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trapped
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2021-06-28
My Pandemic Experience
When the pandemic was coming, I was initially relieved. I was supposed to fly to Chicago to visit my sister and go to our favorite band’s (Keane) concert, but as a person with anxiety and panic disorder who is terrified of airplanes and crowds it allowed me to back out. The concert was cancelled. It was the excuse I needed to back out without shame or blame. It seems silly now, but at the time covid seemed more like a bad cold or flu to me. It seemed like another Swine Flu or Avian Flu or other scare in recent memory which hadn’t amounted to a plague style pandemic. Lockdown was even kind of nice at first. My husband, daughter, and I got to spend a lot of family time together. I had taught ESL online for a number of years previously, so converting my in school classes to online was easy. I had no problems teaching over Zoom. I’m a homebody anyway, by habit and by anxiety, so this was great… until the body count started. I was horrified and sickened to hear about the freezer containers being used in New York City to store the overflow of bodies. The germaphobia that had plagued me in childhood, that I had gone to years of therapy to overcome, came roaring back with a vengeance. Like everyone else, I went to the grocery store to stock up so I wouldn’t have to leave me house for awhile, only to find shelf after shelf empty. As a super health conscious, organic, vegan my choices were extremely limited. My husband and daughter aren’t vegan, but they do eat only organic, which became impossible. Soap, disinfectant, cleaners, and hand sanitizers were nowhere to be found. At a time when it was so important to be as clean and healthy as possible all those modern conveniences were utterly gone. I felt helpless. I imagined that people living during pandemics like the bubonic plague and Spanish flu must have felt similarly. After a couple of weeks, quarantine started to feel more like a claustrophobic prison sentence than a family vacation. I missed my sister, my parents, my friends, my colleagues, and my students. On my birthday and Easter I just had to wave at my parents through the glass door. My favorite hobby- taekwondo, which I had started in order to relieve stress and help with my anxiety was taken from me. I had to do the classes online from my living room, which was nearly impossible. I felt trapped. A raging epidemic across the planet from which there was no escape. If I spent too much time thinking about it, I would start to feel the claw of panic. By the time summer arrived I was at breaking point. Luckily with summer we had some reprieve. Case loads declined, and I started meeting my best friend outside. We socially distanced ourselves and wore masks, but we were together and that was a start. By the end of summer she and her boyfriend were on our “quaranteam” that is we decided we could see each other since we weren’t seeing anyone else. In the fall school started. Since I teach at a Catholic school we were able to have school in person full time, though we had students in every grade who opted to go remote. But my bestie and I were back in the building with most of the kids, and I started to feel less trapped. I was going to stores masked and my daughter was also in school. But as soon as Thanksgiving hit everything changed again. So many people ignored all of the recommendations and restrictions and got together with family and friends. It made me so angry that people were so careless. A friend of mine had a large family in Pennsylvania who all got together for Thanksgiving. She didn’t go because she thought it was reckless. 8 out of 14 people at the family dinner got covid and 2 of them died. Then at Christmas, my great uncle passed. No funeral. No wake. Nothing. Schools shut down again. We were trapped. Then the vaccines came. It was nearly impossible to get one for a long time even if you were eligible. Slots filled as fast as they were posted. You needed to present a lot of proof of eligibility in order to get one. As a teacher, I was able to get mine earlier than many others. I got the Moderna. The first shot made me feel a little sick for a few hours, but with the second I had a fever of 103.5, aches, chills, nausea for 12 hours and a general malaise for 3 days. A friend of mine in taekwondo, who has some autoimmune problems, had a severe reaction after her first Moderna vaccine. She has had side effects for a few months now that are not going away. She has dizzy spells and heart palpitations regularly. She is undergoing testing and being monitored by the CDC. Despite some horror stories, the vaccine is still the absolute best thing that we could have hoped for. I would like my daughter to get it as soon as they open it to the under 12 population. A lot of people won’t get the vaccine because they are in the “Science is fake, I’m a Trump supporter” camp. In my opinion, Trump’s misinformation and mishandling of the pandemic cost tens of thousands of American lives, and his diversive legacy is going to cost us dearly for many years to come. It is now June again. School just finished. New York State is allowing people to enter buildings unmasked if they are vaccinated, but few people are actually requiring any proof. Given that the people with a cavalier attitude toward wearing masks are many of the same people who are against getting vaccinated, an honors system policy towards wearing masks is really just a no-mask policy. It is very frustrating to me that people can’t just deal with masks for a while longer to fully insure this disease’s eradication before we have another relapse and find ourselves back in quarantine again. -
2021-04-08
How does the pandemic affect children?
