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  2021-03-02

  Quarantine Silver-Lining Moments.

  It is quite obvious that the Class of 2020 all share a collective disappointment with graduating via zoom but I personally had no problem with it. I honestly believed that it was a blessing in disguise, I didn’t have to sit in the hot sun and wait for my name to be called, wait there awkwardly as the teachers give an mediocre speech about me, and lie to all my classmates face when I claim that’ll I miss them and promise to keep in touch. In the beginning of Virtual Learning, I was the happiest I’ve ever been, which was due to the majority of my teachers teachers that were having a difficult time adjusting to online learning and were only able to assign one work sheet per week. During the first week of the pandemic, I was able to actually find my true self, my dislikes and likes, my ambitions, and my fashion sense. Although it got tiring staying home for the majority of my time, I still preferred to stay home and keep my safe from this deadly virus compared to actually having a social life, I learned that I appreciate my company and being alone more than I thought. As some may find quarantine completely damaging to their mental health and are unable to spend their days inside, it did the opposite for me, It improved my mental health drastically and gave me time to begin my journey of self-love and because of this I honestly would not mind if New York implemented yet another lockdown. I believe it would be beneficial to everyone because it would not only flatten the curve but it could potentially allow us to have less restrictions during the summer.
• 2020-10-02

  Growing Tired of This

  This might be long, but quarantine has been one of the worst experiences in my life. At first, I was kinda cool with the fact that I didn't have to go out. Not having to sit in classrooms for hours, not having to deal with hundreds of people at school, not having to deal with intense anxiety anymore! Life seemed pretty good for me at that time. Online classes during my last months in senior year of high school wasn't too bad. But when it came time for college, I was panicking. I mean, who wouldn't? Starting a brand new experience right in the middle of quarantine? That'd shake anybody in their boots. Like most things, it wasn't too bad at first. Sure, Zoom was pretty annoying to figure out, but things seemed to be running smoothly. However, in my opinion, trying to figure out Blackboard is a nightmare. That site is sooo not user friendly, it's such a complete mess. To this day, I'm STILL having trouble with it. The work load isn't too harsh, but trying to muster up the energy to do even anything during this pandemic is difficult. Everyday has started feeling the same: wake up, feel miserable, force myself to eat, try to do something productive (while feeling miserable), go to sleep, rinse and repeat. My depression has never hit this hard until starting college. On my worst days, I literally cannot bring myself to get out of bed and make myself food. I lie there with zero energy until the sun goes down. It'd be 6-8pm before I finally drag myself to the kitchen for a light meal (which is the same thing I've been eating for the past several months) or for a long, hot shower. I can hardly bring myself to focus on school work. As of writing this, it's currently 4:51 AM. My sleep schedule is an utter disaster. On most nights, I end up staying up till the sun rises. It's not too uncommon that I stay up for 20+ hours. Though this all comes crashing back to me when I end up sleeping through class Zoom calls, or even oversleeping and missing my classes entirely (it's happened twice so far and both times have spiraled me into a deep depressive episode that I won't be describing). Trying to be productive during quarantine is a joke. I have a lot of things around me that can entertain and distract me. How am I expected to focus when Twitter, YouTube, and Discord are in my reach 24/7, you know? During my classes, I just tune everything out. What's even the point of listening, when professors ramble on for a two hours about things you don't even care about, when all the assignments just consists of reading a bunch of articles that bore you to death and then having you write some response (that you can easily BS) to it? I never thought I'd say this, but I just want to be allowed to go out again. I'm tired of all of this. I'm so exhausted. Learning virtually is mentally draining. It can hardly be considered learning. I doubt anybody is really even absorbing any information being given to them during these virtual meetings, save for the few innocent souls that haven't been tainted by quarantine depression yet. I'm so sick of it all. I can't focus. I can't bring myself to do anything. I just can't anymore. (Also isn't it kinda stupid how they're letting literal children go back to school and yet campus won't be open? Okay sure, maybe it's because CUNY has way more students, but still. I wouldn't trust a 5 year old to properly wear a mask for the whole day and practice good hygiene. Kids are messy.)
• 
  2020-03-13

  Hope?

