Facebook. If I wasn’t addicted to it before, I definitely was throughout the pandemic. With covid denial and conspiracies rampant on that, the outlook for a speedy end to the crisis seemed bleak. A deep depression overtook me. It manifested itself in a lack of interest in doing anything other than scrolling and sleeping. I felt like I gave up. The healthy habits I had developed as an adult didn’t seem important. The stagnant lifestyle I fell into coupled with the unhealthy eating habits I developed took its toll on me. I gained a massive amount of weight, approximately fifty pounds, my cholesterol levels and blood pressure shot up, and I was pre-diabetic by the time the shelter-in-place orders were lifted. The entire experience was surreal, but it was nearly over. All I wanted to do was to spend time with my parents and siblings and go anywhere. My mother loves the ocean, so naturally, weeks or months after the stay-at-home orders were lifted, our first trip was to the beach. We drove a few hours from our home in Bakersfield to Santa Monica State Beach, both in California. Things were not quite back to normal entirely, but it was nice seeing people living life. I am sure there were a lot of smiles hidden underneath the masks as we walked along the pier, and the smiles, the joy, and the laughter were all quite visible on the beach where masks were either not required, or the mandate to wear them was not enforced. In either case, it felt like I was finally awakening from a long and somber dream. As good as it felt to be out and about and among other people, with some restrictions still in place, I remember wondering if things would ever truly go back to normal. The crowds on the pier and on the beach were noticeably thinner than they were prior to the pandemic, and most people were hidden behind masks per the mandate, and restaurants only allowed take out or outdoor dining. Would this be the new norm? Another thing that really stood out to me from this trip, particularly as we stopped by the Glendale Galleria Mall on the way home, was how much more rigidly enforced the mask mandate was in the L.A. metropolitan area compared to my much more conservative hometown where it was loosely enforced if at all. The disapproving looks I got in the L.A. area for pulling my mask below my chin were the same looks I got in Bakersfield for wearing a mask at all. I found it funny and interesting how a hundred and fifty miles and a mountain range divided more than just the geographical landscape, but the cultural landscape as well. That trip seemed like an eternity ago. The entire pandemic was like a fleeting nightmare, like a childhood trauma that our minds seek to suppress, the memories of it fade but the scars remain, and I, for one, enjoy and appreciate life a little bit more than I did prior to the crisis. My health, both mental and physical, has improved markedly.
• 
  2020-08-03

  A Funeral in Safford

  This story conveys the experience me and my 4 other siblings had when we attended our grandfather's funeral in August 2020. In the super conservative town of Safford, Arizona, no one attending the funeral (except us) wore masks. Our extended family didn't believe that Covid-19 was real, or something to be stressed over. This story shows how we tried to navigate an event we thought would have precautions, and then didn't. Lastly, this story is important to me because even though we were stressed and panicked over attending a funeral without masks, my siblings and I grew closer after this.
• 2020-05-10

