Christopher: Find the things that gives you peace

Christopher, Oral History, 2020/09/24

Christopher is the administrative aid at the African American Museum of Nassau County. He works with museum director, Joysetta Pearse, to promote understanding and appreciation of African American culture, art and tradition through education, interpretation, exhibitions, collections and programs for the enrichment of the public. Chris discusses his work, as well as how we hopes to come out stronger, on the other side of COVID. He also discusses the loss of his uncle and getting a diagnosis of his own during COVID.

September 24, 2020

Juilee Decker

Joysetta Pearse

Christopher

Juilee Decker

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09/24/2020

Juilee Decker

Christopher

24 minutes

Interview by Juilee Decker and Joysetta Pearse with the museum’s administrative assistant, Christopher. (Horace Graydon and Joysetta Pearce appear briefly in the beginning of this interview.)
Recorded September 24, 2020 at the African American Museum of Nassau County, Hempstead, NY
7:08 pm ET
Conducted over Zoom, lasting 24 minutes


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Horace Graydon: My favorite person.

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Juilee Decker: She can’t be your favorite and my favorite at the same

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Juilee Decker: Time or can she?

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Joysetta Pearse: Do we have one more.

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Juilee Decker: We do.

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Joysetta Pearse: Okay, okay.

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Joysetta Pearse: Yeah, Chris. This is our administrative aid here at the museum, Christopher

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Juilee Decker: Okay, okay.

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Juilee Decker: Oh, I saw Chris last week when we were on the Zoom

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Juilee Decker: Precisely. OK. So the way this will work is all read the questions and then you can just answer, answer them in the order. But the first question is to to spell your name. So how do you spell, Chris.

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Christopher: Ch RI S

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Christopher: TOPHER

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Juilee Decker: Okay. All right. So it's Christopher do go by Chris Is that okay if I call you, Chris. Okay. All right. Chris So first question is, which is actually question two. Because your, your name was the first one, but before go on. What would you say an average day was like for you.

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Christopher: Busy, productive, energetic, changing

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Christopher: People's Day people's lives, bringing joy to it.

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Christopher: Helping them to map out the live events.

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Christopher: Just want to smile on the face or the end up not assembly finish meeting with me.

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Yeah.

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Juilee Decker: And then what about now like or since COVID. Like, how, how has that changed.

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Christopher: It's changed more. So I guess. Well, for me, it changed. Hold on one minute. Sorry.

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Christopher: They've allowed

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Christopher: For many more. So the interaction with people being

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Christopher: Consistent on one of the things that I do. Here also, as a bit planning. So I got to meet with a lot of clients throughout the day planning on baby showers weddings birthday parties.

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Christopher: graduations on different events and I get the joy out of doing that bringing Derek to life. So meeting with clients on a consistent basis.

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Christopher: And have that smile once we mapped out the contract, they saw the vision, they saw it coming together, they would put a deposit. They were excited about the date that they chosen. So for me,

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Christopher: I'm not having that interaction with the people. Moreso for them, is not being able to go ahead with the functions that they already probably

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Christopher: With the venue and having to cancel because of the cold, eight, nine, be able to have enough people to be invited to it canceling weddings.

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Christopher: Canceling baby showers canceling the most important events in their lives. So it's, you know, been a dramatic change on both ends for me as the planner and then for them as declining. So it's been, you know, it's

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Christopher: Heartbreaking because you want to see people happy. And when they can't do something they put all the resources and money and plan for these things year in advance and, you know, unexpected event happened and they have to cancel. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.

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Juilee Decker: So in terms of COVID. What have you been doing so we call this like your COVID story. What have you been doing to occupy your time or because you couldn't do something, you had to do something else. What does that been like for you. What have you been doing

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Christopher: A lot of down time, as far as self-development. I’ve been reading more been studying more on my craft.

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Christopher: I've been putting more on, you know, going over my contracts that have previous contracts and seeing what I've done wrong to try to make it better, trying to just develop myself and make myself a more productive and make myself more marketable.

