Items

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  2020-03-16

  Nightmare

  Covid 19 has been nothing but the worst ever since it started. The only tiny silver line i found is i was able to rest and heal my body from constantly working out and going to work. But then the situation for work changed as the schedule began to put in more hours for me and although i enjoyed learning new tasks for the job, having nothing but to do those new tasks for months was dreadful. Covid made a big impact on my relationship because it made me dependent and I constantly was on facetime with my girlfriend and now i have separation anxiety where i normal dont. I feel socially awkward as well since i barely was already going out to pretty much nothing at all. I hope i can get my own life back on track and hopefully everything returns to normal.
• 2020-10-02

  Growing Tired of This

  This might be long, but quarantine has been one of the worst experiences in my life. At first, I was kinda cool with the fact that I didn't have to go out. Not having to sit in classrooms for hours, not having to deal with hundreds of people at school, not having to deal with intense anxiety anymore! Life seemed pretty good for me at that time. Online classes during my last months in senior year of high school wasn't too bad. But when it came time for college, I was panicking. I mean, who wouldn't? Starting a brand new experience right in the middle of quarantine? That'd shake anybody in their boots. Like most things, it wasn't too bad at first. Sure, Zoom was pretty annoying to figure out, but things seemed to be running smoothly. However, in my opinion, trying to figure out Blackboard is a nightmare. That site is sooo not user friendly, it's such a complete mess. To this day, I'm STILL having trouble with it. The work load isn't too harsh, but trying to muster up the energy to do even anything during this pandemic is difficult. Everyday has started feeling the same: wake up, feel miserable, force myself to eat, try to do something productive (while feeling miserable), go to sleep, rinse and repeat. My depression has never hit this hard until starting college. On my worst days, I literally cannot bring myself to get out of bed and make myself food. I lie there with zero energy until the sun goes down. It'd be 6-8pm before I finally drag myself to the kitchen for a light meal (which is the same thing I've been eating for the past several months) or for a long, hot shower. I can hardly bring myself to focus on school work. As of writing this, it's currently 4:51 AM. My sleep schedule is an utter disaster. On most nights, I end up staying up till the sun rises. It's not too uncommon that I stay up for 20+ hours. Though this all comes crashing back to me when I end up sleeping through class Zoom calls, or even oversleeping and missing my classes entirely (it's happened twice so far and both times have spiraled me into a deep depressive episode that I won't be describing). Trying to be productive during quarantine is a joke. I have a lot of things around me that can entertain and distract me. How am I expected to focus when Twitter, YouTube, and Discord are in my reach 24/7, you know? During my classes, I just tune everything out. What's even the point of listening, when professors ramble on for a two hours about things you don't even care about, when all the assignments just consists of reading a bunch of articles that bore you to death and then having you write some response (that you can easily BS) to it? I never thought I'd say this, but I just want to be allowed to go out again. I'm tired of all of this. I'm so exhausted. Learning virtually is mentally draining. It can hardly be considered learning. I doubt anybody is really even absorbing any information being given to them during these virtual meetings, save for the few innocent souls that haven't been tainted by quarantine depression yet. I'm so sick of it all. I can't focus. I can't bring myself to do anything. I just can't anymore. (Also isn't it kinda stupid how they're letting literal children go back to school and yet campus won't be open? Okay sure, maybe it's because CUNY has way more students, but still. I wouldn't trust a 5 year old to properly wear a mask for the whole day and practice good hygiene. Kids are messy.)
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  2020-03-17

  “Life in the Time of Covid19 in a Hyper-Super-Gentrified Neighborhood: Making Things Visible”

  What did my neighborhood looked like during the first phase of the New York State lockdown. How my neighbors responded to the crisis
• 
  2020-09-26

  The causes of COVID-19

  The COVID-19 pandemic was something I definitely did not expect. It was a shock to not only me, but also to everyone in this world. This pandemic completely shifted my life into something entirely different from what I’m used too. Pre-COVID-19, I did not have to think about leaving my house with a mask on. Now, while we are still in the pandemic, leaving the house with a mask on is part of my everyday essentials. Wearing a mask is currently part of my wardrobe. I bought reusable masks because they are not good for the environment. Global warming is a very big issue that many people do not believe in, but I do believe in. I try my best to help the environment as much as I can, so buying reusable masks is what I did. Also, those medical masks are so expensive now, it is something I cannot afford to keep buying. While on the topic of expensive, I was someone who always carried hand sanitizer with me wherever I went. Now that hand sanitizer is a necessity due to the virus, it was hard for me to find them in stores, and when I did find them, the cost was two times higher than it originally would be. Money became an issue for me due to the change of price in many things. I did not work during the start of the pandemic because I was scared to put my families lives at risk. I work now, but I practice social distancing as much as I can, I sanitize, and I wear a face mask at all times. The hardest part about being in quarantine would be remote learning, and it still is. I was someone who despised online classes. I always avoided taking them. However, due to the pandemic, I had no other choice but to take online classes. I appreciate the effort my professors put into trying to make everything work, but it will never be the same as being in class physically and learning. Taking online classes is so stressful because I am basically teaching myself. Depending on the professor, somethings are just not clearly explained so I am left confused very often. Trying to manage everything in my personal life on top of online classes is not easy. Working academically in the comfort of my own home, with my family was and still is a struggle. I need to be in a different environment other than my own home in order for me to fully concentrate and study for my classes. Another constant issue with remote learning is my horrible WIFI connection. My WIFI has been a mess since quarantine started. Having bad WIFI added on to more stress for my online classes because I needed the internet to finish my work and pass my classes. Nonetheless, the CDC is trying their best to stop the spread of COVID-19. This pandemic has caused a major shift to the world, especially mine. The best thing I can do is to continue to work hard and do the best that I can. We have been in a pandemic for 7 months now. Unfortunately, this is our new normal.
• 
  2020