  TEN LITTLE TENANTS IN THE CORONAVIRUS CRISIS

  TEN LITTLE TENANTS IN THE CORONAVIRUS CRISIS A little story from the lockdown By Berthold von Kamptz (2020, Hamburg, Germany) Before the corona period: Once upon a time there were ten little tenants. They lived in an apartment building near Charlesburg near Castle Newman Street in Atlanta, which was managed by the strict landlord Johann Hermann, a real estate agent and philistine, and his son Rudolf, an often rebellious son and sound engineer who owned a small music studio. The ten tenants lived in the red brick apartment building and not always harmoniously. But as long as they avoided each other and did not know each other well, it worked out reasonably well. Either they were too busy with their work, their relationship, family and other obligations, so that in this often stressful time before the corona pandemic there was hardly any time. Only Grandma Leni asked how Mr. Lemke, Mr. Schmitz, Mr. Weidmann or Mr. Ehlert were doing. Because she was a pensioner, was curious, interested in other people and had time. Otherwise - if you were honest - almost no one was interested in anyone else. Everyone had their own life, something to do with themselves. Most people left the apartment in the morning and then disappeared into the grey mass. And Grandma Leni thought: "My contacts in the building are only superficial. How I hate that." Tenant No. 1: The former humorous gallery owner Jochen Schmitz from Switzerland lived in the basement. He represented many young artists, had sales skills, good taste and often cracked jokes. And what artists he had! Neo-expressionists, conceptual artists, pop artists and cubists. What exhibitions he did. Nobody would have thought of that before! Tenant No. 2: And now we come to Grandma Leni. She lived on the left on the ground floor. Her name was exactly Grandma Leni Saubermann. She always read a lot, knitted and lovingly looked after her two grandchildren, who often visited her, as did her daughter Ruth. At 85, Grandma Leni was fit. And many thought: "What more can she do." But her son Hugo, with whom she had little contact, thought: "She's old, just wait a bit and then she'll leave us." Tenant No. 3: On the right on the ground floor lived the artist Fritz Weidmann. He came from Europe. He always wore trousers with holes in them. He was not successful as an artist. The gallery owner down in the basement didn't want him. Schmitz said: "At 40, he's too old. His work leaves me cold." So Fritz drank a lot and was often drunk. And when he raged, you could hear it throughout the house. And many said: When will the landlord finally throw him out! Tenant No. 4: Upstairs on the second floor on the left lived the singer Daniel Lechler. He often wrote and sang his songs - sometimes even late at night. And that really annoyed the neighbors below and next to him. But that's how he was. Vain and completely gay, that's just how this singer was. He had a friend somewhere that nobody knew.And the neighbor Herbert Lemke in particular got upset and hated guys like Daniel. He had to get up at 5 a.m. because he was a baker! Tenant No. 5: And now we come to the baker Holger Lemke. He lived on the second floor to the right, opposite Lechler's apartment. Lemke was always upset and the only reason they didn't argue was because Mr. Lechler rarely met him in the dark stairwell. And Lemke hated people who were different - people like Lechler, because he was also politically extremely right-wing. Tenant No. 6: To make matters worse, a tenant named Gustav Ehlert lived above him on the third floor to the right. And he wasn't politically right-wing, but politically extremely left-wing. He had lots of left-wing websites with multiple links. And sometimes he was inclined to violence. And he always felt miserable when he heard the tenant Lemke running around the apartment. And heard the people he hated ranting. And one day he came up with a nasty plan. Tenant no. 7: And on the third floor to the left lived Ali with his wife and child. The family came from somewhere in the Middle East Europe - presumably. After the arguments with Holger Lemke, which were caused by both of them, he was protected by Gustav Ehlert, who lived opposite his apartment on the right. Whenever there were problems, he simply went over to Ehlert. Tenant no. 8: Above Ali on the fourth floor to the left lived old Knut Rückner, who was suffering from cancer. He was alone, depressed and addicted to medication. He had an uncertain future. But he did not want to end it because he was a fighter. Reason prevailed here. Tenant no. 9: On the fourth floor to the right opposite Knut Rückner lived Tim Rösler, who often argued with his wife Anna since he had recently been unfaithful. At this point, Anna could not yet decide whether she should forgive her husband and stay with him, or not forgive him and leave him completely. She had already taken another room in Woodberry City in Atlanta and only lived with her husband from time to time. At first he begged her to stay with him. But gradually he had had enough of her swearing, accusations, frustration and jealousy. And he thought: "If it doesn't stop, I'll kill her or leave her, then finally stop shouting!" Tenant No. 10: And in the attic lived the graphic artist Albert Eisenblätter, a graphic artist who had been left by his girlfriend and who either cried now and then, watched TV or masturbated in his attic apartment. He had messed up several relationships. This was now the fourth! The landlord Johann Hermann and his son Rudolf: They lived in a single-family house in Greenwood City (Atlanta). And the father-son relationship was not always easy. Johann Hermann had a lot to do with managing the property. Since Rudolf often didn't help much in the past, this sometimes caused the relationship to cool down.Because Rudolf had a job and a lot to do. And therefore often had little time for property management. He was a sound engineer, was involved in various small music productions - also in advertising - and also had a small recording studio, but what he earned was not enough to live well from it. He had also gambled in the casino, had too many women who often stole money from his pocket. At some point he was in debt, it was no longer possible, and there were discussions with his father. And then everything came out. And then his previous life was over. And so he promised to pull himself together. And also to do property management and earn some extra money. His father told him: "You have to change, because if you don't, it will tear the whole family apart." And so they did property management together and Rudolf pulled himself together after these incidents. And soon father and son got along well again. And his father encouraged him. Then suddenly Corona came... Then suddenly Corona came and changed everything. Like a huge monster, Corona swept across the whole world. And turned everything upside down. In America. In Europe. In Afrika.... During the lockdown, all shops closed. Hotels, sports clubs, concert halls, opera houses, bars, restaurants, hotels, clubs, brothels, cafes,... Only supermarkets, doctor's offices and pharmacies were open. The landlord Johann Hermann and his son Rudolf: They panicked. Johann immediately bought masks from the pharmacy. And Johann immediately sent his son to panic buy. And soon the cans were piling up in the basement. But there was almost no toilet paper anywhere! It was a lot of running around to at least get kitchen paper as a toilet paper substitute. Fortunately, Johann earned well and had fortunately saved a lot of money during the Corona period. That was enough for the time being. Rudolf was not so lucky. He lost his job as a musician because concerts were not allowed and contact restrictions necessarily applied and could no longer keep his head above water financially. So Johann helped his son and then he managed to make ends meet. As the number of people infected with Corona kept increasing, Johann and Rudolf stocked up on food in the basement and then stayed at home. They were afraid. And they told themselves: If they stayed at home, nothing would happen. When they turned their attention to the property management, they noticed something frightening: There were more and more arguments among the tenants, some had not paid. Everyone against everyone, nothing had been normal since the Corona crisis. And if it continued like this, chaos would break out. That had a lot to do with Corona, Corona acted as a problem amplifier, nerves were frayed and this led to more arguments. Also due to tight budgets. Johann often said: "But often it is not just Corona, but also the people themselves, who have not learned to show solidarity and deal with problems. Many were doing too well before the crisis,could have everything they wanted and now there is a lockdown. A lot of things are different. You can't blame everything on Corona." Victim number 1 was tenant number 10: graphic artist Albert Eisenblätter was the first to freak out. He couldn't handle the lockdown and the loneliness at all, he kept thinking about his ex-girlfriend and masturbated constantly. And he often drank too much alcohol to the point of almost fainting. He couldn't handle losing all his graphic design jobs at all. He could no longer pay the rent and so Johann Hermann and his son Rudolf sent him several reminders by letter. They wanted to throw him out if he could no longer pay the rent. Then one day during the lockdown he stopped responding to their reminders. Finally, Johann and Rudolf drove to his apartment and knocked on his door. But he didn't open it! He seemed to have disappeared off the face of the earth. Then Johann called the police and they broke down the door. Then they saw Albert Eisenblätter and the rope around his neck. He had hanged himself! There were only 9 tenants left in the house. Victim No. 2 was tenant No. 8: Knut Rückner could not cope at all with the fact that tenant Eisenblaetter had hanged himself above him. He was still battling with his cancer. He only made it to his doctor's office in great pain and with the risk of contracting the coronavirus. And he couldn't even get all of his medication from the pharmacy. He only got one pack of antidepressants. Then he was taken to hospital and died. Then there were only 8 left. Victim No. 3 was tenant No. 2: Grandma Leni Saubermann fell into depression. Her grandchildren could no longer visit her during the coronavirus lockdown because of the risk of infection. She became increasingly lonely and depressed. Finally, her daughter Ruth made sure that she went to a nursing home. But before that, she caught the coronavirus when she secretly met an old friend. So she ended up in a nursing home and died a little later of Covid-19. Then there were only 7 left. Victim No. 4 was tenant No. 3: Tenant Tim Rösner did not die. But the lockdown frustration and certain circumstances caused him to become angrier and angrier. And his anger was directed at the gallery owner down in the converted basement, who did not appreciate his art. How humiliated he felt! He had already earned little from his art before and then Corona came along, so that he could not pay his rent. Finally, at some point he went crazy and beat up the gallery owner and devastated his gallery. He was then taken away by the police and had to go to a psychiatric hospital. Then there were only 6 left. Victim No. 5 was tenant No. 1: The Corona crisis also made the gallery owner Jochen Schmitz feel bad. After being attacked by the artist Fritz, he became depressed and suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder. He could no longer pay the rent,had to move and rent other premises. Nobody knew for sure whether he went bankrupt. When he moved out there were only 5 left. Soon after, the apartment was rented out again. Victim No. 6 was tenant No. 9: After a short period of peace in the apartment building, Tim and his wife argued more and more. The arguments were often so violent that everyone in the house heard everything. Then one day he almost beat her to death. Then he had to go to prison. She barely survived and then moved out too. There were only 4 left. Victim No. 7 was tenant No. 7: Ali got it in the fall. He attacked Mr. Lemke, Mr. Lemke attacked him. Nobody knew exactly who started it. Since Corona, it got worse and worse. Mr. Ehlert, who lived to his left, wanted to help him wherever he could. Even the singer Daniel Lecher! When Ali left the house one day, he was knocked down by an unknown man wearing a mask. The police could not prove anything against Mr. Lemke. Maybe it wasn't him. Only Ehlert suspected that Mr. Lemke was behind it. Ali was taken to the hospital. His family then moved out of the apartment. Ali did recover. But as we later learned, Ali became infected with Corona through unfortunate circumstances. So Ali eventually died of Corona. Then there were only 3 left. Victims No. 8 and 9 were tenants No. 5 and No. 6: After Ali's attack and his entire family moved out, Lemke and Ehlert got into increasingly serious arguments. When they met by chance outside, a fight broke out. Later there was a stabbing and both killed each other. So there was only one left. Victim No. 10 was tenant No. 4: One day during the Corona crisis, singer Daniel Lechner learned that his friend had contracted Corona in May 2020. According to stories, he visited him. The latter then died suddenly. Daniel became depressed and drank more and more. Then one day during the corona crisis he fell from the first floor. He later died in hospital. It was inexplicable and incomprehensible. Then everyone left the house and then there were only 0. The landlord Johann Hermann and his son Rudolf: The fact that so much was happening in the apartment building frightened Johann Hermann and his son Rudolf. It was pure madness! That wasn't the case before the corona crisis! First bills piled up. Then there was the first major trouble. The unpleasant tenant Lemke wanted a lot of repairs to be done in the house. All of the electrical systems in the basement, the doorbell panel, lights in the entrance, pipe inspections in the basement, a new refrigerator and the heating in his apartment, which was supposedly making noises. Some of it was certainly necessary, others not. A lot of it was lies or made up. He wanted to have the whole house done ideally and then live cheaply! And he acted as a caretaker, threatening to inform the building authorities.Who was going to pay for all of this? And all of this during the lockdown and the Corona crisis that followed! A little later, an unknown person caused a riot in the house and damaged doors in the basement, the railing, the steps, and rubbish was scattered around the basement. Nobody knew who it was. Johann suspected that it was a frustrated tenant or a tenant who had gone crazy during the lockdown and who hated Johann and Rudolf. Probably the evil Lemke! Or Ehlert - he was also a suspect! But nothing could be proven if there were no witnesses. Because suspicions were not enough for the police. Then, a little later, there were serious conflicts between the tenants. There were the first deaths. First the tenant Eisenblätter, then the tenant Rückner.... Every time Rudolf heard of a tenant's death in the apartment building, his hands shook. Johann was also worried. "During the Corona crisis and the lockdown, many people are going crazy. Unfortunately. Everyone against everyone. At first, during the Corona crisis in March and April, solidarity was the order of the day. But the longer the Corona crisis lasts, the more aggressive many people become. The good people seem to be dwindling. In the past, the bad people lived at the expense of the good. If everyone becomes bad, then even the bad people will eventually be afraid and no longer want to live in such a world. A philosopher once said something similar," said Johann. It was an attempt to explain these strange occurrences. Because of all the problems in the house, they eventually got into financial difficulties. Then their son Rudolf had an accident during the second lockdown. He drove drunk into a tree and then died. A little later, their father Johann died of a heart attack from grief. Uncle Jochen Hermann was Johann's brother. He inherited the apartment building from his brother. Renovations were carried out and new tenants moved in. Everyone thought that Jochen Hermann had solved all the problems with the apartment building. But then another disaster happened later: the house was set on fire by a leftist, a friend of Ehlert. Several new tenants died and the house burned down almost completely. Only rubble towered into the sky like individual memorials. They were images like from a war. The conclusion: And the undertaker Walter had a lot to do. And he shamelessly exploited the grief. For example, he made a mourner pay him 3000 euros for an expensive coffin and instead of the expensive coffin he only took a cheap coffin for 300 euros. That's how he made a profit. And how good the business was! Lots of people died - like mayflies - of Corona or perished or killed themselves or each other. "I love the Grim Reaper as long as he doesn't find me. And if he's looking for me, I'll hide somewhere in the cemetery behind the gravestones. But the money is there. And when the money is there, a good woman isn't far away for me. Because money is power. To be honest, I never let anything burn.I already have a steady wife. I'm a Corona denier anyway. For me, the hysteria about Corona is exaggerated, the people who died of Corona had pre-existing conditions and would have died anyway. I don't care. Life is too short, I don't care about rules. I have my wife. What does the Bible say? It says: The man should give to the woman what is due to her, and the woman to the man in the same way. Do not deprive one another of it, so that Satan does not tempt you... A pastor once said to me who was transferred because of a scandal. Walter, like many others, lived by the motto: "Let us eat and drink, tomorrow we die." How wrong he was! Even in the wrong interpretation of the Bible. He became careless with his contacts, later no longer paid attention to keeping his distance and wearing a mask. Shortly afterwards, he contracted Corona while giving a blowjob to a strange woman. He died a short time later. And finally, one more gravestone adorned Atlantas' Greenwood cemetery and on it sat a black crow with very black eyes. And it cawed horribly. It almost sounded like: "When is the next one's turn? In the meantime, I'll look at the graves." THE END
• 2022-11-26