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Christopher: After this pandemic is over, like I want to come out with people to see a different Chris and like yeah, you really have not just been laying low independently, but you've been working behind the scenes and you've actually seen it so yeah yeah

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Juilee Decker: Oh, that's awesome.

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Juilee Decker: So number well, technically, it’s number four, but what

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Juilee Decker: Has the pandemic. How has the pandemic affected the groups that you're a part of. So any social groups or community groups or church groups or friend groups, anything like that. So how has COVID been impacted

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Christopher: All of them! I have I have so many groups that I'm a part of one of them being my church. Of course, you know, during the pandemic.

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Christopher: Here in Nassau County. They shut us down from being we can only have what, at first it was five people and people that want staff.

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Christopher: I'm also on voice trainer. So I change vocally. So, don't you know worship team weren't able to assemble. So be one person.

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Christopher: Pastor, and maybe one other person and build in at that time do worship experience much different than having people sitting in the seat responding to you, you actually sing into pews and

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Christopher: People virtually so it was just, it was very different because like I said

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Christopher: I'm more. So our everyday life. We don't understand how it impacts being with people are being even if you don't know the person being in a store and knowing someone did without a mass

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Christopher: It's a sense of stability or comfort like everything's easy now. It's much, much different, because now you come, you come into were able to come back.

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Christopher: Into the worship atmosphere but we have mask on, we can't, we can't really communicate with each other like we used to be can't touch each other so that's

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Christopher: Right. Yeah. Well, you can smile. They can see your eyes, but

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Christopher: But that sense of, you know, wanting to greet your brother and sister or someone that you know with a handshake or just with a simple hug or kiss you know to embrace them you can't do you have to find different ways to communicate so

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Christopher: I just cooked up connection part and also in friendships, like, you know, me and my friends. I have four guy friends we call the tell each other. The brothers will usually traveling, we usually gone. We've had to try to make

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Christopher: Ways to like still keep us interactive as brothers and still be there for each other.

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Christopher: I'm like, Okay, what can we do that is not going to cause that's not who he can't go to restaurants. We can do that.

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Christopher: Okay, let's get some a zoom call we're going to meet every week and zoom. Well, let's talk about different types. Let's get a book. Let's talk about the book. Let's watch you know we we we must have been on Netflix. The whole time expanding

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Christopher: We watched everything and we try to just try to dissect every movie that we saw and try to relate it to our last week we talked find other ways to try to

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Christopher: Keep the connection strong but you know it's hard but you know I believe there was other ways that you could, could you know make your

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Christopher: Foundation stronger without being in front of the person. And that's the thing that's what you really found your authentic and you know the authentic.

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Christopher: Nature of your relationship because you want in front of a person.

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Christopher: You have to be virtual with them and communicate with them as if you were with them on an everyday basis. So it kind of kind of made the stronger can communicate with you guys virtually but you know I'm not touching on how to be in your presence but

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Juilee Decker: That's it. That's interesting. I appreciate the way you said that because I think it is. It's hard to get that right. So I teach. I teach at the college level.

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Juilee Decker: And like meeting with my students on zoom. Normally I would show up to class 15 minutes early, and like get my cup of tea ready and get all my things in order. And I don't need to do that. I've been teaching for 20 years

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Juilee Decker: But it was

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Juilee Decker: The point of when the kid comes in and has a question. He knows that the students call me Decker. They don't call me Dr Decker, they know Decker will be there and they can ask a question and then

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Juilee Decker: The kid that I'm worried about because there's some things going on. I can check on him or her. They so those little things aren't there. I literally log on and the students populated.

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Juilee Decker: Right, right, right. It's not the same.

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Christopher: There's no one on one does not intimacy. There's no, like you said, can't check on. And same thing with my friends. You know what I want from that you would talk to on a regular just say, Hey, I know you shared something with me. By the time we get on the zoom Arizona. So you can say, hey,

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Christopher: There's nothing

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Juilee Decker: Not the incidental

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Juilee Decker: Or where a student would come up and say, can I talk to you in office.

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Juilee Decker: But there that doesn't happen and they don't casually stop by and they don't you know drop in like they can't like

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Juilee Decker: Even if I said I was online right now.