  Before the lockdown, life seemed so ''normal''. Who knew the new norm would be to wear a mask, carry a hand sanitizer at all times and maintain a six feet distance from others. After being told that everyone has to quarantine from going outside to staying indoors all day. Most importantly, everything became remote. Therefore classes and being overwhelmed by work while not being able to go outside was really taking a toll on my physical and mental health. What gave me a ‘’ray of hope’’ was strangely enough my window. I never thought that looking outside of a window would show me what life has come to and what tomorrow has to offer. Every time I would feel anxious, overwhelmed and in need of a breather I would walk myself to my window. I would just look outside and see the vacant streets. Though it was making me feel ungrateful for how I used to never enjoy looking outside the window, when the children would occupy it. As looking outside my window became a habit I came to realize what didn't change before Covid-19 and now. What did change is the beautiful birds chirping, the beautiful weather, and the rising sun and sunset ensuring yet another day and hope. It is hard to be optimistic at such times but my window made me appreciative of the things I used to take for granted. Such as going outside for a stroll or taking a moment to just appreciate the smallest things around me. Looking outside my window did ensure another day. It endured me just like how the sun and singing birds things will change and indeed for the better. Yeah the sun goes down and the birds leave for their nest but to return for the next day. I've made this a ritual of a sort to walk by my window and take a moment and to be appreciative for what today has to offer. We may not be living in the best of times but tomorrow we'll look back and tell the tales of quarantine and covid-19 to our children and perhaps our grandchildren.
• 
  2020-03-19

  Prospering through a pandemic

  Covid-19 was an eye opening experience as to how fast life moves and all that plays a part in it.We're taught from young about germs,proper hygienic practices but this disease still seemed to emerge that continues to spread day by day.During these unprecedented times, it is important to be in control of your emotional health,financial and intellectual wellness.Self quarantining was the first and at a point in time was the only thing I, as a New Yorker could do.Being locked in your home everyday,all day due to fear of catching a disease that you have no idea where it came from,no cures, just a mask and anti-bacterial soap/hand sanitizers,or cleaning agents hoping to whisk it all away.As a young woman,growing up in New York,it is indeed true that you are a product of your environment.The city is fast-paced,everyday there is something to do,places to be.My life was made up of work,school,groceries,laundry.I enjoyed the rush, the constant rotation of responsibilities I had.March 19, 2020 It all came to a halt.My job was closed,going to class was now a thing of the past,can't see friends or anyone outside of immediate family,honestly.What type of life was this? All that was left was you,your mind,and time.To ensure that Covid-19 had not taken complete control of my life or my well-being,I kept the mind wandering.The reminder to consistently self-assess and keep the mind free of stress but also alert to not be oblivious to the seriousness of this pandemic.To learn the importance of finances and creating balance now that its uncertain when another check may arrive.Developing new interests,researching various topics,looking for new hobbies ;painting,coloring as a way to keep sane.With all this time spent in the house,its important to keep the mind active and alert and my emotions in check.
• 
  2020-03-01

  Mental Health Effects of COVID-19

  COVID-19 was an experience that presented the ideal conditions that would challenge our mental health. The fear of the unknown, fear of losing loved ones, fear of missing out on our precious years of life as well as not knowing when we'll see our close family and friends. We are separated from society unable to see our loved ones, schools are closed, many people lost their jobs or were unable to work to prevent the spread of this horrifying disease. As we're locked into our homes, we confine ourselves in our own minds which can often be our worst enemies at times for people like me. We need to be occupied and be around loved ones in order to stray away from negativity. During these times being surrounded by close family and friends was a luxury we couldn't afford because of the virus and ultimately many people like myself picked up hobbies to distract ourselves from the dreadful events occurring all over the world. During my summer break, I began learning to paint and would spend about a couple hours a day painting with my friends over Zoom which would either sometimes turn out to be a competition between us of who would do the best or we would just freely paint while listening to some calming music and keeping each other company. Although I am not very artistic or good at acrylic painting there was something very therapeutic about it. My entire focus and attention was solely on doing my best to recreate the painting from the tutorial I was watching on YouTube or trying to win the friendly competition with my friends and this helped me steer away from pondering about what's been going on in the world and was very stress-relieving. In a way my COVID-19 experience taught me a lot about my mental health and helped me find ways to make the best of the situation and not take anything for granted. Now a couple months into quarantine I still paint from time to time although not as much because the semester started and being bombarded with assignments and tests but I do make time for it if I find that I need to release my stress.
• 
  2020-04

  The impact COVID-19 had on my mental and emotional health.