  Baba's Whistling

  "Khedni Maak" by Salwa Khatrib was stuck in my dad's head the entire lockdown. He would whistle it in the garden that he revived during quarantine. He'd whistle it in the living room, the kitchen, I'd hear it across the house even with my door completely shut. It was so calming, so beautiful, I recorded it one time so I could always have it to listen to in case I needed to hear it one day... I could hear it from outside in the rare moments when I opened my window, whenever he'd take the trash out or leave for the grocery shopping. We had a strict no opening windows rule in the house although when I look back at it, it seems silly now and suffocating just thinking about it. I don't know how we got through it. Maybe it was the soft whistle of Khedni Maak.
• 2024-11-11

  Parallel Timelines

  In 2020, I jumped to an alternate timeline. Everything I had known before became somewhat stranger, uncanny, the familiar suddenly not quite familiar. I began to lose trust and safety in my community, my family, and myself. I wondered if it was the beginning of the apocalypse. I wondered how we would survive -- any of us. It started with an earthquake. We lived in southeastern Idaho, and I had never experienced an earthquake in my twenty-five years. I was home with my partner and our two dogs. There had been news of the virus spreading in places far from us, but it seemed distant and inconsequential. Nothing seemed to touch us in our rural, isolated patch of Idaho desert. Things were as they'd always been and always would be. We had just made dinner -- mini Hawaiian sliders, kettle chips, and orange soda -- and had settled in to eat when the soda in the bottles began to ripple and shake. The dogs lifted their heads and tucked their tails. We both stared at the soda, then shifted our gazes out the window to the dry Lost River Valley, where we watched the land move in a way that didn't seem to make sense. I felt the shift internally as the earth shifted in kind. Something inexplicable had changed. Soon, people began to talk of the apocalypse; swarms of locusts (or murder hornets), natural disasters, plague, conspiracy, political unrest, riots. It was global; it was in our backyard. It was far out of our control and too close to home. And though wouldn't know it for a few more months, I was pregnant. I had never planned to be a mother, but I suddenly had to grapple with bringing a daughter into this unstable, dangerous landscape. The following week, my partner was laid off from work. Uncertainty grew. Lockdown protocols began, but they were ignored by most of our community. I continued going to work at my public-facing job, afraid each day that my unborn child and I would be infected with the mystery virus by the many, many people in my community who didn't believe it existed, who ridiculed me for wearing a mask, who thickly associated the taking of health precautions with opposing political ideology, compromised morality, and poor intelligence. My partner began to experience inexplicable health concerns: sudden, severe bouts of vertigo, rapid heart rate, weak pulse, fainting spells, inability to digest food, and days-long migraines. It was chronic and debilitating, preventing him from seeking consistent work. None of the health providers he met with was able to identify the source of these issues, citing either anxiety or sympathetic pregnancy and sending him home. He worried he was dying of an undetectable disease. I worried that nothing would make sense ever again. When I was seven months pregnant, our landlord made the decision to turn our home into a vacation rental. This left us to either pay highly increased rent or find a new home. However, over a few short months, the cost of housing had nearly doubled in our community, and we could no longer afford to live there. Our only option was to move out of state to live with family. My daughter was born healthy, though I gave birth alone because the hospital would not allow visitors. A couple of months later, in our sick and sleep-deprived states and while navigating new parenthood, we packed all we knew and took the leap. We came out alive on the other side. Nothing was as it had been, but we were hopeful of new opportunities. Trump left office. The vaccine was developed and distributed. My partner found ways to cope with his mystery illness and found meaningful work. We both returned to school. Things moved on, forever changed but not destroyed. But now, in 2024, I've jumped timelines again. It started when I swallowed a pill of Iodine-131, a radioactive isotope of iodine meant to kill the thyroid cells in my body that had become cancerous. Something shifted at that moment, and each event since has eerily mirrored the events of 2020. I once again find myself feeling that sense of strangeness, that uncanny reality, that loss of trust in the self and the other. I am unexpectedly pregnant with a second daughter, and the pregnancy is high-risk because of its proximity to the radioactive iodine treatment. My partner works, but I have struggled to get back into the workforce. There have been sudden personal conflicts with the family that have supported us, and we are now faced with finding a new home within the next six months. My physical and mental health have declined. And as of this week, we are living with the nearly unfathomable reality of a second Trump presidency. I try not to attribute unneeded significance to perceived patterns, but it's hard to ignore the parallels between then and now. Each shift feels like stepping into an uncanny mirror: familiar yet alien. I wonder if these parallels suggest a lesson or are simply the chaotic rhythm of life. In the midst of it all, I hold on to the small victories -- the ways we’ve learned to cope, to rebuild, to love fiercely in uncertain times. Despite everything, we are still here. I hope that this time, the other side will bring more than just survival: it will bring peace. As I sit with the weight of both past and present, I am reminded of what remains constant: the love I carry for my children, the strength I find in my partner, and the quiet resolve to face whatever version of reality lies ahead. Maybe we all live in parallel timelines, revisiting familiar struggles in different forms over and over again. For now, I’ll keep moving forward, one hand in each of my daughters', one uncertain step at a time.
• 
  2021-01-16