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Juilee Decker: They're not they show up and you're here. So it's like, it's very different. So I appreciate what you said about your friends and how this could bring you closer in some ways because you're regularly checking it.

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Juilee Decker: You see that. So, number five is what word would you use to describe your feeling at the beginning of the pandemic and then now.

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Christopher: I'm at the beginning of the pandemic. Um, I was, I guess I was concerned aware, he really didn't know what this was, um,

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Christopher: But I didn't have enough

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Christopher: Enough they to

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Christopher: Understand that things will work out, and there will be a check and balance point to the cause, I believe, also at the beginning of it.

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Christopher: Right after depending on what you want in and my uncle was a Marco was in anybody that knows me he's sober wrote it in my life, like just the number one thing God taught me everything that I know.

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Christopher: About executing and pursuing and making sure things happen. So he was my go to person, like he was just anything I ever needed or anything that needed to be shared. He knew about the end from top to bottom life's problems circumstances or situations. He knew

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Christopher: He be on right and epidemic. He went to the hospital. This is when he started shutting the hospital down and they wouldn't allow family members to come in.

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Christopher: So we went through this whole thing. And I'm like, Okay, I know this whole thing pandemic and we didn't know what it was they they finally got us back the testing was like, well, it's not cold big

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Christopher: You know, he's just having a hard time breathing, whatever, like that. But one of the things that I found out, and then I do on a manage people, you know, especially me a family members or loved one in the hospital.

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Christopher: Lack of communication and let that lack of touch or something knowing someone can be there for you. It's very, very important to the health of the mind of the body.

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Christopher: And I think one of the downfalls is he so used to us being there at this time you're in this hospital by yourself. When the doctor.

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Christopher: And a nurse and no family. The only time you can communicate with trying to either by phone or text.

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Christopher: Downfall is when they took him to the hospital Damien get from this phone. So we have tried to get in this phone went to the hospital. They went live with us and or whatever.

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Christopher: He ended up passing on during called big in the middle, called a which was like when I say district like my whole life.

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Christopher: Was like a ended, like I just like I didn't know what to do because we were still right in the thick of

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Christopher: Colon things happening like people are dying everywhere. So I'm like, Okay, what happened. We didn't know if he passed with COVID. They won't give us answers they on things were like

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Christopher: One being given because they were still trying to find things out. So now you have him.

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Christopher: And then a couple of his colleagues, also in the house where the same time. And now, none of these families able to communicate.

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Christopher: With their families were meeting with their families like okay you know we just pray with them. We've gone to see what's going to happen.

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Christopher: And the report that the outcome that we thought was going to happen. Didn't happen so he ended up passing. Now, my uncle was a pastor of a 500 member church.

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Christopher: So he has a big family 500 mega church. You are Deputy Mayor of the NASA County and Hempstead you are

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Christopher: Well known with throughout the community for doing back to school joins for getting kids back in school paying for college students like so when

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Christopher: He died. It wasn't just a personal but it was like everything stopped in Nassau County.

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Christopher: Like you know day. The Gates has gone. What do we do, how do we keep going like, no, this is not the way and it almost is it was a it was an anger at co because it's like

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Christopher: If it wasn't cold. What could we have saved him. Could, could that being there in that touch and that just talking to him and just Gianna coaching through it.

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Christopher: Could have pushed him a little bit more and and it was talking to other families that lost people do on cold, even people that died, don't call it

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Christopher: A lot of them looks even the doctors talking to one of my physician, she was saying that she had a patient that you know that died and she said, Chris, what you're saying is so important. She said, because I believe that a person will fight if they have something to fight for

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Christopher: She said, a person will hold on. And I've seen it happen. And she said, not that he didn't know he knew, but when you're in pain in your body.

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Christopher: And then having somebody just to be there to touch you. And just to be there every day to stay in the hospital tonight day and you wake up in the air. There is so much different than just know

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Christopher: You know, the Bible tells us that faith comes by Tom see not seeing and hearing by the word of God. See, you can know everything.

