Items

• 
  2021-04-22

  Queer Joy

  Throughout the pandemic I have found myself with a lot more time for introspection than usual. I had thought at the start of this pandemic I had felt rather self-assured. I thought I knew what I wanted as a career, for my future, and mostly what kind of person I wanted to become. However, the more time I spent alone the more I realized how much of myself had been a performance for others. For once, the pandemic encouraged me to slow down enough to evaluate what my own personal wants and needs are. I also grew spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually. I was especially surprised to find myself changing my opinions on religion. For years, I have subscribed to rather devout atheism, to the point it nears becoming a religion in my attempts to cut it out. However now I have found myself accepting the mystic much more, and allowing myself to stop explaining everything. Though all these added experiences I was able not to find something new in my queerness per say, but a new way to relate to my world. I was able to find peace with myself as a queer person in the world, not in spite of it. I think the time alone allowed me a lot of space to appreciate the community and its place. To finally start feeling like the bonds and friendships and joy of myself and other queer people is worth even more than just surviving. I think one of the most important things that happened was coming to terms with myself as a nonbinary person. For years I was confident I was a binary trans man due to my physical transition goals and personal fears of being delegitimized in public. I finally realized and accepted that myself is no one else’s business. I have found a new peace with living authentically, even when other people react poorly. Finally, I honestly love being queer.