  TOMMY CHURCH! I ONLY MISS U WHEN IM BREATHING DADDY!

  I used to tell my dad if I had to choose between loving you and my last breath daddy, I would use my last breath to tell u I loved you! Then he got covid and I tried to give him one of my lungs. I would of given him both of them. I never got to touch him.ir comfort him only look at him thru glass. He had to be all alone to die. If I could if touched him I felt as thou I could of healed him as touch is more powerful then one will ever know. My dad was the most kindest helpful and giving man I have ever known. He will never be forgotten. Rising him the way covid took him has left a hole forever in my heart.
• 
  2022-03-03

  Wellbeing and Travel to Hawaii During the COVID-19 Pandemic

  tourism changes and effects on local economy
• 
  2023-01-21

  Our Family's Winter Road Trip

  Here, I share a bit about myself and my family. Though many people are still not traveling, my family and I have done quite a bit, especially with my work as a grad student, an educator, and a coach. The pandemic slowed a lot of things. And my very demanding schedule is always a factor. But with the help of family, we are able to do much more than expected.
• 
  2020-06-08

  Cross-Country Road Trip During Summer of 2020

  This story is about my family's experience of having to move during the COVID-19 pandemic from Georgia to Washington State and the road trip that took place. It was a stressful event because we did not know much about COVID-19 at the time and how it would affect us if we did contract the virus. We did not even have typical creature comforts to comfort us.
• 
  2023-07

  Grandma's Funeral: A Trip Not taken

  It tells a story about how COVID prevented my family from attending my grandmother's funeral. Leaving us unable to properly say goodbye and grieve with family. It's a travel story with no travel.
• 
  2020-03

  Canadian Travel During Covid and After

  Contrasts domestic travel during Covid to respond to security program needs versus personal travel from Canada to the United States post-pandemic, and the different airline/airport experience.
• 2021-01

  2020-2021; Florida and Covid-19

  I was a Freshman in college working at Busch Gardens Tampa when Covid happened. I remembered I was at work, it was a Sunday evening, the day before spring break, and my boss said that park is gonna close go file for unemployment. I thought that was weird because the park never closes, like ever. The only time in history BG closed was for Hurricane Katrina. Anyways, I decided to take advantage of the cheap plane tickets during this time period and travel for the first time, and I was able to make some wonderful memories and see the beautiful West Coast. But once the dust settled and I came home from spring break I had to leave school and move back home. Being stuck at home without a job was mentally draining. Fast forwarded when school started again we were able to move back into the dorms but class was online and we really couldn't leave. At first I just wanted to get away from my parents and get my independence back. I got vaccinated shortly after it was available to college students because I honestly felt that it wouldn't kill me, and people were sick and dying and I thought I could at least help. I was very cautious about washing my hands and wearing a mask, even though nobody else I knew cared because sadly the state of Florida didn't take it seriously. Due to being in a dorm alone for so many weeks/months, it took a really bad mental toll. and then my Great Grandmother died of Covid-19. Nobody knew what was happening, she just got sick and the Covid turned into double ammonia, and shortly she passed. After that my mental health plummeted and I almost dropped out of school. This was Jan. 2021. I started taking it very serious afterwards even though I lived in the one place that did not and never shut down. But she got sick from a kid in our family being asymptomatic and spreading it to her. Personally I feel the pandemic changed my life. I lost someone so important to me, I had to reevaluate my mental health to the point I had to get counseling again and get an ESA. I also now feel I lost a few years of my life. It's just weird. Still to this day most of my family thinks it was fake, a military tactic, and refuse to get vaccinated. For some reason in Florida, everyone was convinced Covid couldn't spread because it was too hot. I mean maybe? I never once got sick but so many others did. It was just strange being in a place where nobody cared. When I traveled to other cities it was a ghost town, but not here. Everyone partied and went out like nothing happened. And then after, in the years 2021-2023 sooo many people moved to Florida because they thought its cheap and we wouldn't close down. And now as a result of being the "fun state" who stayed open and encouraged people to come, our Covid rates spike higher, and it's unaffordable in the cities. The impact was insane.
• 2021-05-17