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Christopher: But it's different when the person is actually they're laying the hands on you, saying, uncle, you're gonna make it, uncle, you want some jello. We don't go out and get you some girls. I'll be right back. I'm not leaving you in this hospital by yourself.

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Christopher: I'm going to be so when you wake up tomorrow, you're going to see the space if you wake up in the middle of night, somebody's going to be seeing that sitting in this chair. Next you a familiar face that you know

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Christopher: So a person fights differently when they know that the person is there nobody was steer so

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Christopher: The doctor said we couldn't be in the room with them because we didn't know their condition. So a lot of time we're going to check on them, we have to put mask and stuff on. And then at night, they were in the room by themselves isolated.


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Christopher: Yeah, so it's like, I don't know if, like I said, the only thing I can do women is is this coaching thing shut down the person you know because you have those nurses who will be there.

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Christopher: Be there consistently for their patient and make sure you know the families that I need you to be there gonna be, but you have nurses made it personal, to make sure that they were family fun they couldn't do that.

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Christopher: Kind of touch them. They couldn't be in a personal space there was only so much they could do. And I feel like that hope for a lot of people that passed away, was that I didn't have that physical I didn't have that person did and it looked at left and right, and all our souls machines.

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Christopher: I didn't see a body and you see. Nobody listened. You got to push you gotta fight.

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Juilee Decker: I hear you, I hear what you're saying. I hear I hear what you're saying that's that's I'm so sorry for your loss. Chris, I'm so sorry. That's got to be that's probably still really

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Christopher: Difficult i think i mean

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Juilee Decker: I that's the stories of

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Juilee Decker: Being able to be with someone in their last moments there.

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Juilee Decker: There is nothing like

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Juilee Decker: That like that can't be duplicated by anything. I'm so sorry about about your uncle. That's really hard.

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Juilee Decker: In terms of now like like this moment in September. Like, do you feel because you said you said the word concerned and worried with some of the words you said in the beginning. Do you still feel that way about covert or how do you like overall like when people say, oh,

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Christopher: I'm a little on the pandemic, or the Kovac um has given me a different aspect and I think because I with my uncle's death. I know that he would have wanted me to go on. I know he wouldn't want to be said. I know he would have wanted me to like, okay, that was my motivation, you have a business.

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Christopher: Work on it.

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Christopher: You got any debt credit work on it. This is the time to pay bills to take things to give things that you need to do work on it. So when you come out of it there. He was always a man about results.

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Christopher: So out of this make make results out of this situation as opposed to be a downfall or something that's supposed to be detrimental to people, but make results, so how how you gonna make results, keep the good

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Christopher: So I think now I'm going to stay with place of not not worrying more I'm more concerned about the people who are not abiding by

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Christopher: And not doing what they do because I'm like, you can save your life by doing the right thing. I have somebody downloads.

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Christopher: But you could do the right thing and save you, like, put the mask on, you know, monitor what you're doing and what you're touching and

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Christopher: Who you're coming into contact with monitor your any you're going out isn't necessary to travel, is it necessary to go here, dude. So I think my console. Now I'm in a good place.

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Christopher: Because I'm looking for results. And that's what I keep pushing for people give me results. Okay, you went through this code like it's coming in, knocked all of the wind out of all of us.

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Christopher: But now the only way we can do it. Obviously we don't have a vaccine. We're not doctors. We're not gone. So how can we, how can we save ourselves all those

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Christopher: Results. So what are you doing during expanding. What are you doing this on this call today. How are you, how are you getting the word out.

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Christopher: Making sure that everyone is doing what they have to do, make sure you're doing what you have to know, make sure you take and safely crossing

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Christopher: If this is the most that you ever been to a doctor, go make sure your health is good. Make sure you and stable so results. Yeah.

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Christopher: Sure that you get results out of this. If you're in school, go back to school, you know, not those class that you have more than enough time to be at home, you know, you don't have to get all the way dress to go to class.

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Christopher: You know, you don't have to worry, those, those kids that had the fear of being in class with other and reading out loud, now's the time to work and get results. So when this is all said and done,

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Christopher: That people don't just look at you like what you are doing nothing but just, you know, but get results get back into a happy place. If you're a person who have been depressed, find what makes you happy doing this. Yeah, yeah.