This article titled "Coming of Age" is a great article that provides various art pieces from children all around the world. Who, through their art display the feelings they feel during the pandemic, certain stepping stones of their life that they were unable to celebrate fully, and even self-development that was limited. More can be said about the article by looking at the images provided and the unique descriptions below them. -
2021-02-01
Statistics
The statistics of Covid 19 are rather astonishing. Over 3.12 million people across the world have died of the virus. Roughly 10% of the world has had Covid 19 at one time. It is crazy to me that that many people have been affected by it. I don't know anyone that has been affected by it. I don't know how. Everyone I knows life changed through Covid whether it was being trapped at home for months on end, or maybe not being able to go to school, or losing a job. I have gone through some of these personally, but overall nothing bad has happened to me. -
2020-12-15
Life through Photographs during COVID19
Coronavirus hit me as a senior in high school. It began as an exciting two-week spring break and then continued to alter my life and everyone else's with no end in sight. I acknowledge that I was lucky in the ways coronavirus affected me as I did not lose my job, any loved ones, and was lucky enough to stay healthy along with my family. However, coronavirus and its related restrictions did hit me in ways I never would have imagined. It started with the loss of graduation, the loss of closure at the end of my senior year, worsening mental health, and questioning everything that was to come of my future. I had a plan: a plan to graduate along with 400 other students, a plan to travel in the summer, and a plan to go to college. These plans that seemed so certain were all uprooted instantly. Instead, graduating high school seemed like a formality, not a celebration, college at UW seemed so uncertain and financially difficult that I questioned attending, and traveling became a walk to the park. In the first few months I found myself sinking into a depression, my body and brain shutting down. I felt lost. As time passed, I began to find purpose and to find enjoyment in little things I never would have months prior. In the first few months, I found myself trapped in my house with little interaction, falling into a rut of depression and anxiety. I slowly began to find enjoyment in small things that got me out of my head. About a month into isolation I found myself scrolling through years of photos and videos reminiscing on my pre-covid, pre-mask, and pre-isolation self. I instantly began to print these old pictures creating photo journals and I made several slideshows of photos I had taken or found throughout my life. I created a video of my senior year of highschool full of photos and videos portraying the amazing times I was able to be a part of. I watched myself grow in these photos along with some of my closest friends and family. At first, these old photos made me sad, made me feel so alone, and then the photos made me appreciate everything I have been a part of. Looking back on the past, I realized how much I took these moments for granted. The small things such as going to restaurants, attending school in person, playing sports, etc. While looking back at the many adventures, I appreciated every photograph, every laugh, every cry. I realized how important the small things were. This is when I discovered my love for photographs, collaging, and slideshows. Creating these photo journals and slideshows gave me a reason to get out of bed and made me feel like I had a life in a time like it felt like I was completely lost. I had a five-month summer ahead of me, the longest break from school I have had since I was five years old. These photographs allowed me to spend time and energy on something that distracted me from reality. Slowly, the reminiscing and creation of these collages of my pre-covid life led to a sense of longing, a longing to be rid of this pandemic. I then found a job and instead of dreading a shift, I looked forward to it as it gave me a sense of purpose. I would document my coworkers who soon became some of my closest friends. I took photos of us at the break, spilling mop water on the floor, and going on drives to buy us all coffee. I then used the photographs to document the time I was in instead of the time I had once lived in. As restrictions started to lift I began to see my friends again but not in the same way. We would sit in our cars in parking lots, at parks six feet apart, or wearing masks on each other's front yards. I photographed all of this. I made videos of us blasting music as we sat in our cars not being able to hug or embrace each other. I wonder how these photos will age. These moments I have captured are of unimaginable times. I will view these in years looking back as the best and worst times of my life. Slowly I was able to create my social bubble of work, family, and a few friends. ll of these people became my support system, my family. Through these last few months, I and those around me have gone through more than I have experienced with anyone else. This includes loss of employment, loss of income, loss of family members, and loss of mental health. I started to create collages and photo journals to give to those around me. When sharing these pictures with those around me it brought smiles to our faces as we reminisced about our memories together or laughed at the altered world we live in today. I found that when I got to my darkest points I found solace in my photos and the sharing of these photos. Later in quarantine during July a few of my friends and I decided we were going to explore Oregon in every aspect we could. We hiked beautiful mountains, swam in the lakes, went to the beach, and watercolored in parks. I documented all of this along the way. Now instead of looking back on what I missed pre-COVID, I look at what I found during COVID. I found my family, my escape, myself. I found that I have captured more memories during these last nine months than at any other time. I have done more for myself and with those around me than I ever have. These photos and videos have been my way of illustrating the positive effects of this pandemic in my life. A couple of years ago I may have looked at these photos and videos and thought why masks? Why social distance? Why so much time spent with my family inside? Now, they bring a smile to my face. Yes, COVID19 has taken many things but it has given me many things as well. And one day I hope to show what it gave me through my photos. -
2020-10-19
I Don't Want To Stay Home
I never really went out and did anything before the pandemic hit, but now that I have no choice whether or not I go out or stay home, I hate it. I feel imprisoned. #REL101 -
2020-09-16
The Daily Commute
I composed this piece for my Painting I class around the start of the pandemic when everything was still surreal. If I did a piece on COVID now, it would be entirely different. Nevertheless, I think the general tone of this piece shows how I and most likely many others have experienced the pandemic. I decided to place this scene on the Subway since New York City was the epicenter of COVID-19, and like COVID, the Subway is known as "the great equalizer". The tightness of space on a subway also gives the feeling of being trapped, which has been a pretty universal feeling during this time, not to mention the acute awareness of germs that one has both on the subway and during COVID. I was also inspired by the art that came from the Black Plague depicting 'witch' doctors and skeletons and wanted the figures I painted to mimic that sense of doom. Each figure represents a different feeling or character that has solidified itself in our COVID centered lives. I am sure many people can relate to the shag of hair bent over a computer as we navigate online classes and jobs, or to the sympathetic limp glove that essential workers wear everyday, or to the three characters that both warn and frighten us. I hope that at the end of this pandemic we can look back to what has come out of peoples' restlessness and suffering, and resolve to live in care of others to prevent future tragedies. #ForhamUniveristy -
2020-06
Political Activism in the Midst of a Pandemic: Empty City Street After Curfew
This was taken while I was staying in Manhattan for the protests. I went outside at around 11pm to walk my dog but since De Blasio made the curfew 8pm, it had already been three hours past curfew. I had never seen my city so empty at 11pm; it was shocking. There were NYPD officers standing on every corner monitoring the streets to make sure no one was out. If I hadn’t felt trapped inside before because of quarantine and COVID, I definitely felt trapped now. -
2020-06-28
Signs Displayed by Inmates at the Bradley County Jail
This is a Twitter post (social media) illustrating the plight of incarcerated person in the U.S. during the coronavirus pandemic.