  Pandemic dissertation

  When the pandemic first began, I, like many others, was thrown into a state of limbo. Libraries closed, archives became inaccessible, and academic conferences—those crucial opportunities for feedback, networking, and camaraderie—were suddenly canceled or pushed online. My dissertation project, which had centered around Elizabeth Barrett Browning and Victorian women’s classical education, felt fragile, threatened by the collapse of the usual avenues for research. How was I supposed to dive deep into historical sources when I couldn’t even access a physical library? But amid the chaos, something shifted. Forced to work from home, I began to realize just how interconnected the process of writing a dissertation truly was, even during a time when the rest of the world was shut down. The acknowledgments section of my dissertation reflects the way that this work, which I had once seen as intensely personal and individual, was, in reality, a collaborative effort. Writing may have happened alone at my desk, but the project was supported by a network of people whose contributions, both large and small, made the completion of this dissertation possible, especially during such an uncertain time. Foremost among them was my partner, who became my steadfast companion not just in life but in the daily challenges of academic work during the pandemic. Whether it was keeping me company during virtual museum tours, discussing the nuances of classical scholarship, or simply offering a comforting presence during long days of writing, her support was invaluable. The pandemic forced us to slow down, to turn inward, and in doing so, it also made space for deeper conversations about our work, our passions, and the ways in which scholarship could help us make sense of a world in upheaval. My friends, too, became an essential part of my pandemic dissertation journey. With travel restrictions and lockdowns in place, we turned to virtual spaces to connect, spending time together in ways we hadn’t before. Thanksgiving in 2020, for example, was spent on Zoom, sharing stories, laughter, and academic frustrations as we navigated this strange new world together. In the midst of a global crisis, these friendships provided a sense of normalcy, a reminder that even though we were physically apart, we were still there for each other, helping to keep one another grounded. One of the greatest challenges during this period was the sudden loss of access to physical archives and libraries. As someone whose research depended on Victorian newspapers, letters, and rare books, the closure of these resources was daunting. However, the tireless work of librarians—unsung heroes of the academic world—ensured that my research didn’t grind to a halt. Despite the limitations imposed by the pandemic, these professionals went above and beyond, tracking down digital copies of materials, recommending alternative sources, and, in some cases, mailing documents directly to me. The importance of their work became more evident than ever. Without their help, my dissertation could not have moved forward. My dissertation committee, too, played a critical role in helping me navigate this challenging period. Transitioning to remote work and online defenses, they remained steadfast in their support, providing invaluable feedback and guidance throughout the writing process. Their adaptability and encouragement, even when it came to working within the constraints of a global pandemic, reminded me that scholarship is always an evolving process, and that sometimes the most creative solutions come in times of difficulty. Interestingly, the isolation brought on by the pandemic deepened my connection to the subject matter of my dissertation. Elizabeth Barrett Browning, a woman whose passion for classical education placed her at the margins of the male-dominated academic world, had faced similar challenges in her pursuit of scholarship. Her determination to learn Greek, her insistence on participating in intellectual conversations from which she was often excluded, and her role in advocating for women’s education resonated more strongly as I grappled with the limitations imposed on my own work during this time. Browning’s struggles, once confined to the past, felt strangely contemporary in a world where isolation, restricted access, and the need for perseverance had become the norm. As I worked on my dissertation, I also began to see how the pandemic was shaping my understanding of academia itself. What had once seemed like a solitary endeavor—this long, arduous process of researching, writing, and revising—was revealed to be deeply communal. The pandemic forced me to rely on others in ways I hadn’t anticipated, and in doing so, it opened my eyes to the collaborative nature of scholarship. Whether it was through the support of my partner and friends, the assistance of librarians and my committee, or the inspiration drawn from the work of past scholars like Elizabeth Barrett Browning, this dissertation became a testament to the power of community, even in times of isolation. The COVID-19 pandemic altered the way we lived, worked, and connected with each other. For those of us working in academia, it presented challenges that sometimes felt insurmountable. But it also offered a profound reminder of the importance of resilience, creativity, and the communities that sustain us. Writing my dissertation during this time was not just about completing a degree; it was about finding new ways to connect with others, drawing on the past to make sense of the present, and discovering that even in isolation, we are never truly alone.
• 2022-11-08

  The Sunset of covid-19

  My experience with Covid 19 was all over the place. If I were to describe it in one word it would be chaos. I remember going to Kingsborough Community College at the time and just everything shutting down and not knowing what to do. I remember all my classes turning into online classes. During this time, my mother fell ill with covid before any vaccines came out. I remember seeing how ill and bedridden she was. I was scared My mother was going to pass away and started bawling my eyes out to brother. Covid hit alot of my family and I started to become depressed. I ended up dropping all my classes because mentally I was not there. Eventually, my mother and other family members recovered, but some were not so lucky. An old friend from down the block lost their mother to covid. We used to practice karate together as kids with my brothers and her brother. Her mother was Sandra Santos-Vizcaino the first NYC public teacher to die of covid 19. I used to know their mother from the karate tournament and block parties we went to so finding out she passed away made me realize how lucky I was with my family. After all of this I got motivation again to start doing something with my life because at this point i was just rotting in my room for a few months. I ended up finding a job at a covid hotel in queens where I had to always wear a mask, gloves, vizor, etc. I was working alongside some doctors and nurses. It was such a different experience from anything I worked at before. Covid 19 had such a significant impact on everyone's lives and will forever leave a scar in many family's hearts.
• 2020-01-07

  500 Square Feet

  When my wife and I got our first apartment together, we chose one which was affordable and small with the intention that we would spend as little time as possible there. Then we were quarantined and spent nearly an entire year in the apartment. We bought a house shortly after.
• 
  2021-01-16

  In Grey

  It's an expression of my pain fro. Losing my daddy and it helps me to heal to tell the story thru music and video like this.
• 2020-03-12

  Young Mom during Covid-19

  I had a birthday weekend trip planned to GA in March 2020. My baby and I flew down a few days after the initial outbreak and warnings began. I remember wondering if it would add an extra week or two to the trip, with delays and precautions, but would've never guessed months would pass! We stayed in GA for 3 months, grateful to be out of a big city and to have my parent's large home and yard, sidewalks to walk but really hard being away from my husband and baby from their father. I was grateful to be surrounded by extended family but it was sad not spending time with my partner and for him being isolated. He didn't interact with anyone while he stayed in our home and worked remotely, it was lonely and hard. When we decided enough protocol was in place we could try our best to safely return home we were anxious in the airport but thankfully did not get sick. The masking protocol didn't feel burdensome or silly to me, it was a challenge for my child, though they did wear it as needed for small amounts of time. My child's 'toddler' years were not spent interacting with many children their age, or with any adults other than family. It was interesting to see how they developed after the pandemic and was able to become more social in time and with more opportunities.
• 2024-07-23

  Why don't I remember most of Covid?

  I remember working remotely from my kitchen for my job. I remember watching movies. I remember being locked down and taking trips to the supermarket wearing masks. I remember avoiding touching things and copious amounts of hand sanitizer. I remember my parents getting older and using facetime to be able to see them. I remember them dying and not being able to take a flight across the country to be there. I remember that birthdays happened without parties. I remember having Covid after being vaccinated, being careful and giving up so much of life. I remember finding out that friends had passed away and not knowing they passed. I remember starting to make changes in the way I do things like open a door without touching the handle. I remember being concerned for the safety of others and wearing a mask for their protection. I remember being chastised for wearing a mask and people trying to shame me for it. I remember holding my breath when a person passed me on the street to reduce risk. I remember standing farther away from people in line and not talking to people. I remember not seeing a smile and not remembering to smile. I smile now. It takes effort but I smile now.
• 2020-04-10

  Connections

  My personal experience with Covid-19 is that for me it has shaped the way I see relationships and it has also affected me personally with my grandparents death. I think that quarantining is important but as a teenager it has made it more difficult to socialize and has made me more awkward and opposed to talking to others. My familial relations have also been affected as my grandparents lived in Europe and I was not able to see them a last time before they passed and was not able to attended their funeral. It is hard to come to terms sometimes and is a difficult fact to accept. I think that Covid has reshaped the way I see relationships and human connection and is something that I actively am trying to improve.
• 
  2024-05-10

  Better Days Ahead

  The story I submitted talks about the important lessons I learned from the pandemic, life lessons that I will continue to take with me through my life.
• 2020-04-04

