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  2020-03-24

  Mental Breakdown

  My sister, Heidi, passed away in Washington, DC, on March 23, 2020. I wasn’t allowed to be with her when she died. My sister was my best friend. I was so lost. Her children, Significant other, my mother, her best friend, and I couldn’t have a funeral for her because of the rules put into place for Covid. So, we could not have a memorial for her till and year and four months later. At the same time, everything began to shut down. My husband works for the NYPD; I was terrified of him getting sick and losing him. Every day after he left for work, I would fall on the floor and break down in tears. I live next to a nursing home facility on Beach 119th St. in Rockaway Park. At this time, I would stare out my windows to look at the ocean to try to calm myself. For weeks, I would see out the right side of my windows and the ambulances and medical examiner vans showing up non-stop to the nursing home for ten days. Bodies were being taken out morning, noon, and night. The flashing red lights signaled that my mental health was in danger. I felt myself crashing many times. I was devasted. To this day, I carry so much internal trauma, I don’t know if I’ll ever recover. I hate this world and the cruel people in it. People have become so ugly because of Covid. I doubt I’ll ever be able to escape the mental anguish that lives in my soul...