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Juilee Decker: And thinking about it, like, because there isn't an end like that we know. I mean, people like, oh, it'd be better in October, it'll be better in September. But, you know, we don't know.

1113
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Juilee Decker: Give a full fingers. Yeah you there because there's no end.

1114
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Juilee Decker: Why not get results with something if it ends in a month doubtful. But if it ends in a month. GREAT YOU STILL HAD A MONTH OF SOMETHING THAT YOU DID if it ends in six months, then you have a

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Juilee Decker: Six months of something. Yeah, so trying to strip that out and you sound like somebody who's a planner. So that's probably really natural to you. And I think to some people that idea of scripting it out is probably a little overwhelming and


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Juilee Decker: My thing is

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Juilee Decker: Baby steps.

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Juilee Decker: Start with one thing you know you don't clean the whole house.

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Juilee Decker: Your desk and then your room, you know, go from there.

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Juilee Decker: Sure, like

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Juilee Decker: I hear you, um, the last question is, is there anything else you'd like to share about your COVID story in general or anything that you think people don't know or that you want to share with them.

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Um,

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Christopher: Well, I’ll share about my uncle, something. Now during COVID, when that happened, just before I heard they had passed. No, it was the week after he had passed

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Christopher: I got a call from the doctor. I’ve been having some skin issues or whatever. And I didn’t pay any attention to it. So I'm using all these different formulas and stuff like that. Maybe a little rash.

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Christopher: And I get a call from a doctor. They was like, you know, we did some tests. I went to a dermatologist, that's what happened.

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Christopher: And he said, we just don't do some, you know, ran a test to see what's going on. So, mind you, I'm still in his whole down because my uncle just passed and and I'm like, “Okay, God, I don’t need nothing else.”

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Christopher: So the doctor shared with me there might be a slight…uh…a diagnosis of cancer or a melanoma, is what they call it, which is skin cancer, whatever.

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Christopher: Uh, and he said, you know, the stages to it arm and we think that's what's going on in your body. And that's what's happening. So I said, “what?” I’m like “what I got, what?”

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Christopher: So I when they, when they told me there wasn't a reaction. I think I was so numb because

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Christopher: The person that I would have went to, and like how you talking about the clip of this one, which would have been my uncle. It was just like a back-to-back thing. So

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Christopher: I lose my uncle then I get a diagnosis and the only person that I probably would have talked. I mean, I’d shared you know with my mom, but he would have been the first person.

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Christopher: To like give me like just what I needed to hear at that time was nowhere to be found.

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Christopher: And I remember the day when they told me I went home. Trying to, you know, my mom, she had went to the doctor with me. She didn't know what was going on. So I was crying the whole time. The car got home, I remember exactly, picking up the phone to texting and say, I need to talk to you.

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Christopher: I was so out of my mind, not realizing that he's no longer there. And I went on Facebook. And I said, You know, I said it's funny how things happen how life.

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Christopher: will change, but sometimes we don't accept the reality. And I said, Today wasn't a good day today. Today, I picked up the phone today. Today, I got a report I picked up the phone to call you and text you

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Christopher: And not realizing that you are no longer there, and you weren’t going to respond to this text, but the mere fact that I was able to text you kind of gave me a little sense of relief.

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Christopher: That’s what made my mind thing okay he's no longer there, because I was able to say, Okay. It calmed me down to think. Now what's going to get a response back. But then, remember that you are no longer there. So I dealt with that.

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Christopher: And I think you're probably only person besides my mom and I shared with Ms. Pearse, you’re the only other person that I shared my experience with. My little brother, my little sister, I haven't shared with them yet, because I don't know how they would deal with it.

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Christopher: So, but I've been doing good, you know, staying with my doctor's appointments and things of that nature. But like I said, I really don't have any fear, I really don't have

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Christopher: I don't know why I can't really explain. I do know why. You know I know it's the joy of the Lord. But other than that, I really don't.

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Christopher: I have no complaints. I know what my uncle instilled in me. I know what my mom has instilled in me. I have a terrific boss.

