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  2020-08-24

  First Day of School Picture

  The picture I chose to add to the archive is my first day of school on August 24, 2020. In this picture, I was laying in bed with my laptop because everything was online. If you were lucky, you got a professor that taught class on Zoom. That is the closest to being in a regular classroom as it got. You were able to see your classmates (if they turned their camera on), you could have discussions with everyone, ask the professor questions and get immediate answers. On the other hand, you could get stuck with a professor who chose to use youtube videos and websites instead of teaching. These were the worst, poor to almost no teacher-student interaction, just discussion boards and Google. It was impossible for me to learn like this, I felt like I was not being taught! It was always stressful when trying to do assignments for classes like this because I did not understand the curriculum. If I needed to contact my professor, I just had to send an email and hope they would email me back soon with answers. Sometimes, I would not get a response until days later, a few times I never got a response. After a while of this, I started to feel miserable, stressed, and depressed. My grades started getting lower and lower and knowing how much school costs, knowing that I was going to lose my grants and scholarships because I was failing, I started having anxiety attacks. In my head, I kept saying, “I cannot learn like this, I know I am going to fail, so why keep trying?” Things got to a point where I would open my laptop, look at my assignments, cry, and then just close my laptop back up. I lost all my motivation and I lost sight of my dreams to be an optometrist. I remember the day that I dropped out, the defeat that I felt, feeling like a complete failure.