  Covid Helped Me Grow

  My story takes place at the beginning of the pandemic in 2020 (Quarantine). The two weeks off that my high school mentioned had passed. It was at that point that I knew it was going to be a lot longer than two weeks. I was always quite the introvert, so the first week or so was very manageable for me. However, I soon realized how much I underappreciated getting the chance to leave the house and go do things such as going to restaurants, running errands, and most importantly, spending quality time with friends. It was during this time period that I was at one of the lowest mental states of my life. To add on to that, I was in a relationship at the time of quarantine. Long story short, we had some complications with our relationship before the pandemic, and it only got worse during the early days of it. However, for a more positive note, I spent a lot of time with my family and also my friends via facetime. Aside from that, I had an incredible amount of time to myself while stuck in quarantine. I used this time to myself to reflect on myself and how to improve my life and to get it together. As some time passed and after a lot of journaling, I had made some decisions that was going to change my life and make me a better and stronger individual. To list off a few, I had decided to end my relationship with this girl because I had found that we truly were not compatible with each other. Another thing was to get my first job so I can make money, stay productive, and also meet new people. I also decided that i was gonna be more social and really try my best to put myself out of my comfort zone moving forward, once the quarantine had concluded. I can proudly say that while I'm not perfect by any means, I had made these changes in my life and I am now extremely content with myself. Overall, this story is important to me because while I was in one of the worst periods of my life, this was one of, if not, the biggest learning period of my entire life. The amount of lessons that I took from my experience and the adversity that I went through during the pandemic has shaped me up to becoming the best version of myself. I can confidently say that I am just getting started and will continue to constantly improve myself as time will go on.
• 2021-04-19

  Brave

  Covid 19 almost took away one of the most significant people in my life, my grandmother. The near loss of my grandmother due to COVID-19 made me realize the devastating impact infectious diseases can have on individuals and their families. It reinforced the importance of proactive measures to prevent disease spread and protect vulnerable populations, regardless of ethnicity or background. This experience made me strong enough and brave enough to provide my grandmother with the support and comfort needed during this scariest moment of my life. During my grandmother's battle with COVID-19, I learned firsthand how crucial it is to provide unwavering support and comfort to loved ones during challenging times. The emotional strength and presence I offered her made a significant difference in her recovery journey, reminding me of the power of love and compassion in the face of adversity.
• 2020-03-31

  Covid: My Experience in the Pandemic

  Covid: My Experience in the Pandemic The pandemic was an unforgettable experience for my family, as well as countless others. During a time of struggle, we faced many unforeseen challenges that were somewhat difficult for our developing minds to comprehend. Not to mention, the greater the understanding, the greater our issue seemed to be. However, in a time of dread, it became a blessing eventually. In the beginning, it was more of an adjusting period. The idea of quarantine rocked our worlds as we could no longer be out and about. Attempting to find creative solutions seemed challenging, which led us to free meals from different businesses attempting to be of service. Not to mention, on Sundays, we were unable to go to church. However, this soon became a blessing as we began doing “church at home”, which quickly led to a strong family bond. Around the middle of covid, things became slightly easier. We were beginning to adapt to the challenges presented to us. We began working with our neighbors’ family to complete online school, which formed an unbreakable bond with them as well. The grandmother of the house made everything go smoothly, and she supported us over the years. Moreover, in previous years, she would work with my siblings and I to ensure our success in academics. Finally, the end of covid felt like the worst. The transition back to school was not without its tribulations. Others like me had lost their sense of self, acting irrationally. In the midst of it all, the grandmother of our neighbor's family caught covid. Unfortunately, she didn't make it. It took a long time, but we came to terms with it and we were truly blessed to have met her and blessed because she was a chapter in our lives. In conclusion, my family as well as my neighbors’ felt the challenges of covid. However, instead of separating us, covid (ironically) brought us closer together than ever before. From bad to blessed, from terrible to terrific, a great tragedy ended up being a valuable experience. In the end, I'm thankful for covid shaping my character and strengthening my loved ones.
• 2020-08-18

  life in camera

  When COVID-19 first started I was in 8th grade. I didn't really understand what Covid really was or how serious it was. I went in feeling kind of okay about it all and staying at home. Once high school started things went downhill for me mentally. I did pretty well in school. I did all my work and turned it in on time and got good grades, but I struggled a lot mentally with myself and socializing with others. During that time being at home did help me to get closer to my mom, we would go walking throughout the day and that helped me a lot to start losing weight a lot more. However, I started to become depressed and struggled with my outward appearance a lot. Once we started going back to school in person, I didnt know ow how to act, I just felt ugly and quiet. I used to be such an outgoing person and I would talk to almost everyone. Now I don't like being in public and around others. I have very bad social anxiety and overthink a lot about what people think of me. I personally never got Covid-19 so I don't know how that can affect someone physically and I hope I never do. I watched those around me get it and the way that they struggled and even saw a few of them die. It was a really depressing time, to watch your loved ones around you hurt and struggle and eventually give up, and you're never able to see them again. Going back to school in person did help me a lot. Socializing with people and seeing my friends that I hadn't seen in so long was what really helped me to get out of my shell and help me love myself more.
• 
  2021-07-30

  Covid Was Over

  In 2021 my Mom and I planned a trip to Mexico to visit her side of the Family. We had been putting off the trip because of a lack of money and then Covid hit. It had been seven years since my mom had been able to visit her mother and her siblings. At this point in time, travel restrictions and quarantines were largely a thing of the past. People in my area no longer considered Covid to be a threat in the way it was viewed in the early part of 2020. Masks weren’t in common use and people went about as they pleased. Deaths were still rising. By June of 2021 our trip took place. Most of the big travel restrictions had been lifted, but oddly enough America still had testing restrictions for reentry. Mexico, a nation that still cared about limiting the spread of the virus, had no testing or vaccination requirements for entry. We went on our trip and had a great time visiting our family in Mexico City. While staying we decided to visit the Museum of Anthropology in the city center. To enter, we had to go one at a time and be sprayed with some sort of sanitization chemicals by guards in the front. Being a poor Spanish speaker I was afraid I would do something wrong and that they wouldn’t let me enter. Thankfully everything went well at that time. When the time came to leave we had to locate a pharmacy that would do rapid testing for our return trip. America had very specific instructions that only allowed for certain pharmacies to do the testing. This made it very difficult to find one that would work. When we got to the testing site it reminded me of zombie movies. The pharmacy was surrounded by tall iron fences with razor wire at the top. People wanting to be tested were funneled one by one to a testing kiosk. The kiosk itself was a glass paneled box complete with attached glove arms and a ventilation system. The test itself was a simple swab test that was much more painful than I thought it would be. My nose hurt for an hour afterward. On the day of our departure I was nervous that something would not be correct with our records and we would be stopped from leaving Mexico. The person who officially went over our records was in the baggage check in area. She took our documents and didn’t even look at them for one second before handing them back. I was confused but this, since our American travel sites made such a big deal about it. Honestly, we could have easily faked the records to get back into America. Ultimately we got home safe and sound. A little over a month later everything went to hell. My cousin, Aunt, and Abuelita all contracted Covid and were hospitalized. My Aunt and Abuelita passed away from the virus, only my cousin survived. My mom had to deal with the loss of two close family members less than two weeks apart. It felt so wrong, how could they have both died when Covid was over?
• 
  2019-09

  Covid-19 Changed my Life

  The item that I am a submitting is a short summary of my experience during Covid-19
• 2021

