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  2020-04-23

  Faith Over Fear

  The coronavirus has taught me something important. It can be difficult to see God in a world that is fraught with confusion, despair, hopelessness, and uncertainty. When I first found out that the second half of my freshman year of college was taken from me, my world was rocked. My faith was rocked. Before COVID-19, I felt like my faith was on a firm foundation, and more importantly, I felt close to God. All of that changed as soon as I arrived home. That firm foundation was now one of uncertainty and disappointment. The closeness I felt like I had with God was now gone. In reality, I never felt farther from God in that moment. I was overwhelmed by disappointment and confusion after realizing that I wasn’t going to get the dream ending of my first year in college. I wasn’t going to see my closest friends for a while. All I could see and focus on was everything that I lost. As the days passed, I started to see glimmers of hope and joy. I started to work on being intentional about looking for God in my day-to-day. Now, I see God working in me with the unexplainable peace I now carry that everything will eventually work out. I see God in the encouragement and intentionality shown by my friends during a time where it’s easy to hide. I see God in the joy I feel as I write hand-written letters to my friends, even though they aren’t with me anymore. I see God in the laughs that my family shares as we enjoy the most heavenly chocolate chip cookies that I make for dessert. These examples may seem insignificant, but I have found rest in these moments because I have faith that God is working in and through them. The coronavirus taught me that it can be difficult to see God in our world right now. But God taught me that He is right in the middle of all the pain, uncertainty, and loneliness I am feeling. He has taught me to be gentle with myself. That it’s okay to feel sad. That it’s okay to feel lonely. That it’s okay to not be okay sometimes. And that it’s okay to not be productive all the time. But even in the midst of all of those feelings, He is right there with me, and I trust that He is going to redeem all of the pain I am experiencing and turn it into something beautiful. I may not be able to see it right now, but I have faith that I will see it, and I’ll be so thankful for it. As a result, my faith will come out stronger than it ever has been before.