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Christopher: I mean, when I say terrific like she's been walking with me through the whole steps and making sure that, you know, things that I need to get done.

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Christopher: Concerning my personal life. I mean, don't even a pandemic when we were at work. We were on the phone. We were on the computer, you know, “hey, what do you need, is there anything that you need, you know,”

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Christopher: “Are you working on the business plan when we get back in there. We're going to make sure to do this.”

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Christopher: So you know, even with different steps with the museum, like I want to, I want to introduce you to different things, because I want you to walk in my shoes.

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Christopher: Yeah, so she's been on my heels. So she's been my uncle in a different way. So she's she knows what I'm used to. So she's been on my heels about it. You know and to see to work with someone that's older, an older couple

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Christopher: And they have no worries about this pandemic, or this COVID has inspired me to say like she's 80 something years old.

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Christopher: And she: the pep in her step every day when she walks in this building, or even through this COVID is just like Chris. It's going to all work out.

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Christopher: We just got I'm just, I'm just going to keep on being happy every day. I'm just going to keep on living because if I allow myself to be….That's what, that's what's going to kill me.

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Christopher: That's what's going to make me going to a place that I don't want to be.

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Christopher: So her inspiration, her joy, her pep in her step has kept me on way younger than her. But it's telling me, like, okay, I got to be on top of mind because she's, she's way ahead of me like I need to, you know, be

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Christopher: Be on her heels. So I really have to say that, you know, if I can say anything to anybody in this COVID.

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Christopher: Is to really, this is the time that I admonish people to find your happy place find that thing that makes you happy. Find the things that gives you peace.

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Christopher: And that will restore the joy that you want to ever in your life. If there was ever placing like what you had joy.

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Christopher: This is the time to find it, like you said, if it's cleaning out that desk, starting at that desk go into the next room.

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Christopher: You will come across some things, some poems, and letters, something that you haven't seen in a long time. That's going to put a smile on your face. Do something that's going to get results. Yeah, get you to helping somebody else. Yeah.

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Juilee Decker: Oh my gosh, I just love your story. Chris and I love that you love Joysetta so much. I told her. I'm like,

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Juilee Decker: Anyone she introduces to me. I'm like, “oh, it's an FOJ,” and she’s like “what” and I’m like “it's a friend of Joysetta like if it's an FOJ like I automatically love this person, like, I don't care who it is. If it's an FOJ. It's like, bring them.”

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Juilee Decker: Come on over. And so I appreciate what you said.

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Juilee Decker: And the outlook that if her outlook, which is your outlook of pep in the step and just keep going because if you don't, it's going to bring you down and that's that's really hard to kind of

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Juilee Decker: Communicate to people, but I think it it it really can help people to find, like you said your happy place and find something, even if it's short term and it changes next week. You got something right now. So that's so awesome. Thank you so much for your time. I

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Christopher: Really

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Juilee Decker: Getting to know you meet you and I'm sure I'll see you again. Because if you're around around

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Christopher: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Let me see if I can

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Juilee Decker: See you later.

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Christopher: Okay, let me try to get her for you, where is she at

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Juilee Decker: I'm going to make. I'm going to make joy status. Sit down. So I can

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Juilee Decker: Interview her like next week, I will do it today, but all interview her like next week because I

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Juilee Decker: I've never interviewed

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Juilee Decker: Okay, you did great! Joysetta, these are amazing people.

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Christopher: I love your world. And I just told Chris, I was like, Oh my gosh, I still haven't interviewed so what what what works well. Do we want to. Oh, I'll email you and we can set up a time again. We can either do next week or whatever.

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Juilee Decker: I have to sit down and interview you Joysetta.

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Joysetta Pearse: Ok. Good.

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Juilee Decker: But, but thank you so much. I love this. Thank you, big hug.

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Joysetta Pearse: Thank you.

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Juilee Decker: Good to see you, and I'll communicate with you on email.

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Juilee Decker: But. Have a good night and here

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Joysetta Pearse: Let me see quickly.

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Joysetta Pearse: Listen, with this mini thing. One second.

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Yes.