  My experience throughout this unexpected pandemic took a toll on my state of mental and emotional health. When I first found out about how quick this virus was spreading throughout our city, schools were still not closed officially and I was still traveling on public transportation to work. When taking public transportation, due to the lack of masks, I had to wear a scarf around my face because that was the only way I could think of protecting myself. I was anxious all the time, but most especially on the train and bus rides, my anxiety would get the best of me, so much that at times I felt like I had to hold my breath so that I can minimize my exposure to contracting this virus. Once things started getting really bad and schools and non essential jobs finally shut down, it was a slight relief. Switching from in person lectures to virtual learning was not as easy as I had thought it would be. I was now not only anxious and worried because of this pandemic and the health of myself and my loved ones but also because I was having a hard time trying to adapt to a different style of learning. I was taking two science courses, both biology and chemistry which were not the easiest topics for me. To prevent us from "cheating" professors had made the exams much harder which was another stressor. Throughout the spring semester I was staying up really late at night trying to study in every way possible so that I would do well on my upcoming exams. Whenever I had the time to sleep I just couldn't because my anxiety wouldn't let me. I would have never imagined this getting so bad, I thought maybe with quarantining we would have it under control but unfortunately this virus is still on going and who knows when we'll get back to what was considered normal.
• 
  2020-03-31

  Hate Speech: Community and Family

  The covid-19 pandemic has shaken the world in an unexpected way including myself. Several Americans have been affected by the pandemic losing jobs with panic wreaking havoc across the nation. My family was also affected with the pandemic as they operated a family owned restaurant. Many customers started to slowly disappear until my family was forced to close the restaurant from quarantine. Everyone that I knew was affected mentally as they did not know what to do indoors and eventually broke down. During this time, I was also in my second semester of my freshmen year looking forward to interacting with new people and professors. My first semester was enjoyable as it was a whole new experience that I was exploring. The pandemic made all classes remote and the atmosphere just did not feel the same as being in person. I was overwhelmed as most of my family lost their jobs including myself and the transition to online was unexpected. I lost all motivation to even focus on schoolwork as I was also affected mentally, but I managed to get through. The reopening phase of New York slowly recovered my family as they were able to open back their restaurants, but there was still a decrease of customers. The pandemic was not the only cause of the decrease of customers, but also my family being Asian was a factor. Many people engaged in targeting Asians around my area as the form of hate speech grew more severe as time passed by. My family did not feel safe operating their restaurant as they would not know what would happen to them. The community around me were mostly Asians and there was an increase of violence around my area. The community used to be lively with neighbors interacting with their kids constantly with everyone knowing each other. However, everything changed as everyone is staying indoors and is afraid to walk out in fear of being victims of the pandemic and hate speech. This story is important to me as the pandemic not only affected my family, but the community I live in. family, hate speech, restaurant, job, college, community, Asian
• 
  2020-04-01

  Me, My Mom, & Her Mental Illness

  This is an auto ethnography about me and my mom's experience when the Covid 19 outbreak and quarantine first started. My mom is a Black woman with Schizophrenia and I am her caretaker so it expands into larger societal issues as well.
• 
  2020-08

  COVID-19 AND THE ESCALATING MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS AMONG BIPOC AND IMMIGRANTS

  The purpose of “COVID-19 and the Escalating Mental Health Crisis among BIPOC and Immigrants” is to analyze the already existing socioeconomic conditions in BIPOC and immigrant communities that perpetuate mental health stigma and are also causes for the rising mental health crisis during the COVID-19 pandemic. The research project aims to investigate generational trauma and its correlation to the pressurizing notion of the ‘essential worker,’ how the silence of trauma creates stigma, and the lack of representation and affordable mental health resources for low-income BIPOC and immigrants.