  At Home

  The pandemic had caused us all to stay home, families were all living all day everyday together. For me this meant that I was spending more time with them, more than usual. Before the pandemic had started, my family ran on the same routine everyday, me and my siblings would go off to school, my mom is a stay at home mom so she would spend her time taking care of the house, and my dad would go off to work, he has his own construction business. The only time we were really home together as a family would be the hours my dad would be off of work from after around 7pm. When I was younger he would work many more hours, sometimes as long as 5am-8pm but the point is, he was barely ever home but to spend an hour or two with us and then he would sleep. I did have a good relationship with my dad and so many memories as well but the quality time wasn't really there. It is not like he didn't want to be around but it was that he wanted to work more while he was younger so that he could invest into his retirement and save up more while he can. Once the pandemic started, he was home with us much more. Of course this came with both pros and cons, such as having that quality time with him, but it also meant that there were much more disagreements since we were all together all day everyday. One of my favorite memories from those days were when we had ordered a whole lot of board games and jenga blocks to keep my younger brother entertained (and off of electronics as much as possible). My dad loves to bring in his construction wherever and whenever he can. He would take my brother's jenga blocks and make buildings with it and show off how he so thoughtfully made it so that it can actually hold weight and its not just good looking. The pandemic changed my dad's relevancy. Once lockdown was over, and he was back at work, he started working less hours making sure he would be home by 5pm or 6pm at most and he would spend his evenings with us again. The pandemic changed my life in many ways but my dad is always the first person I think of when I remember those days. He truly does try to stay as relevant in our lives as he can even when he is tired and it's great seeing the effort he puts in.
• 
  2020-03

  Postcards From the Pandemic

  I intended to record the lived experience of the COVID-19 pandemic through the mundane details of our coping strategies, set against larger, national events.
• 
  2020-03-30

  At Home with My Cats

  Like so many others, I lived by myself and had to navigate the pandemic alone. Except that I was not truly alone. My cats kept me moored; an unwavering source of joy and companionship during those uncertain times. I took this photograph the day I decided to go back to college.
• 
  2021-02-17

  It took my world

  This is a photograph of my best friend, my mother. In December of 2020, we went to Disneyworld and came back with Covid-19. I was barely pregnant at the time, but my Covid symptom was only a cough. This cough would only hurt my uterus, so when I started to miscarry, I wasn’t too surprised. My mom, on the other hand, thought that her muscles were sore from walking around the parks for a few days. She had a cough and a bit of a fever, but was still walking around the house as we quarantined together. She was cold, which only ever happened when she was sick. One day, she didn’t leave her room because she was struggling to catch her breath if she did too much. She had me turn the heater on for her because of how cold she was under her blankets and comforter. She had been keeping her C-PAP machine on to give her the extra air support, but when we checked her oximeter, it was only at 70. So I called the paramedics like she asked me to, they came, we met them at the door, her vitals were taken, and they said that I could take her to the hospital or they could. I told her that I would drive. I had to take her to the emergency room that was not in our normal network because that’s what was open. I took her there with the expectation of getting her transferred the next day. When we called, the other hospital couldn’t take her because all of their beds were filled. So, she stayed there, and I couldn’t be with her because they were trying to keep the spread down. She was texting and FaceTiming me for the first 4 days that she was in the emergency room. On the 5th day though, she stopped responding. I called the hospital and they told me that she had spoken to her doctor and they had decided to put her on the ventilator to give her body a break for a few days. It was not a few days. On day 39 of her being on the ventilator, they lowered her sedation medication and she had no eye movement. So, I told them to let my brother go in and say his second final goodbye and to call me when they had ended her fight the next day. They called and said that she took a few seconds off of the ventilator before they called the time of her passing. I was alone now. My dad passed away in 2006 and my brother was a technical part of my family, but it was just me and my mom in the house still. Now, it was just me. A year later, I lost my home because I couldn’t get a loan approval to buy out my brother’s half of the equity. At that time, I was pregnant again with the baby girl that my mom dreamt of me having. This child that she had planned to be overly involved with, to play with, to snuggle, to kiss, and to have memories and adventures with. But now, the nursery would be someone else’s room. A stranger. Covid-19 took my baby, my mom, my house, my stability, and my will to love. I have been able to love my baby girl, but I am always comparing myself to my mother and thinking about how she could’ve been the best grandma. How she would’ve helped me. How we would’ve traveled to so many places together. And now, I struggle to pay rent on a single room. I leave my child at daycare 5 days a week and try to keep her there for each meal in case I don’t have enough to feed her. And I hide away from a lot of socializing because my mom was my favorite person to hang out with.
• 2024-01-09

  The Pandemic with my cousin.

  During the pandemic and quarantine, spending time with my cousin and friends became a lifeline amid the uncertainty that enveloped our lives. The isolation brought us closer, forging bonds that were resilient in the face of unprecedented challenges. During the lockdown me and my cousin still got to hangout a lot in person. We would do fun things like swimming and going to Taco Bell at 12 AM. I also had some online friends so I would video chat with them very frequently to pass time. We navigated the challenges of the pandemic together, sharing our fears and hopes, creating a support system that felt indispensable. As restrictions eased, cautious gatherings with friends became cherished moments. Our small circle provided a sense of normalcy in abnormal times. We'd organize outdoor activities, maintaining a safe distance yet reveling in the joy of each other's company. Laughter echoed louder than ever as we found solace in shared experiences. Navigating the challenges of online learning, my cousin and I became each other's sounding boards, helping one another adapt to the new normal. Late-night study sessions turned into opportunities to connect on a deeper level, fostering a bond that transcended familial ties. Our friendship withstood the test of time, proving that even a pandemic couldn't extinguish the flames of camaraderie. We explored new hobbies together – from baking cakes and cookies to attempting DIY projects. Each shared endeavor became a testament to our resilience and adaptability. Whenever we couldn't go outside we would watch movies, make tiktoks, and play games. Even during the pandemic one of our favorite places to go was still open. It is called Shadybowl Speedway. We would go there with my dad and her mom and watch cars race for hours and eat amazing food from the concession stand and run around with our friends there while also cheering on our uncle and her brother. Whether it was trivia, board games, or multiplayer video games, our competitive spirits thrived, and the time spent together brought us together in ways we hadn't anticipated. As the world gradually reopened, in-person gatherings became more frequent, yet the lessons learned during quarantine remained etched in our minds. The value of human connection became more apparent than ever, and the simplicity of spending time with loved ones was cherished like never before. Reflecting on those challenging times, I realize that amidst the chaos, a silver lining emerged. The pandemic taught us the importance of resilience, adaptability, and the irreplaceable value of relationships. My cousin and friends became anchors in a storm, and the memories we created together stand as a testament to the strength of our bonds during those trying times.
• 2020-03-11

  The Effect COVID-19 Had on me.

