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  2020-04-26

  The disappointing year

  Hi, my name is Anastasiia. Today is the 46th day of quarantine, which has been introduced by Ukraine due to the world coronavirus pandemic. Self-isolation means restriction or even exception of social contacts to pause the virus spread. To my opinion, these precautions are logical, because humanity has no vaccine, and we will not have it at an early date. But, I need to say, that quarantine is just formality in my country. People go out to walk and drink alcohol in the yards, they throng in hypermarkets, they even make B-B-Q in parks. I’ve heard, that even some restaurants receive rich guests. Ok, we understand, that there is no quarantine for oligarchs and their escort. BUT, EASTER, APRIL 19! IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME. About 130 000 of believers rushed to churches and temples to lick pope’s hands and get some “saint water”. Bravo, guys. This entailed an extension of quarantine until May 11. And something tells me, this is not the end. Everybody understands that world wasn’t ready for this shitty disaster. Ukraine’s economy is beggar, so am I. I’ve worked about 6 years in the food service industry. And I realize, quarantine hit all of spheres of life, but restaurants/cafes/cinemas/shops/beauty salons suffer the most of all. So yeah, I’m 24 and I’m unemployed. Of course, there are a lot of vacancies on the remote, but, to be honest, I don’t wanna to masturbate on the camera or sale rubbish that nobody needs. My subjective opinion is this home imprisonment is a kind of free time to overestimate priorities. I’ll explain. As for me, I always chased money. I could work in two different cafes without weekends. I worked abroad hard for money only, and so on. AND NOW I HAVE NO JOB! I AM USELESS. I HAVE NO MONEY. I WILL DIE! No wonder I got depressed. I needed about 3 weeks, a couple of sessions with my psychotherapist and psychiatrist to understand what should I do to stay afloat. I must make great efforts to shift focus from money to spiritual values. It turns out I have friends. It turns out I can embroider, cycle a fixed-gear, cook delicious dishes. Shit, even my acne disappeared. I’m imprisoned with my boyfriend in the one-room apartment we’ve recently rented. AND GOD I HATE EVERY MILIMETER OF THIS FUCKING SMALL FLAT! Every your day is like Groundhog Day (like in the movie). Huh, smth about my boyfriend. The first self-isolation month was very hard. We argued every fucking day. Even if I have warm and bright feelings to this awesome guy, sometimes I just wanted TO KILL HIM WHY HE DIDN’T WASH THE DISHES OR WHY DIDN’T HE READ MY MIND TO UNDERSTAND THAT I WANT THE CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM, NOT THE STRAWBERRY ONE!!! Do you understand? Yeah, I was really scared when he took his bike and ran away from me in the midst of our quarrel. In two days he came back, of course. But now I really realize when I should shut the fuck up. I know, there’re a lot of couples, who break up or get divorced in this period of quarantine. But yeah, we’re lucky with each other. We’re just trying to find a compromise. Now I’m not scared of virus. I’m afraid to stay unemployed and to starve to death. Oh yeah, I’ll die on the street, because we will be kicked out of the apartment for non-payment. Millions of Ukrainians are scared. By the way, about the work. I’ve decided to start the QA-engineering career, so I have to study during all the day. BUT, my laziness and anxious brain blocks every attempts to remember smth new, and I feel guilty. Multiply this guilt by the success cult we hear from every iron about – HELLO DEPRESSION !!! We all are tired and scared. All this is wrong. The world will not stay the same. Only those who can adapt to the quick changes will survive. So now I need to receive am I that adaptable person.