Items

• 
  2020-04-10

  Lonely

  The pandemic made me realize how truly lonely I was and not because I didn't have people around me or people I could still communicate with. I was lonely with myself and my company. This realization hit me during quarantine. It was a very hard truth to accept but it helped me so much. I learned to be content with my own company, to learn to love myself and listen to myself. I know that others have very similar stories of how they had major life-changing realizations not just from outside forces but from within. I think it's very important not to dismiss ourselves once things return to the new normal. We need to be aware of ourselves and feed our souls as much as we nourish our minds and bodies.
• 
  2021-02-13

  My Life Changed during the Pandemic

  I've consistently been an extremely outgoing, positive, and optimistic person. There was never a moment when I wasn't socializing and beaming. However, it put me in a depressive condition during the pandemic, where I was downright isolated. Sure I was able to spend time with my family in the consolation of our home; I felt secluded from the universe. I went from someone that was frequently out to be confined to the safety of my residence. From my enthusiasm for learning to gazing at a screen and calling it my daily interaction, the pandemic took away my motivation to learn and my passion for academics. I noticed a transformation in who I was when I hardly woke up and found no inspiration for anything. I couldn't contact the support I needed because a global pandemic seized the world by storm. Most therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists weren't established for online sessions. I attempted suicide in 2021, and I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. I was admitted into a suicide prevention program and was provided daily antidepressants to suppress the desire to commit suicide. Now that the world is gradually yielding to what seems ordinary, I'm attaining my life back. However, the person I was before the pandemic is gone, and I'm still attempting to discover myself every day.
• 
  2020-03-17

  First time.

  I remember exactly the day before they shut down workplaces and college on Tuesday St Patrick's day I went out to go eat dinner with my friends at Outback Steakhouse and we were all saying how everything will be shutting down and how this will be a one month thing, like in a joking manner, I even went to cancel my gym membership and all that just incase without knowing what was to come after. School went online, I got a call from work that they were closing for awhile until they allowed dine-in again and they did not do take out at all, so there was no work at all for my coworkers or myself. School then was shut down for 2-3 weeks while they transitioned online which was a weird thing for both professors and students to get adjusted to. Then walking outside in Bay Ridge and not seeing 86st full of people and just looking like a ghost town area which was just a scary sight to see. All of this was just weird and kind of stressful, because there was no work at that moment, no hanging out with friends as much as you would want to or seeing family and then seeing your neighborhood go from busy to empty was a weird sight to see. Not being able to see friends or family for a long time really affected me seeing them online games or on social media helped, but it was not the same as seeing them in person. I did not have that many bills to pay off at that time, but not having a job worried me a bit when it came to paying phone bill and other items.
• 
  2020-06-16

  An Important Era In History

  My experience during the covid19 pandemic was very difficult. My life shifted so quickly from being outside every day and being active to being stuck at home every day and attending classes through zoom. The most difficult was shifting classes through zoom because I would not interact with my classmates and would sometimes get lost in my assignments. Something that was difficult was being home alone and not being able to visit my mom and brother because I did not want to risk my mom on catching covid.
• 
  2020-03-10

  Goodbye Grandma

  This text I wrote is in memory of my grandma, and the horrible and traumatic flashbacks of Covid 19. This experience took a huge toll on me and my family.
• 
  2020-03

  My 2020

  This is a story about how my life was during the pandemic in 2020. It tells the story of how isolated everyone was because of social distancing. A whole year just went by but I still felt like my life was a standing still. It was my first time being in the city since the lock down and it was scary to see how empty Times Square was.
• 
  2021-02-28

  Surviving the pandemic

  It is my personal experience of the pandemic. It's important to me as I've fought my inner insecurities and battles. I'm still coping with the stress caused by this pandemic, but it is getting better and I hope it gets better for everyone else too.
• 
  2021-02-14

  My Story: I Got COVID-19 Because of ICE

  I am sending a diary style writing where I share my experience during the pandemic. I focus on the issue of ICE during the pandemic. Before the lockdowns, my uncle was detained by ICE and was deported during the pandemic. My uncle has been living in the US for 25+ years and Mexico, my uncle's home country, has changed a lot since he last lived there. For that reason, I went to Mexico to take him home. This made me get COVID.
• 2020-10-02

  Growing Tired of This

  This might be long, but quarantine has been one of the worst experiences in my life. At first, I was kinda cool with the fact that I didn't have to go out. Not having to sit in classrooms for hours, not having to deal with hundreds of people at school, not having to deal with intense anxiety anymore! Life seemed pretty good for me at that time. Online classes during my last months in senior year of high school wasn't too bad. But when it came time for college, I was panicking. I mean, who wouldn't? Starting a brand new experience right in the middle of quarantine? That'd shake anybody in their boots. Like most things, it wasn't too bad at first. Sure, Zoom was pretty annoying to figure out, but things seemed to be running smoothly. However, in my opinion, trying to figure out Blackboard is a nightmare. That site is sooo not user friendly, it's such a complete mess. To this day, I'm STILL having trouble with it. The work load isn't too harsh, but trying to muster up the energy to do even anything during this pandemic is difficult. Everyday has started feeling the same: wake up, feel miserable, force myself to eat, try to do something productive (while feeling miserable), go to sleep, rinse and repeat. My depression has never hit this hard until starting college. On my worst days, I literally cannot bring myself to get out of bed and make myself food. I lie there with zero energy until the sun goes down. It'd be 6-8pm before I finally drag myself to the kitchen for a light meal (which is the same thing I've been eating for the past several months) or for a long, hot shower. I can hardly bring myself to focus on school work. As of writing this, it's currently 4:51 AM. My sleep schedule is an utter disaster. On most nights, I end up staying up till the sun rises. It's not too uncommon that I stay up for 20+ hours. Though this all comes crashing back to me when I end up sleeping through class Zoom calls, or even oversleeping and missing my classes entirely (it's happened twice so far and both times have spiraled me into a deep depressive episode that I won't be describing). Trying to be productive during quarantine is a joke. I have a lot of things around me that can entertain and distract me. How am I expected to focus when Twitter, YouTube, and Discord are in my reach 24/7, you know? During my classes, I just tune everything out. What's even the point of listening, when professors ramble on for a two hours about things you don't even care about, when all the assignments just consists of reading a bunch of articles that bore you to death and then having you write some response (that you can easily BS) to it? I never thought I'd say this, but I just want to be allowed to go out again. I'm tired of all of this. I'm so exhausted. Learning virtually is mentally draining. It can hardly be considered learning. I doubt anybody is really even absorbing any information being given to them during these virtual meetings, save for the few innocent souls that haven't been tainted by quarantine depression yet. I'm so sick of it all. I can't focus. I can't bring myself to do anything. I just can't anymore. (Also isn't it kinda stupid how they're letting literal children go back to school and yet campus won't be open? Okay sure, maybe it's because CUNY has way more students, but still. I wouldn't trust a 5 year old to properly wear a mask for the whole day and practice good hygiene. Kids are messy.)