  I was a freshman in high school when we had the first COVID outbreak. I remember when my mom had to explain to me what was going on. It happened so fast I was just a confused and scared kid. Then I found out we had to go online. I missed a big part of my freshman and sophomore year of high school because of COVID. I lost contact with a lot of my friends. It was a very rough time not just for me, but also my parents. It was a very big change. I want to say the time sucked, but I try to think of the positives that came out of it. By one being I got a lot closer with my family. We were always close, but through COVID we only had each other. So, I try to think of the positives that happened throughout the pandemic rather get sad and think of all the things I have missed out on.
• 2020-11-14

  The Plague Wedding

  My husband’s cousin got married outside Cincinnati, Ohio in the fall of 2020. The invitation said the event was outdoors, and we expected it would be small. My husband and I drove his mother across multiple states so she could be there for the ceremony and celebration. We had some hope that people were being mindful of pandemic precautions, as most establishments required employees and patrons to wear masks in shared spaces, and there were plenty of signs, paid advertising and graffiti, that suggested locals were disappointed by the botched handling of the pandemic to that point. Spray paint scrawled over a Trump campaign poster reading “Trump lied and my mother died” was especially memorable. When it came time for the actual wedding however, all hopes that the wedding guests would be responsible were quickly dashed. Ignoring signs and pleas from the woman at the hotel’s front desk, guests waited for the “party bus” in the hotel lobby, maskless and chugging White Claws, then leaving the empty cans for the same woman to clean after the bus arrived. We had hoped that these guests were going to a different wedding, but when it became apparent we were all going to the same place, we opted to drive ourselves to the venue, not wanting to be in close quarters on the bus to and fro with these fools. The small, intimate wedding we were expecting to attend had over 150 guests. The ceremony was outdoors as the invitation mentioned, but the reception was zipped up in a large party tent, and the only ones wearing masks were the three of us. I took a picture of the guest list, not so I could remember at which table I was supposed to sit, but so I would know who to sic the Health Department on when I inevitably tested positive for COVID in the following days.
• 
  2021-05-20

  Arizona with my cousin

  This is a story about the first time I traveled post COVID restrictions lifting. This story comments on how isolating the pandemic felt to many of us and thus the importance of traveling once we were able to. This particular story is important to me because it was the first trip I had taken by myself as a newly moved out adult.
• 2021-07-01

  Falling In Love With Chicago

  As the world slowly emerged from the grip of the COVID-19 pandemic, life began to regain a semblance of normalcy. With restrictions lifting and vaccinations becoming widely available, my family eagerly embraced the opportunity to reunite with loved ones and explore the world beyond the confines of our home. After our children became eligible for the COVID-19 vaccine, my husband and I decided to embark on a memorable journey to visit family in Chicago. The decision was influenced by the fact that Illinois had taken the pandemic seriously, and the situation seemed relatively stable. The excitement in the air was palpable as we packed our bags and set off on the adventure. The journey itself became a testament to newfound hope and optimism, a stark contrast to the anxiety-ridden days of lockdown. The rhythmic hum of the Amtrak train and the gentle swaying of the carriages created a soothing backdrop to our anticipation. After almost three days on the train, we finally reached our destination. As we settled into the rhythm of Chicago life, we found ourselves enchanted by the city's rich history and vibrant culture. The streets echoed with the footsteps of generations past, and the architecture told stories of resilience and progress. Our children's eyes widened with each new discovery, absorbing the lessons of the past and the beauty of the present. The museums became classrooms, and the parks transformed into playgrounds of learning and exploration. From the towering skyscrapers to the serene shores of Lake Michigan, Chicago opened its arms wide, inviting our family to immerse ourselves in its tapestry of experiences. Over the course of two weeks, we marveled at the diversity of the city, the pulsating energy of its neighborhoods, and the friendliness of its people. The world-class museums, the iconic Millennium Park, and the deep-dish pizzas became integral parts of our family's collective memory. The reluctance to leave grew with each passing day, as Chicago had become more than a destination; it had become a second home. The connections made, the lessons learned, and the memories forged painted a picture of a city that had welcomed our family with open arms. As we boarded the Amtrak train to return home, a mixture of gratitude and nostalgia-filled our hearts. Chicago had been a beacon of joy and discovery during a time when the world needed it most. The journey had not just been about a visit; it had been a transformative experience, a reminder that even in the face of adversity, there was always the possibility of finding beauty, connection, and a sense of belonging. The trip to Chicago amid the COVID-19 pandemic symbolizes a shift from a period of uncertainty and isolation to one of hope, reconnection, and exploration. That being said, the nervousness still set the undertone to the trip. The eligibility and administration of COVID-19 vaccinations mark a significant turning point in our family's ability to travel. It really shows the importance of vaccines as a tool for regaining a sense of freedom and the ability to engage in activities that were restricted during the height of the pandemic. The exploration of Chicago's history, culture, and landmarks communicates our desire for new experiences and rediscovery of the beauty in the world. The trip became almost like a metaphor for the broader human experience of seeking joy, adventure, and learning, even after enduring a period of hardship. As we chose to travel to a location where the pandemic was taken seriously, it is clear the new considerations the pandemic has led families to consider. This almost suggests that communities and regions that take the pandemic seriously create an environment that fosters a sense of safety and encourages responsible travel. We were so grateful to get to travel to Chicago, and it is undeniably one that we will remember forever.
• 2020-03-03

  Pandemic Honeymoon

  Our wedding was on Leap Day, February 29th, 2020. The honeymoon followed shortly after with still whispers of a pandemic possibly looming. It was the newlywed phase of ignorance, but the pandemic was still viewed as something that wouldn't happen. We first went to Napa Valley without seeing one person wearing a mask in public. Traipsing around vineyards and imbibing on wine also helped stave off reality's harshness. When we arrived in San Francisco for the week, we realized maybe this was bigger than we realized. Walking the busy and heavily inclined streets, you would see about 50% of the people wearing masks and whipping out their hand sanitizer every so often. However, once we started walking through Chinatown, that number nearly doubled. Still, we somehow were not phased. Why would we be? We were on our honeymoon with an endless supply of matcha ice cream, dim sum, walking, sights to see, and more walking! The city was still bustling and alive; you could barely notice the Grand Princess cruise ship loitering in the bay for days, waiting for permission to dock that never came. The cancellation of a Warriors game? Oh well, our boat to Alcatraz was still ready to set sail! On the last day of our trip, we noticed a couple of restaurants closing early, with one owner asking, "Don't you know what's happening?!" On the last day of our trip, we decided to take the long drive home and go down the Pacific Coast Highway, stopping at Monterey and Carmel-by-the-Sea. In walking the streets and making our way to Monterey Bay Aquarium, we were shocked by the sight of people in hazmat suits spraying the exterior doors of the building. This image would later replay on the news once we made it home. They implemented strict lockdowns and travel restrictions within the hour of crossing back into Arizona's borders. We were so lucky we made it back home just in time and didn't realize until we made it home just how oblivious and ignorant we were. Looking back, I cringe at our naivety. Those concerned people wearing masks in Chinatown? Some of them would later become victims of racism due to COVID fearmongering. That ice cream shop we frequented? Vandalized and destroyed. That curious cruise ship at the time claimed seven lives and infected over 100 people. Once we were home safe and realized this pandemic's seriousness, we stayed home. Within a couple of weeks after returning home, we found out we were expecting, bringing even more intensity and fear. The carefree attitude and carelessness, as exhibited on our honeymoon, were now met with complete awareness of the pandemic and the strictest adherence to lockdown guidelines. We didn't travel again until our pandemic baby was two and a half years old—all of the innocence of life before COVID was forever gone.