  The Year(s) of COVID

  I did not expect 2020 to turn out this way, I had a year of travels planned and a summer of adventures. I remember telling patients at the pharmacy I work at that things will be fine, we just need to a little cautious but I was wrong, it seemed almost routine that we started getting phone calls informing us a patient passed away. Scrolling through any platform, I would come across a familiar face that is now gone. It became numbing when I found myself rubbing my skin raw in the shower after working 10 hour shifts, the mask tan was humorous at first now it is a little saddening this is the reality. I remember watching the news in April with my family and going "wow only 700 people died today" and wondered if that was the new reality. Sometimes all of this feels so surreal, is it really happening? I want to remain optimistic but it seems almost impossible when things never seem to get any better. This is our new normal, life before COVID will never return.
• 
  2020-04

  The Room Gym

  As for all of us around the world, we all experienced unique circumstances within our homes. For me, it was keeping up with my workout routine these past six months. The gym has become my second home over the past two years. It was where I can relieve my daily stressors and shut off my mind for an hour. The healthy lifestyle changes that I have made were greatly influenced by working out, so having the gym closed during the pandemic was a drastic change in my environment, along with the closing of schools. Right before everything was officially shut down, my mom and I drove to the nearest target to grab a set of dumbbells. By the time we got there, everyone was in a frantic state and the shelves were practically empty. Luckily, I was able to get my hands on a set of 10s and one 40 lb. They were the last of the weights, I cannot imagine what would've happened if we came five minutes later. These three dumbbells became the sole accessories of my workouts for the coming months. I knew it was time to get creative. In addition to some resistance bands I own, I obtained a shopping basket from my local market. To mimic the deep back squats, I would pile all my weights in the basket and grab two dining table chairs. Then I would stand on top while straddling the basket with my hands. Originally, I used my younger brother but he became too occupied with video games as quarantine went on. This repetitive movement would allow anyone to quit after the first month, but I kept on going. The idea of maintaining my strength no matter the lengths I had to go through was my key motivator. By using grocery bags filled with detergent bottles tied to a broomstick, laundry bags filled with clothes, I performed my exercises in the strict confinements in my bedroom. My parents were too busy focusing on not scraping any new furniture or floors that came with finished renovations. I was not allowed to workout outside my room, so this was another mentally challenging restriction. It is different weight lifting right next to an unmade bed, and I was so close to giving up almost every week. I would try to find loopholes, but nothing was going to change my parents minds. I had to keep pushing myself, no matter what. I knew if I gave into the temptations of my soft bed, I would never get back to exercising until the gyms re opened. What helped was going on daily isolated walks, so I could at least get out of my room for a little. As I am sitting here typing this memo, I am ever so grateful for the gyms reopening. With the limited equipment and lack of space, I am truly amazed that I did not give into the laziness. Though in other aspects of my life activity levels depleted, working out in my room was the one habit I kept consistent throughout.
• 
  2020-09-27

  Growing Up

  Hello! I am a 20 year old college student who has been afraid to face the responsibilities the world has for me. I always thought "I'm not ready for responsibility. I can barely take care of myself." Due to this, I always procrastinated on real life tasks outside of school, and depended on my parent. However, COVID-19 came and changed my reality. Everything went remote, and my parent was left facing unemployment. My sick grandmother could no longer get the care she needed, and there was no family member nearby that could help with her wellbeing. It became chaotic. At that very moment, I realized it no longer mattered how I felt about being ready for responsibilities. Majority of people were not "ready", but it became demanded of them to do what they needed to do. Ready or not, I needed to do what I needed to do. After being with myself in silence and calming my nerves, I realized that there were people who needed me to be there to help them, people that I love and care about. I was scared at first to take on such a big burden. I'm a full time student taking more credits than normal, I took up a full time job in order to make sure I took care of my parent, my grandmother, and myself, and I also needed to move out of the home I grew up into a whole other town in order to take care of my grandmother. In all honesty, I was scared. Here I am a young adult, who has not had major responsibilities, being brought into a situation where others depend on me to take charge essentially. This is all taking place in the middle of a pandemic, so it is vital that I am extra cautious, especially living with someone immunocompromised. Despite the uncertainties of what is to come each day, I have learned about myself and what I am actually capable of. Although COVID has brought about countless tragedies, some of which I've experienced, it has allow me to become a stronger, more dependable person for others who will later need me to aid them in any circumstances. It is still a learning process.
• 
  2020-09-27

  1936 in 2020

  A drawing inspired by Dorothea Lange portraying the anxiety and stress that came with obstacles as a result of COVID-19.